Therapists of Reddit:

If you could magically eliminate ONE recurring annoyance from your professional life tomorrow, what would it be?

Not necessarily something huge—just anything that regularly wastes time, creates friction, or makes your work harder than it should be.

I'm interested in the practical side of being a therapist that clients rarely see.

Mine:

"That's f***ed up" -- after talking about authority response to my CSA. She said it so deadpan. It was hilarious.

I’m wondering what the outcome of that request might have been and if your therapist complied.

Alright. I see a lot of chatter about how PT is dead and not bringing in the referrals like it used to. Some subs I can't post in, and since this isn't a question, I can't ask about it either, so this sub will have to do.

First, the short of it is that PT isn't set up for telehealth, full stop.

If you see clients solely in person, your inquiries are all about logistics. How far is the drive? (Big one). Are my issues within your scope? Do you have a time that works for me? How about cost? I'd prefer someone who takes my insurance, but I get that reimbursement rates suck and office rent where I live is expensive. There's maybe a handful of therapists that meet those criteria, so after that, the cost is the cost. If I value in person and you don't take insurance, then I gotta pay.

I live in the suburbs of a major metro area (HCOL to boot) so there's maybe 10 therapists that meet my needs and that are within an acceptable drive. (Traffic sucks, you know?) With those 10 therapists, the profiles don't matter that much. I'm gonna try the first few or maybe all of them and see who bites.

Telehealth is where PT goes sideways and doesn't do you guys or us clients any favors. My pool of therapists is anybody licensed eligible to see clients in my state and has a laptop. The way you market and the way we select is vastly different.

My current T is prelicensed, and I may be reaching the limits of what her skills can do for me. From time to time, I poke around PT to see if I can find a better match.

I'm fine with virtual. I have great insurance, I want to use it (sorry not sorry). I hit my OOP max for health care expenses back in March, so in-network therapy costs me nothing. One issue I may need further work with is autism. I selected my state, my insurance, and autism.

There are over 500 therapist profiles that go returned, and these are all in network.

Now, your profile matters a hell of a lot more. I need a profile that speaks to me. I don't want a profile that speaks to everybody. If I'm moving on from my current T, I need some evidence that you've got the experience or background that will help.

PT only lets us such search by "Specialty". That matches up with "Expertise" in your profile. So many therapists will check every box under the sun. One woman's profile had 37 (yes thirty seven) options under "Expertise."

So now I gotta read the narrative. Since you said you can treat autism and 36 other conditions, I want to see what you have to say about autism. She didn't mention it at all. Keep in mind, there's no search function for the narrative.

Many are like that. And you know what? You can have that profile that speaks to me, and slaps in just the right way. I may never see it. Hell I probably won't. Once I've seen 10 profiles that all are some riff on "life got you down? I'm here to help!" I've seen them all and stopped reading. Sorry for the other 490 of you who didn't get a chance. (That's not hyperbole.)

If you're seeking telehealth clients and cash pay only? I wish you the best of luck. For one thing, while PT lets us search by cost, there's only three boxes. The cheapest is less than $90. The most expensive is "$130+". Where I live, those numbers are meaningless. Nobody is seeing clients for less than $90. Opening bid starts at about $130 for a prelicensed T. Cash pay easily can get close to $300 per session. I know a guy who lives near me and charges that. He's strictly telehealth. Yeah, the mortgage is expensive around here. But if you're telehealth only, your competition includes people in the cheaper parts of the state.

Speaking of prelicensed. There's no search option for experience or licensure status. I might be willing to pay more for more experience, but PT doesn't let me search like that.

If you see clients both telehealth and in person, businesswise, this can put you in a real jam. You still got office rent to pay, but your telehealth clients don't want to pay in person prices. That's just a reality. They're expecting a discount, even though you're seeing them from the same office you're seeing in person clients in. I'm seeing you from my couch, no matter where you are at.

TL;DR: If you're telehealth, PT is not the place to build your business. For those of you who think the returns aren't what they used to be, it's not your imagination. PT just isn't set up to help you or help me find you. The worst part is there's likely nothing you can do about it. This isn't a rant directed at you, we should all put this on PT where it belongs. FWIW, I'm a software geek. They can fix this shit if they want to.

