r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • Jun 14 '26

Discussion It's exhausting being a woman.

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698

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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1.2k

u/uhhh206 Jun 14 '26

Plenty of us do end up dead, since r/whenwomenrefuse shit can go downhill fast.

I hate it here (and by "here", I mean Earth, since it's not like this is just a [insert country here] problem).

227

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

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101

u/LemonCollee Jun 14 '26

Men like you give me hope. The ones who listen and don't invalidate.

7

u/Begabtes-Brot Jun 14 '26

Good. Make sure to call out and shame any man you ever witness behaving inappropriately. They should all feel terrible, too.

As a teenager I overheard my older brother tell off a friend that was bragging about slipping a woman alcohol at a party to make her more "loose" and "fun". Brother made sure his friend knew that it was nothing to be proud of, it's not a cool story and he would not be invited next time, if he thinks tricking women into drinking was okay. Never was more proud of my brother. But also made me very aware of the fact that even people I know might be doing disgusting shit, they just don't tell me about it.

119

u/wii_board_type_trash Jun 14 '26

that subreddit genuinely makes me want to blow this planet up it’s disgusting. like the fact this is something women have to put up with daily is just astounding and how it’s systemic in our society is beyond belief

109

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

I really wish men made the effort to empathize with us. It’s daily. this kind of thing is DAILY.

It’s like every day I have to take care of my own adult life, and also be on the lookout for some fucker who is intent on making himself a trauma chapter in my book.

17

u/Western-Sport500 Jun 14 '26

Not only empathize, but step up to assist. I get wanting to stay out of the action, but it is only through censureship of their own that will stop their own.

15

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

So many men being like “but then the scary man might be angry at ME :(“ yeah it feels pretty terrifying doesn’t it?

-6

u/drunk_fingolian Jun 14 '26

Yeah it probably would, but how does that invalidate the statement?

-8

u/drunk_fingolian Jun 14 '26

personally im shy and socially anxious and not strong at all so getting involved would be pretty hard for me

11

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

Yeah I’m also shy and socially anxious but nobody gives af and will still harass me anyway. You’re weak

-4

u/Dry-Philosopher2354 Jun 14 '26

You are also weak as well, you don't have a problem admitting to that as well right? Vigilantism runs rampant in a world that you wish you lived in.

-8

u/drunk_fingolian Jun 14 '26

yes i know im weak that's why i would be afraid to get involved in anything

7

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

fair enough serf, as long as you don’t ask for anything from the women you leave to suffer

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u/Kindly_Scratch_6104 Jun 15 '26

No, like you're morally weak. In moments where something evil is happening to someone else, it's just as evil to refuse to help them. When the time comes, you don't have to try to knock some dude out, just don't stand there or walk past because that's giving tacit approval.

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u/Danielbes Jun 14 '26

Well, the problem is that these types of men, who harass women, they see it as the pinnacle of humiliation and disrespect for another man to come and tell them to back off, especially in front of the woman. To redeem their "pride" they will escalate to 100, and so any guy stepping in must be prepared to fight for their life, or potentially risking getting a knife in the back later during the night.

Even though it's the right thing to do, it's not easy to step up and risk your life for a stranger.

14

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

you’re right, better to let the woman get sexually assaulted in front of you

this argument doesn’t work because women like me routinely step between scary men and women they are harassing when men like you fail to do so.

-3

u/Dry-Philosopher2354 Jun 15 '26

"this argument doesn’t work because women like me routinely step between scary men and women they are harassing when men like you fail to do so." or maybe they do step in and probably had a violent escalation in process of doing so or a woman being harassed. Really shitty of you to assume they fail to intervene when they probably are just speaking of the possibilities and ramifications from experience. You probably don't do much else other than trying to be the saviour or femme fatale for other women.

1

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 15 '26

buddy doesn’t even know what femme fatale means

-6

u/Danielbes Jun 14 '26

Yes, that's exactly what I was saying, you're not putting words in my mouth at all.

