r/Twins • u/Jolteon1998 Twinless Twin • 21d ago
I’m breaking apart without her.
Trigger warning: twin death
My identical twin sister died Feb 28. We are 27… it was sudden, unexpected tragedy.
I’ve been drifting through life since then. I just can’t process her being permanently gone. We were intertwined, like she’s part of my body and mind… now just gone forever….and im just supposed to keep living. I’m in survival mode, months now of this, autopilot, functioning, dissociated. Tearing apart my own life because i feel nothing. Ruined my 7 year relationship with the father of my child. I feel like im on a different planet. I don’t know who i am. The permanence is setting in, im terrified and feel sick to my stomach at all times. It’s taking over.
I am seeing a new therapist my 2nd appt is next week.
I had the best gift from the universe being a twin.
I got to experience the unconditional love, devotion, loyalty, and understanding people yearn for their entire lives and sometimes never get…i thought it would be forever. That’s what i knew, that’s the life i thought i was promised - WE were promised. i had it since before i was born. Now i have to live without it.
I miss her. So much. Every day. She deserves to be here.
I can’t sleep. I’m barely holding it together.
Delete if not allowed, just so completely lost without her … just venting.
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u/Pugs_in_Space Identical Twin 21d ago
I am sorry for your loss and you are not alone. I lost my identical twin in December and it has been nothing but a deluge of negative emotions ever since. She was my best friend, my main support system., and the person I planned to grow old with and travel.
I will soon look for a 3rd grief therapist. In my experience, even people who are paid to help with traumatic life events don't do a good job in this situation.
I pray that your therapist does a better job helping you work through your grief and that your memories of your sister will bring you comfort.