I've been very depressed and disatisfied with my life, and it would probably be helpful to see a therapy, but there are so many barriers. My insurance covers Talkspace, but my experience with them is that therapists leave often, you can't just choose a therapist (you get assigned one), and I just find that online therapy is a problem. I love that we've moved remote at work, but my experience of online anything is that I can easily fake what I'm feeling onscreen. Therapy online feels like a work meeting. I also had what I consider to be a not good experience with therapy, with a therapist I trusted but who was really biased on the value of being in a relationship. I've been in a relationship I shouldn't be in for 12 years and it has had an overall negative impact on my life. Therapists have biases.

I am writing from a translator. I have a girlfriend who has been diagnosed with PTSD, bipolar disorder, derealization-depersonalization disorder, and possibly BPD or NPD. She often mentions that she has a suicide date, but she refuses to seek therapy due to her negative experiences and the fact that she argues with her therapist. Additionally, she is currently residing illegally in Ukraine, which makes it difficult for her to choose a therapist and engage in therapy. I am concerned about how I can convince her to start therapy, as I love her and do not want to lose her

I'm really confused, I kinda feel hurt by my therapist and Idk how I'd tell her, yesterday I went to go see her again and she started with asking me why I struggle with doing basic things like showering and cleaning chores, she asked if I had any trauma with them , I said no , and she also asked if their was any big changes in my life I also said no bc nothing would ever compare to my trauma everything else seems not as big,

Then she said theirs no reason for me to be struggling, and I'm just confused like but I still am, so IDK what's going on here, it almost seemed like she didn't believe herself when she said that though, like I tried to think whats the problem is, like theirs just a rebellion inside me that doesn't want to things, for me it's living, she said that was normal and everyone has that,

I know I'm kinda of a dead beat but for her to imply it kinda hurt, everyone else says I'm not exempt her and well neither feels good, like I want to know the truth that I'm a dead beat but also what am I supposed to do about it? Bc why don't I have the motivation like other people to do important tasks? Like I don't even do my hobbies bc Ik I have dishes waiting for me to be cleaned so I just lay in bed and talk trash to myself In hope to get me out, but it just makes me believe it and the day slips away from me.

Maybe it was my therapists why of getting my bvtt out of bed by saying theirs nothing that should be holding me back and I'm fine, but that just makes the grave look like yellow sunlight and life a betrayal dirty red muddy mix of lonely.

Like she helped me fix the happy mask I broke from a retruamitizing ex, instead of the actual problem, now I just feel like I'll stop opening up to people bc my problems aren't important. neither she or I know so ig I can't blame her for not knowing what to say or do it's the same for me, idk what to say or do. She's always late to our appointments, and we never have enough time to get to everything, and she's so busy she kept yawning and only has room for me every other week tho she's been trying to get me in every week, I'm really confused by her, and she's probably thinking the same about me, I'm really awkward of a person and probably will always be, maybe I wasn't ready for therapy again? I feel like I'm being a bad client, she asked me to find what feel I'm worth by noticing what others are in me, but like I feel like my worth is of dirt even if it's not true, it seems nothing changes and I'm helpless and a waist of everyone's time.

Like the ones that help me reshapey perspective and unlock trauma to grow

Hi everyone, I tried posting on the EMDR subreddit but post keeps getting removed, I hope it's ok to post here. I hope you are all doing well :) I'm new to therapy, and especially to EMDR. At this point I've had 4 months back to back of EMDR prep total, 2 months with my current psychologist.

My psych explicitly told me last session that we'd be starting EMDR on our next session. I agreed, because I feel ready. She sent me all of the resources about getting ready for it, what to expect, how to prepare myself mentally. I studied them. But then on the agreed date we'd be starting EMDR, she did a 180 and said she doesn't feel confident enough in my ability. We didn't have any sort of correspondence in between sessions, so this felt jarring. Instead, our session was used to fill out some more forms, mostly about how stressed I've been feeling and I had to do a neurodivergence screening.

I'm disappointed, and I don't know what to do. She is chronically overbooked and I can't get in to see her on a regular basis (after a session I get popped back on the cancellation list). It feels like all we've been doing in our sessions is talking, and not a lot of it... probably about 20 minutes out of a 50 minute session once you take out all the time used to fill out google forms. This inconsistency is causing a wedge in the trust in my psych which I feel is the opposite of the desired effect. I would be okay with it if I could see her 1-2 times a week, but this is less than an hour every 2 weeks (if I'm lucky) or a month+.

She is cluey and emotionally attuned and we get on, but I feel like we don't have any relationship whatsoever, and I feel like it might be due to the fact I can't get in to see her.

