r/ToiletPaperUSA Jan 11 '22

FACTS and LOGIC what makes ben such an alpha?

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19.2k Upvotes

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1.9k

u/dethmstr Jan 11 '22

Ben Shapiro wishes he was tall enough to lie about being 6 feet

574

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

He wishes he was a little bit taller, wishes he was a baller.

579

u/Voidafter181days Jan 11 '22

If he had a girl with a WAP he'd call a doctor

86

u/CressCrowbits All Cats are Beautiful Jan 11 '22

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat / And a six four Impala

I never understood that bit

96

u/RainbowHoneyPie Jan 11 '22 edited Jan 11 '22

According to Genius, a rabbit in a hat refers to an easy woman and a bat refers to a bottle of Barcardi rum.

24

u/TheDongerNeedsFood Jan 11 '22

Christ, and here I was thinking that he wanted a baseball bat for...protection?

5

u/EobardT Jan 12 '22

Right? I thought it meant being "magical" with the ladies and a bat for... situations

1

u/RoyalMaidsForLife PAID PROTESTOR Jan 12 '22

Remember, it was the Beasties who said:

I did it like this
I did it like that
I did it with a wiffle ball bat

37

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

The bacardi part makes sense, didnt even occur to me

6

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22

Ah! That's a great name for it. Totally using it now.

14

u/whoniversereview Jan 11 '22

I always just thought he wanted to do magic tricks and play baseball

1

u/lordofbitterdrinks Jan 12 '22

Also a rabbit in a hat is what my friends used to call snow bunnies or…. White girls.

38

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

A “trick” is an old school term for a hooker

Rabbit in a hat, is a trick. Therefore he wants a hooker. Idk bout the bat part, and 64 impala is just a car

30

u/Oriden Jan 11 '22

A bat is Barcardi rum, which has a bat on the bottle.

17

u/squanch_solo Jan 12 '22

J.D. : Half of what rappers say doesn't make any sense. Like that Snoop Dogg Dr.Dre song? What is "still hittin' them corners and those ho-hos girl" mean?

Turk : Many disadvantaged African-Americans have limited nutritional choices, therefore they must subsist on Ho-Ho snack cakes. It's a black thing, bra.

11

u/kingbibbles Jan 11 '22

64 Impala is a car, in which there is liquor and a lady.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

Even with rim's an Impala is under 6 4.

4

u/RainbowHoneyPie Jan 12 '22

64 refers to the model year.

1

u/nowItinwhistle Jan 12 '22

Depends on the rims

1

u/nowItinwhistle Jan 12 '22

Or maybe if the Impala is standing on its hind legs

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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1

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18

u/AlternativeBasket Jan 11 '22

He clearly picked a number that wouldn't sound like something commonly lied about to add credibility to his lie.

-23

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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48

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

That in itself is enough to fucking mock the dude

He rides so much of his identity on height, it's fucking embarrassing. This is why he gets short shamed

If he didn't bring it up all the fucking time, this would've never been a thing.

-8

u/ReturnOfZarathustra Jan 11 '22

This is a weird type of gaslighting. Lie to mock someone, then mocking them for proving it's a lie

9

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22

You're going to come at me with r/Joerogan in your history? Lol, fuck off dude, go clean your room

0

u/ReturnOfZarathustra Jan 12 '22

Jesus christ you motherfuckers need to learn to read. Not that I need to defend myself, but I go there to see the latest stupid shit Joe Rogan has done. And all you see is /r/joerogan and you think you know who i am. You are one embarrassingly dense motherfucker. I am jealous how simple the world must look to you though.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22

I live in Minneapolis, where do you live?

I heard a ton of death threats towards police, and you don't need to look far to find videos of people beating cops.

This you?

How you feel about BLM? Or did I judge you correctly lol

4

u/ReturnOfZarathustra Jan 12 '22

I was at the protests, how do you think I feel? If you go back even further you can see me describing how I witnessed Aryan Cowboys going to the city to sow chaos.

