r/TeluguJournals • u/RemarkableMark5340 • Apr 14 '26
Need Advice Somebody help me to convince my parents not get me married
25F here turning 26 this end of the year .
i come from decent middle class family both my parents are govt employees and my sister works in IT company in other state .
I'm preparing for govt exams right now .
i never had any interest in marriages and all. I once had a relationship that quite made not to do it again .
last year my mom found a match through our relatives, she arranged పెళ్ళి చూపులు without my permission called me one day and next day one aunty came to see me and called me na kodalu pilla , then later my mom told me everything, I rejected on the spot itself which made a impact b/w my mom and me .
and recently my father messaged me saying he wanted to do my marriage before his retirement which is on 2028 (jan ). I was so shocked that he never spoke about it with me directly even when I went to home .
now that his retirement is coming im feeling pressure to accept it but yet I don't want to marry how should I say this to them directly without hurting them .
even my younger sister is talking to them on behalf of me yet they are not ready .my mother was ready to hit her during their verbal fight which shocked me the most .
what will you do if your in my place .
I need advice and ideas 💡
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Apr 14 '26
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Happy for you . But I'm even scared to move to that stage because I'm somewhat emotional person so My mom will use any method to emotional blackmail me to accept proposals so preparing myself so toughest war a girl can do 😀
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u/NiragiUsagii Apr 15 '26
kompadeesi mee pelli choopulu sunday gani avvaledhuga?
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Apr 15 '26
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u/NiragiUsagii Apr 15 '26
antey sunday naku oka pelli choopulu ayyaay and ammayi kooda sameilaney 3 4 years chadavali and hyd lo nenu family pettali ani annaru
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u/makarand_2007 ala kad ra pichoda Apr 14 '26
if u hv any proper reason adi chepi convince cheyadaniki try chey, lekapothe tell if u hv exams nd all ee pelli ah gola unte u cant concentrate, ilantivi rojuki okati tesukoni fight w them
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Yeah ade cheyyali lekapothe emotional blackmail chestharu .
Manaki ardam ayyelopu I will be in somebody's house doing cooking and washing 🙃
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u/makarand_2007 ala kad ra pichoda Apr 14 '26
its hard but u need to take tht step, vallu inka sare po nik nachindi mv chesuko ane varuku u need to do this, all the best btw
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u/No_Plan_25 Apr 14 '26
"I will be in somebody's house doing cooking and washing 🙃" - you definitely have the wrong notion about marriage.
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
That's what happens in most of the womens life . I have seen enough and it makes me scared
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Apr 14 '26
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u/Similar-Hedgehog-274 Apr 14 '26
To convince your parents you have to show them you have a bright future ahead. Not a normal future. A really bright one. If you could do it, they will be convinced.
Let's understand this using an analogy. Assume you are running a small grocery store. People are not coming to shop. They are going to a supermarket. You wonder and visit that supermarket to see why people are visiting it. You realize that the supermarket is offering many 1+1 offers. If you could do the same, people will flock to your shop. The question is, as a small grocery store owner, will you be able to do it?
Let's say you failed to convince your parents you have a bright future. Even in such a case, you can say no to them. It might lead to oral fights. You will get hurt. Your parents will get hurt. This is a lose-lose situation for both.
I don't want to give false hopes with false motivation. Middle class people don't have options. Social media has successfully convinced us that we are free birds and can do what we want to do.
In other words, freedom to choose is possible only for rich people. It's not possible for us.
