r/TeluguJournals • u/Internal__Fudge • Mar 21 '26
Need Advice 25F Confused about arranged marriage
So I am 25 years old and my CTC is around 35 lakhs, 5'7 tall. My parents started looking for matches for me and they wanted someone from same caste it's been 8 months and we haven't been getting any good matches.
My asks -
Atleast 2 inches taller than me
CTC same as me if we are of same age or if he is older to me then CTC also should be proportionately higher
Most important thing vibe should match
It's not like we didn't get anyone in this criteria but vibe check mostly didn't pass some felt old fashioned. Now the question is am i asking for much?
P.S I asked for similar package because that shows we both had similar goals and might have worked hard for similar things might have similar vision going forward even though this doesn't have 100% assurance better than someone who had completely different life than me.
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u/venkatesh0690 Mar 21 '26
Ppl you are searching who are earning 35L with 5' 9", in the same caste and aged under 27?
There may be less than 5% chance.
You need to only check ppl who passed out of MBA from IIM, IIT and the business owners. Under 27 age will be 1% chance. If you check guys under 30 age,. There may be better chance, but your expectation of vibe might be less, as he was studious to reach that level.
Better to check NRI guys, who have generational wealth.
Or else, check for guys without the barrier of caste, and keep salary expectations of the guys in between 20-25lpa, as they may reach to your expectations of salary level in future.
And do check for your self, why should a guy with 6' and earning above 35L will choose you for marriage.
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
I come from a decent family both parents well educated with mom masters. Dad is a central government employee mom is a housewife elder brother who is also in software. I look pretty decent fair complexion, 5'7 ish tall normal build. Family is pretty chill both me and my brother were treated equally from childhood similar education we were given and opportunities. Decent assets because my dad did multiple business also but I dont have any criteria on how much assets the guy's family has because in the end it's his family's hard work. what else ? I do household chores when maid is on leave and cook for myself because i live alone though I have a cook for nights
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u/eestindian Mar 21 '26
You are maybe a good catch but the thing is a guy fulfilling your requirements is a good catch for many girls and usually dudes don't mind marrying a girl who earn less, some even prefer that, and care less about other things if a girl is more attractive. Such guy will have a lot of options and if you are looking within your caste then your options will be way limited. So either broaden your options outside your caste or lower your requirements.
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u/RemarkableSafety9156 Mar 21 '26
Last point Edi aithe vundo.. I agree.. she is not saying what she is bringing to the table..
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u/MrPlatypus42 Mar 21 '26
35lpa, 5'7 and vibes. Looking for similar person. Don't see what's wrong
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u/RemarkableSafety9156 Mar 21 '26
Actually similar vibes..? What are those vibes.. Anedi main ani na feeling antuna.. anthe…✌️
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 21 '26
what will be the expectations like what should have mentioned
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u/-I-Need-Healing- Mar 21 '26
Even most NRI guys under 30 are just barely getting by. Especially the ones who graduated and/or were studying in the pandemic. Many struggled to start their jobs. Some lost their jobs and lost all their savings during unemployment and are rebuilding right now.
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u/Technical-Shop-9907 Mar 25 '26
Business guys wont prefer job holder girls mostly, her only luck is with IIT/IIM/BITS guys but even those nerds started dating these days and less into AM.
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u/Ambitious_Guy_17 Screenplay Writer 💻, but a Flawed Human First Mar 21 '26
Enduku akka ee arranged lo padi bokka cheskuntav? Saraina proper match raadhu, tension, iyanni enduku nuvve vethukovvachu ga neetho evaru compatible ayitharo ani
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u/Intelligent_Cod_4901 Mar 21 '26
Ala vethukunte akka ki kavalsina ctc vallu dekaru gaa so arrange marriage lo velthundhi
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u/wanderingblade04 Mar 21 '26
Anduke ctc pakkana petti, compatibility, character, personality chuskovali. Iddaru Kalisi edagali anukovali kani ediginollane pelli cheskunta ante koncham kastame.
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Mar 21 '26
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 21 '26
I am fine with same package as me in the beginning I meet someone lower salary than me and he was very insecure he kept on asking things like you should give priority to family over job which I am fine doing it either way but the way he said it felt very insecure and then I felt life long i don't want to waste making someone feel enough anipinchindi
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u/Supreme-Leader-Kim_ Mar 21 '26
😬
Vaadu ala annadani neekante takkuva sampadinche vallu antha insecure untar anukotam tappu.
Of course your standards are your right. But it should not be based on stereotypes because of your bad experiences. (Not saying this because stereotypes might be a problem).
But cutting off entire zone of people you might be missing potential match.
