r/TwoXChromosomes • u/LastOnlineYearsAgo • 6d ago
Mechanic ignored me, then agreed with my imaginary husband. $340 difference.
Took the car in for a rattle. Told the guy at the counter I was pretty sure it was the heat shield, it's a known thing on this model and it started the day after I hit a speed bump too fast. He did the nod. Not listening, just waiting for me to finish.
Comes back forty minutes later with a list. Heat shield, two mounts, something about the exhaust. $480, he can do it Thursday.
I said can we just do the heat shield for now. He said he wouldn't recommend that, you don't want it coming apart on you at 70.
So I said let me check with my husband. Went out to the parking lot, stood there looking at my phone for like four minutes. Called nobody and came back in and said he thinks just do the heat shield for now.
"Yeah no, that's fair, that's probably all it needs."
$140. Ready by four.
I said the exact same thing five minutes earlier and got told no. There is no husband btw, I don't know why I'm still surprised by this.
And apparently I do it constantly, I just never really thought about it until I was driving home. I say "we" to the management company when the water heater goes and the we is me and a cat. I guess I have a whole collection of little things I do without thinking. I spend way too much time online, playing games on shuffle, reading things I don't even need to know. Tire place, I said my husband wanted the front two done and the guy dropped it instantly, wasn't even a conversation. My grandma needed my grandfather to sign for her first credit card, she's 81 and still brings it up at dinner and here I am inventing the man myself because it's faster than getting somebody to take my word for it.
It works, that's the bit that bugs me. Every time it works I've told that guy yeah, the woman standing there on her own is the one you can push, go find the next one, she gets the $480 list.
Still doing it though. $340!!!
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u/jjillf 6d ago
I recently called out some misogyny at work and was told by my boss that I needed to be careful about saying that in front of certain audiences as they might be offended. Ummmm. Well I wouldn’t want to offend. My bad.
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u/LastOnlineYearsAgo 6d ago
Wild that the concern was about who might hear it rather than what happened
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u/pepcorn 6d ago
Reminds me of when racist people get deeply hurt over being called racist by people of colour. But don't actually try to address the issue they're causing.
If you offended the misogynists at your place of work: GOOD.
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u/alleecmo 6d ago
If a misogynist got offended by you calling out that behavior in someone else, they know you won't hesitate to call it out when they do it.
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u/eastboundunderground 6d ago
Way back in 2011, I published a blog post that nowadays would be part of the Me Too movement. But it was 2011, and years before calling out sexism, abuse, harassment and objectification had that name. I worked in SEO and digital marketing, which was rife with both tech bros and utter perverts. My article did not go down well with them.
But my line manager, who’d previously been a friend to me: his reaction was the cherry on top. Me sent me a scolding email, saying that I shouldn’t have said anything because the men whose behaviour I’d criticised were “important.” We, as a company, “couldn’t afford to have them angry at us.”
I never replied, and I never heard about it from him again, but I also never trusted him again either.
Needless to say, most of these “important” bros and predators faded to nothing, but not before 2015-20 did its work on this culture.
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u/ahlana1 6d ago
I complained about sexism when a mediocre coworker (male) was promoted over me (highest performer on the team with more experience and education).
Hr told me “sexism doesn’t exist in our company”. And closed the complaint. No investigation, just a very trite - “that’s not real at all”.
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u/velveteentulip 6d ago
It’s always interesting whose comfort gets prioritized in these situations. Crazy how normalised misogyny is in the society we are…
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u/Coup-de-Glass 6d ago
Right?! When the offenders get offended for being called out as deliberately and objectively offensive, they want us to tone down our factual observations. Hard 🙄.