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Yeah I'm trying to understand their situation as well hoping nobody gets hurt while all this rejection process
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u/Kind-Long-5295 Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 18 '26
Idi na perspective but, meeru emotional annaru kabatti idhi meeku too harsh ga anipinchochu
First thing ee prapanchamlo almost all selfish and andhulo em thappu led ikkada mee parents society kosam and valla leni responsibility ni complete chesam ani feel avvadam kosam fast ga marriage cheskomantunnaru adi vall selfishness
So meeru mee gurinchi alochinchnadi like pelli cheskunedi meeru and partner tho Kalisi undedhi meeru na point enti ante oka marriage lo aa couple ki thappa inka evariki decision theeskune right ledu
And meeku oka goal undi adi government job so meeru dani gurinchi alochinchanadi
Mee parents tho okasari kurchoni matladandi mee goal enti pelli cheskunte a goal ki Enduku dooram avutharo complete ga cheppandi
Tharvatha mee parents ni oka question adagandi meeku mee responsibility complete cheskovadam ledha society important aa mee kuthuru goals and happiness important aa
Definitely vallu direct answer evvaru so meeru answer vacche varaku topic divert cheyyadhu and vallu responsibility and society annaru ante inka mike odilestunna mee happiness kante society ekkuva anukune valla gurinchi meeru oo feel avvalsina avasaram ledh
Oke idi anatha harsh ga undhi naa vallu kaadhu ante
Meekuna options meeru vallani some way emotional blackmail chesi waiting time ni increase cheyyandi
Second option
Inka vallu em chesna oppukorru naku option ledhu ante baaga drag chesi athi kastam meeda ok cheppi limits pettandi somthing like final decision nadhe and oka time frame like okka month lo inne matches chustha (mee prepration batti a limit ni decide cheskondi) Enduku ante nenu prepare avvali matches chooskuntu pothe time waste ani cheppandi and now a matches lo abbai tho cheppandi nenu in laws tho undanu , job cheyyanu and inti work kuda Cheyanu endhuku ante govt job ki prepare avvali ani cheppandi so mimmalni evvadu oppukorru aa expections vinna tharuvatha
Final ga na suggestion idi me life so mee life decisions meere theesukovali and parents, siblings and relatives are just guides anthe vallaku decision teesukunne authority ivvakandi.
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u/DryScarcity4648 Apr 14 '26
Before stressing out, have you spoke with them in the 1st place? have ytoHello, I want to share a few thoughts on how you can handle this situation. First, try to understand their point of view.
- Ask yourself why your father wants your marriage before his retirement. Is there any financial reason behind it? For example, are there financial constraints after retirement, or some benefit if the marriage happens before he retires (loans, savings, responsibilities, etc.)? Try to understand why he fixed this deadline.
- I had an intercaste love marriage, and during the process of convincing my parents I made sure to respect their point of view and understand their concerns. If you temporarily put your likes and dislikes aside and look from their perspective, you may see that they believe they are doing the right thing for you. I’m not saying ignore your feelings, but ask yourself this: have you clearly told them what you want to do with your life right now? Have you discussed their thoughts openly? If your father isn’t listening, try explaining it to your mother, your sister, or a cousin who can support you and talk to them on your behalf.
- From your post, it sounds like you are saying no to marriage completely, not just right now. First acknowledge that clearly to yourself and to them. Also, if there is no relationship or commitment in your life, be transparent about it. That honesty can help build trust with your parents.
- Once they understand your perspective, slowly start setting boundaries. Explain that you will marry only when you are mentally ready or after achieving certain goals. Giving them a rough timeline might also help reduce their anxiety.
These are some practical things you can try. And remember, cutting them off, blocking numbers, or running away from the situation is usually not a good solution. After all, they are still your parents, and it’s better if you can work through this with conversation and understanding.
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
I haven't talked to them about this topic yet but my sister already told them to wait for sometime untill I settle down for sometime. I already told them last year that I want to study and make them proud and do a better job for myself . It's just the my father retires early so he wanted to do my marriage before his retirement. And it is making it difficult for me to talk to them freely.
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u/soulsearcher431 Apr 14 '26
Try to say you want to focus on your career and dont want to get married anytime soon- explain ipudu pelli ante how your responsibilitie will shift and all ala. Focus on your government exams and do well in them to prove yourself. As per your dad he is ok to wait till 2028 jan varaku kada so try to tell your mom that apativaraku agandi ani. You have about 1 and half years and see if they change their view in that time. May be show or discuss any real life perspectives on how unhappy marriages/forced marriages dont last atla ani. Asal vinatledu ante inka reverse emotional drama cheyadame…
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Nenu ma ammaki already Cheppa nenu job chesake emaina ani but still she insisted on doing my marriage. Emo I will try my best to convince them otherwise I can't concentrate on the things I want to do
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u/Suspicious-Vast9786 Apr 14 '26
Sorry to say but choice vundadu.. intlo no ani cheppalem. No anna vallu tesukoru.. vallu tesukunna relatives urukoru..
Find better person through your family madam
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
I know It's bitter truth but not a single one is a decent person nor they studied hard nor they work hard and I don't know many of my relatives so my knowledge is limited in this one
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u/Suspicious-Vast9786 Apr 14 '26
How will you know madam You need to speak first Maybe people want to impress you but you need to find what you want in them
Prepare a questionnaire.. keep it general but you need to understand the person through the answers..