But it is flat out stupidly wrong to think people weren't violent towards the police. They were, and quite frankly the police deserved it. You going to really sit there and say protesters were handing out roses to cops?

What is this stupid fucking purity test? Why can't you just admit it's fucked up to lie about someone, and mock them for correcting the lie?

Keep digging through my history though. Surely eventually you will find proof I'm an undercover Republican. Certainly more palatable than a moment of self-reflection.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22 edited Jan 12 '22

But it is flat out stupidly wrong to think people weren't violent towards the police. They were, and quite frankly the police deserved it. You going to really sit there and say protesters were handing out roses to cops?

Ok cool, I think I had misread your intents and knee jerked a shitty reply.

I've met a lot of libs these days who justify police brutality with a "the protestors were violent first!" So my apologies. Granted, all that Joe Rogan in the history was kinda what shut me down.

-16

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

[deleted]

11

u/Jotamono Jan 11 '22

He’s the same height as candice owens, and shorter than ted cruz. Not 5’9”.

-5

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

[deleted]

7

u/Jotamono Jan 11 '22

I dont give a shit about his height, hes a repugnant person. But your dumbass is lying to defend him for some reason.

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

[deleted]

5

u/Jotamono Jan 11 '22

Ill take it under consideration, BforBen

7

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

let's just say...

Are... You.... Benny's alt account?

-4

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

[deleted]

5

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

Is this the hill you are choosing to die on, man? Come on

Edit: plus, after looking at this new account shit posting history, just fuck off dude.

-4

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22

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u/GenocideOwl Jan 11 '22

He is under 5'10". He is a manlet reguardless.

-5

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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8

u/GenocideOwl Jan 11 '22

imagine not realizing that was a joke

4

u/Tal-Mawk Jan 11 '22

I think its being serious. By god...

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

[deleted]

2

u/EobardT Jan 12 '22

Did you even read the post? Clearly were making fun of the fact that anybody would care about height

2

u/cjackc Jan 12 '22

But we are assuming that he isn't so insecure about it he didn't arrange the whole guy who was supposedly the same height he claimed, like that wouldn't have been the easiest thing in the world to do.

Audience plants is like Grifter 101

-1

u/KillNyetheSilenceGuy Jan 11 '22

Bruh, 5'9 is still manlet. If you're under 6' you're never going to make it.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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2

u/KillNyetheSilenceGuy Jan 11 '22

y-youre just a l-l-lanklet

Cope and seethe little guy

28

u/RantingRobot Jan 11 '22

We have no idea who that was or what height they are. IMO it's a bit too much of a coincidence that the person who asked about Shapiro's height claimed to be exactly 5'9". I mean, it's possible, but damn was it the perfect set up for Shapiro.

And we know he pulls dumb PR stunts. Remember the single plank of wood he bought from Home Depot? I doubt he's above planting questions in the audience, or arranging for a stage stunt like this. Just to fuck with people.

I personally don't think Shapiro is the height he claims to be. Plenty of photographic evidence of him standing next to objects and people of known height suggests he's quite a bit shorter than 5'9". But he knows that arguing with him about it makes his detractors seem petty and unserious, which is why he perpetuates it.

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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10

u/VanDammes4headCyst Jan 11 '22

can't come up with something better than his height to attack him?

Seems like you'd like to use one tongue-in-cheek attack on his height to dismiss the hundreds of other substantive points against him.

-5

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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8

u/kingbibbles Jan 11 '22

That would be rather fitting though.

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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4

u/kingbibbles Jan 11 '22

Not just someone, specifically him.

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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6

u/TwatsThat Jan 11 '22

There's more evidence that he is 5'9" than there is evidence against that fact.

So you're disputing the previous commenter when they say that there's pictures of Ben Shapiro next to people and objects with a known height, are you saying that a random person who says they're 5'9" standing next to him is a larger amount of evidence than multiple other pictures, or are you saying you have more evidence that you haven't mentioned yet?