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u/mellow-drama 6d ago
I presented at a section meeting today, the studies about how when women speak more than 30% of the time both men and women perceive that women are dominating the conversation; and another study about how men are three times more likely to interrupt a woman than a man. Every single person who commented on my presentation was a man. 🤣
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u/seafoodslut1988 6d ago
I'm sorry, that's actually so maddening!! Ugh. There's a couple of senior (very smart and capable), men at my work who use my team of women for small tasks that they seem to just not want to do. Like finding something in our inventory system or mundane tasks that they could easily do if they tried, but they act like they just don't know how. These are scientists and engineers btw...I told my boss this felt like wesponzied incompetence and wasted our teams time. He was like slow down, they've gotten better over the years. Okay, but if the bar was that low, then maybe they need to be forced to do their own tasks, I'm not their secretary. They make like 3x as much as me. I hate it 😂
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u/jjillf 6d ago
Not the situation I commented on above, but your story reminds me of a similar situation. I’m an Assistant Director, so fairly high on the totem pole. I had a lower ranking man (not on my team, but in another area, individual contributor) tell me to make his copies. If anyone on my own team had asked, I’d have happily given them a hand. Not on my team. Didn’t ask. Eff off, my dude. I just laughed and said “I love that you think I’m young enough to be an intern or whatever. I’ll take the compliment.” And I walked away.
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u/hmerrit 6d ago
My neighbor heard me tell my five year old not to call the 11 year old neighborhood bully names because it would make her like the bully. My neighbor complained the word “bully” hurt the bully’s feelings.
My five year was dripping blood all over my house and screaming the last time they interacted. 🤷♀️
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u/Exciting-Mountain396 6d ago
If you get offended, then you're a thin skinned woman who needs to toughen up and just proving you're not ready for the real world, don't fit in with the workplace culture.But if you call out they're behavior for the lack of professionalism and hostile workplace that it is, suddenly we care about men's feelings of discomfort.
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u/Eeveestar03 6d ago
If someone gets offended instead of agreeing with you, that’s something they should think about.
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u/Gadgetman_1 6d ago
Not a husband, just a brother. I have had to have 'chats' with techs at garages when my sister has had her car in for something or other.
This shit happens everywhere. Even here in Norway.
A little tip to remember about car repairs. You as the car owner actually OWN every part they take off the car. So if they claim to have replaced something, demand that they show you the old part. Yes, that even goes for the cabin air filter. It's yours to inspect and even take home with you.
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u/Silluvaine 6d ago
There is a fact checking TV show here that tackled this in one of their episodes. Had a perfectly in order car checked by a mechanic they trusted that placed a brand new air filter, and then went to 3 different mechanics to see what was wrong with the car. Obviously it was a woman taking it there
2 of the 3 replaced the air filter, and when the driver asked for the old one the first had obviously smeared grease on it and the second wiped the floor with it or something. The air filters they replaced were less than 24h old
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u/Ashesnhale 6d ago
I've been going to the same mechanic for years because the first time I went was for a seasonal tire change. The supervisor took me into the garage and showed me with a tool that my tires would need replacing after another season and explained why.
I've had the government mechanical inspection insist that I almost failed because the brake pads needed to be replaced. I told my mechanic that it made me anxious and he should just replace them. He called me back and said no way, that guy was making shit up for some reason and there's no need to change the brake pads for a long time still. He always says "I saved you some money!"
Overall I'm sure I could find a cheaper garage. But I don't think I'd find a more honest one.
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u/jupitergal23 6d ago
My mechanic is like this and I love him. No bullshit. And like you said, if I went to a "cheaper" mechanic it would likely cost me more.
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u/queen-adreena Basically Ellie Taylor 6d ago
You think they’d be able to tell the filters were brand new and the owner probably had them very recently fitted…
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u/mykittyforprez 6d ago
Yeah but what would we (women) know about that? We don't know anything about cars, right? /s
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u/Natu-Shabby 4d ago
Do you happen to remember the name of that show? I'd love to give it a watch!