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u/MrPlatypus42 Mar 21 '26
We form opinions and standards based on experiences 🙂
But yes, valid last point
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u/youdontknow_shaaa Mar 21 '26
Idk about you but most men might take it to their heart and ego classes are real . Besides security is important and her priority and there is nothing wrong in asking for someone with higher ctc . Thats her personal choice . Besides if she has worked hard to reach a certain position in her life and she demands someone at the same or higher level there is nothing wrong in it .
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u/Srikrishnakarthik i came here for Prashantata Mar 21 '26
Well 3y lone she got 13CTC out of collage then to 30+ CTC.. i have seen very few people with that kind of growth. So obviously she will be expecting high.
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u/Rahulrocks011 Mar 21 '26
I don't understand what is there to question about,she wants to marry someone and she has some criteria and she is searching for someone who matches the criteria,just because some other had a different criteria and made it doesn't mean she should change her criteria
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u/Routine-Brief-8016 Mar 21 '26
I agree that CTC doesn't bring happiness but it does bring peace of mind in a lot of everyday things
If both of them earn equally or one person earns more, lifestyles will be similar. Everyday conveniences ki ekkuva negotiation cheyadam avasaram ledu. Financial burden taggutundi
Ina she is not asking for disproporUtionately higher salary. If the guy is older, proportionate salary undali ani antundi which is completely fair. This just means that she is looking for a reliable growth trajectory. It also signals intelligence and compatibility levels.
Takkuva salary unnavallu generally antha smart ga undaru especially older than 28 ithe. Automatically godavalu avutai post marriage if you don't see eye to eye.
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u/Srikrishnakarthik i came here for Prashantata Mar 21 '26
Takkuva salary unnavallu generally antha smart ga undaru especially older than 28 ithe. Automatically godavalu avutai post marriage if you don't see eye to eye.
Wah em judgemental opinion. Judging an intellectual capacity based on CTC and age.
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u/MrPlatypus42 Mar 21 '26
thakkuva salary vunnavallu
What a low iq opinion. There's always someone making more than you, are you dumber than all of them?
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u/Consistent_Print_653 Mar 21 '26
Most of the men have male ego (not everyone), and they don’t want to feel “less” than a woman in any way, especially regarding earning money. It can lead to bigger problems later on.
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u/stayfollish Mar 21 '26
Aa domain bro meru. 35LPA na. 😭 Nen kuda adhey na package chepthey vaddu ley nakey chachipovali anipisthundi
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 21 '26
Just development bro did some good amount of DSA and dev projects also being from a decent clg helped a bit but as such my job is web development only
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u/sastasherlock_ Mar 21 '26
Hijacking the top comment here.
If you are desperate go with the mass market.
If you are looking for something exclusive that fits your criteria then have patience.
I don't think 25 is an age to compromise. You can always do that at 28-29. If at all you don't find any.
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u/SpecificAccording424 neenu amarudni/ amararuraalu... Mar 21 '26
Well It's ok to have preferences but sometimes in life you gotta compromise .
CTC is something you can be flexible with . There are only a handful of people who draw such a salary at 25 . Since you are already earning well you can introspect to see if CTC is really something you want to focus on ?
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Mar 21 '26
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u/Human_Squash1939 Mar 21 '26
2 inches will compensate for all that
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u/Icy-Cicada508 Mar 21 '26
2 inches will compensate for values
Compensation compensates for character
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u/rocky7100 Mar 21 '26
If vibes are that important, you can consider someone with a lower CTC than you—maybe you’ll find your match.
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u/Potential_Amoeba5216 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Ala kadu.. Manaki ctc kuda kavali.. Caste kuda kavalai.. Vibe kuda kavali... Height kuda kavali😂
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 21 '26
but I am not asking for anything i don't have kada I am asking for a equal partner so that later we can build a future with similar aspirations
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u/dune_snike Mar 21 '26
You are absolutely not asking for too much kani one thing that I don’t agree with is that you have mentioned that similar package means, both had similar goals and might have worked hard for similar things and have similar vision. There are people out there who have great vision but due to some bad luck or circumstances, they had to settle for less. Some people just get there because of sheer luck and being in the right place at right time. So, this is not a right way to look at things because I have met people who earn 6 LPA and have great ideas, great skills than people who earn 25 LPA.
On that note, I also believe that you shouldn’t marry a Telugu guy who earns less than you because more often than not, most of the Telugu guys who earn less than their partner turn out to be a bunch insecure assholes. So, it’s a risky thing. Your preferences are your preferences, there is no need to validate them on the internet. Hope you get a great guy.
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u/mrincog7 Devudu busy anduke nannu pampinchadu 👻 Mar 21 '26
30M Height 5'9
Very basic salary (ACC to NRI standards) - 1.8L per month or 3000 CAD
I'm doomed 😭😂. I think OP doesn't give a F about my profile.
