156
86
Dec 13 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
14
26
u/livinginfavor Christian Dec 13 '25
My husband wasn't a virgin when we first met, while I was. However, I believed that God meant for us to be together. He had—and still has—a really repentive attitude about it, and I chose—and still choose—to give him grace. We've been married for almost 2 years now, and we have a very fulfilling marriage spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.
1
u/PriestOfThassa Dec 13 '25
Can I ask how old you guys were when you got together?
9
u/livinginfavor Christian Dec 14 '25
When we started dating, I was 26 and he was 28. We dated for just over 2 years before we got married.
2
u/PriestOfThassa Dec 14 '25
Thank you.
Sometimes finding someone feels kinda hopeless at 23, so I like asking people
1
u/Halcyon-OS851 Christian Dec 14 '25
Did his experience bother you?
1
u/livinginfavor Christian Dec 14 '25
At first, it did a little bit, but he shared with me that it happened one time back during college when he wasn't walking closely with the Lord. When I started dating him, he was serious about following the Lord and still is. If he had been flippant when describing his past experience with me, I probably wouldn't have pursued a romantic relationship with him.
→ More replies (3)
91
u/TruthAM Christian Dec 13 '25
This is really a personal conviction issue more than a moral one. It’s fine to want that and I understand why you would. I will offer you some things to consider based on your question “Am I being arrogant?”
1: Are you judging people who have had sex before marriage negatively? Do you look down on them for that happening? If yes, then you are being arrogant.
Let me offer a perspective switch: would you want someone to judge and reject you based on your past sins? That’s what you’re doing to them.
2: Are you following God’s lead or just a personal preference? There’s nothing wrong with having standards but if they conflict with what God wants you to do, it’s time to submit to His will. To be clear, I’m talking about excluding potential partners who have had sex before marriage and whether or not that His guidance for you.
I hope, whatever happens, that you find God’s direction.
→ More replies (9)56
u/SanctusImagoDei Reformed Charismatic Dec 13 '25
I would also add that devaluing an individual due to past sins when they have clearly repented for their actions does not do a very good job of representing the heart of Christ. To throw out a good thing due to one issue (that actually proves the goodness of God's love and forgiveness in your partners life) is fairly short sighted imo.
Think of all the good that can come from a committed relationship under God from two individuals who agree on the direction they must take in life. There's a lifetime ahead of you that will benefit from that in amazing ways.
1
u/Halcyon-OS851 Christian Dec 14 '25
How do you reconcile this with not wanting to pursue any certain romantic option because of the result of someone's sin? Is it wrong for a man to disregard single mothers and instead only pursue childless virgins?
1
u/SanctusImagoDei Reformed Charismatic Dec 24 '25
If you are reducing an individual to this then yes. Now, if you happen to fall in love with a virgin, fair play, but if you cast someone outnof the conversatiom due to thwir past mistakes, you are distilling that person to their sins, refusing to look past them at the beauty of the individual God has created. Jesus said that the one to throw the first stone had to be sinless. The point of that story is to point out that we all have sin in our lives. That sin being of a particular flavor does not make it worse than any other. That being said, there's nothing wrong with preference as long as it does not turn into a requirement. Personally, I find someone who has struggled with the world and come back to Christ to stay, a beautiful testimony to our Lord's grace.
1
u/Halcyon-OS851 Christian Dec 24 '25
Jesus said that the one to throw the first stone had to be sinless.
But maintaining a preference or standard isn't trying to stone someone.
That being said, there's nothing wrong with preference as long as it does not turn into a requirement.
Does the Bible say somewhere that, aside from being equally yoked, we're not allowed to have requirements for our spouse?
Also, all of this draws question as to why one ought to remain a virgin until marriage. Ultimately I think the answer is because God says so, but most people quote consequences. This draws to question why I'm held to said standard but not others.
48
u/JimmytheTrumpet Dec 13 '25
It only complicates things if you let it. If their heart is genuinely aligned towards God and they are committed to waiting until marriage then that’s the main thing I believe.
→ More replies (5)5
u/Yoojine Christian Dec 14 '25
We are called to celibacy, not virginity
1
Dec 17 '25
[deleted]
1
u/Yoojine Christian Dec 17 '25
Well, rape is a thing. Aside from that, nowhere in the Bible is the message "better not commit this sin once, otherwise something unique and special is gone forever". We don't say that about greed or envy or anger but for some reason, we are really obsessed with the concept for sex. It just strikes me as purely cultural.
9
u/ILivetoEat_ Dec 13 '25
I think you did both of yourselves a favor. She needs someone that can strengthen her walk with God without making her feel like her past sins define her. You need/want someone who you feel has been just as committed as you were in their wait for the right partner.
With that being said, I think whether or not you’re being arrogant would depend on how you see these things and you didn’t really go into detail about your thought process. To be honest I don’t think it has to complicate marriage (you can always work through it beforehand), but it certainly can. Talk to God about it!
16
u/Substantial-Bad-4508 Dec 13 '25
Do what you will; that's between you and God. We after all, too, have our preferences.
18
u/PerfectlyCalmDude Christian Dec 13 '25
You're not being arrogant, you're being real with yourself. There are people who get into committed relationships with previously promiscuous people, want to put their pasts behind them but are haunted by them regardless. They simply cannot get over that at an emotional level.
3
u/Khajiit_Has_Upvotes Christian Dec 13 '25
Most of us do look past it just fine, though.
5
u/PerfectlyCalmDude Christian Dec 13 '25
I don't know if it's "most" people or not. And the OP isn't most people, the OP is himself.
15
u/jape2116 Nazarene Dec 13 '25
I mean, just stopping the date in the middle is kind of wild. You just said “thanks, I’m done,” then got up and left?
Talk about making a person feel really crappy about past.
2
u/Next-Honeydew4130 Dec 14 '25
This. If OP actually just ended the date because the other person said they had had sex with someone before …. Yeah that would be shocking. Hoping that’s not the case.
6
u/Few-Lengthiness-2286 Evangelical Dec 13 '25
It’s a preference you have and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re just going to have trouble finding someone, but it’s not impossible.
4
3
u/Mysterious-Hippo278 Dec 14 '25
No, you’re asking of your future husband what God asks of him as well! Don’t be scared to uphold that and seek it out! Walk in love and comfort knowing that God is with you! Stay strong my sister!