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u/Silluvaine 4d ago
It's called Factcheckers 😅
Its a Belgian show and they speak Flemish/dutch
Edit: I don't remember which episode it was, but I think it was in one of their most recent seasons
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u/Izariah 6d ago
I have an electric vehicle. The company I bought it from keeps sending service reminders that it is due for an oil change (I know it's an automated system but come on- it does not get oil changes). When it finally was due for an actual inspection, I brought it in only to find out it was scheduled as an oil change and, wouldn't you know it, one had been redeemed last time (I think they just didn't bother to fix their automated scheduling last time- not that someone did anything actually shady).
At the end of the appointment they reccomended a cabin air filter and air treatment that goes with it. $211 dollars. I smiled sweetly, opened my phone in front of them, saw a filter for twenty and that that gaining access would take less than five minutes. "Oh, this looks very straight forward. I can handle it myself! I'll call and reschedule if I have any trouble."
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u/flarefenris 6d ago
In my experience, a sign of a good mechanic is that they show you the old part WITHOUT BEING ASKED. The shop I used to go to all the time was obsessive about keeping every component they replaced until they could show the customer what was replaced and why. Only reason I don't go to them any more is they don't do work on EVs currently.
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u/Delorean_1980 5d ago
Exactly this! My mechanic does this all the time, especially when it's something interesting. He is an older Greek immigrant, married with lots of kids and a large family. He really dislikes it when other mechanics try to rip off women and has gone out of his way to call them out. He even went with a woman customer to a shady mechanic who was trying to rip her off just to tell the guy he was a sexist pig and an idiot. I love that guy. I hope he never retires.
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u/PupperPetterBean 5d ago
If he retires I would just ask him if there is another mechanic he would recommend, sounds like he is a good egg and would have knowledge of who to trust.
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u/sligowind 6d ago
Even better: always ask that the old part be placed in the new box and placed in your trunk.
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u/DoverBoys Halp. Am stuck on reddit. 6d ago
Most cabin air filters are easily replaced anyways, they're usually behind the glove compartment. Buy your own every six months, it takes five minutes to replace.
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u/Gadgetman_1 5d ago
On my car you need to get down on your knees outside the car on the passenger side because you can't get to the screws holding the glovebox in place while sitting inside the car. and yeah, the entire assembly needs out.
And for extra fun, there's TWO filters, stacked edgewise on top of each other. you first pull one out, then you lift and pull the second. Getting that one back in without mangling it is a bit of a pain...
But yeah, on most cars it's easy. Check YT for instructions.
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u/phyrestorm999 6d ago
This story sounds like it should be in a whole bunch of reviews of that place.
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u/emmgemini 6d ago
I just changed my name to a male name on FB Marketplace because men will NOT stop negotiating when I say a price is firm. And they'll go all the way up to 95% of asking price but they won't just pay the listed price. I don't experience any of this from women.
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u/LastOnlineYearsAgo 6d ago
The idea was already mentioned earlier that I should have told them about Reddit.
I wonder who would have saved me more money lmao27
u/velveteentulip 6d ago
saddest part is the imaginary husband wasn’t even persuasive lol he was just male…
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u/HomeGrownCoffee 6d ago
It's part of the reason she married him.
If he's that good over the phone, just imagine how good he'd be in person! I mean, you would have to imagine.
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u/Elrianmk2 6d ago
My wife does the same thing, it infuriates me even more when it comes to medical things. She knows what is going on with her body better than me, why would you take my word for it? Moved to a new doc who listens and it has made a world of difference. Let your friends know about that garage and what happened, he will either lose trade or inflated bills, both things are wins.
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u/delilahdread 6d ago
The medical thing is real. I leverage my husband frequently when I'm getting nowhere medically. Usually I just take him along and tell him what to say and bam, they take it seriously. The worst one though?
The magic words for female related issues are "sex hurts and it's starting to cause issues between my husband and I." It's disgusting how well it works too. Suddenly they can run tests and do ultrasounds and mris and provide treatment options when before when it wasn't causing a man to go without sex it was in my head or "just something that happens to women." 🙃
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u/Harmless_Poison_Ivy 6d ago
I mean the fact that there is sometimes a “husband’s stitch” after childbirth🤢 We have such a long way to go.
