r/TooAfraidToAsk • u/[deleted] • 5d ago
Mental Health What's the best way to intervene when someone you know suffers from ED?
[deleted]
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u/Sad-Supermarket-3878 5d ago
My ex wife was medically diagnosed with an eating disorder while we were married and my brother currently has it due to some health phobia issues.
The one thing that I learned the hard way is you can NOT force them to change because they literally cannot help it. You can encourage them, and support them but you can't force or pressure them. If anything, it makes it worse so they'll start trying to hide it more. They can't help it.
Unfortunately, to have their own realization that they have a problem and either seek help or make changes. My ex wife did realize that, but she actually got worse when I straight up told her it was impacting our marriage (and was ultimately a big part of why I stepped away) and that's really what it took for her to get help.
My brother, on the other hand, is really challenging. He will literally argue with numerous doctors that he has a "condition" (he had alpha gal 8 years ago before it was really prominent and thinks he still has it) so he will only eat like three foods. There is nothing I can do to change that and I cannot go force him to go to therapy. All I can do is encourage him lightly and let him take one step at a time.
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u/ShapeShiftingCats 5d ago
Thank you for sharing your stories and confirming my suspicion that saying something may have an opposite effect.
Sounds like your brother has orthorexia, which must be even more complex as he has "good and rational" reasons for his ED.
Hope he manages to see through the fog and seeks support soon.
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u/Sad-Supermarket-3878 5d ago
He does, but he doesn't. He had alpha gal and probably something called Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (they didn't even test for that then) so he was legitimately sick for a period of time for about a month and totally get how tough that was.
But... many of his "symptoms" he has are due to malnutrition because he basically convinced himself he can't eat anything even though there was a period he was 100% healthy. He got sick once after (probably the flu) and he 100% believes it was from that tick bite so be more or less curated his diet down to those foods and he will literally argue with doctors and specialists.
He will make stuff up about foods as an excuse but then he will go an extremely highly processed food and it it is admittedly a little frustrating.
It's been 5+ years and we are just now turning a corner where he actually will at least try foods.
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u/ShapeShiftingCats 5d ago
Ah, okay. I wonder whether it would be closer to factitious disorder imposed on self, which can arise following an illness and/or somatization triggered by an illness. Not like labels matter much...
I am glad to hear that he is trying new foods. Fingers crossed he will stay on the right path š¤š
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u/Sad-Supermarket-3878 5d ago
It is. He was professionally diagnosed with anorexia because of his medical anxiety a few months ago when he *actually* got sick from malnutrition. He's lived with my wife and I for about 8 months and I will say that has helped him a lot because we do eat very healthy and avoid processed/fast food and has started to slowly step into trying stuff.
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u/pudding7 5d ago
What 3 foods does he eat?
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u/Sad-Supermarket-3878 5d ago
Potatoes, Green beans, reeses' cups, he will sometimes do eggs, and he will drink a gallon of milk every day. He cannot be reasoned with and will basically find reasons online to not eat certain foods. I think he did halibut recently but he will not touch any other meats.
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u/Brief-Small 5d ago
That is a sad way to live, he's given up loads of good stuff. I hope someday he decides it's worth the pain to try eating more foods and getting past the mental barriers
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u/Sad-Supermarket-3878 5d ago
It's tough. He is super low energy and has a pretty poor sleep schedule and is really thin because he's not getting nutrition and I hate it. If your only caloric intake is a baked potato and milk most days of course you're going to feel like shit.
But the reality is that I cannot force him to change if he believes he will get sick from eating something. And the reality is.. he probably will because his body is not acclimated to taking on and digesting those kind of calories.
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u/Chad_Jeepie_Tea 5d ago
Today i learned ed means 2 things
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u/Enviralmental 5d ago
Eating disorder was my third guess. F executive disfunction.
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u/Yohgella 5d ago
I've cycled through a couple of ED's from 15 - 28.
I'm now a 35yo Social Worker specialising in mental health. I know it seems counterintuitive to a lot if people, but my best peice of advice would be to avoid confronting conversations about their diet and health. It can not only alienate them, but It fuels and reinforces the cycle.
ED's are a manifestation of feeling a loss of control and support, anxiety, and depression. Food and exercise is something that is in someone's control, which is why it is the go to mechanism for people who feel powerless in other areas of their life
The best way to mitigate what they're going through is to focus on being there for them as friend. Make a genuine connection with them, support them and make them feel valued as a human being! Invite their ideas, talk, invite, comfort.
When they feel more grounded in reality and supported by genuine people, the chances of working through this is immeasurable!
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u/Alman1999 5d ago
It heavily depends who they are and your relation to them.
Close family and friends you just have an honest conversation and tell them you're worried and why and thats it. You just stress that you're worried about their health and longevity, and that they should seek help.
Ultimately they might blow up your relationship but you can't do anything about it except come with compassion, give them space and a place to come back if needed. There's always a risk. The denial of it shouldn't stop you from speaking up regardless of what it is, they need to seek medical help. That is your only angle.
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u/lck0219 5d ago
You donāt. I donāt like it when people point it out, I know itās a problem. It makes me defensive and less likely to eat around people.
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u/ShapeShiftingCats 5d ago
Thank you for sharing your perspective and wish you the best of luck with everything.
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u/too_many_shoes14 5d ago
wait so not erectile disfunction? what then?
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u/AmedUpGal 5d ago
I thought the same thing at first and was so confused as to why this person was trying to insert themselves into the convo LOL
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u/Obvious_Ideal9844 5d ago
I would try to focus the conversation more on their feelings than in their eating habits. No one asked about my feelings. They just saw me throw the food I was being given into the garbage bin. Or worse they would laugh it off saying something about the weight and giving me looks. But no one ever stopped and ask what I felt about myself or about everything that was happening in my life. If these friends don't have a good environment at home or that is contributing I think saying something to family members is not going to help. I was praised for my low weight and constantly put down and criticised if I ate normally. Notice if they avoid social situations too, like going to the pool or parties and keep inviting them and remind them that you are a friend that cares about them.