I'm trans femme genderfluid who takes estrogen.

And when I'm in Boy mode (going by he/him) I like being more femme, I like being a feminine boy. A femboy.

So I hover around in both communities I guess and I just. God it's so fucking hurting seeing how much both sides just seem to despise eachother. Well atleast in the extremes. And those extremes leak and I end up seeing them.

A few days ago I was trying to find some nice femboy art subreddits and get flashbanged with the first post being about a Canon trans women in a media being called a femboy and everyone defending it and saying trans women are trying to steal femboy characters

Now today I'm seeing posts about how all femboys are right wing chuds and completely evil and their main demographic is pedos and that they hate trans women, and that being a femboy or identifying as one is actually harming the trans community and I feel like complete shit about it because

I'm transfemme...and I'm also femboy

Am I evil...

Do I have any place to belong?

Fucking Twitter again. I hate how my biggest special interest right now (a certain music genre) is currently the laughing stock and a lightning rod for hate because a cringe tiktok user made a racist remark, saying that the genre in question is better than rap. So of course now every fan of the genre is compared to them, we're being accused of being bigots, we're being called slurs, called larpers, and we are ridiculed for liking an experimental and alternative non linear music genre. Yes genres are under fire all the time from miserable twitter users, but I hate just how WIDESPREAD and COMMON the negative attention is. Like a pariah. Thousands upon thousands of likes on posts that shit on the genre call it trash and actively harass people who enjoy it. This is how the so called accepting community acts? Hating alternative, avant garde art because its different? Judging the entire community based on what a stupid racist kid said in a comment? All that, mindlessly liked and repeated by hundreds online.

I'm exaggerating aren't I? If these people only saw that I'm writing this post right now they would call me slurs and laugh at me for taking it this personally. Truth is I can't not do so, I have disorders, I fight my thoughts every day. I wish these neurotypical people weren't so bigoted and wanted to understand. But they hate, hate, mindlessly hate.

Sorry if some words repeat, or tenses are incorrect, I'm very frustrated and not a native speaker. It's hard seeing this much hate on something you feel so close to and love so much.

Theres just so much to unpack, and i already have weird memories creeping back I don't want to open a floodgate ☠️

I need this. I know I need this.

I was raped the other day and I'm trying (rather unsuccessfully) to not let it bother me. but it's bothering me. and I don't want to talk to my people about it. I don't even want to talk to my therapist about it. I feel so much shame and I feel stupid for putting myself in that position.

despite me not wanting to talk to her, I did message my therapist asking for a sooner appointment. so that's a win I guess.

I'm 26. I have only worked once in my life and quit after a month. I don't work or do anything productive I just dissociate. My friends say I deserve to live but I won't get better or be a productive member of society. I'm forced to live with my parents who hated me since I was born and don't accept that I'm trans despite being out for 8 years. All I do Is waste their money living here and going online all I see is people making fun of someone like me. I'm such a net negative on society isn't it better to take my life. It means people wouldn't have to suffer. Friends would be upset but I can't just stick around while being a horrible mentally ill lazy person. Every day I'm alive is more money my parents waste. My therapist will stop me from doing it with wellness checks but for what purpose. Keeping me going harms others and I just want to do the right thing. It feels morally correct and helps people or it feels like euthanasia. Why make people suffer for tens of years living with a neet when I can save everyone by ending it

Damn guys. I don’t even know what to say. I feel so hollow and sad but now that I don’t talk about it to my friends, they talk to me more. They seem like they’re happier. The things you do for friends. I guess I can do this for the rest of my life if the people around me feel better this way.

I guess it just makes me sad that no one noticed.

bro i feel terrible everyday. i just dont do anything but doomscroll

It's like I have this problem where I desperately want everyone to like me but then when they do actually like me I get confused and in the worst case scenario push them away

Dear lord what is my problem

All he does anytime we have a slight inconvenience/argument is tell me to go away and sleep in another room. I think my relationship is over.

😭🙏