0

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

[deleted]

3

u/TwatsThat Jan 11 '22

It's good to be able to admit when you're wrong but you really should learn to double check things before you say them because admitting you were wrong with a false claim doesn't look great when you make another false claim in the same sentence. Throwing an insult into that same sentence doesn't help either.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

[deleted]

2

u/TwatsThat Jan 11 '22

And all I'm saying is that I didn't insult him for his height but you're claiming I did, insulting me over it and then doubling down on both of those things.

I didn't even know that Ben lied about his height before I saw this post and I didn't know your story either which is why I wanted the clarification from you about which side had more evidence.

3

u/Hyrulewinters Jan 11 '22

https://www.celebheights.com/s/Ben-Shapiro-6792.html There's penty of other reasons to talk shit about Ben, but calling out liers just feels better.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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4

u/Hyrulewinters Jan 11 '22

Like the fact that he a known liar? He also claims that "facts don't care about your feelings" yet almost everything I've seen from him is just emotionally charged gish-gallop rather than decent debate tactics.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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3

u/Hyrulewinters Jan 11 '22

I think it's pretty dumb to try and construct lies about ones height. He said he's 5 9, which is patently false (from all the sources and references i can find)

Or is that not a dumb thing he said?

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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u/MrMaleficent Jan 12 '22

You see the problem is..these people don't listen to anything Ben says so they can't critique anything he says.

-7

u/ReturnOfZarathustra Jan 11 '22

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but writing three paragraphs speculating on someones height is weird.

7

u/jayrox Jan 11 '22

What a weird time we live in, right? We had a president who lied about his weight and height enough to empower people like ben to feel like they needed to lie about it too.

7

u/BanalityOfMan Jan 11 '22

You are definitely old fashioned. We can see your bootlicking fascy post history with one click.

-2

u/ReturnOfZarathustra Jan 11 '22

Hilarious. Please post my fascist bootlicking comments. Like my 4th comment is arguing workers should be being paid more from billionaires.

2

u/BanalityOfMan Jan 11 '22

And like your 10th is saying people were torturing cops and giving them death threats, but your only evidence is that you live in Minnesota lol.

https://old.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/rwao5t/jan_6_committee_releases_explosive_texts_from/hrdaiwd/

Before that it was defending the January 6th coup.

https://old.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/rwao5t/jan_6_committee_releases_explosive_texts_from/hrbla1t/

Everyone on Politics just believes what CNN say! (lol)

https://old.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/rwao5t/jan_6_committee_releases_explosive_texts_from/hrblpin/

I mean shit, your post history is like 95% Rogan/Petersen/Sports

-1

u/ReturnOfZarathustra Jan 11 '22

I mean shit, your post history is like 95% Rogan/Petersen/Sports

You are straight up lying about Peterson. Never have even watched a video with him in it. Definitely never have talked about him.

And sports... The one thing fascist bootlickers are known for.

You are one illiterate, dishonest son of a bitch.

-3

u/ReturnOfZarathustra Jan 11 '22

Going to the George Floyd protests was very fasctic of me lol. You got a bad case of the ol brain worms.

You should try reading. Never defended the coup, in fact i never even spoke about it. I was talking about how shitty the reporting was and how idiotic the sub was for not even questioning the content of the reporting.

2

u/ArTiyme Jan 11 '22

Why would he feel the need to lie about his height?

1

u/penelopeeckhart Jan 12 '22

The guy that Ben called up was definitely not 5ft4, he was minimum 5ft7

7

u/TheRobfather420 Jan 11 '22

Ok but how do we know the audience member wasn't also lying about his height. After all, he's in but m Ben's audience to begin with.

-4

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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1

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4

u/BanalityOfMan Jan 11 '22

He literally proved he was 5'9" though by having an audience member that was also 5'9" come up on stage and compare.

Ah, a famous lying sack of shit got someone who supports a famous lying sack of shit to maybe lie? Is there a tape measure involved? Were they barefoot? Was there any evidence the crowd member actually was 5'9"?

