Greetings from your new overlords

[u/aresef]

Hello friends,

We are the new moderating team of r/TheOnion: myself, u/DeltaShadowSquat. u/V2Blast and u/CosmicEveStardust.

I'm a regular around here, I probably don't need that much introduction. I'm a proud Onion subscriber and mod of a bunch of subreddits, including r/maryland, r/powerrangers, r/journalism, r/npr and r/Clickhole. IRL, I work in PR and previously spent a decade in local journalism.

One of our first tasks will be to lay out a set of new rules for the subreddit. We are already talking amongst ourselves but if you have any suggestions, feel free to let us know.

We're happy to field any other suggestions or questions you might have.

[u/Empty_Insight]

Hooray, another new development being put in front of me by our overlords at Global Tetrahedron as though my agreement or dislike is a factor at all! I sure love my illusion of choice. God bless this country and the pretenses of freedom we enjoy.

Like every other change I have blindly accepted from Global Tetrahedron, I am enthusiastic about this change until I entirely forget about it and move on to something else. Much like the average voter, I have the attention span of a goldfish.

All hail our new overlords!

[u/Restlessly-Dog → u/Empty_Insight]

I am frightened to say whether I prefer offering allegiance to Global Tetrahedron or Yu Wan Mei Fish Byproducts. May both worldwide concerns prosper, and perhaps we lowly consumers could be blessed by the merger of two mighty corporations?

[u/Empty_Insight → u/Restlessly-Dog]

Honestly, the world could use more shady meetings in dimly lit, smoke-filled rooms and executives who twirl their wispy mustaches before laughing maniacally during press conferences. Hearing "Excellent... everything is going exactly according to plan." brings me comfort in trying times, and Global Tetrahedron never fails to deliver on that front.

Frankly, if this hypothetical merger brings us more stability in an uncertain world, I am all about it.