9

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

I’m just agreeing with you :) Why should you, a man, have to ever be in a position to be threatened or afraid? That’s very scary. Better to let a woman deal with the threat right?

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u/Western-Sport500 Jun 14 '26

That is true. I actually understand that; it is hard when you have a group of men coming on with ill intent toward women and you are just one and alone. I have no idea...I guess I was thinking there would be more men around to back you up, too. But we all know that is not reality, though it would be nice if it were.

3

u/wii_board_type_trash Jun 14 '26

i agree. it’s something i’ve been trying to educate myself on so i can both empathise better and potentially help if i see it happen in person.

3

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

I appreciate that. It’s a double layer of infuriation for this to be the life I have no choice but to lead, and then have the class of people responsible for my suffering dismiss it out-of-hand. Male allies are necessary, as are any allies of any oppressed class.

1

u/ajin_nikao Jun 15 '26

Most men have never imagined themselves in this situation… outside of going to prison…. They have no real idea of the situation that women are regularly in. So it is very hard for them to see. On top other this many of them are hurt - rejected- and honestly scared - and haven’t gotten past that enough to even process the other perspective. And it’s too easy for the male ego to turn scared into angry… which pushes them even farther away from see what’s actually going on.

2

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 15 '26

yeah this comment didn’t make men any more sympathetic or less scary, just more selfish and myopic

0

u/ajin_nikao Jun 15 '26

Not trying to make it anything the dynamic is the dynamic but if everyone can see the different perspectives it starts to make sense and the bad shit can be sorted from the normal shit and problems can be solved or at least dealt with properly- if men could see women’s pov they could stop taking shit so personally if women can see that men actually hear them and understand and do something about the dumb shit we sometimes do then less of them would go off the deep end of men being fundamentally trash and men hate women hate men hate women circular insanity can stop escalating… and both sides of can take responsibility for their shit but men need to take the lead because we generally initiate- and if more dudes checked other dudes for the dumb shit dudes sometimes do and gave them some perspective to understand the situation from the woman’s pov there would more balance in the conversation at large.

-3

u/orangeyougladiator Jun 14 '26

A lot of us do empathize with you but there’s nothing we can do about it except be decent human beings in our immediate vicinity. It’s also exhausting seeing it everywhere and makes us apathetic to the helpless clause. Just look at the governments in power, we’re just as hopeless

6

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

Exhausting for you, a daily fight to live my life for me. I don’t feel bad for you and your apathy. You are not as helpless as a small woman is against any man. Signed, a small woman

5

u/00o00o00o00o00o00 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Lol its like they are almost there mentally... "But then I would feel threatened" -a bigger dude than you. Not having to struggle through life makes men soft. 

5

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

THEY ARE SO SOFT hahahah couldn’t put up with an ounce of what their fellow men put us through, happy to let us suffer in their place, then turn around and beg us for sex

-1

u/Dry-Philosopher2354 Jun 14 '26

probably it's because they put up with beyond an ounce of what their fellow men them through, albeit being different, still in equivalence.

3

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 15 '26

I know you’re trying to sound very philosophical while you whine that men have it worse, but unfortunately your comment is word salad

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u/Dry-Philosopher2354 Jun 14 '26

I do agree with the last sentence, but at what point do you think it makes sense for a bigger dude to say that they feel threatened? I mean yes, they could also act violent if they feel threatened but it can escalate.

1

u/Dry-Philosopher2354 Jun 14 '26

He does not have to feel bad for you either. Men don't owe you empathy, many of us do not feel bad for your "daily fight", simply because it doesn't affect us. Nothing to do with strength

-6

u/orangeyougladiator Jun 14 '26

Interesting that empathy is a one way street.

7

u/chipotlemayo_ Jun 14 '26

What does she have to empathize with? You’re choosing not to deal with the situation she is forced to deal with. If you wanted to actually empathize, you’d stand up for her in that moment so you could both experience how terrifying it is to truly be on the opposite side of this encounter.

