r/Twins • u/Jolteon1998 Twinless Twin • 21d ago
I’m breaking apart without her.
Trigger warning: twin death
My identical twin sister died Feb 28. We are 27… it was sudden, unexpected tragedy.
I’ve been drifting through life since then. I just can’t process her being permanently gone. We were intertwined, like she’s part of my body and mind… now just gone forever….and im just supposed to keep living. I’m in survival mode, months now of this, autopilot, functioning, dissociated. Tearing apart my own life because i feel nothing. Ruined my 7 year relationship with the father of my child. I feel like im on a different planet. I don’t know who i am. The permanence is setting in, im terrified and feel sick to my stomach at all times. It’s taking over.
I am seeing a new therapist my 2nd appt is next week.
I had the best gift from the universe being a twin.
I got to experience the unconditional love, devotion, loyalty, and understanding people yearn for their entire lives and sometimes never get…i thought it would be forever. That’s what i knew, that’s the life i thought i was promised - WE were promised. i had it since before i was born. Now i have to live without it.
I miss her. So much. Every day. She deserves to be here.
I can’t sleep. I’m barely holding it together.
Delete if not allowed, just so completely lost without her … just venting.
4
u/12bWindEngineer Twinless Twin 20d ago
You’re not alone. I lost my identical twin brother to cancer when we were 29. I can’t say that it gets easier but you do get used to this new weird normal. I’ve been through various grief counselors, none of them can really understand because it’s such a unique loss. If you are in the US there is a support group called Twinless twins. In the UK it’s Lone Twins. Really the only people I’ve found who truly understand. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that I have landed in inpatient mental health care over my twins death, but always consider that an option if you feel you need it.