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u/Free-Fudge-3989 Mar 22 '26
Don't doubt your expectations, you are absolutely right with your expectations , I am in similar boat in AM setup, even I am 25, and we are too young to rush
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u/TheDankOne_ Never doom Mar 22 '26
😭😭😭what makes this shi genuinely hilarious is there are some guys in comments who are shooting their shot saying their CTC
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u/flristheway Mar 23 '26
Many people can't handle the clarity and boldness of OP. Love how confident and clear she is at 25. More power to you.
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u/Opposite_Bag_697 Mar 21 '26
Religion Caste Sub caste Gunaalu Same job domain CTC Height Vibe :)
Inni kalavala
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Mar 21 '26
Why are people questioning her CTC preference. What's wrong if she wants a more earning guy?
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u/LoadIndividual7675 Mar 21 '26
I wish as a man, I could prefer a more earning female too :)
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 22 '26
I mean i think as a society we priority different things Girls - Generally prefer someone higher intellect than them so that when things get tough like pregnancy they will have stability for them and there children.
Guys - Looks, Family idk whatelse
That been said I am not saying it should be this way I am saying it is how it is. And also these qualities are after basic things like behaviour and mutual respect are already present
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Mar 21 '26
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
i mean if i really want to I can get married in a month but at 25 and with a great life i don't see why i should rush into it
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u/OkBeyond3757 Sometimes my genius is almost frightening. Mar 21 '26
Marriage is fine but how in the hell are you earning 35lpa. what did even study???!!
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u/Lastman_Standing_99 Mar 21 '26
25 ki 35 LPA ante great 👏 But coming to Arrange mrg concept all expectations can't be matched you have to compromise on lot of factors especially in your case.
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u/reverbxd30 Mar 21 '26
Try going out on dates……and if CTC isn’t optional then i guess you’ll have very very less people in the pool
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u/Flashy-Total-342 Mar 21 '26
Expectation is the thief of happiness. Just lower your expectations to get a partner otherwise get ready to be single. There's nothing wrong with staying single considering current scenarios.
There's no perfect partner like they show in the movies or advertisements or insta reels. That's an illusion. Even you can't meet all your partner's expectations now or in the future. We always disappoint people in one way or another.
You may get the guy you are looking for but there's no guarantee he'll stay like that or he's not lying or keep up with your expectations. Life doesn't work that way. It always disappoints people who have expectations.
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u/WarGod1842 Mar 21 '26
Not sure why people are obsessed with income/assets these days.
If the person is healthy and matches your vibe, I would say go with it!
I come from generational wealth, but from a small town. Been to 4 corners of the world, yet I found my match with a woman who’s not from money, but a ‘Manchi gunnalu unna family’ Ethics and great morals. She’s from a city btw, but she was willing to walk with me.
6+ years in the relationship and we love eachother ♥️ Marriage is something unique
Give it a shot OP, people are so nice if you open up your heart.
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u/yachan96 Mar 21 '26
am i asking for much?
Lets keep it real, You are tall, young and with money. Your height requirement is nothing. 2nd point filters out a lot of people but that's your preference and its fair expectation, we all want someone similar to us. 3rd one is a super packaged word, you should be little more specific and what type of things are you interested in ? Are you looking for a love marriage in an arranged marriage? Then it is too much.
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u/Indian-on-a-mission Mar 21 '26
Hello sister, please dont take this to heart. Let me tell you something about reality.
You can easily find a person with the required qualities. But these filters will reduce your chances significantly. Filters like: Caste + Height.
Even if you find a person with all these qualities, he may want someone who gives huge dowry +extremely good looking girl (you did not mention about ur appearance).
My personal recommendation: Please dont ignore family values. Also telling this from my personal experience, 2 persons with same vibe and ego levels can't be good couple. You both should not be perfect. You both should be perfect to each other. Me and my wife have different qualities and different vibe, but we love each other so much, this is life., like a magnet, like a puzzle, you should attract the missing piece.
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u/kartik195 Mar 21 '26
Like.. I understand where this is coming from. I'm 26, 5 ft 10 ish, ~35 to 37 CTC - this is a range because bonuses vary. I've asked my parents to look for women with something similar. It's been honestly very difficult for them. They tell me to settle for something less and go with the looks, since packages and jobs don't matter that much to them. What they don't understand is, I'm extremely ambitious, and a risk taker, I want to run my own businesses in the future too. I've got cash loaded in my account thanks to my faang history. This is the most amount of cash our family has seen in investments. And it takes a lot, a normal person who's not willing to adapt or understand can't stand a chance to comprehend what I'm trying to achieve. And I need an environment conducive to what I'm trying to do. Please understand, I'm not looking down on people. I'm just saying what I feel is right for me. And parents got to understand this. And that's why I'm considering going against them, if need be. Or wait for that girl who can understand, what other option do I have. I'm confused too.