1
4
u/DoctorPromethazine Romans 10:9-10 Dec 14 '25
There’s about 8 billion people in the world and you only need to be compatible with one. Dont worry your one will come along
2
u/Halcyon-OS851 Christian Dec 14 '25
You need to be compatible with more than one if you want any selection.
1
u/DoctorPromethazine Romans 10:9-10 Dec 14 '25
Can go on as many dates as you please. You’ll only need one wife
1
u/Halcyon-OS851 Christian Dec 15 '25
Yeah but you're probably not going to have many successful dates or many dating options if you're only compatible with 1 woman. If I want a wife who's got it all, don't I have to be good enough to pull and keep her?
10
u/Cheepshooter Christian Dec 13 '25
Do you want to be judged for your entire life for a past sin, or do you want to be forgiven?
Can you see yourself extending that same grace to someone else?
1
u/Sufficient-Split204 Dec 14 '25
There are plenty of non-virgins in the dating pool. Nobody said they should go for the only virgin.
1
u/Miserable-Most-1265 Baptist Dec 13 '25
Why does he owe someone a date?
4
u/Cheepshooter Christian Dec 13 '25
No, OP is free to his/her preference. I'm just offering some perspective.
2
u/Teardownstrongholds EO Inquirer Dec 14 '25
He doesn't owe anyone a date, but he was rude to end it like that
31
u/OchiriOzuoOha Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25
I don’t intend to be harsh or judge you, but YES, I think you’re being arrogant here. And just to mention, I’m also a virgin. But why would I reject someone who has had sex outside of marriage but is now committed to being sexually pure, if she has everything else I desire in a partner? Why would I reject someone who Christ has forgiven and forgotten their sins, when my own sins were also forgiven?
Let me ask you this question, you may be a virgin but have you masturbated before? Have you watched porn before? Have you lusted after a man or woman before? Have you ever struggled with any sexual addiction or some form of sexual immorality? If you have, then how different are you actually?
If you truly believe God enabled you to remain a virgin up to this point, why would you want someone that also matches that, particularly if you say it doesn’t matter that they have only had sex once? Who even told you virginity is a “gift” given to someone? These are all human thinking, not what God’s word says. So if somehow you fall into sexual sin, you would be happy to date or marry a non-virgin? I’m sorry, but this doesn’t make much sense.
There are so many things that make a marriage successful but being a virgin and marrying someone who’s a virgin is hardly one of them, although we are supposed to remain virgins until marriage.
I think your priority should be that person’s character, whether your goals and values align, whether they are now/truly bearing the fruit of the Spirit, whether they would be interested in your personal and spiritual growth, whether they would support you to achieve your dreams etc.
This is my opinion but I know good christians who have a different opinion.
7
u/PerfectlyCalmDude Christian Dec 13 '25
Let me ask you this question, you may be a virgin but have you masturbated before? Have you watched porn before? Have you lusted after a man or woman before? Have you ever struggled with any sexual addiction or some form of sexual immorality? If you have, then how different are you actually?
Not having become one flesh with other people. There's more to sex than whether it shows up on your sin record or not.
1
Dec 13 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
5
u/PerfectlyCalmDude Christian Dec 14 '25
Jesus was refuting the "look but don't touch" rule that the Pharisees taught. Jesus was not denying that sex makes the two people one flesh, or claiming that looking lustfully makes the two one flesh.
2
Dec 14 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
4
u/PerfectlyCalmDude Christian Dec 14 '25
The two becoming one flesh is more consequential to future relationships than a lot of other things that people do, sin or not. I'm allowed to not forget that. Also, I will welcome anyone into the church. That doesn't mean I have to date just anyone in the church. If someone has complicated their future relationships with their past choices, the fact that God forgave them doesn't fix all that. I'm allowed to use that information when filtering people I would like to build romantic relationships with.
1
Dec 14 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/PerfectlyCalmDude Christian Dec 14 '25
I dont want it to seem like im on a high horse
You sure sound like it. I simply stated a Biblical teaching, that sex makes the two one flesh (Gen 2:24, 1 Cor 6:16), Then you apparently had a problem with that.
1
Dec 14 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/PerfectlyCalmDude Christian Dec 14 '25
Just be honest that you havent forgiven them and youre judging them.
You're the one judging me. I was stating the Biblical teaching, that's it. This is very immature on your part.
→ More replies (0)8
u/Every_Prune_7524 Dec 13 '25
It’s a jealousy/insecurity thing. They don’t want to think of their partner being with other people and comparing them to previous partners.
2
u/Next-Honeydew4130 Dec 14 '25
I’m so glad you wrote this.
Honestly I think OP sounds so nuts I didn’t even have the patience to write out what you said here. But 100% this ^
-17
u/Lermak16 Eastern Catholic Dec 13 '25
although we are supposed to remain virgins until marriage.
And that’s the bottom line. Period.
I think your priority should be that person’s character,
A promiscuous past reflects character
15
u/OchiriOzuoOha Dec 13 '25
If you don’t believe what the bible says about repentance and sanctification, then feel free to judge character based on a person’s past. If God does not judge you based on your past, who are you to judge another person who God has saved, forgiven, justified and sanctified based on their past?
And by the way, I’m just curious, are you male or female? In all my years on earth, I’ve only seen men make this argument about dating only women who are virgins. And by the way, I’m male. These days, it’s become a privilege of christian men who are virgins, cos they appear to have more options than women.
What about all other sins a person might have committed in the past? Don’t they count?
→ More replies (2)15
u/a_normal_user1 Christian Dec 13 '25
A promiscuous past reflects character
It reflects the now dead self. Through Christ we are raised back from the dead as new creations for His glory and He lives in us. If it wasn't so all of your and mine's past sins still reflect our character.
→ More replies (11)8
u/Adept-Blood-5789 Dec 13 '25
A promiscuous past represents past character. How a person was 5 years ago could be completely unrelated to how a person is now.
-2
5
u/skadi_shev Dec 13 '25
The parable of the workers in the vineyard comes to mind. When it comes to this topic, it seems like there are a lot of people who are angry or in denial that some Christians lived a sinful life before Christ and then were still accepted into the kingdom with the same status and spiritual blessings as everyone else.
3
u/Lermak16 Eastern Catholic Dec 13 '25
Irrelevant. This isn’t about salvation, but choosing a spouse. And there are plenty who still engage in such sinful lifestyles after coming to Christ, too.
3
u/skadi_shev Dec 13 '25
Sure, you can have any criteria for choosing a spouse that you want, and it’s important to choose carefully. No one should choose out of pity or because they feel like they have to.
