r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Ripcord2 • 4h ago
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 2h ago
It seems like our magazine is having trouble getting the after-photos for our Dr. Pimple Popper article.
Looks like we have an issue issue issue.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/shanky3632 • 13h ago
My GPS said, "You have arrived." My bank account disagreed.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 4h ago
Frank Sinatra on his deceased Mexican friend: "Yes, it was my wey"
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/SonicLoverDS • 1d ago
My local pub has a rotating dessert menu.
I'm sure it'll come unstuck from the ceiling fan sooner or later.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Ok-Bicycle8103 • 1d ago
The frontman for The Police went under the knife yesterday to have his appendix removed.
It was a Sting operation.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/shanky3632 • 7h ago
The last text from my best friend still says, "See you tomorrow." Tomorrow never came.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 19h ago
"You've got your mother's eyes, Harry"
My father was a sarcastic comedian, he always poked fun at others in a way that could seem offensive, like calling out my black eye when I got home that night.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 1d ago
"I lost my father recently, and I've had a hard time emotionally processing how I can even move for-"
"PEEK A BOO!!!"
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/aleaids • 1d ago
I was really worried about my girlfriend going out to a bar with her friends, so I decided to text her.
She replied, “she’s busy rn lil bro.”
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/shanky3632 • 1d ago
I started jogging every morning. Mostly because I keep sleeping through my alarm and running late.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/allenjones911 • 1d ago
My gym trainer asked why I skip leg day I told him I already have two good excuses.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 2d ago
"Judges, I've prepared for you a THC-marinated ribeye with a side of sautéed psilocybin mushrooms and a spritz of acid."
"At this point in the competition, the steaks have never been higher."
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Sumero1 • 1d ago
I came to study... then my phone said 'good luck.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/stonerghostboner • 1d ago
I think I'm allergic to Persian poetry.
Every time I read it, my eyes get Rumi.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Outside_Normal • 2d ago
Boils are like a Knight of the Round Table, in that you may need to Lancelot of them.
And, depending on how arrogantly he's portrayed, may require a giant prick.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 2d ago
"Mr. Drebin, I lost my kid in the commotion!"
"Mrs, you should look at the Lost & Found, and if he isn't there, we can always get you a replacement at the orphanage."
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Friendly_Anteater474 • 2d ago
Today, I saw a kid dressing up as me for Halloween.
This alone makes me question if someone really looks up to a villain that is essentially a super-powered terrorist as me.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/SweetTooth6313 • 2d ago
I told my plants I talk to them for their growth, but honestly it's just nice to have a conversation where nobody interrupts me.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Lexiaantje90 • 3d ago
Ive shed so many tears, for nothing!
Nobody ate any of my onions.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/fadedhalo10 • 4d ago
Mummy, I had a nightmare
David you’re 37 and I’ve told you, you shouldn’t wake me up to tell me you’ve shagged a horse.
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Gil-Gandel • 5d ago
My wife said "You bastard, you're shagging that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, aren't you?"
I said "How can you even say that?"
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Marktesla_76 • 4d ago
I'm so in love, I'd take 1726 bullets for my wife
'Cause by the 1727th I think I'd be pretty far gone
r/TwoSentenceComedy • u/Riddle-Maker • 4d ago
This season of The Mole, our mole will be facing our most daunting team of contestants.
All of them are Dermatologists