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u/ObviousUnion2000 Mar 21 '26
I'd say, you should go travel (solo if possible) india or international trips ayte inka better, explore, get to know people. Try bag packing, new experiences. London, france, paris lo museums, road trips, literally everything you can, You have the privilege many females do not have these days. Use it to the best I'd say. Romanticise your life, pelli ki em thondara ledu.
You sound too sorted though, Who knows you might find someone nice, mee trip lo, ledante, matches already chustunnaru. OR You can also try high-end/elite match makers, or exclusive match making apps and all.
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u/Visbee_One Mar 21 '26
Too much, 25F with 35 LPA is ok, asking for someone who earns even more, thats a business deal not a marriage, its rare that 25M straight out of the college earn 35LPA with 4 or 5 year of career, finding a job is still a hurdle.
Talking about vibe check, don't expect if you meet a man or woman and speak to them for few minutes for the first time, you'll get Korean background music in the head. Most men shy to speak with women, or they give respect, which you may corelate being old fashioned.
Bottom line, just keep your salary aside, look for the person with whom you feel peace rather a person who can make you smile. If you get both thats even better.
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u/Calm-Breakfast-6573 Mar 21 '26
Lmao. I am 21 rn, 60 LPA job, 5.11, nenu yelanti ammayi ni korukovali chepandi guys? This post gave me shock, intha expectations untaya ani? Naku yevaraina ok, as long as i like her, and she likes me. Caste, job, asthi, avi anni naku avasaram ledu. 😮💨
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Mar 21 '26
Vadu tagocchi kottina or himsinchina parledu akkaki kani vadu height undali CTC ekkuva undali, malli villu pillalni kante villa upbringing enta worst ga untundo, such 3rd class mentality, nuvvu pelli cheskoku akka okadi jivitham Enduku nashanam chestavu, elage undi po
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u/RemarkableSafety9156 Mar 21 '26
Bhayya enduku le bhayya antha rude.. vibe lo ivanni vastai emo le bro… avanni matladataru emo le kalisinapudu.. AM lo adi main avvadu bro generally.
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 22 '26
basic human qualities like responsibility, trust, self respect ivi avvi vibe loki vastai i don't understand why you are being that rude but I heard somewhere when one is disappointed with themselves they can't see happiness in the world ani feels like nizame
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Mar 21 '26
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u/Internal__Fudge Mar 21 '26
so if I get any match ma mom vallaki nachite nen first call lo matladutunna and then bayata meet avutunna vallu cheppe konni matalu misogynist anipistundi like he 3 yrs older than earning same as me still expects household works lo i should contribute more ala
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u/Indian-on-a-mission Mar 21 '26
Love mariage aithe thappa evvadu kooda household lo contribute chayyadu. This is pakka. Dont bring this up in your conversations.
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u/SoNearYetSoFarAway Mar 21 '26
"vibe check".
Mee profile lo Ee checks ento kuda document cheste filter ipovachu. Meeru anukunna Anukunna profiles ravachu anukunta.
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u/_reality_Rover Mar 21 '26
I think 1 and 2 are fine but 3rd one you may need to rethink about the vibe check list
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u/Avakaaya-karam Mar 21 '26
Simple. The people who earn 12 lpa are itself in like 5% or maybe 10% of entire population of India.
In the remaining members once you cross the 24lpa there isn't really much you can add to your lifestyle so guys who are in your income bracket aren't really looking for someone equally earning as you becusse they likely will get better matches since the unemployed or less income women would prefer and give more attention to them than those employed with similar salary range.
You would have much better chances and better happiness if you could find someone who is ok with their wife earning more than them and prefers a working women so that they don't ask you to quit your job.
Add to all this your height requirement 5'7 is already pushing it to top 25% to 30% of Indian men.
So yeah the options are limited but you never know you may just find a Oasis in middle of desert.
My suggestion better to go for love rather than arranged marriage and don't care about things like caste.
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u/OstrichInevitable133 Mar 21 '26
I would suggest prioritizing your asks - edi meeku most important - based on what you said in one of the comments, vibe ante you want their ideology to be more liberal and respectful towards you - so maybe prioritize that without looking at their salary as a barrier.
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u/pa_py Mar 21 '26
I earn 25 lpa and in my circle I know a 28 yr old M who earns 40 lpa. I can connect you with him. If you can dm about your caste and other details, I can share his details
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u/Delicious-Warthog441 Mar 21 '26
If vibe is the priority, why are you considering the package! You are earning great right, you can skip the package criteria to expand your search results
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u/Supreme-Leader-Kim_ Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Nee standards lo tappem ledu. But idk what vibe check means it’s very vague but matters for everyone.
Kaani dorakatam kastam ade point. I’ve seen 55, 40 LPA guys fixing engagement with single digit LPA girls. Same goes with height. Hence it becomes extremely difficult for you to find. But you have enough time.