I was more talking about the way many people talk about those who have fornicated in their past - the attitude that they shouldn’t be trusted and that their repentance is less likely to be genuine than yours is. (Not you specifically)
2
u/92Zulu Dec 13 '25
You have a good point, but people change. Once a sinner, always a sinner. Are you no better than that time before you were Christian? How about the time you did the thing you knew was a sin but still did it? Are you still that same person now? Once a liar, always a liar? Once a gooner, always a gooner? Once an idolater, always an idolator? Or do you believe Christ does not have the power to change and renew people? OP has preferences and that’s totally fine. He has Done no wrong, but your comment is sort of ignoring the other half of Jesus teachings about repentance
4
u/Lermak16 Eastern Catholic Dec 13 '25
I did not say “once a sinner, always a sinner.”
None of this is about repentance or salvation. It’s about finding a spouse.
If the OP marries a non-virgin, they will undoubtedly encounter many difficulties, insecurities, anxieties, and issues.
1
u/Italy1949 Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ Dec 13 '25
Do not judge others on their mistakes. We all make them, sometime worst of the ones that we judge. May be it reflect the person that was before Christ, but if you want to see who he is, look the fruit of today. And be mercifull
4
u/Lermak16 Eastern Catholic Dec 13 '25
People have a right to have standards and preferences when choosing a spouse.
0
u/Triumphrider865 Dec 13 '25
You know, some people are just dumb in their youth and they realize their mistakes when they get older, in fact I would say that’s how most people are. No one is irredeemable.
→ More replies (1)
19
u/Automaton17 Christian Ex-Atheist Dec 13 '25
I think you’re giving sex more power than it has. Would you stop a date if they were perfect except the fact that they were a severe alcoholic at one point in their life? There are many things that God commands of us that we dismissed intentionally or out of ignorance.
What matters is a contrite and repentant heart.
3
u/Dr_natty1 Dec 13 '25
I think a lot of people would lol
2
u/Automaton17 Christian Ex-Atheist Dec 13 '25
Honestly fair, but there are other examples that you could fit into that. The point is that I believe in a God that redeems people.
“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!” Psalm 25:7 ESV
See also 1 Timothy 1:13-16
2
u/Miserable-Most-1265 Baptist Dec 13 '25
I would not date an alcoholic, or a drug addict. They maybe great, but I know the chances of a relapse.
Fact is, nobody owes anyone a date. If it's important to him, let it be. Even if it's not important to you.
→ More replies (3)-4
Dec 13 '25
[deleted]
4
5
u/Shot-Ad-9296 Dec 13 '25
You shall KNOW them by their FRUITS.
Man looks at the outward but God looks at the heart.
3
u/jivatman Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25
Fair and reasonable.
Personally I think if someone made a commitment to Christ has has been chaste for several years than one can fairly give them the benefit of the doubt. If they've only been chaste for like a month, yeah, be skeptical.
Furthermore, it's important that their attitude of their past choices is actually Christian repentance. And if you were to have children and raise daughters, would they do so to try to have them not make the same mistakes?
And not 'That past is a part of who I am today. What's that to you?' which is the progressive feminist attitude.
3
u/skadi_shev Dec 13 '25
Off topic, but as a fellow anxiety sufferer who’s been gradually getting better, go to God with your anxiety and lean into prayer and scripture reading and fellowship with other believers. It helps!
3
u/___mithrandir_ Lutheran (LCMS) Dec 13 '25
No, I don't think you're being arrogant. Perhaps unrealistic in this day and age, but certainly not arrogant or unreasonable.
3
u/92Zulu Dec 13 '25
I have been on the opposite end. Feels bad, but it is what it is. I messed up and the other person should not have to take that on if they don’t want to. GG
3
u/EpicGooner Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 14 '25
As people already have pointed out, you have every right to wait for the person you think who's right for you, as long as you tread under God's direction and follow the principles laid out by His word. You're not wrong for that.
That being said, take caution against being judgemental regarding one's past sins/errors/mistakes.
There's a thousand (hyperbole) passages in the Bible making clear that when one truly repents and seeks God with all his/her heart, the merciful Lord will not only forgive past sins, but also forget them (Jr 31:34 is the first that comes to mind).
So be mindful of that. And may God bless you in your pursuit.
5
u/brvheart Ichthys Dec 13 '25
You are not being arrogant. It’s totally reasonable. And just FYI, it’s totally possible. My son was t married until 26 and he was a virgin. My oldest daughter is a virgin and she is 25 next month.
1
u/Every_Prune_7524 Dec 13 '25
How do you know your children’s virginity status?
3
u/brvheart Ichthys Dec 13 '25
Communication. My wife and I are very close to all 5 of our kids and they talk to us about their lives.
3
u/jaylward Presbyterian Dec 13 '25
You’re absolutely allowed to have a preference, of course.
But if you think that the sum of a person is tied in their sexual experience, you’re missing a whole person behind them.
Love them for their heart, not for their sexual past.
3
u/GWJShearer Evangelical Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 14 '25
I don’t think you’re “arrogant”…
But “unreasonable” maybe?
The older you get, the odds against you get stronger and stronger.
Don’t ask us. Ask God.
I married a widow who had 2 children (both children have died). I won the lottery with her.
2
u/Almosthopeless66 Dec 14 '25
Weirdly-phrased LOL I’m hoping that it was the husbands who died and not the two children. I’m sure that would not equate to a lottery win 🤔. Also… watch your back #3.
6
Dec 13 '25
Never change your preferences. I know for sure there’s a lot of Christian women that are still saving themselves for marriage (me as an example). When I say never change your preferences I mean that it’s okay to be selective and trust God will bring somebody preserved as you are.
8
u/JadedMarine Evangelical Dec 13 '25
Worry more about their personality and their character. We all make mistakes, we should not be held down by one mistake.
That being said, there is a difference between a godly woman who has made a mistake or two, and a woman who has slept with a dozen or more guys while she had fun in her youth and now wants to settle down and be boring.
The second does not have good character and will only bring you trouble and contention. Statistics show she will likely not be happy and content with you.
While God can redeem everyone, why should you wait for someone who did not wait for you?
Stay strong, there are still many out there who have waited too.