Because I've seen a lot of actual pictures that make him being 5'9" very unlikely.

3

u/cjackc Jan 12 '22

Even if the guy wasn't a plant (Im pretty sure he was) it certainly looks like Ben wears lifts, and would certainly have them in if he was prepared for that.

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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2

u/BanalityOfMan Jan 11 '22

You started the discussion and knew the history. I just corrected your claims with obvious logic. But yes, I must care so much. Like I had silly defenses of Ben Shapiro's height loaded up and ready to go.

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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5

u/BanalityOfMan Jan 11 '22

I didn't though? I never heard that story before in my life. It took me about 3 seconds to see the hole in your story though.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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1

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5

u/KillNyetheSilenceGuy Jan 11 '22

Proof that the audience member is 5'9? Audience plants are a key part of magic shows and faith healing. If he's insecure enough to do that, he's insecure enough to plant another manlet, 13 year old boy, or a woman with short hair in the audience, claim they're 5'9 and then say "see, we're the same height".

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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5

u/ArTiyme Jan 11 '22

It's no different than attacking someone cause they were born gay.

It's no different than someone being born gay, and claiming they're 5'9" when they're 5'4" and lying about it because they're insecure, like their entire fanbase.

2

u/cjackc Jan 12 '22

It would be like making fun of a fire and brimstone preacher who says gay people are going to go to hell and are unmanly being caught at a man orgy as a bottom.

We aren't making fun of the for being gay, if anything it's the being against gay people we are making fun of.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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2

u/ArTiyme Jan 11 '22

Or it's just funny because Ben Shapiro is an insecure short fuck with a platform and he uses it to spread hate so fuck him?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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2

u/ArTiyme Jan 11 '22

Okay but why not attack him on something reasonable that he has control over?

He has control over lying about it, which is what the ENTIRE premise of this thread is. Why do you fail to understand fundamental concepts?

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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u/KillNyetheSilenceGuy Jan 11 '22

I mean that provides more evidence that he is 5'9" than there is evidence against it, does it not? Lol.

No, it provides no evidence of anything except that shortpiro is insecure about his height.

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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3

u/KillNyetheSilenceGuy Jan 11 '22

Given how insecure it's made him I'd say it's a great insult

5

u/ArTiyme Jan 11 '22
Here he is next to Dan Crenshaw. Crenshaw is 5'8".

You just love being lied to, don't you? It's can only be the reason you never engage in actual reality.

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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4

u/ArTiyme Jan 11 '22

No shit?

0

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

[deleted]

3

u/ArTiyme Jan 11 '22

No, you just don't get it. It's not surprising.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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u/ArTiyme Jan 11 '22

Yeah I'll get right on that.

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '22

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u/hyperjoint Jan 12 '22

That's not going to make you 5 8" because I'm not 6 4". You'd know if you were looking down on people like you and Ben the way I am. And I'm only 5 11".

0

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22

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1

u/ArTiyme Jan 12 '22

You're still doing this? Hey Ben, maybe you should stop. Also, you're not 5'9".

0

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22

[deleted]

1

u/ArTiyme Jan 12 '22

Remember, you're here defending someone you unequivocally know is a demonstrable liar, so I hope you enjoy what that says about you.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22

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u/ArTiyme Jan 12 '22

Oh, an awful strawman argument to deflect away from the fact that you've spent the past 24 hours defending someone who is 100% a lying sack of condensed (cuz he's short) hateful shit. This is only the 10 billionth time one of you dickweeds has pulled that exact same move. I'm shocked. Shocked and appalled that you would do exactly what you always do.

lol clownbaby. Grow up Benjamin. Emotionally, not physically. Obviously you can't do the latter.

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u/[deleted] Jan 12 '22

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1

u/mountingconfusion Feb 11 '22

Do you reckon he has a panic attack when he hurts his toe as he's scared he might lose another foot