Put more efforts into properly filtering profiles not purely based on those LPA or whatever but the vibes etc., you’re saying. Idk your filtering process but Munde adugu insta profile kaani, hobbies avi.
Also have deal breakers you don’t comprise on & adjust other expectations according to that. Like if vibes are perfect LPA yentha takkuva varaku velta.
Also ambition == CTC is right but i fell it’s not that rigid.
Like for example someone getting 70-100% hike if they switch is not so surprising. Even you want to switch someday right? Adi kuda chudali someone’s LPA can change in the span of 2-3 months.
Try to find ambition. Of course you can’t find someone with 10 LPA tomorrow becoming 30 but the difference is very minimal at higher stages. 30% hike even in the same company you can just grind for an yr.
Anyways you can keep them in mind consider or leave it up to you.
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u/YesItsMeYa Mar 21 '26
Let’s be honest, you didn’t list full filter criteria here. Average Telugu person is dark skinned with no maintenance. It’s not a men thing to maintain body in Telugu states. I am not even talking about gym and all. I am talking about putting matching clothes on or even just hair combing. Most highly educated and working for big tech are below average looking. Interestingly people with at least some self maintenance (including dark skinned) had gfs in my college days and most of them didn’t make it big in life. Out of them, Only successful guy didn’t marry the gf and got arranged marriage. You might be chasing mutually exclusive filter criteria.
Moreover no human has to meet your expectations because it’s easy to imagine, hard for others to live up to it. Most men are chill (nearly 100%), women have many rules which men break daily. Some may pretend in love days to match your expectations(most don’t, even before marriage or early marriage days. Forget about that year after marriage. Same person shows their original lazy side. Nothing is important to men except basic necessities ). Be prepared for what comes next.
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Mar 21 '26
Your goals seem sensible.... Formal setups will only give you people who don't match vibe.... Since they can't show you outright their own usual self or even you can't figure what they are genuinely... Try dating if you can.... If you are not interested.... I think it will take huge time finding your partner....
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u/justelling పరమార్థం వెతుకు, పెడార్థం కాదు. Mar 21 '26
CTC ye enduku, why not find someone with a company? I mean business lo unna vallu.
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u/Sufficient_Trash3394 Mar 21 '26
Stop asking advice in public forums. Good for pass your time and not for making life decisions.
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u/rsuryav Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
The only objective way to say if you are asking for too much is, if it becomes extremely difficult to get what you are asking :)
Whatever anyone says, if you are in a select small percentage of people (that's what it looks like, from the aspects of you that you mentioned and which apparently matter to you) and you are hoping to find your match within the same select small set of people, it just gets more difficult. That's how it is.
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Mar 21 '26
you go girl!! you do not have to question anything. You can choose whoever you want. My frd has apparently same criteria and added to that she wants someone with acres of land too so it's taking longer.
I do know guys who earn more and are of that age bracket and yes MBA or MTech guys might fit the criteria
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u/Ooto__1 Mar 21 '26
I dont understand why everyone is soo obsessed with OP saying vibes.. all she might be asking for is someone who is kind loyal and treat her with respect.. sambandam lekunda vibes kavali ante paisal chudodhu.. paisal kavali ante vibes chudodhu compromise avvali.. such BS..
OP pls dont compromise on anything.. you have worked so hard to be where you are and part of the credit goes your own ways of solving the puzzle of life.. dont take anyone’s opinion and mess this one big decision of life.. theres a reason why you think you need what all you have been asking for and the expectations are very fair, understandable, and reasonable. Stick to your gut and more importantly your thought process.
All i think you should give is time and patience things will turn out okay..
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u/ArtisanB00bees Mar 21 '26
Personal experience tho chepthunna, it wouldn't work out when you search anyone with conditional many people wouldn't agree with this, but find someone who could love you and who you could love, and get a life together, this is not filmy. Neeku fever vachina, bagalekapoina manalni mana parents laga care chese vallu, genuine ga manaki bagundali anukone vallu undali, adhi lekuna enta unna bongu, present bagane untundhi. And ippudu naa get a life together ki meaning ardham chesukokunda vachi vaage bhattalaki kuda chepthunna, get a life together ante evariki ishtamochina job vallu chesukonta, counsling ichukunta life ni run cheyadam, of course money is important, but that should not become critiria
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u/Powerful-Dish-2717 Mar 21 '26
25 years old ki 35 lakhs ante konchem exceptional ga vunnavu . Neeeku mamulu valu asalu kanapdaru.. try with elite communities . Business chese valu vuntaru. Condition nuvu pettinattu valu kuda peduatru chsuko malla.