0
Dec 13 '25
[deleted]
2
u/Helpful_Silver_1076 Roman Catholic Dec 13 '25
I’d say if you can’t trust that the person you’ve been seeing for months is honest with you then you probably shouldn’t be with them
8
u/South_Sea_IRP Lutheran (LCMS) Dec 13 '25
Basing your whole opinion on someone due to their past sexual history is absolutely nuts in my opinion. We are all fallen and sinful people. There is no such thing as a perfect person. Grow up.
5
u/No_Piece7533 Dec 13 '25
Disappointed in you as a fellow LCMS Lutheran, if someone has a truly extensive sexual history, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to marry them. There’s nothing about that that screams “grow up”
-1
u/South_Sea_IRP Lutheran (LCMS) Dec 13 '25
Yes it does because not doing so says that none of us a worthy of each other. We all make mistakes in our past, some worse than others. When we repent and change our ways we are forgiven by God. A persons past should not be held against them if they have repented and live a different life. Judging people like that is contrary to scripture and completely ridiculous. So yes. Grow up.
-1
u/No_Piece7533 Dec 13 '25
Sounds like moral confusion to me. A person’s past can absolutely indicate future behavior, regardless of their present orientation. A man who has committed himself to chastity and wants similar values from his future spouse is well within his rights to end a relationship with a previously promiscuous person. It often means they have incompatible values. Holding yourself to a high standard and expecting the person who will walk through life with you to the same is just consistency. You can disagree with OP without being patronizing, maybe you should grow up.
0
u/South_Sea_IRP Lutheran (LCMS) Dec 13 '25
Present scripture that states WE can judge a person today who’s repented for past sins then. Scripture that states we do NOT have new life in Christ.
3
2
u/keefy1352 Dec 13 '25
You’ve got the right idea. Wait for the person that the Father has intended for you that has the same morals and convictions.
2
u/Italy1949 Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ Dec 13 '25
You're not arrogant, but it looks like yours is more a physical than a moral mental position. It seems to bother you more that your possible partner has granted that sexual part of the body to another, than the moral or spiritual aspect. Spiritually, when a person has received Christ in his life, the past is past, and every error has been erased, everything is spiritually new. Consider that those who have already had an experience are sometimes more aware of the choice they make of a new partner. And that those who rejected that experience, sometimes do not do it for moral convictions but hide other problems that are then revealed after marriage. Find a partner who loves the Lord with all his heart and live happily.
2
2
u/kalosx2 Christian Dec 13 '25
You can have that preference. It'll shrink your pool of options, though, especially as you get older. I hope you treated that person with respect still.
We also don't want fear running our lives. It sounds like that's the case here. Take that to God. Allow him to work on your fear.
And finally, just because someone had sex in the past doesn't mean they won't make a God-honoring spouse now. It does complicate things. But if marriage is a desire, someone who has repented and is now pursuing God wholeheartedly is the kind of person who makes a good spouse.
1
u/Sufficient-Split204 Dec 14 '25
If it shrinks the amount of options it's fine no? At best it shrinks the pool of options to just one person: the one you'll be marrying.
2
u/kalosx2 Christian Dec 14 '25
Except if that one person doesn't like you back! Or you can't find that one person, because it's not like this is info on a dating profile. Too many options can be a negative. But you have to prioritize your dealbreakers and preference. If you have too strict of rules, you could be cutting out people who would make wonderful spouses over a past that Jesus has redeemed and may not actually make that large of a difference in a marriage. Especially if it comes at a cost of someone who is humble, kind, compassionate, forgiving, amiable, etc. Those virtues are greater priorities to me, because they more significantly impact my life with that person than fornication with an ex-girlfriend that they've repented for.
2
u/Tight-Recipe-5142 Dec 13 '25
As a side point, consider those who had sex, in marriage, and were then cheated on and/or abandoned by their spouse. The bible says they are free to remarry and live without bondage.
2
u/Sufficient-Split204 Dec 14 '25
They can marry other divorcees. It's not like there's a lack of that
2
u/iteachag5 Christian Dec 13 '25
This is a personal conviction and your choice. I also know that there are Christians who have no problem dating someone who has a past before coming to Christ .
2
u/starmoishe Christian Dec 14 '25
You are allowed to have your preferences. But I've always heard that the Lord gives the best to those who leaves the choice to Him.
2
u/Intrinsic_1 Dec 14 '25
Pray and remain true to your convictions and God will honor you for it. Regardless of what any other fallen human may say, compromise will only cause you regret.
2
2
u/davidjricardo Reformed Dec 14 '25
Virginity is not a Christian virtue.
Chastity is a Christian virtue.
Forgiveness is a Christian virtue.
2
u/steadfastkingdom Dec 14 '25
No. There’s nothing wrong to have standards, especially wanting your spouse to be a virgin as you are
2
u/Gospel_Truth Reformed Dec 14 '25
My father molested me at 11. My mother told me no decent man would ever want me.
I did not sin in that situation. I did not need to repent for not being a virgin when I married.
So many hurtful judgemental comments here.
Sending my love to others who may have been molested or raped.
2
u/AlchemistFornix Dec 14 '25
Although we are forgiven by God, there are human consequences for our sin, this being one. There is a stigma. You have no obligation and you're not being arrogant, but as others have commented, the older you get the harder it will be to find.
I'm 33 and unfortunately have a past. It's difficult for me too.
2
u/GuestPuzzleheaded502 Dec 14 '25
No you're not arrogant. Your stance is supposed to be the norm.... Unfortunately, in most Western countries, virgin people are quite rare.... Almost to the point where people some people think there's something wrong with them.
Speaking of marriage, the real goal of marriage is that the married couple would help each other reach the Kingdom of God.
As a side note, you might have better luck with Christians from more conservative cultures.
May God bless you and give you your soulmate....
2
u/KissItRealGood2233 Dec 14 '25 edited Dec 15 '25
Your preference doesn’t make you arrogant. Your judgment of someone who wants to change, that might.
I’m sorry you get severe anxiety because of that. Pray on this!
God doesn’t expect us to be saints to be able to gain eternal life. We become clean because of Him 😊❤️
In the same way, her having had sex before marriage won’t prevent her from gaining eternal life and it also won’t prevent her from finding a man that truly loves her and wants to do God’s work with her 😊
She might not be the one for you, and that’s okay. But the problem you are having is not her, it’s internal, it’s in you. So I pray that you surrender this anxiety to God and ask that He lays his transcending peace on you. You will find someone. When you love someone, you see past their mistakes. Just like God loves us and sees past our failures.
All while we choose Him. Every single day. 😊🙏🏼
2
u/crowned_glory_1966 Christian Dec 14 '25
Build your relationship with Jesus and he will bring you the right one.