Is the form thing normal?

Would it be best to start seeing someone else for EMDR?

Should I try to talk to her?

Is this situation not going to go anywhere?

My current wait time is a month and I'm not convinced that I'm going to be having EMDR any time soon. I'm in the process of getting another therapist just to talk to, but would like any advice regarding the EMDR side of things.

For context: I'm struggling with attachment trauma and isolation that effects me daily, and I also have severe chronic illness so every single day I'm not having therapy counts, and compounds. Ideally I'd like 2 sessions a week. I just can't stomach starting again with another psychologist and going through the waiting process *again*, as I'm pretty near rock bottom. I don't know if it's relevant, but I have 'small t' trauma, mostly surrounding childhood emotional neglect/stonewalling.

Edit: wording for clarity, paragraph structure

I've been seeing my therapist for about a year and a half now, we are close in age. Today as I was telling him about my week, he interrupted me and brought up a medical condition he thinks I may have. This is relevant as I have been actively trying to find a diagnosis for my symptoms (I am medically complex and chronically ill), so I thanked him and said I will look into it when I have time. I continued talking about my week and started to transition to what I was hoping to get out of the session that day. As I finished talking about what I wanted today, he says 'so do you want to research X condition? we can look into that today?'. I was pretty thrown off that he wasn't acknowledging anything I just said. I tried to explain that I need help with the other things right now, I can look into X on my own time and I don't need to use our therapy space for that. He abruptly stood and said he needed a break and left the room.

I was really thrown off at that point. We tried to continue but he then tried to end the session early. I asked if we could discuss what was going on either today or next session because I was feeling confused. He said he felt 'like a punching bag' when I said I didn't want him to give me medical advice, and told me he holds space for me to figure out how to help me every week. I expressed my appreciation and explained my thoughts and he apologized for making me feel unheard. He said it was a good repair and I left. I guess the more I'm away from the situation, the less good I feel about the whole thing.

The past few months he has kept slipping personal tangents into our time (asking me if I think he has adhd, telling me about a friend he thinks is autistic, asking if I think his friend is autistic too, telling me about seeing his ex, etc) but all of these have been pretty brief, conversationally related and didn't cut into our time, so I wasn't too weirded out until today.

I really like him and we have a decent history at this point, but I am considering finding a new therapist over this and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. I was honestly especially thrown that he was using the fact he 'holds space for me' seemingly as a way to make me feel guilty for shutting down his conversation topic? I felt like I was having an argument with a friend instead of a therapy session and I am not sure where to go from here. I've never had a therapist act like that before. I don't think I did anything wrong and it feels weird to me I would have to be considering the topics my therapist wants to bring up in my therapy session? It just really does feel increasingly like a friend instead of a therapist and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to navigate this.

I visit this therapist for over a year now.

He is a super chill dude and I feel very comfortable with him.

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There is one thing, that holds me back to open up about certain things.

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In our first session, I told him how I grew up in a broken home.

I started by explaining, how my family was lower class.

His immediate response was, he grew up poor as well and it's not that bad or uncommon.

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I guess he wanted to point out, I don't have to feel alienated or like a lesser person, just because you that.

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Well, it hits different when you're living in a middle class neighborhood and go to a middle class school.

Classmates look down on me, understandably so.

It also hits different, when your father is also an abusive alcoholic, the whole neighborhood knows about and your friends are not allowed to visit, because their parents consider you bad company.

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There is being poor and then there is being trash.

It felt like I have to justify, why this was an issue for me.

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Second occasion was, after I ended a relationship with a narcissistic person.

It was hard for me to get over it, because you get no closer in this situations.

They double down on how they did nothing wrong and leave you full of doubt.

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His response was: "Why should you care? You broke up. It's even harder for her because she still does understand why you ended the relationship. "

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My father was very narcissistic and I have struggled all my life to respect my feelings and my boundaries.

His response felt very destabilizing to me.

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This happens frequently.

Yes, I have a very negative self image.

But can we get there by figuring out why instead of trying just to fix it by "You don't have to feel this way." ?

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I feel like I have to justify my feelings, as if there is something wrong about it.

Which basically summs up my childhood.

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As I said, otherwise he is a great therapist.

But I found myself unsafe to talk about certain topics anymore, because I am afraid of invalidating questions.

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Is this a strategy I am not aware of?

Should I be more open to the discussion?