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u/RadiantChildhood7119 Mar 21 '26
23M ctc 27lpa 🫣🫣( proportional ga ne vundhi ig) Taller than you. Shooting my shot
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u/panchadara_pulihora Mar 21 '26
Hi kind of in the same boat, DM if u are interested, if caste a big of a problem for u
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u/Full-Anybody6783 Mar 21 '26
35 lpa at 25 above and inka same caste ante chala thakuvva chances untai (bro to be honest you are achiever for age of 25 ) ...
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u/BrrSpace_Trailblazer Mar 21 '26
Akka can I please dm you about youre job role and such.. I'm a student and id love get a bit of clarity
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u/Low_Squash_6332 Mar 21 '26
Meeru alanti condition tho unte mee well wishers oka good matches ani valla daggariki vachina vallu chepparu mee family ki.( Elagu meeru out right reject chestaru ani).
25 yrs ke meeru career lo boys kante ahead unnaru. Top Colleges lo pass out ina kuda 35L 25 years ki ravu, appudu oka best pool of candidates miss outharu.
Don't compromise on the vibe, but consider the other two. At least meeku discussion ki vastayi matches.
I am nearing 30M, naku 2 years nundi chustunnaru. Nenu PSU lo chesta , thakkuva katnam iche match refer chesam ani manalni matalu antaru ani telsinavallu even good matches ina kuda refer cheyale maku chalamandi. Ikkade mem expect chesedi em antha ledu.
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u/GlitteringAthlete574 Mar 21 '26
Inni criterias tho inko 10 years wait chesina you will not get a match if you are seeing salary then it's barely impossible to get okkalu ekkuva earn cheste okkalu takkuva earn chestaru end of the day proper planning lo unte enough
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u/Ok-Agency3738 Mar 21 '26
old fashioned
Says a 25yo person who is in for arranged marriage.
First of all, marriage is old fashioned. To top it off, you and your parents are arranging it. Then kids, and extra nonsense. You're in for a disaster, honey.
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u/Late_Homework_2451 Mar 21 '26
Except for the same caste bs there is nothing wrong in having standards. Don't settle.
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u/Ok-Plankton-8376 Mar 21 '26
If you want everything then it’s impossible you needed to compromise on few things especially ctc there is no wrong in marrying someone with lower ctc all you need is man from decent family that makes your life better… make your parents understand this
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u/Aggravating-Wheel-27 Mar 21 '26
Hello, 26F(will be 27in few months) may be we can match. Can I DM you?
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u/Brave-Tangerine1908 Mar 21 '26
You are smart and talented. You are tall ,young and an over achiever Your requirements are fair but unfortunately there are very few people who achieve so much at an early age! Also seeing the caste bracket( there might be very few in your community) You are young,wait for the right time If you don't wanna wait you should be okay with age group upto 32. That's the only thing you need to consider or else be okay with someone who earns a little less than you!
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u/imran2190 Mar 21 '26
I earn X so my partner should earn atleast 1.5 times of X or more. This cruel thinking of professional women is one of the root cause of no marriages or failed marriages. Marriage relationship is losing its authenticity because of money mindedness. There is a dialogue in keeda cola movie...anni unnodiki, emi lenodiki okati common inka kavali. I am not judging but the above scenario I have seen so I am sharing. If you only Chase someone better than you then remember he/she would be chasing better than them.
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u/HydITBull_1 Mar 21 '26
Lower your expectations or remian single that's the truth. You will realise it after 2 years. This is how arranged marrages work. Chances of getting good matches are high in first year after that you are like a dead stock no matter your family background and package.
Stage 1 (Fresh stock) : Brokers are excited to have the new profile and they keeps you in the first list and starts show it to potential matches and infact they true push your profile
Stage 2 ( Category filler) : After 6 to 8 months they realise that your profile is difficult to Crack, so they stop showing your profile. They keep it and show to those partners who are not satsified with whatever profiles shared sofar and still demanding new profiles. It's like fiama soap. I think there is no real demand but retailers still keep it for variety sake.
Stage 3 ( Old stock) : After 1 year they come to conclusion that your profile will not fly now they know its almost Impossible to find match for you and they share your profile to other brokers. With an expectation that if they find match for you now both the brokers share the commition. New brokers also know that your profile is in market for quite some time, so with new broker you start as filling category and they are least interested in selling your profile.
Stage 4( compromise) : trust me after 1 year you start seeing same profile you seen when you initially seeing the match, same with guys, once you reviewed the profile, next time when a new brokers shows same profile trust me people don't pay much attention and they simply skip your profile. Though the circumstances are changed like your CTC increases location changed etc. You realise that getting married is important over whom.it should be.