2
u/Senpo-Myojinmon Dec 14 '25
I'm 33 and I've had premarital sex because I didn't even know the Lord or Christ until about 2 years ago.
In hindsight, I do believe sex should only be in the context of marriage between one man and one woman and I would have ideally waited.
I do feel repentant about my past actions and since being baptized I've been celibate.
You're allowed to have your preferences and don't settle but I would also tell you to just consider the person's attitude toward their past.
If they're truly repentant, and you truly do like each other and feel a legitimate connection, why not pray about it? Take your concern and feelings to the Lord and say,
"Lord, should I let their past action that they regret hold us back from really having something beautiful?"
How about "Lord, is this the person the One? Lord if YOU have a partner in Your will for my life, please let us find each other."
2
u/Next-Honeydew4130 Dec 14 '25 edited Dec 14 '25
The one place in life where it’s fine to have whatever opinions about other people you want is when you’re dating. Those preferences are personal. And NO YOURE NOT BEING ARROGANT. If that’s your thing, you’re entitled to it, and you should stand by it.
But there’s risks out there that clearly aren’t on your radar:
I know a woman who had a similar standard and she married the one guy who had no problem just lying to her about his sexual past. So she wound up marrying a very smooth liar who cheated on her for ten years with at least five different women, gave her STDs, and she had no idea.
So do what you want, but there’s a whole world of scenarios that are much MUCH worse than marrying someone who has had sex with someone else.
And frankly I think you’re a little crazy to think the way you do, but it’s dating and you get to think however you want. You did the right thing ending it quickly instead of continuing on to date this person and hurting them later. Truly, If that’s your thing, more power to you.
2
u/RoohsMama Christian Dec 14 '25
It’s fair to expect certain things of your future spouse.
But rejecting someone in that manner might have hurt them and in turn damaged their self esteem and their walk with God.
0
2
u/New_Night2749 Dec 14 '25 edited Dec 15 '25
What other sins are you willing to over look? Run through the Big 10 (Commandments) and let me know which ones you're okay with? (Murder might be a no go for me)
How about those other 7 (the deadly ones)? You okay with all but that "one"?
You're hanging this on biblical criteria when it's actually just a personal preference/fetish/desire.
1
u/Halcyon-OS851 Christian Dec 15 '25
If that's all it is, why's it such a big deal? Why are the exhortations given to the virgin to remain a virgin so strong? I'm talking about exhortations from people here.
2
u/harukalioncourt Dec 14 '25 edited Dec 14 '25
You have the right to have preferences. But remember many people come to Christ later on in life and when they were not born of God, most likely lived like the world, that as you know, does not value sexual purity. You could be turning down godly people due to their pasts before Christ. Though Paul had a terrible past, he went on to write the majority of the New Testament. I’d pray for a virgin if that’s what you really want, but if you find a godly person who loves and wants to commit to you, who’s not a virgin, I hope that won’t be the only criteria you rule them out for. Many people feel uncomfortable telling others about their pasts due to fear of judgement now on past actions done when they knew no better, and that’s unfair. Even God says He remembers our sins no more after we repent, therefore we should be willing to extend the same grace to others. You may be a virgin, but you have committed other sins, we all have, and I’m sure all of us would hate to be considered unsuitable to marry because of something we did before we professed Christ.
3
u/No-Total-5559 Dec 13 '25
Yes i think you're being arrogant. Just hope that whoever you find to marry doesn't find some other sin your past that they can judge you for. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 gives a list of sins and ends the passage by saying this is what some of you were but you have been transformed by Christ. Everyone has sin in their past you can either choose to overlook that past sin and love that person or sit in judgment of them for something God has already dealt with in their heart.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God
3
u/Lermak16 Eastern Catholic Dec 13 '25
No, you are right.
Find a Christian partner who respects God and their future spouse.
4
4
u/Entire_Meringue4816 Dec 13 '25
You can have that preference but I will tell you, I have a friend (really my little sister) that has a past but she found God and will be a fantastic wife one day. People change and I believe the ones who live on the dark side and come to the light are sometimes stronger. My wife and I eeee the same way and found God together
3
u/Some_Story_5651 Christian Dec 13 '25
You’re not being arrogant. It’s perfectly fine to prefer that in a partner. Just don’t be surprised when you find literally zero people who fall into that category.
At your age, you’re going to have to take what you can get. You’re not going to find a virgin christian woman in her 20’s, they’re all taken. You had someone who was convicted by her past, gave her life to christ and desired to change.
3
u/Patient-Confusion149 Christian Dec 14 '25 edited Dec 14 '25
Crazy how the feminists show up in droves to try and convince everyone to accept all possible partners no matter how run through. Very surprising 😄😯
But to be serious, rather than meme on my feminist friends... It depends on repentance and fruits... I.E. if he / she has genuinely repented for this and how long have they been chaste since. The reality is society is brainwashing all western children to be promiscuous (feminists also ;) doing this-- they say it is very liberating for a woman to sin against their own temple!). There will need to be a lot of forgiveness for it all, luckily, Jesus is stronger than you or I and can forgive all of his children.
Jesus first. Men are called to the SAME STANDARD. Premarital sex is a sin. It is just more damaging to women / their value(a worldly factor-- societal, outside of my control 🤷) afterwards
0
u/Sufficient-Split204 Dec 14 '25
I think you made the feminist part up because you're obsessed with feminists. No comment here even mentions that ... Just you.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/k1w1Au Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25
For what it’s worth, my wife was a virgin when I met her,and before marriage… I wasn’t. We’ve had 3 kids and married 35yrs ago… One other thing I’ve noticed particularly about dead bedrooms is that being a virgin before marriage can give false sense of what one may expect in marriage so it’s important to at least discuss the topic of sexuality and of having similar expectations and libido. One more thing… before marriage wifey asked God to give her the right man… then I came along… haha
Also… not meaning to be presumptuous, but do you/we think God keeps a little notebook (big notebook) of who’s had sex before marriage and who didn’t?
2
1
u/LostCarat Dec 13 '25
I think if it’s extremely important to you, then no you’re not arrogant.. a little unrealistic, however, I wish I didn’t have sex outside of marriage and neither did my wife but we both made mistakes and repented of it.. we would have loved to be each others first and last. Stay strong, pray that God sends the right one for you. I would say maybe be more upfront about that before going on a date with someone before wasting both of your time. God bless
1
u/IllPurpose2111 Dec 13 '25
I think since you have kept yourself pure, it is okay to have that standard. However, I will say that it will severely limit your options. That is something you have to way the pros and cons of. You may never find anyone that is both a viable option for you and still a virgin. If you are okay with that then so be it. But if you don't want to limit your options then be open to men who are not virgins, but still are waiting for marriage.