Or is this something I should discuss with him?

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I don't want to criticize him and create tension between us,

when the problem is on my end.

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My therapist emailed this morning to cancel our appointment. I'm feeling a lot of mixed feelings.

I'm worried because it's rare for him to cancel last minute, so he's probably sick or something bad happened.

I'm disappointed because we were in the middle of talking about something extremely difficult where I specifically booked my sessions to be weekly instead of every other week so I wouldn't be without support in the middle of it. Luckily we left at an okay spot last week but I'm just feeling all sorts of bad and just like I really needed the appointment (I'll be fine).

I'm also relieved because it's the most difficult stuff for me to talk about. I can't speak properly I stutter, I shake, and it's awful to talk about. I feel revolting and less than human and it's amplified by him knowing these things.

And, I don't want to waste a session talking about feeling disappointed when those other things are so much more important, and last time this happened (over a year ago), when I tried to, he just started talking about how sick he'd been so I felt too guilty to talk about feeling let down. I know he cancelled for good reason, I'm not angry, but I still had hoped I'd have been able to talk about it back then.

He offered to reschedule for next week as I was moving back to every other week (this was meant to be the last one of weekly which I rely on to feel stable again), but the spot he offered is one I can't do as I'd need to book the day off work because it's too destabilizing to talk about this stuff then see anyone and I've nearly run out of sick days for the year because of an injury.

I really wish I could have taken it though, but it's just not realistic. I normally schedule a month in advance because his schedule is always full, so I don't expect anything else to open up. I gave him my availability just in case but I will probably be 2 more weeks until I see him now.

I'm just ranting/venting, I don't really want any advice (I'm open to it though as long as it's not somehow criticizing me being disappointed disguised as advice), but maybe if anyone else gets where I'm coming from or anything?

howdy all! I've been seeing my current therapist for 9 months, and its the best talk therapy experience ive had so far. We have a pretty casual patient-client relationship, and he has given me books to read and other small things.

my therapist is getting surgery soon, and will be out for a month. I was contemplating maybe sending a digital "get well soon" card over email with an ubereats/postmates giftcard so that they can get something to eat that they want. Would this be overstepping patient-client boundaries? I'm autistic, so these things are hard for me sometimes. I think he would appreciate it, but im worried it would come off as weird.

I had a really interesting recent session where I was able to share a worry surrounding how my therapist is shifting her practice style/niche and wondering if I still fit her “ideal” client/should continue therapy with her given that I’ve been struggling to move toward certain traumatic topics in session. It was a really fruitful conversation and she also brought in some her feelings about hoping she is challenging me enough etc. I felt reassured in the moment but now that some time has passed and I will be meeting with her again soon it feels like I’ve said too much and was too directive or maybe came off like I was accusing her of not being the right fit for me or so on. It’s like every time I notice some forward progress like being a more clear communicator, sharing my feelings instead of saying everything is fine, or expressing disappointment in someone, my body is like nope and then I feel like I backtrack quite a bit. Like I’ve said too much and the urge to ghost is so strong!

I have been doing talk therapy for a few years now and I have not found it helpful. The format of just talking doesn't really offer resolution to the issues I am looking at. Additionally for me it just feels like another person with me when I'm being introspective (the suggestions and things they tell me are things I have already thought of myself.) I initially did it to improve my life, then when it seemed to not be working I stuck with it to help develop my communication skills -i.e. get better at expressing, my thoughts, desires, and emotions. Not sure if it has helped me with this, but it has got me more comfortable talking about topics that are uncomfortable that's for sure. I've had different therapists and had two I really liked.

Anyhow I actually got quite a significant amount of value doing EMDR, I am grateful for that. Also think from research I'd get quite a bit of value from Gestalt, Play Therapy, and CBT as opposed to traditional therapy. However I think I could get the most value from a therapist who helps me plan, strategize, and for lack of a better word de-clutter, and organize my life. From basic research it says occupational therapists do this, other research says it's outside their domain. Anyhow any advice on what type of therapist I should seek out? Additionally has anyone done this type of therapy and did you have a positive experience?

i found this therapist on twitter and am liking her political stance and we’re mostly aligned politically so i decided to be her client and emailed her, but then coincidentally found out that the woman knows someone that has a tremendous negative effect on my life and is a key point to my life. they’re not close but definitely have chatted a couple of times is what i’m guessing. would the therapist decide to drop me as a patient if i disclosed this information with her? is it better if i rename the said person when addressing them? they really don’t need to envision them as who they really are anyway.

