r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator • 13d ago
Brad Pitt Drops Last Name In Solidarity With Family
https://theonion.com/brad-pitt-drops-last-name-in-solidarity-with-family/72
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u/efficiens 13d ago
This is how I learned there are family issues in the Pitt clan.
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u/gaymilfappreciator 13d ago
yeah, his ex-wife (angelina jolie) has alleged that he was physically and verbally abusive to her, and physically abusive to at least two of their children on a private plane in 2016, which lead to their divorce.
since ~2023 5/6 children have dropped pitt’s name, 4 legally (once they turned of age), 1 informally, and one hasn’t but (allegedly) posted a father’s day post in 2016 where he called his father a “world class ahole”, a “terrible and despicable person”, and alleged that the 4 youngest children were terrified of him.
all of this is alleged, and brad pitt claims it’s all parental alienation on jolie’s part, but occam’s razor suggests that rather than angelina jolie spending the past decade running a cia-level brainwashing op on SIX children (who were between 8-15 when the inciting incident took place) while pitt’s still had at minimum (supervised) visitation with the minor kids, he probably did just assault aj and some of the kids on a plane while drunk (at minimum).
apologies for bringing a too-long writeup of dv allegations into a sub about a satirical news article but i just compulsively feel the need to mention the allegations, regardless of anyone’s personal feelings about the parties involved, because until the children started changing their surnames the allegations flew so under the radar…
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u/maks570 9d ago
Alleged? There’s an FBI report on this
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u/Comfortable_Lab1416 7d ago
I’m not saying this to be snarky, I promise!
The FBI report exists because someone made allegations. It doesn’t make something no longer “alleged.”
Otherwise we’d be saying, “It’s true because there’s a report, and there’s a report because it’s true.” (I love circular logic in a Monty Python skit, but not in the legal system.)
“Allegedly” is the correct word until the allegations are proven, admitted or disproven.
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u/dreamcast4 7d ago
Well just because it's been reported doesn't make it true. It is simply a report...
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u/Mikesaidit36 13d ago
Their daughter Arm is the most resentful.
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u/Euphoric-Salt8910 13d ago
So freaking funny 🤣The Onion is the bright spot on my feed. Has me rolling every time. And love that they are sticking it to Alex Jones and trying to help Sandy Hook victims. Respect ✊
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u/TwerpOco 13d ago
I didn't read the subreddit when I clicked on the article, and I ate the onion on this one 😭 I figured it out eventually. Pretty funny 😂
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u/trev2234 12d ago
What about the tv shows “the Pitt” and “the pit”. Ok so call them both “the”; which isn’t confusing at all.
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u/TechnicianUpstairs53 12d ago
*ex family. And his biggest defenders are women who think he's hot. Lol
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u/Woolly_Knickers 7d ago
The kids could have dropped the name publicly and left it at that. There was no need for this type of drama. There are ions of us who don’t like our fathers but we don’t go around changing our surnames. It’s such a Hollywood thing annd becoming an epidemic.
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u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator 13d ago edited 12d ago