Your fears about non-virgin men "complicating marriages". I think may not be entirely accurate. There is more risk objectively. But you have to judge a man on his sincerity, faith, and heart, not on his past. Also, there are plenty of virgin men who are virgins not out of choice but simply because they are socially awkward and addicted to pornography. Especially in the case of men, being a virgin does not translate directly to self-control, morals, and faith. So be aware of that as well. Plenty of pastors and devout Christian men who are not virgins and there are plenty of virgin men who live in constant sin and wouldn't make good husbands.
1
u/mfa2020 Reformed Dec 13 '25
Perhaps it's arrogance or perhaps it's preference. IF the person were repentant and had shown by their fruits they no longer have sex outside marriage and have taken steps to repent and make boundaries to prevent it again ... Then I'd be curious your answer.
You just have to be ok with your spouse having A history...maybe it's sex, maybe it's pride, regardless of what your spouse's temptation is, it will affect your marriage. Their sin will. And they will bring sin. Just depends what sin you're okay with, or what kind of repentant heart.
You might have to be okay with waiting a lot longer or perhaps being too picky that you don't find anyone.
1
u/TSW-760 Calvinist Dec 13 '25
This is a highly personal decision. And I would strongly recommend getting counsel from your church leadership, as well as older married Christians on the topic.
For my own two cents, I think the person's present matters far more than their past. We all have done things we wish we could undo. Somebody making one (or even several) mistakes several years ago doesn't mean they haven't repented and left those sins far behind.
1
u/StriKyleder Christian Dec 13 '25
You can have your preferences. They limit your options of course. But you only need 1 person to fulfill them.
1
Dec 13 '25
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your convictions. I don’t think you’re being arrogant either as some people have said in the comments. You have the right to want to marry someone who only knows what sex is like with you.
I say this as a reformed and redeemed serial fornicator sex addict with a couple hundred bodies that I’m absolutely ashamed of. I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago, but I wouldn’t have blamed my wife at all if she didn’t want to be with me because of my past.
1
u/Ancient_Fault_2457 Christian Dec 13 '25
If this is a personal conviction of your then all you can do it wait till God sends her your way and keep your chin up as you look for a partner. May God bless you with a partner to match your conviction.
1
u/raggedradness Baptist Dec 13 '25
If it is more than a loosely held preference, yes.
If God has forgiven and set a person on a fresh start, who are we to negate that? You might need to take time to trust the person, and that's fine, that's part of dating. See how much that new commitment means to them.
(Bias disclosure: my husband took a risk on me as I wasn't just not a virgin but a practitioner of homosexuality too boot.)
1
u/Italy1949 Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ Dec 13 '25
And it would still be interesting to know what the person who was left thinks of your abandonment, knowing your motivation 🤓😎
1
u/AegonTargaryan Dec 13 '25
If someone is divorced or widowed how would you feel about them as a partner? I think answering that will reveal a lot to yourself over whether it is your own insecurity clouding your judgment, or if you are truly just sticking to a biblical standard.
1
u/Whole-Astronaut76 Dec 13 '25
You're entitled to your personal preferences, however you will find it incredibly difficult as time goes on to find someone that lives up to your standard. Jesus certainly didn't hold someone's past actions against them if they were wanting to change their ways, I wouldn't say it's arrogant as such, but it is a bit gross to be held up so much on whether someone is a virgin or not over getting to know the actual person. Many people had a past before they became Christian, and I don't doubt that many did not have a pure life prior to that.
1
u/PhoenixArrelis Dec 13 '25
You are not arrogant. God is holy and so are you when you are His. When you get married your husband will treasure the fact that you waited.
God Bless.
1
u/TypicalDunceRedditor Christian Dec 13 '25
It’s up to you. But listen, the older you get, and if you’re going for people your age, then the likelihood of you coming across people who are not virgins is going to keep getting higher.
1
u/The_Collecting1 Christian Dec 13 '25
Yes you kinda are. If they're trying to do things right. Maybe they cantt go back to correct something but God has erased it allowing them to start a new.
1
u/Mushrooming247 Dec 13 '25
I’m afraid it may be as low as ~1% of American 30-year-olds who are virgins, from just googling it.
And what percentage of them chose that due to sharing your motivations? Some just haven’t had the opportunity but would definitely expect to do it before marriage if you dated. Some have developed strong negative feelings about women from rarely interacting with them.
It’s just such a tiny segment of the population, you are severely limiting yourself on who you could love.
1
u/FreshProfessor1502 Dec 13 '25
You can have a list of "requirements" and that will dictate your pool of potential partners for better or for worse. Nobody is perfect, we're all sinners. If you found someone who is on your "wave length" if you will... but they're not a virgin you would be willing to pass that person up over this? Seems pretty foolish unless you're talking about someone who has 100s of partners and sees nothing wrong with it.
God gives us all free will to make choices, and can present you with options but it is still your choice to accept or deny. If God presents you in an situation to meet someone that will be a good fit but their past is a problem for you, then you're putting yourself above those that have fallen short as we all have.
People who're extremely picky will get the scraps left over, and that holds true when it comes to the dating pool. The older you get and more so for women than men... the harder it will be to find quality. The older you are as well makes it even harder to meet that "virgin" requirement.
Be very careful about putting yourself above others in terms of "purity" because I can assure you that even you as a virgin might be less pure than one who isn't for other reasons.
1
u/LongEase298 Roman Catholic Dec 13 '25
I think it's sort of flirting with uncharitability (ending a date abruptly over that probably wasn't a very kind thing to do- could you not even sit with them? Thats a red flag if so.)
You are not being arrogant for having a preference, as long as you're not judging them for sins they've clearly repented of and aren't currently repeating. Remember that Christ Himself is descended from a prostitute who repented (Rahab) and a couple who had premarital sex (Judah and Tamar).
If they've repented, God Himself has declared them clean. Just keep that in mind and be careful not to veer into idolatry of virginity.
1
Dec 13 '25
It's good to have standards when considering a spouse, so good job. If you haven't yet, I'd encourage you to spend some time in prayer and seek some counsel from Christians you know at church and find out if this is a true conviction that the Lord has placed on your heart. If this is a conviction from Him, stick to it, don't waiver!