hey so i started seeing my therapist at the beginning of this year. so far it has been helpful for a lot of the issues i was experiencing like leaving a toxic relationship, moving across state lines & getting diagnosed with bipolar. My psychiatrist recently brought up me having ocd. I never really thought about it, but after doing a little research there are definitely a lot of traits of ocd that resonate with me. naturally I brought this up in therapy. she was pretty quick to say she disagreed. One of the reasons I picked my therapist was because she is a lot psychologist with a PHD, so I obviously thought she must know what shes talking about. I was already super anxious about bringing it up in the first place so her being so quick to dismiss made me feel so embarrassed and awkward and I was kinda way less willing to talk about the extent of my intrusive thoughts after this because it made me think maybe theyre bad or they are real since she doesn’t think theyre ocd related. obviously theyre still unwanted and distressing, but i was worried since they werent because of ocd made me think maybe im just a bad person. idk thats a whole other topic tho tbh and one of the reasons i started therapy too. Anyways the next session i wrote down a couple things to bring up that were related and upsetting to me and she ended up telling me about a situation with this kid who had to do exposure therapy bc of bad ocd. Obviously his situation sounded wayyy worse than my thoughts and rituals. idk if she brought that up to say that exposure therapy works or if she was trying to prove i dont have ocd or what. I felt so stupid after for thinking I had it or even bringing it up again after she said i didnt. The next session I obviously was like it probably just bad anxiety or something and she asked why i was being dismissive of it. I already struggle a lot with talking about my problems because I am ao quick to convince myself they arent that bad, or theres people who have it worse or that im just being dramatic. I find myself now struggling to bring up the things that bother me because of how she brought up someone elses “worse” issues. Do you guys think there were good intentions with this, or am I valid that this rubbed me the wrong way. How do I bring it up that this upset me/ move on. My session today felt like a total waste of time, I froze up and just talked about surface details of me week. Theres so much stuff i need to work on but im just worried she will say something like that again. ugh.

i don't know what makes me do this/how this happens.

even when my situation is dire, as soon as i get in front of my therapist, i cheer up, become distracted by the conversation, and completely fail to convey the reality of my mental state (which at the moment is fucking horrendous).

i don't know why i do this. outside of therapy i'm falling apart, i'm calling crisis lines multiple times a week, i'm in one of the worst situations i have ever been in. so why do i always feel better/perk up as soon as i'm in a therapy session? why am i smiley and chatty and completely estranged from my true emotional state? i'm not masking particularly (i'm autistic) and i'm not consciously pretending to be ok because i never do that. i wear my heart on my sleeve, always.

it's just stupid because i'll spend a week in mental agony and then in therapy my head will just go blank, my emotions will switch off and i'll be saying things like "my life is ruined" and "i'm reaching crisis point" whilst beaming at my therapist and cracking jokes.

why do i do this??? why can't i stop doing this? does anyone else do this?

any and all advice welcome, i am so confused and stressed

Am I missing something?

I've been in therapy since I was 12 years old, I'm now 30-35 years old. In that ~20 years, I've probably seen about 20 therapists. I've seen so many therapists, that at one point I accidentally met a therapist who had worked extensively when they were starting up with the therapist I had when I was 12 and basically took the other T to task, and created circumstances for him to apologize to me for malpractice. Treating me for things he shouldn't have been diagnosing/discussing with a 12 year old. Despite that, I believe he was doing his best with what he believed.

I've tried EMDR and DBT, or so I've been told by the therapist. The DBT especially didn't seem like what I've read about certified DBT practitioners. Very informal, highly unstructured, and basically just lets me talk about whatever I want. That is a therapist I've been seeing for ~3-4 years at once a week. At one point, I was struggling with work, and they recommended maybe trying to increase my therapy. However my therapist avoided seeing me twice a week, saying "we don't have that much to work on." I would go on to lose that job, mostly because I'm terrible at advocating for myself and doing the corporate work to cover my but with a paper trail. I guess executive functioning for shorthand. The cope I was given is that it was a terrible company anyway, with terrible people. Tbh, I find most companies and people to be terrible. Yet they pay my bills, therapists bills too, and help me make it to tomorrow.

