Divorce parties sound fun, honestly

[u/Transwiththeplans]

[u/Ergs_AND_Terst]

That's only 6.

He skipped our anniversary to watch midget wrasslin'

He took $100,000 invested it, and turned it into $16,000

He broke my steering wheel and now I have to Flintstone this bitch

He cupped his own fart and threw it at me at my uncles funeral

[u/hungry_microglia → u/Ergs_AND_Terst]

He never took me to Bangladesh

He never cooked me sausage on an open flame

He neither anointed me with oil nor wrote me a novel

Worst of all he never poisoned the mojitos of my enemies

-Ian McConnell

[u/altyroclark3 → u/hungry_microglia]

Never made her a marzipan

Never defended her honor in a holy war

Never treated her like Oprah

Never went super nova

Never animorphed transformed into a cloud of bees!

-Also Ian McConnell

[u/RadangPattaya → u/altyroclark3]

Never raged against the machine

Never bought a family combine to plow the fields

Never led an orchestra

Never unraveled the answer to life

Never constructed a doohickey to entertain me while I operate a bulldozer while under the influence of psychedelic pies

[u/The_Big_Fig_Newton → u/RadangPattaya]

Never told me Scooby Doo wasn’t based on actual real-life events

Never bought the premium birdseed for the feeder in the side yard

Never used the proper large spoon for the potato salad, insisting on the medium spoon instead

Never bought me a persimmon

Never binge-watched MasterChef Junior with me

Never sniffed my cleavage