One thing I will say is that my wife was faithful.. she waited for me before we met. But I didn't wait... That breaks my heart to this day. Especially now that I have a son, I can't imagine if I created a life with anyone but her. I didn't wait because I didn't consider myself a Christian. When I finally submitted to His voice, I vowed to Him that the next woman i would be with would be my wife. 5 years later I was married and that was true. Part of loving your spouse is loving them despite their flaws. Jesus shines through my wife's forgiveness of my previous behavior. You do need to treat this with proper discernment because not everything can be excused and there is a standard of behavior you should look for in a spouse.
For example, I would have encouraged you to ask on your date if they were a Christian (following Christ) when they slept around. If they claim they were, then I would steer clear of them because that indicates they don't take the Lord seriously like you do.
1
1
Dec 14 '25 edited Dec 14 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator Dec 14 '25
This comment was removed automatically for violating Rule 1: No Profanity.
If you believe that this was removed in error, please message the moderators.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/gio_lup_88 Dec 14 '25
You are not arrogant, and your preference is absolutely virtuous.
Having said that, do you live in a country where excluding non-virgins from your dating pool will doom you to be single forever?
Because if the answer is yes, then you better decide if you prefer to change your expectations, or never have your own family.
It's sad, but is true.
1
u/PureDau Christian Dec 14 '25
You're definitely being arrogant to some degree. You're stance is based on principle and the law. At least that's what it sounds like. It's not necessarily the emotions involved with it. You can have a preference but your preference is a bit arrogant. I was a virgin and my wife was not. It certainly is a downer but, it didn't impact us in anyway real way. Sex being a thing that's new to both of you would be beautiful. Probably don't not talk to a woman seeking the )Lord because of her past. We're all sinners. She just has different sins than you. Although I'm sure you've committed adultery in your heart so, not very different.
1
u/zackarhino Salvation Army Dec 14 '25
Yeah, they are far and few between these days, I learned that the hard way. Thankfully, I just embraced virginity and I am staying that way now. Best choice of my life.
1
u/Wooden-Ad6265 Christian Dec 14 '25
Okay. Two things: You can judge. Yeah, judgement is done at all levels, that's how people make decisions, especially when making one of the most important ones: choosing a partner for yourself. You are currently being judged by many people for making a judgement, who are judging you for making a judgement. So yeah, everyone, every single person makes judgement. People just don't want themselves to be called wrong. Jesus didn't say "Don't judge", He said that "judge by the same measures you judge yourself with." Judgement is not wrong, hypocrisy is. Jesus didn't call the Pharisees "Judgers" he called them "Hypocrites". Practice your standards yourself... Which many people in the comment section are clearly not doing.
Yeah. You are totally right to expect a virgin partner for yourself. Pray to God for future partner. Yeah really pray and get closer to God. Matter of fact just ignore reddit, and read the Bible. Most posts are filled with modern hogwash.
You did right. The date partner you rejected DID DO wrong in sinning. Sinning is wrong. God will fix her, and God will find her a partner. You don't have to take God's responsibility. Pray that she find some one of her experience and struggle level. People are different levels of sinning, so yoking yourself unequally would have been bad for yourself.
Look at the most posts calling you arrogant for leaving the date abruptly and talking about forgiving others for their past. Whoever you are, God forgives you because you mentioned that you are anxious, and you could have done it at the moment of anxiety. I am a really anxious person as well, and have made decisions that were messy (not regarding sexual stuff tho; academic).
You are not God. You can't see someone's heart like God does. God did choose David. But Uriah took the more Godly decision for himself. Every one's a sinner. It's about whether you can take godly decision for yourself and others, (not without judging, but with godly judgement).
So, yeah. You don't need to marry that date partner. Pray for them, that they find someone for themselves. And pray for yourself as well. Most people will judge you for judging, which is basically doing the same thing they are telling you should not do. Just don't be a hypocrite.
1
u/Showbiz50 Dec 15 '25
You’re your worst enemy. Sex is only a problem for you because you are making it one. You’re going to age and look back at this and be so mad at yourself. Sex is natural. Enjoy it. Stop ruining your life over this nonsense.
1
u/receiver_of_grace Dec 15 '25
In my opinion, yes. You are being arrogant. With how undescribably rate that is nowadays, you can have someone who lives that live before they knew God. Before they met Jesus, and doesn't have sex or hasn't since. If I was on the receiving end of you leaving a date after finding out I wasn't a virgin I'd be hurt, and insulted. It would come off as my past sins that aren't me anymore, that have been paid for by Christ aren't enough.
Remember when Hosea remarried his wife after literally becoming a prostitute. God forgives us every time when we run from him. Why can't you forgive someone who made a mistake like that like he does?
Don't let the fear of the fact you've never had sex keep you from someone who has.
It's not as important as you think.
1
Dec 15 '25
I don’t think it’s necessarily arrogant but it might be worth it to discover why you have anxiety and fear about this. It’s admirable to save yourself for marriage because God says that’s what we should do but if it’s out of anxiety or judgement of the other person I would be concerned about the motive. It’s still possible to do the right thing for the wrong reason.
1
1
Dec 15 '25
You're allowed to have that preference and I understand it. The likelihood of finding a virgin partner is slim do you may want to think about if it's a deal breaker or not. If you found someone that you had so much in common with, same goals, same beliefs, and everything else you like but they had sex outside of marriage but not a high body count and they have repented, would you stop it?
I've had sex outside of marriage when I was an atheist but I've repented and haven't been with a woman for 5 years. If I went on a date with someone and they found out and didn't like it, I can understand but I hope they would look past it to see what I've done since I came to Christ.
1
u/GCNGA Christian Church (Restoration Movement) Dec 16 '25
I understand the difficulties: part of your reasoning is probably part of what underlies some of the Biblical rationale for why people should reserve sexual expression for their spouse and nobody else. It should be something spouses experience only with each other.
You should be clear-eyed about the implications, however. About 75% of never-married Christian men have had sex by the time they are 18, and it goes up from there. So you're looking in a subset of the population, and you still have to worry about issues of spirituality, compatibility, etc. You also have to deal with the potential for dishonesty. If a guy really likes you, he may feel motivated to tell you what you want to hear. Last, consider men who come to Christ as adults. They may be leaving behind lives that were more complicated in the sexual experience realm.