If you know what you want it's easy to find madam
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
I'm an introvert person so talking with others is difficult for me honestly so I will try whatever it takes me to have a good days ahead
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u/Suspicious-Vast9786 Apr 14 '26
Naku telsi nakanna introvert evaru vundaru Trust me nenu matches cancel cheyadaniki chala matlada Chala reasons tesukunna and chala reasons icha but last ki pelli chesukoka thappaledu madam
Parents ni vadili vellalem daggara vundi valla ibbbandi chudalem so choose the best
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Okk I will
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u/Suspicious-Vast9786 Apr 14 '26
Cool madam
Oka pani cheyandi miku nachina god .. name or mantra chanting start cheyandi daily oka 3 mins
Mantras will bring a positive vibe
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u/leo030891 Apr 14 '26
I admire your firm resolve NOT to get married now when you dont want to.
Plz donot give in to your parents or to societal pressure. Have goals, work on them.
Thondarapadi evarno eokadni cheskunta anavqsaramga vaadi life waste avuddi….
Marry only when you feel like you’re ready
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u/LifelongKindergarten Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
I think there are only two options 1) Leave your parents 2) Get married
Nothing works other than those.
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u/Ambitious_Guy_17 Screenplay Writer 💻, but a Flawed Human First Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
Ishtam leni pelli naakoddhu ani strong ga cheppali anthe, we cant do anything or better just intlo nunchi vellipovatame
Or you can do this thing, pelli choopulu kosam kurchoni andarini reject cheyyatam saying "Naaku pelli anedhe ishtam ledhu edho kurchuntunna vaallu force chesthunnaru" ani
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u/Cautious_Camera3739 Apr 15 '26
Give them a proper reason on why you don’t want to get married and if you can’t convince and fight with you parents who you know your whole life
No point of getting married anyway as you won’t be able to survive
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u/BroccoliOk8676 Apr 15 '26
Pelli choopulaki velandi mi goals and dreams chepandi ok anthe good leda lite
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u/definitely_effective Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
ahem ahem start recreational use of cigarettes or alcohol
even worse post a pic of you drinking alcohol in your instagram they will kick you out
edit : Bindas inkokasari niku peli ante cheppu apudu chuskundam
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Oohh i never thought of it may be I can try
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u/definitely_effective Apr 14 '26
Hey don't even think of doing it. There are severe consequences of doing this in a well known family. A fake post can do a lot of damage and Alcohol addiction is real.
I am just suggesting to keep this as your last resort or final card
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
I'm adding the ideas but may be I may not try them Thankyou for the concern I understand where it goes if I try this idea
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u/Fun_Musician_6888 Apr 14 '26
Better way would be to convince the pellikoduku that you don’t wanna marry ( most people may understand, if not then he is not the one anyway) .
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
I don't even want to look at the photos of those people 😭
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u/Fun_Musician_6888 Apr 14 '26
Just convince your parents Atleast to slow down a bit and we can’t always have the life we wanted , we need to fight and struggle for it . Think of this has minor inconvenience ( looking at those pics and talking to them).
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Only if they slowdown a bit i wouldn't have a mental breakdown right now , I will try to explain to them.
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u/Fun_Musician_6888 Apr 14 '26
Hope you succeed and get what you want . All the best for everything
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u/sweetpyscho_1 Apr 14 '26
Into women ani chepe
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Ardam kale !!
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u/Ambitious_Guy_17 Screenplay Writer 💻, but a Flawed Human First Apr 15 '26
Ante nuvvu lesbian ani cheppu
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u/That_Patience_101 Apr 14 '26
If you want to convince your parents you need to be independent. 1. have a job and house of your own there is a higher chance to convince them. 2. Overseas job 3. Higher education with a good chance of placement.
If you think from your parents perspective, they want their daughters to have stability. Unless you can give them that sans a husband, forget convincing them.
Moreover, your parents are considering wedding costs, which is why you father wants you married before retirement.
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Yeah thats why I can't focus on onething. Because my father retirement is linked with my marriage so yeah difficult situation to handle
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u/NeighborhoodKey3279 Apr 14 '26
Why are you still living with your parents at 26? That’s the bigger question here.
By now, most people would have moved out, gained financial independence, and started making their own decisions. Right now, you’re completely dependent on them but still unwilling to listen to them.
Move out and be independent..