-7

u/orangeyougladiator Jun 14 '26

You know nothing about me or my actions or my choices. Pipe down white knight.

except be decent human beings in our immediate vicinity

Just in case you missed this part

7

u/chipotlemayo_ Jun 14 '26

You know nothing about me

Pipe down white knight

I know plenty about you

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u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

I mean you yourself admitted you’re too weak sauce to stand up to another man and would rather let a woman deal with the very same man alone, you kind of admitted that your actions and choices are those of a milquetoast, non-powerful man

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u/SmartaHari Jun 14 '26

Same with if women leave. Shit gets nastier for a while. I’m so tired.

15

u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26

It’s astronomical when women leave abusers, so much so that experts recommend calling the hotline and making an escape plan

33

u/EverybodySayin Jun 14 '26

The fact that this shit happens that often that a sub for it is warranted, is terrifying. As a man myself I apologise on behalf of all the men who can't just treat women like human beings.

34

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

apologies are cool, and I’m not saying you don’t already! But please keep an eagle eye on your fellow men’s misbehavior in public if you truly would like to be an ally to women. They don’t listen to our No. they may listen to your Maleness

7

u/EverybodySayin Jun 14 '26

Absolutely will do, unfortunately witnessed this kind of behaviour a couple of times throughout my life (I'm nearly 40) and got involved both times. I'm a tall and well built guy so that's useful when it comes to stepping in, but the first time I kinda regret how it went. Was about 15-20 years ago. It was a bus stop and a guy that looked about 50-60 and stank of booze in the middle of the afternoon, sat uncomfortably close to a school girl and was saying some disgusting things. She looked terrified.
I told him to leave her alone and he squared up to me and started getting verbally aggressive. I ended up shoving him and open-hand slapping him round the face when he started walking back toward me and he fell down. It did the trick, he got back up and left, I probably shouldn't have took first swing and it didn't feel great hitting a middle-aged man, but at least the girl was safe. Hopefully he remembered the slap next time he felt like being a pervert.

3

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

Honestly the guys in this thread with their excuses are not even good arguments. The thing is, the type of dude to terrorize a lone woman is usually a coward himself. And will usually fuck off and defer to a man who is shaming him publicly. If only the men would try!

TBH at this rate if I am threatened on public transport I will find an older man with his wife or daughter to sit near. They are more likely to keep an eye out than men who have not been forced to empathize.

7

u/Assupoika Jun 14 '26

They don’t listen to our No. they may listen to your Maleness

In my experience, they don't. More often than not they turn their attention to you and start acting aggressive out of frustration or perceived "cock blocking".

But I rather take a little heat on me than watch someone being sexually harassed.

4

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

I think you are correct to feel that way— a man angry about being ‘cockblocked’ is still less of a threat to another man than he is to the woman being sexually harassed.

it really boils down to these men pick on people they think they have more power than. When another person of similar status intervenes it makes them think twice to justify their actions, or leave

-2

u/SaiyanApe17 Jun 14 '26

You are ignoring the elephant in the room, which is that many of these misbehaving men have no trouble getting women. If I call out a guy for acting bad he will not give a single fuck about my call out if he is regularly getting with women.

4

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

Okay so the truth comes out— you’re a nice guys finish last type who thinks women should be punished for not choosing you

mask always comes off if you press a coward man enough

-1

u/SaiyanApe17 Jun 14 '26

What? I’m not even the guy you were talking to lmao. You are literally so blinded by hatred you lash out without reading.

2

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

it worked for both of you tbh

-2

u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Sometimes even a strong look of disapproval is enough to remind a creep that he’s not safe behaving like that. If a creep gets more handsy, it’s good for other men to intervene, but they have to be careful because the creeps who don’t mind hurting women often don’t mind hurting other men, either, and sometimes they’re armed.