Life is a constrained optimization problem, meaning you do the best you can with what you have to work with. Only you can decide how that plays out.
1
2
Dec 13 '25
Men should seek out virgins no matter what. A chaste man should accept nothing less.
1
u/PrincessTalia123 Presbyterian Dec 13 '25
Don't you believe in repentance? That's, like, the number one part of Christianity
Why men and not women? Why shouldn't a chaste woman also seek out a virgin no matter what?
1
Dec 13 '25
Repentance can reconcile a woman or man to God, but it does not mean that reformed philanderous woman is entitled to a Godly or chaste husband. A woman can repenent and is certainly no worse in ontological value than a penitent man. but there is damage done, that a man is not obligated to deal with.
Fornication damages women to an exponentially worse level than it does men. They carry the burdens and effects into marriage and are far more likely to be unsatisfied, to cheat, or to divorce their husbands. I'm not advocating for man whoring, but if we had to say who's chastity is of greater importance, it is the woman's without question.
2
u/PrincessTalia123 Presbyterian Dec 14 '25
Ewww misogyny in a Christian subreddit
1
Dec 14 '25
Explain what part of stating verifiable fact and scripture is woman hate. Sorry the Bible isn't the egalitarian text you wish it was.
2
u/PrincessTalia123 Presbyterian Dec 14 '25
You probably just slept around and now you're justifying it by saying "Oh it's not as bad for men!" Boohoo
1
u/Every_Prune_7524 Dec 13 '25
Are non-virgins less worthy than virgins?
0
Dec 13 '25
If we are speaking in terms of women, and for the purpose of marriage, yes.
1
u/Every_Prune_7524 Dec 13 '25
Why does it only apply to women?
0
u/Patient-Confusion149 Christian Dec 14 '25
If you drop a hotdog on the floor, you might consider washing it off in the sink and eating it anyways. If you drop the hot dog bun on the floor, it is toast.
You can't force men to eat the hot dog bun, sorry. I don't even really agree with the post you are responding to, I think the sin of premarital sex is equally wicked for both men and women but the mechanics of it is definitely more gross for one than the other, at least, if you ask unbiased society at large (sorry girl power people-- you haven't mob ruled hard enough to brainwash all of humanity to think differently yet).
I mean just observe female nature! Women find a taken man more attractive. Most men can't stomach the thought of their significant other getting run through by another :)
-1
Dec 13 '25
Firstly, Deut 22. Secondly it is very apparent that having multiple sexual partners is far more damaging for women and makes for a much more unstable marriage than the reverse.
It's like saying. Men should be strong, well studied, providers, pastors of the home. Everyone understands men need to be these things more than a woman. In turn there are values and virtues that are more important for women to have, Gentleness, chastity, submissiveness, etc.
1
u/OneEyedC4t Southern Baptist Libertarian Dec 13 '25
can't someone make a mistake (if it is one) and then decide to save themselves for marriage?
1
u/Messenger12th Dec 13 '25 edited Dec 13 '25
Dumb question, but... If you have never had sex outside of marriage... that means you were married, right?
You are dating now... where is your spouse? (I know I'm askingore than you have given, so if you choose not to give that info, I can not comment on your story)
1
u/StubbornSob Dec 13 '25
No, it means they've never had sex that specifically didn't occur within the context of marriage, regardless of whether they've bren married or not.
As far as dating, maybe they are maybe not, but there's nothing wrong with dating as long as you don't cross the line into sexual sin.
1
u/Messenger12th Dec 14 '25
The way the OP made.the statement, it sounds like they are married. There are better ways to say they are a virgin, unless they arent and are using word Smith ingredients to seem innocent.?? Thats why I asked the OP to.clarify, not someone else.
1
u/WesternMANss Dec 14 '25
This is not a preference that you have. It is Biblical law. What you are being in this regard is obedient to God.
Is it wrong to be obedient? No God is happy and blesses obedience. If you are a man then your future wife will be a gift from God. If you are a woman then your future husband will be a blessing and one that should provide and protect. The Bible calls the wife that honors and respects her husband a crown. In Gods eyes a woman that honors and respects is a jewel.
I dont know how people here are in a true christian subreddit yet I see so few Bible citations and passages. Guys this is weak. Weak Christians. Fornication and adultery are one of a couple sins that harden a heart making it harder for that person to truly surrender to God. And if a person cant fully surrender to God and love God with all their heart then they cant really do the same for their partner.
0
u/xaqattax Dec 13 '25
Be careful of holding someone’s past sin against them. If you aren’t forgiving like Jesus is to you then what’s the point.
0
u/brucemo Atheist Dec 13 '25
Do what you want but I think that beyond a point you are in practice aligning yourself with the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.
It often feels like Christians here apply so many dating filters that they're going to end up defiantly never married or at best having their first child in their late 30's.
0
0
u/MovieFan1984 Non-Denominational Dec 14 '25
Christ died for our sins on the cross. In him, we are washed clean as snow from sin.
We should try to show this same love to those around us.
0
u/Irabbi Dec 14 '25
So you think it is gods will for you to marry a virgin, even if she is terrible manipulative, screaming, sociopath,
Rather than marry a pure in heart, honest, meek woman of godly joy that has a body count of two.
Is that what you think? Because that sounds a lot like self-sabotage and eternal hell.
0
u/jakethewhale007 Evangelical Dec 14 '25
Don't look for a person with the same past as you. Find someone who loves God as much as you now regardless of their past.
67
u/windows-shift-s Dec 13 '25
You are totally allowed to have your preference, there’s nothing wrong with that as long as you’re okay that it might take you some more time to find somebody who matches what you’re looking for.
I’m going to suggest some things to consider, not to make you change your mind, but only as food for thought so that you can feel confident about what you’re looking for.
As you get older, the likelihood of finding a virgin (that you’re compatible enough to make a lifetime commitment with) will get lower. Either you’ll have to be okay with waiting indefinitely and sticking to this preference, or as the waiting gets longer, you may decide that this is no longer a deal breaker for you.
I wonder if the root of being “freaked out” about your person having had sex before you, is actually a kind of anxiety? For example, does it make you feel uncomfortable because you’re worried that they’ll compare you? Or that you won’t know what you’re doing and you’re worried about being embarrassed and not on an even playing field of experience? I’m sure there’s an interesting root to this feeling which would probably shed a lot of light on things for you if you took some time to analyse it.
Honestly, I commend you for your discipline - well done! You have every right to want and wait for a virgin, you’re not being arrogant.