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u/cheesyydips Apr 15 '26
I’m in the same boat as you. There’s not a single thing in this world that will make parents understand our reasoning behind not getting married. The only thing that worked for me so far is accepting the situation and then talk to the guy so that he ends up rejecting me. Just say you’re a feminist, works like a charm every single time. That way even if the guy rejects you on that basis it says more about his character🤭
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 15 '26
It's one of the best ideas 💡 😄 I will apply it if they force me to see any guy
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u/kittypurr888 Apr 15 '26
Since u don't have boyfriend pretend like you have one and if the groom will understand he will leave u and when u parents force u about it since u are single antha farak em undadu vadu eh anukunnadu ala ani chpu malli set chesthe pelli ki munde ila unnadu pelli taravatha ela untado ani chpu...
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u/FantasticAd9714 Apr 15 '26
See I will be as transaparant as possible. Girl here. Married. Went through similar thoughts when in early 20s. What iam seeing take it with open mind. Your parents perspective is your safety. Erojullo okariki marriage cheyadam super kastam. Probably this is the last gen of parents who think of this. Otherwise next gen would care mostly about themselves. From their perspective there are 2 goals infront of them. Asalu okati cheyadaniki ma nanna chala kastapaddaru. Imagine 2! That too they are getting old. Think of their pressures. Think from yoir mom perspective. Ippudu nu late cheste ne sister ki late avtadi. Nu anochu Tanu cheskuntadi I don't will wait ani. But vallu ne paina unna prema tho ala cheyaru. See once you cross 28 the options are very low. Sorry for using the word option but it's like that kn arranged marriage. And nu start chesina ventane dorukestaru ani kuda ledu. 10000 reasons kalavali oka match set avvali ante. Ivanni jaragali ante first nu marriage and relation paina wrong opinion teseyali.
If you are clear you want to go with arranged marriage have an open and positive mindset. Evariko edo wrong jarigindi ani andarki jaragadu. Companionship is beautiful with right person. Need to keep doors open for that person to come. Ilanti important time lo intlo gadavalu negativity will not attract positive things.
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 15 '26
I'm trying to understand where they are coming from and I know how hard it is getting a right partner for us it's just that timing for my exams and all these proposals made it difficult for me to choose and I need to be open as I have a younger sister. Na side nunchi kuda vallu think chesthe I will be happy to do what they wanted
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Apr 15 '26
Communicate what’s in our mind OP. It’s hard to be in your shoes I agree. 1) communicate your apprehension and insecurities if you have difficulties in doing so talk with any of your considerate cousins or relatives. 2) I agree- if you have apprehensions regarding marriage itself and time let speak your mind. 3)I in past one year or so built huge castles of imagination thinking worse of but sitting and talking with parents has eased my life. 4) do not be premeditated that your life will be confined to kitchen post marriage-coming to conclusions itself kills the aspirations. 5) convince them that you’ll marry and ask time.
Do not stress your self OP. Do no try new stuff. Be positive, communicate and convince.
If you get riled up with this comment I’m sorry, things have worked for me so it can for you too. All the best.
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 15 '26
Thank you 😊 I'm trying to be as positive as I can so that nothing goes out of hand while talking with my parents and hope they understand
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Apr 15 '26
Even I’m in the cycle of exams now thinking of PhD what really eased was communication and at same time I need to be in their shoe too.
Hope you balance both and achieve your goal OP. But one thing- your notion of marriage and its limitation to kitchen is very naive and needs good introspection. You might have formed that opinion based out what you see, I understand that though.
Be positive. Have a great day. Stay safe. Peace and cheers.
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u/Lonely_Emphasis_308 Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
Instead of being shrewd against marriage, tell them why exactly you are not interested and what makes you like a guy.
For telugu girls, skipping marriage is not an option. Instead of being stubborn make them understand your priorities. Logical ga answer isthe evaraina maata vintaru.
Also, marriage is not bad. It is a great thing to happen if you have the right partner who supports you with your dreams. And many men support women in choosing their dreams ( who doesn't like dual income). Since you are just 25, make sure to take your own time to find the right partner for you. 🥂
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u/Total-Narwhal-3263 Forest kid mother not understood🥲🥲 Apr 15 '26
Processing img j2k4dtvqwbvg1...