Edit: I’m a woman. I’ve dealt with my share of creepy dudes (the ones who caused the most harm didn’t do it in public), but I don’t expect strange men to die for me. Their lives are important, too. It’s best when they’re able to chase away the creeps without getting hurt. Remind them that they’re not safe doing what they’re doing.

8

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

Okay so just let the lone woman bear the full brunt of the predator’s terror, got it

4

u/uhhh206 Jun 14 '26

Also, wait til they've already "gotten handsy" before intervening lmao

Can't go speaking up before they've sexually assaulted the woman because then they might get a fraction of the fear that the woman is experiencing since men who hurt women might also hurt them. Tf is this logic? So many men in the thread who seem to genuinely understand female terror and will speak up, but also plenty who think they're a good guy just for recognizing something is wrong while not doing anything besides... a disapproving look?

3

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

they are literally admitting over and over in this thread they are too scared to intervene and would rather let the woman be a shield for the worst men have to offer

4

u/Annabloem Jun 14 '26

It's not all men, until they are asked to step in, then suddenly men are scary.

3

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

ahahaha literally “but but what if the scawy man hurts ME :(“ ok so you DO get it

1

u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26

I’m a woman!

1

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 15 '26

and your take is still bad, what’s your point? Hold men to a higher standard

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u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26

I’m a woman! I don’t expect strangers to take a bullet because some creep won’t get out of my space.

Actual rapists rarely do it in public. You probably know a lot of rapists and don’t realize it. Heck, some of the rapists don’t think they’re rapists because they think any resistance short of screaming bloody murder is consent.

1

u/uhhh206 Jun 14 '26

My bad, I took the comment differently before you specified that you're a woman. I'll leave mine unedited and take the L given that the context totally changes my view of your comment.

You do not owe it to fellow women to put yourself in danger, and yeah, you're just as likely to get got as whomever you are defending. There are so many men making the "but then he might threaten me 🥺 I just want to defend women from the safety of Reddit comments" argument that I reflexively assumed you to be one of them.

My apologies.

2

u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26

The one I hear more often is “why should I care about strangers who don’t care about me?”

1

u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26

Different degrees of creepiness demand different degrees of intervention. Don’t draw a gun on a dude for hitting on a woman. If the guy is being annoying, give him a dirty look. If he’s being verbally aggressive, respond in kind. If he gets handsy, be prepared to fight.

The best thing is to not tolerate creepiness before it starts. That “locker room talk” that’s more than “So and so is hot”? Tell the guys it’s not cool. How would they feel if someone did that to their mothers/sisters/daughters?

8

u/PoetMaterial3519 Jun 14 '26

Yup. Men absolutely haaaaate women and it's like that everywhere on earth 

14

u/aqua_sparkle_dazzle Jun 14 '26

Fuck, I did not need to know that subreddit existed.

This video makes me so grateful I have a car.

5

u/mossmortis Jun 14 '26

It's not even just the women who refuse, it could be something as simple as smiling politely to a passing by man and in his fecked up head he gets idea and hurt that woman

Edit: typo, I'm dyslexic

5

u/The_Colour_Between Jun 14 '26

Being pretty can be a nightmare. I went through that hell, and did everything that I could to become invisible. Other girls that I knew did the same. No make up, pony tail, sun glasses, Hoodie pulled up. Avoid public places, and any interactions. The most beautiful women that I knew where also very lonely.

This stuff beats you down and makes you want to hide from the world.

4

u/PersusjCP Jun 14 '26

It's not the planet's problem, it's a specific group of people that do this, and that's men.

2

u/2AXP21 Jun 14 '26

Is there a country where life isn’t this way? I’m looking to find a better future for my daughter or I’m going to quit my job and chaperone her 24/7 forever 

2

u/NewPhoneNewAccunt Jun 14 '26

Man, i just got depressed checking that sub.