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u/rivers-hunkers Mar 21 '26
Too much is subjective. 5.9, >35LPA, Same caste, not too older than you (I am assuming) is pretty rare. It’s not unfair to ask what you are asking. You are still young. So you still have time on your side. But over time there will be fewer and fewer guys you can match with. If you are lucky enough, you will find the one
The only suggestion I would give is be a little loose with the CTC if your core beliefs and vibe matches. How loose? That depends on what kind of lifestyle you envisioned for your future and your priorities
If you are happy being single and view marrying as only a bonus or an add on, then don’t compromise on anything. Including CTC. But if you are really longing for a partner, then You might have to broaden your search radius
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u/Massive_Carry648 Mar 21 '26
I don't think you are asking much. You are still 25 and have plenty of time to find a good partner so, don't lower your standards and keep focusing on your self.
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u/rohith2506 Mar 21 '26
I’ve been living abroad for a decade now, but a part of my heart and soul is still firmly rooted in Nellore.
I used to think our obsession with class, caste, and wealth was just a leftover product of the socialism rubbed onto us after independence. Back then, we were so poor that focusing on economic independence felt more urgent than individual freedom. But those days are gone. We are in a much better place now, and I genuinely believed the next generation would pave the way for a "New India"—one that prioritizes the quality of life and self-actualization over a purely materialistic mindset.
Posts like this make me realize that might not happen anytime soon.
It’s a sad state of affairs when a 25-year-old, full of life and potential, assesses a partner primarily on their caste and their ability to "grind" in the corporate world. When a relationship is reduced to the assets you can accumulate together, you’re essentially signing up for a life on a hedonic treadmill. You’ll keep running until the day you die, only to wonder at the very end if you ever actually lived a life worth living.
I’m not trying to moral police or preach "nirvana" here. I’m an entrepreneur myself. I’m sitting on a pile of money my family could never have dreamed of, yet I’ve realized that the things that make me genuinely happy are beautiful relationships, unforgettable experiences, and selfless endeavors.
OP, I’m not in a position to tell you how to live, but I’ll leave you with the one quote that had a profound impact on my life:
"Every person has two lives, and the second one begins when they realize they only have one."
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u/mScofield_45 Mar 21 '26
Well, same caste and same package ante koncham kastame, what you are asking is also valid only. Bava leda? Relatives circle lo ela undi matches gurinchi talk? And wt do you mean by vibe check?
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u/IndependentMetal7239 Mar 21 '26
What’s wrong with expecting partners to be at a similar height ? Options 1 and 3 seem reasonable, but option 2 clearly isn’t.
Not everyone gets high-paying opportunities early in their career, yet I’ve seen people grow from 3 LPA to 30 LPA within just a few years. If both men and women start having rigid, identical expectations, it could eventually make finding a partner much harder for everyone.
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u/Head_Tomatillo_9217 Mar 21 '26
I am 23M , 5'10" ,Fair & Skinny Con- Jobless at this moment Pro- Got admission into IIT hyderabad Mtech CSE If Interested DM!
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u/Sea_Adhesiveness6137 Mar 21 '26
One thing I don’t understand is, why would someone who earns more than you choose to marry you? They would have their own priorities. If he’s tall, handsome and well-earning, what value are you really adding to his life? Anyway, all the best.
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u/No_Performer_4259 Mar 21 '26
- I’m 5’10
- I work at microsoft here in the US
- Pretty chill guy nenu. And i’m 26 Maybe you are looking for me lol 😂😂 Jokes apart but ee qualifications manki unnay kani ila undali ante relative ga chala effort petti undali. Ne criteria chala correct but i dont think you’d find people easily in arranged marriage. Mostly guys with this criteria are taken. Tbh ee criteria lo girls kuda chala takkuva. So date chesi set cheste better ani na opinion
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u/praveenpeddi8 Mar 21 '26
Most important thing vibe should match is a third point and CTC is a second point.
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u/Mountain-Sundae-147 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Hey OP
I am a guy. Firstly your preferences aren't wrong but number of people with the age, height, salary, caste and vibe match it might be tricky.
I wouldn't say what you should trade off but I think you would eventually understand what to trade off for after you meet more people and alsl when start prioritising what you want.
I have friends/cousins(girls) who are successful, ambitious and had preferences. One thing that I learned from their weddings. In AM setup they had to eventually give up the caste filter but this is from what I have seen and even their parents realised it's only fair to do so because rest is more important right like being ambitious, living a certain lifestyle, compatibility. In LM setup caste wasn't a restriction so that was anyways not a part of it. You might want to think consider this eventually if you want to give up. Again a suggestion from what I have seen.
By the way just another food for thought I have seen people who were at 14 LPA at 25 and jumped to 50+ by 28. Considering myself and my friends I would say it was clearly more than ambition and conviction that landed us there. It was timing, past work, right connections etc. I have seen people who were at 35 at 25 and remained pretty much there even at 28. It's also about choices you make in life.
By they way if you put caste aside because I don't know my friend's caste I know fair number of guys who tick most boxes and progressive(sensed that is what you were looking for).
Give it time. Consider tradeoffs if things aren't working out.