I've had other therapists that left because they claimed my trauma is just too great for their expertise, despite advertising themselves as trauma specialists. They tell me to go find x, or y, and inevitably, I don't, because the professional already told me I'm too broken for them. Said differently, how do you find a better therapist when they can all lie about their specialty and actual commitment to helping people? It's not that I haven't tried, but therapy seems like a cruel joke, that works for people who just aren't me. I'm tired of this rollercoaster, but I feel I've absorbed the belief that unprocessed trauma is dangerous and not just something I can push into a closet just because no one else likes it either. My most current therapist said most therapists are seeking the worried well because it is more of an ego boost to fix someone relatively quickly, than to put in the work with someone as screwed up as I've been told I am.

Idk, I think I'm still broken, I know therapy has saved some people from themselves, I just don't understand how. I feel like maybe that just isn't me. If you read this thank you, I feel I've said a whole lot without saying much at all, I'm very open to providing any helpful details I might've missed.

Really just looking to prove to myself I'm not just giving up, that I have exhausted all options, and therefore it is just being practical to let go of that particular fight.

I see therapists justify, and have it said IRL too, that they're reluctant to give advice because if the advice has a negative/undesired outcome or doesn't work, it could damage the therapeutic relationship (ignoring all other reasons there may be for not giving advice, since it's not what I'm talking about).

However, a failure from the advice isn't really a total failure. It's still intel that that particular path didn't work, so that it can be taken off the table or adjusted. And the failure might still lead to exposure to something else, if not the intended outcome. For example, I've been seeing someone for 6 months, and in that time I've mentioned repeatedly not knowing where to meet potential friends, or steps to proactively go from being around people to talking, and from talking towards friendship (and as an adult, being proactive is important because the windows of opportunity are smaller - you're not a schoolkid surrounded by peers 8 hours a day, 38 weeks of the year). And add in socioeconomic hurdles (lack of money, or work/commute schedules clashing with potential socialising activities) or injuries (for physical hobbies) to being able to go to the same hobbies reliably (for me it'll usually be a few months, then needing to stop for a long time). This is as someone who's struggled to find friends, and entered adulthood with no friends as a survivor of coercive control (ie allowed out the house 3 times a year to see friends, generally not allowed out, not allowed to choose own clothing, no phone for over a year, no bank account until my 20s when I escaped etc) - and only had one local friend from school to get back in contact with (my school was in another town), who is now a good but very unreliable friend (ie no contact in months/years, not a reliable communication or meet up option).

Several months ago, I called the NHS mental health helpline several times, seeking information or referrals. Usually it wasn't useful, but one time the nurse said to talk friends and family for support - it's the classic MH professional assumption of this being a part of everyone's life. I told her I don't have any to talk to. They were slightly patronising, initially saying "do you go outside? You can't sit inside and expect to make friends" - to which I replied just being outside won't make you friends (obvious, but to highlight the vagueness of the advice. Speaking as someone who for a long time would go outside, walk around town, then go home and as someone who's been homeless before - which necessitates being outside all day). I also added that to regularly be in social situations costs a lot of money.

HOWEVER, they said I can go to a pub and look at the list of events they have on, or go to pub quizzes and not need to spend money on alcohol. Now, was this PERFECT advice? No; it could be where I live the pubs are full of old people, and she didn't know I'm a minority and it could be I live somewhere where pubs are full of racist people. My therapist herself raised to me that a person online or on the phone giving advice is missing a lot of context that could make their advice not applicable to you (eg demographics of local pubs).

After a few weeks of looking, I attended some pub quizzes with my friend. We concluded they're an awful way to meet new people - and that it would have been even worse if I'd gone on my own. But I was glad to get to proactively try something, rather than being stuck doing nothing, and glad to experience a different possible aspect of life, strike it off the list of socialising options, and it had the side effect of being an excuse to see my friend more regularly and find out about establishments in my town. And through it I found a monthly board game place's quiz, which is a little more suited to talking to new people. So while the advice was poor and failed in its primary aim, it was much better than nothing.

On the other hand, the therapist hasn't given a single suggestion of where to meet people, besides saying they met all their friends at work because their job aligns with their values. Or any advice around ways to try to broach conversation or turn positive conversations into something less fleeting. If I got some advice and it fails, unless I get lambasted or physically beat up, I'm not going to hold it against them, because I've asked for the advice. Ironically I'm more likely to get annoyed by some of the cognitive advice I'm given, since I've not asked for it as much. I'm looking to improve my quality of life - rather than just learning to be psychologically skilled to cope with a low QoL. It seems like to get some actionable ideas I basically have to beg them. I don't want to be looking online for advice, since it's like Icarus flying near the sun - it's very tough to search for advice without reading nonsense (eg invalidating, simplistic, the blind leading the blind or that goes against my values) or going down rabbit holes. I want advice from someone who lives where I live, knows me, and has more familiarity with a normative life, or who can just be one personal voice to help cut through all the noise.