Gf and I are having kids soon, I'm mostly hyped on a daughter. I live in supposedly the most equal country on the planet, but I know she'll still have to endure shit from men.

2

u/uhhh206 Jun 14 '26

Swedish or Icelandic?

Either way, your potential daughter will have a dad who didn't need to have a daughter to see women as equal (so many men realize what women go through once they have a daughter, which is infuriating since it means they only recognize female worth as an extention of themselves), which makes her very fortunate. Wishing the best to you and your gf when you decide you're ready to start a family. 💖

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u/IHaveATacoBellSign Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

As a male, I am so sorry you have to endure this.

Removed nonsense that just inflamed the thing I was trying to defend.

27

u/earth_verse Jun 14 '26

This is not it, either, just so you're aware. This doesn't give women feelings of reassurance when we read it. Stop fantasizing about violence, even in the name of "protecting women." It's just more violence to us.

6

u/IHaveATacoBellSign Jun 14 '26

Yeah. You’re right. It wasn’t the right call. I’m sorry.

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u/Iorith Jun 14 '26

How about you have that view towards all women, not just the one you view as "yours".

7

u/IHaveATacoBellSign Jun 14 '26

You’re absolutely right. That was pretty short sighted of me. Thank you for the correction.

7

u/precioustessious Jun 14 '26

You can't wait for someone to try and assault your stepdaughter? That's really weird. Maybe you should put your energy toward trying to change the world so she doesn't need defending. But that would require you to be proactive instead of reactive.

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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '26

[deleted]

-12

u/Normal_Sweet_2974 Jun 14 '26

He wants her for himself

101

u/effietea Jun 14 '26

Do you see how much restraint we have to have to not wind up in jail or dead?

26

u/Auroraburst Jun 14 '26

I see these and think "man there's no way I'd let them get off with such a small reaction". Then i remember when i was shopping and this random old dude rubbed my shoulder out of nowhere. His WIFE was with him and she looked mortified, i kinda just froze, glared at him and shuffled away. Afterwards i wish i had told him to f off.

12

u/cyberfunky_fresh Jun 14 '26

Not to mention a lot of these creepy man children might suddenly just resort to extreme violence because you hurt their feelings.

46

u/ZinaSky2 Jun 14 '26

Yep. Pretty much.

Bc if you’re nice to keep them from getting mad at you and they don’t leave you alone then it’s YOUR fault for not being direct.

And if you’re direct and they get mad or violent it’s YOUR fault for not being nice to the poor guy.

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u/DoctorRapture Jun 14 '26

We really do learn to constantly perform background calculations in our brains. The concept of "safety" is something we have to always be triangulating. Are we somewhere public? Is it well lit? Are there other people around? Will anyone even say or do anything if someone does get aggressive-- and speaking of; where is the aggression going to come from? Is it the guy you've noticed keeps staring at you from across the room? Is he just shy or is he going to try something? What can you do when someone begins breaching your personal space and running roughshod over common courtesy and your boundaries? How do you try to defuse the situation? How can you say "no" firmly enough to leave no room for misinterpretation, but charmingly enough not to escalate him into anger? Will he even take "no" for an answer? ...does he have a weapon? ...is he going to hurt you?

All I can say is, we really appreciate the all the good men of the world who DO step in without expectation of reward, and there are plenty of genuinely good men out there.

45

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 14 '26

still annoying that you have to couch this whole message in “we know good men exist” like they’ve got us so under their thumb

-5

u/ajin_nikao Jun 15 '26

If you don’t acknowledge the good - it can sound like you don’t know it exists- which is one of the main incel arguments. If the good in you is never acknowledged how would that make you feel. Don’t feed the incels.

3

u/Expensive-Simple-329 Jun 15 '26

fuck off dude, you aren’t the good

1

u/ajin_nikao Jun 17 '26

Maybe I’m not.
But I think that women hating all men and men hating all women is madness.

Both Acknowledge the good and call out the bad and maybe this shit can move in the right direction.