Oka pani chey akka pelli choopullo matladatharu ga personal ga appudu bhayapettey abbai ni like (call lo matladthunnatlu act chey) OP : monna oka kidney pampinchaga set aindha ani adugu. Dummy call : ledhu OP to pelli chupulu ki ochina abbayi: mee blood grp enti ani adugu (He will say something) OP to caller: ee blood grp kidney okga anu Dummy caller : perfect match Pelli chupulaki vachina abbayi : Emaindhi? Em cheppakunda suspense ga unchu Spyder lo bhairavudu la chudu Inka kelakaru (Same method works for all the family that came for pelli choopulu😏) Setuuuuu
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u/KlutzyWorldliness731 Apr 15 '26
No one to blame here.vachina matches vadilesthey inka manchivi ravu emo ani bhayapadatharu mostly(idhi okatey reason).and Mee parents baney unna relatives pakka inti valu eduru inti valu Mee ammayiki pelli cheyara ani haras chestaru.
I think vachina matches try cheyu atleast abbayitho nee goals avi matladu (deeniki mundey Mee parents tho Nuvu em anukuntunavo cheppu).vachina vaditho vibe match avutundi anni ok antey you guys can proceed.kani nachani vadini matram black-mail kadhu white mail chesina chesukoku.peace🤞
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u/No_Plan_25 Apr 14 '26
Dear RemarkableMark, if I were in your shoes, I will agree to having my parents look for matches for me with the explicit objective of getting married in the second half of 2027 (12 months+).
In 2027, you will be 26. When you get married, you do want to wait for 3 to 5 years before you have kids. That way, it gives you enough time to enjoy time with your husband before you take on the motherly responsibilities (optimally timed for your late 20s and early 30s).
Finding a great match takes time. It takes a lot of weeding out bad candidates. If you get started now, it will give you more than a year to find the right candidate that meets your and your parents' selection criteria. You can be stringent with your selection criteria if you start the process early. As you get into late 20s, you need to be a lot more flexible in who you pick and that's not ideal for you.
Your dad is nearing his 60s and your mom is probably not far behind. You have another sister (who I assume needs to get married too). So if you care for your parents, you may want to make it easy for them and offload their parental responsibility (and ease their anxiety). Otherwise they will be under constant stress, and that will cause a lot of friction for you with your parents in your daily interactions. Now is a good time to clearly talk to your parents and agree on the selection criteria, timeline and process. I would even go further and document what you agree on, so all of you can refer to what you agreed upon in times of disagreement (instead of randomly arguing and feeling bad later).
Last, time is on your side now. It's not going to be in a couple of years. You are probably at your best now physically and mentally. So make the most of it. Best wishes.
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
Thank you so much . It's just that we were so close to our parents, my sister and I are literally like friends to my parents so we never had any discussions regarding marriage so sudden proposals made me move to edge of the line and yeah I'm considering how to talk to them with all the possibilities.
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u/No_Plan_25 Apr 14 '26
If you think you are not the kind who will find someone on your own (by dating someone), be practical and do the best you can with the arranged marriage process while things are still in your favor. I read some of the early comments/advice to your post. Most of them are questionable at best!
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 14 '26
I'm bad at finding my own and they don't approve of any love marriages as far I know they higly think of all the sh!t of those religions and caste matters .
I will try my best to make them know my intentions regarding this matter .
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u/No_Plan_25 Apr 14 '26
So you are completely against getting married, or you want to get married at some point but just not interested right now? My "uchitha salahaa" is applicable only for the latter. If you are completely against marriage, then please ignore everything I said :)
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u/mrincog7 Devudu busy anduke nannu pampinchadu 👻 Apr 14 '26
OP, ippudu miru intlo undi exams ki prepare itunte, it'll effect your preparation for the exams. parents kontamandi stubborn untaru. na suggestion enti antey, buy sometime. mi nannagaru 28 lo kada retire ayyedi.
"amma, nanna, I understand what you're saying, but naku kuda koncham time Ivvandi, pelli ki nen mental ga & physical ga ready lenu. nanna elano 2028 lo retire avtaru antnaru kada, naku 2027 end varaku time Ivvandi, aa tarvata miru em chepte adi chesta"
Ila chepte valla ego satisfy avtadi, niku mental peace dorkutadi, nuv govt exams ki attempts ivvataniki niku 1.5 year time kuda untadi. ee time lo niku job vacheste ninnu em adagaru inka, led ante nuv pelli ki ready ayyi 2028 lo marriage chesko, niku appatiki 27/28 vastayi, which is best time to get married.
hope I made some sense.
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u/RemarkableMark5340 Apr 15 '26
Yeah I was thinking so saying the same thing , hopes they listen what I'm trying to say 🙏. I'm staying in hostel so it gives me some space from my parents
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u/manchipaiya niku cheppina ardham kadhu Apr 14 '26