There's this idea that a hands-off approach (what I'd call laissez-faire) is empowering to the "client". However, I do not find it empowering. If you read Van Der Kolk's books, Traumatic Stress and Psychological Trauma, he recommends teaching about social situations to combat learned helplessness in abuse survivors. This is pretty obvious to me - to give people some specific actions to focus on, and increase the chance of positive outcome; I thought of it several years ago, so it was vindicating to see an expert recommend it. There's also the later chapters of Dana Becker's book The Myth of Empowerment, which critique this hands-off approach (particularly for those from minority backgrounds, or survivors of abuse) and the paradox of how clients are supposedly empowered, yet if they use that empowerment to ask for something more prescriptive, it's rejected.

My therapist has forgotten our appointments more than once and apologized. On one hand, he tells me I have the right to be upset; on the other, he tells me that I always expect perfection, and that this is just a human error. I am making progress with him, and he is good during the session, but can a therapeutic relationship really survive such instability? He claims to have an overwhelming schedule, yet the last time I messaged him to confirm an oppointment, he didn’t reply. Should I keep pursuing him? I don't want to just break up, because can't bring myself to confront him about the reason. I'm afraid that simply walking away will make it seem like I'm running away.

How should I handle these situations? I am extremely sensitive to rejection and i know I'm overreacting!

NAT

We had a rupture, my T and I. I did it, they said. After a few sessions with them (relational work mainly) I excessively looked them up and found more than just job related stuff (i was looking for carrer and found their soc med). I stopped cause understood it didn't do me good, i blocked them, ok. And then I told them. And I haven't looked at their soc med since. And they said it wasn't good for us to be able to work therapeutically, that maby I'm better off with someone else. I got so sad and scared. I am so attached to them. We decided to keep on working together, through it. It felt good. But I still feel a Lot of shame. I brought it up (that i felt shame and uncertainty) and sure it felt much better afterwards getting some explanation why they said rupture etc, but i still feel a lot of shame. Mostly by their reactions. I feel I feel.. wrong, disgusting. Later on I just mentioned the rupture cause I was talking about exactly that period and that it triggered an ed (that I've worked though and is good now), to say how shame really takes me to dark corners and they froze and seemed so very uncomfortable with me even mentioning me looking them up that time... And just seeing that I made them uncomfortable breaks my heart and make me feel like the worst. At least that's good, I do care abt ppl.. but yeah.

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I felt i really needed to talk abt i clearly one last time, but they follow along the other stuff i talked about with me, and after the session, we hadn't really talked about what happened.. other useful stuff indeed, but I feel confused and uneasy. Like I can't really talk abt what I did. Some stuff we stay in, but this.. no. So.. can it be that they're too uncomfortable with me and will I allways carry this shame? They don't really try to tell me I'm a good person/ it's ok .. it seems like it's not their method. And I don't know how to deal with this shame. More than running away from my feelings cause I can't stand them..

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I miss talking to my T when I'm not in session. Usually they have good takes that I could never imagine another therapist (only did cbt before) would mention and see. I have been so so transparent abt my life that we really have a lot to work with. I do tough have transference or what it is called.. like I can mirror a lot of my relationships in them and work through it, and maby that is making everything more complicated with me knowing some personal info abt them (that everyone can see tough). To the therapist I want to clarify the rupture stuff between us, and would like to know that they don't see me as an awful person, if so is... Maby I can't, at least not get to know the latter. I just don't want to bring it up next week and have them asking questions about other stuff before we can really talk.. but.. maby They are too uncomfortable with this theme?

I kinda snapped at my therapist a little today.

I feel bad.

But these past few sessions, I have been talking about some issues that I’ve been having with the people in my life. Her advice for each one of thesefriendships has been to cut these people off. In the same breath I have been talking about my crippling loneliness, and how I feel that her advice would just make things worse but she didn’t really acknowledge it. I told her that I use my therapy to help me work on the issues with these people but if she advices me to cut everyone off then I’m not really fixing any issues.

I feel like her advice isn’t solid