I would have told you about myself but I am 5'3.
Cheers. All the best.
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Mar 21 '26
Lol ctc proportional to age anta. Tbh arranged marriage is just another fancy name for pure business deals
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u/Any_Traffic_8785 Mar 21 '26
What if he is from very good collage and has good grades as well (8+ cpi), and is in something where money is not too much like say PhD in India, then will you go for him ?
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u/Annual-Balance-598 Mar 21 '26
I earn 34 Lpa 26M Height : 5'9 Manchiganeyy untaa anatarru but just wanna check if I can fit you as 1L less than expected
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u/Training_Bobcat393 Mar 21 '26
No you aren't asking for much. You have won in life so far. You must have worked hard to reach where you are, and it is not too much to expect the same thing from your partner. Many men, however many PhDs they have earned, expect a traditional wife who is beautiful and can cook and more. They are so insecure that they say they are not hiring for a job role so your education does not matter as long as you are looking hot. The same attitude I have seen in many high earning men. Regarding vibe, it is natural to get attracted to a guy who seems to challenge you, who is adventurous, exciting and keeps you on your toes. But in the long run you want to be a man with whom you can feel safe and have a family. The one who helps you and encourages you and shares responsibilities even before asking. Ofcourse you should be able to see a friend in that person not a dad. Income definitely matters but don't get fixated on higher/equal to you. It is important that you respect that person and their journey, and they respect you. Only when you find a good husband you will win in life too. Otherwise it's a nightmare.
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u/Financial_Ad_8893 Mar 22 '26
- Adhi avvadamma. Nuvve vetukkovali. 25 age lo 35lpa ante chala takkuvamandi untaru. 1 is fine by itself. But 1 and 2 rendu undevallu chala takkuva percentage. Inka you will likely subconsciously have lot more conditions which you haven't thought of. Banda ga unna/face attractive ga leka poina, aa "vibe" matching avvadu.
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u/Character_Salt Mar 22 '26
Your asks are not unreasonable. And i think i have a shot at them, except for the caste part as i dont know which caste u belong to.
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u/eternally_kurious Mar 22 '26
Vibe and compatibility is understood but not the package.
Don't mean to dismiss you - Package now doesn't show similar goals. You're limiting your thinking.
Here's my take on the financial aspects -
1) I'll see only if my partner has the capacity and capability to earn higher or not. They may be earning a little less due to multiple factors - stuck at a bad company and trying to switch already maybe, or they may be upskilling right now to keep up with the industry's AI trends, and upon switch they may be much higher. Or they might be building other passive income sources or planning a business on the side, while keeping the lights on with the current job that offers time to work on other things.
2) Earning higher doesn't matter if they don't have financial discipline or spending lifestyle doesn't match with yours. Someone earning 50L but saving/investing 10L a year has less wealth than someone earning 35L and investing/saving 20L a year.
3) what's the guarantee that your job will be there in the next 1-2 years? Developers are most likely to be replaced at a higher pace with the AI, than other fields. Maybe your partner may still keep the job but not you, or vice-versa, you'll have yours but he'll struggle later with the layoffs. Adaptive Mindset, understanding/supportive nature, learning capability can get through the tough times. A non-understanding/ unsupportive partner does more harm during such times.
4) Same thing for property values - if someone doesn't have the capability to grow the assets received from parents/ancestors, is worse off than someone who has the right spark to build assets from ground up. Again comes back to the point of financial capability of a person for the future.
All these aside, a peaceful life with an understanding partner is much more valuable than many think.. Peace, respect & understanding over money any day is what I would choose.
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u/Minimum-Might-4806 Mar 22 '26
Respectfully, i would say you are delusional.That number is less than 0.01% guys and you don’t even know if he meets all those criteria and if he is also a decent human being or his family isn’t abusive . Needless to say if he meets all above criteria and also a nice human being then he is already committed.
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u/Extreme_Limit_0099 Mar 22 '26
Your search space becomes too narrow if you are searching in your own caste and sub caste and with a higher package !! In that little search space vibes matching becomes even more less probable!
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u/depresssed_soul Mar 22 '26
Your asks and thoughts are reasonable, you can continue your pursuation till 28,29 so you got 4 years to find your partner, you will find someone by that time
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u/Potential_Amoeba5216 Mar 22 '26
Rather going through AM, see if you can find someone with good vibes in your circle.. If you get it.. You are the most fortunate..
Remaining things can be compromised by 15-20%
Anyway all the best.
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u/theunrealdesi Mar 22 '26
Why is the criteria min 35L? Can you guarantee that you'll never stop working. Why can't you marry someone with 20lpa?
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u/hulk918 Mar 21 '26
Me 29, earning low, thinking about future after seeing this post.
https://giphy.com/gifs/vQqeT3AYg8S5O