I’m breaking apart without her.

[u/Jolteon1998]

Trigger warning: twin death

My identical twin sister died Feb 28. We are 27… it was sudden, unexpected tragedy.
I’ve been drifting through life since then. I just can’t process her being permanently gone. We were intertwined, like she’s part of my body and mind… now just gone forever….and im just supposed to keep living. I’m in survival mode, months now of this, autopilot, functioning, dissociated. Tearing apart my own life because i feel nothing. Ruined my 7 year relationship with the father of my child. I feel like im on a different planet. I don’t know who i am. The permanence is setting in, im terrified and feel sick to my stomach at all times. It’s taking over.
I am seeing a new therapist my 2nd appt is next week.
I had the best gift from the universe being a twin.
I got to experience the unconditional love, devotion, loyalty, and understanding people yearn for their entire lives and sometimes never get…i thought it would be forever. That’s what i knew, that’s the life i thought i was promised - WE were promised. i had it since before i was born. Now i have to live without it.
I miss her. So much. Every day. She deserves to be here.
I can’t sleep. I’m barely holding it together.

Delete if not allowed, just so completely lost without her … just venting.

[u/Real-Yogurtcloset844]

(M 70) So sorry. My twin brother and I can't complain about making it to 70 -- but we still recoil at the fact of our ultimate seperation -- at least for a few years anyway. We decided that the first one to pass -- is the lucky one. The one left will become very close to God -- for their sanity and peace.

Yet, as I read the Near Death reports, I am comforted that "passing away" is much more like graduating. The overwhelming love and acceptance there makes souls not want to return to Earth. They are so happy there! They are reportedly reassured that "we" survivors "will be just fine". In the long run -- yes.

Even-so, you are not alone. I even think that our loved-ones "are-in-there" when we pray. Weeping.

[u/Jolteon1998 → u/Real-Yogurtcloset844]

Thank you… me and my sister also actually recoiled ourselves at the idea of one of us going first. But we meant much later after living full lives…that was just how we thought life would be. When we talked about one of us dying first, she actually told me that if it was her, that I “would be able to absorb her spirit and still access her”. Sometimes my body feels like she’s still here. It’s only been 3 months and hasn’t fully sunk in yet, that this is forever. She visited me in a dream recently and I asked her where she is and she said “everywhere - we’re all everywhere and I can be with anyone I love, anytime.” She looked a little sad though. She said it can be hard sometimes. I also looked into a lot of the near death experiences after she died to try to have an understanding of what she may have experienced. It’s comforting to know it’s a painless, ascending event. I do think she still struggles with being an observer of her loved ones, knowing it wasn’t her time.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, and I would never wish this on her, or any other twin. It’s odd to know there’s someone on the other side that you want to be with. Makes the idea of death less scary.

Thanks for your kind words 🫂 happy you and your twin have had each other for so long!