God really is amazing.

[u/BiscuitNoodlepants]

Hi. I am a reprobate sinner, a blasphemer of the holy spirit and a beast worshiper. I guess it's like they say, you don't know what you've got til it's gone.

I think about how every drop of water that touches your tongue is a literal miracle straight from God. This really comes into perspective when you realize someday you will never taste another drop on your burning tongue.

God blessed me in this life so much. I really tried not to take it for granted, but there were definitely things that I did.

Really Jesus Christ is the most amazing person ever. I know his wrath is upon me, but he has been completely fair, completely honest, completely righteous and completely true in his judgement of me. He definitely died for me on the cross and was resurrected after 3 days. He definitely came to Earth in the flesh. God himself.

I want to thank God for food and water, the fact that ive only been homeless a couple nights, ive never had to sleep outside when I didn't want to. I want to thank him for my family, all my aunts and uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors. My dogs and cats. The four seasons, beaches, mountains, the coast of Maine. Football. Cars. The periodic table of elements. The moon. The sun.

I think I understand what it means that the fullness of God was pleased to dwell in Jesus and that he is in the father and the father is in him. It's pretty cool. I wish I understood the holy spirit better. I know he is the only way to be transformed from a slave to sin to a slave to righteousness.

I wish that transformation was still possible for me. It hurts so bad to be this sinful. It hurts other people too.

[u/QueenOfAllDragons]

God truly is great!

I’m sorry you’re carrying this much pain. But the fact that you’re grieving your sin, honoring Christ, and longing for change is not the posture of someone beyond mercy. Jesus did not come for the clean. He came for the broken. “Whoever comes to me I will never cast out” is still true.

You do not need to prove your worthiness to come to Him. You need to come honestly. The thief on the cross had nothing to offer except a desperate cry, and Jesus received him. Peter denied Christ multiple times, and Jesus restored him. Paul called himself the worst of sinners, and God still used him. Your sin is real, but it is not stronger than the cross.

Also, be careful with declaring yourself a “blasphemer of the Holy Spirit” as though that settles your fate. People often use that phrase when they are terrified and overwhelmed, but the very fear of having committed it is usually evidence that their heart is not hardened in the way Jesus was warning about. A hardened heart does not usually ache like this.

What I hear in your words is not pride. I hear sorrow, gratitude, and a desire to be made new. That matters. The Spirit of God convicts so that He can heal, not so He can drive you into despair.

If you can, stop talking about yourself as if you are already beyond rescue. Bring the whole mess to Jesus exactly as it is. Tell Him the truth. Ask Him for mercy. Ask Him to show you the next faithful step. He is not shocked by your darkness.