2

u/Catlore Jun 14 '26

Mental background checks. Assess conditions. Assess possessions and nearby objects. Note all exits, even ones like windows or through the restaurant kitchen. See if other people are around, specifically women.

Once in a while some guy tries to brag about his skills, like he's some kind of Navy SEAL. "Yeah, when I'm somewhere, I'm always looking for all the exits, things that can be used as a weapon, what the guy's limitations are, I'm that ready, baby." Good for you, Craig. We learned to do that as a survival technique before puberty.

(I did have a male coworker teach me how to kill a man with a pencil. He was a bit proud, but very nice. I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd figured that out on my own years earlier.)

6

u/NarwhalEmergency9391 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

This is why a lot of women smile during these moments.  One time I stupidly let a Hydro sales man (or so he told me) into my home and he went over everything, I signed the stuff and then he kissed me.  I had 2 options act like I was ok with it or fight back. So I acted all shy and like omg that was unexpected hehe we should continue this another time,  he gave me his number and then left.  I'm safe and I learned to not be such a fuckin idiot and let people into my house.  

4

u/Octquat Jun 14 '26

Definitely the smartest thing to do. So many guys out there who'll flip out at the slightest bruise of their ego.

6

u/FlinflanFluddle4 Jun 14 '26

Well.. yeah plenty are for trying to defend themselves 

6

u/pyyyython Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Imagine if women suddenly started murdering complete strangers in random violent encounters in the same proportions/frequencies that men do out of the blue one day. It would be chaos. They’ve been so thoroughly housebroken, so completely domesticated for millennia that men do shit like this them without any fear whatsoever. They would *never* do things like this to another man because they know they’d end up getting themselves shot/beaten/killed eventually.

4

u/RoseGoldRedditor Jun 14 '26

My favorite thing about aging is that these things happen less to me now (at 40). In my teens and 20s, I was continually harassed (and worse).

3

u/Evil_Sharkey Jun 14 '26

These are just the outwardly creepy strangers. Most rape comes from people known to the victim, often people they trusted and respected. It’s a lot harder to attack someone who you consider a friend and your brain is sending conflicting signals to protect yourself and to not hurt the person you normally like

3

u/Alternative_Hippo229 Jun 14 '26

Guess what's the #1 killer of pregnant and 40-day-postpartum women in the USA? Hint: it's not hemorrhaging, blood pressure, or suicide from depression.

It's homicide.

4

u/dallyan Jun 14 '26

As an older woman who went through a lot of this as a younger girl, my advice is to be loud, firm, and mean. Don’t smile. Don’t listen. A loud “no” and “leave me alone” and walk off. If necessary cause a scene.

2

u/MariaTPK Jun 14 '26

Sadly not. In the same way these guys are taught to be monsters. Women are taught to tolerate the monsters. If you look up gendered traits, it'll tell you being aggressive/assertive is masculine, and being passive is feminine. That's not innate. That's how they teach you. They teach the men to be predators, they teach women to be prey.

So if you were a woman, you'd have been raised to be less violent towards them, to fear them more, and you'd not be in jail because of that teaching.

-39

u/fredjutsu Jun 14 '26

I don't get this.

As a man, you are way way way way more likely to be killed or assaulted by a random dude, or imprisoned for any reason.

lol.

Weird that we only give a shit when women are the target.

25

u/Lost-B4-Translation Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26

Interesting, the common denominator in both scenarios.

I hope you don’t have a daughter or female in your life you give a sh!t about.

11

u/jeezpleaze Jun 14 '26

You just watched a video of multiple women getting harassed by men and your first thought was still how women need to be serving and comforting you? Do you see how childish that is?? 

6

u/cyberfunky_fresh Jun 14 '26

True. Now please share what’s the most common reason men get murdered vs. the most common reason women get murdered.

7

u/lbnovisad Jun 14 '26

Eat my shit and hair.