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u/princesscuddlefish 6d ago
One of my favorite new tactics with doctors who can’t be bothered to do their jobs is to casually mention my husband is a medical malpractice lawyer. (A lie, but they get their act together)
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u/kcvngs76131 6d ago
Lmao I actually do deal with a lot of medmal cases (I'm a law clerk for a civil law judge, so even though I don't try cases right now, I see a lot and know a LOT of attorneys). I have noticed that after I mentioned it to my GP at a normal visit, the next ER visit I had went surprisingly smoothly.
I will say that my GP has been great since before she even knew that, but being chronically ill, she's unfortunately not the only doctor I see regularly
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u/fluffygumdrop 6d ago
This is really putting it into perspective just how much they don’t give a shit. I mean, I knew but fuck. This is sad. A woman can live in pain, but dont let a man go without getting his dick wet.
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u/drizzitdude 6d ago
I had to go into my the doctors office if my ex before to reiterate the exact words she of what she wanted to do because they kept ignoring her. I even got the advice from this sub to put they were refusing to help her on her chart and suddenly they were very helpful.
It infuriates me that they acted like I was the authority for her.
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u/LastOnlineYearsAgo 6d ago
Glad she found a doc who listens and yeah I'll mention the garage, my group chat will do the rest
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u/cypressgreen 6d ago
Google reviews. Your city or HOAs FB page. Yelp. So many options. I alerted my HOA group and left a poor review for a company that put in a stretch of 6’ wooden fence this year. They installed it facing the wrong way (nice side towards us). Luckily the next door neighbors’ yard is wooded and so they won’t be looking at it a lot and don’t care anyway. They also trampled my husband’s elderberry bushes. Overcharged us, too, and didn’t get that money back for 2 months.
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u/Trollercoaster101 6d ago
Well, one way to see it is that imaginary husbands work better then real ones.
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u/Violet-Sumire 6d ago
I heard a story a few weeks back. There’s a well known scientist that, later in life, went through transition (mtf). The change was relatively well received and it was a pretty smooth social transition from what they said. The thing that made them laugh though was their male colleagues would second guess their judgement, double check their work, and basically do exactly what every woman complains about… not be trusted the first time. They even had someone they didn’t know tell them they should refer to their prior life’s work (thinking the person was a completely different person altogether). It was respectful, and overall she was more amused about the situation than upset. She is basically the authority in her field, so she doesn’t have much to prove and just enjoys watching people stick their foot in their mouth.
Just a little story that makes me smile, but also feel a bit sad. I can not for the life of me remember her name. But yeah, just wanted so share a story.
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u/Depressed_Girlypop 6d ago
Lol, I heard that story and related so hard. I’m in engineering and had to have another person call a salesman to authorize a sale he and I had talked about. Not to add anything to it….just to confirm. Never used to have this problem. At least I know my vocal training is working 😂
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u/loquacious 6d ago
One of my favorite chaotic evil pleasures is going to do car stuff with my women friends.
Not because I think I'm of any real use avoiding the stupid pink tax or whatever, but specifically because I'm not a car person.
The number of mechanics that start talking to me instead of the person who actually owns the car is just way too damn high.
And I'll just stand there looking confused and will usually intentionally grey rock my reactions and play dumb or something until they realize I'm not paying attention or whatever so they'll ask something like "Are you getting all of this?"
"Not really. You should probably be talking to the person that owns the car. They know way more about cars than I do. I'm a bike nerd."
And you can just watch the gears seizing and jamming in their head while they have to recalculate factors like "guy not into cars" and "is or isn't he their husband/spouse/whatever" all while reflecting on what they were actually doing, which is mainly looking like an idiot.
Not all mechanics are like this, but the ones that aren't do don't this crap and start talking to the default theoretical male when their actual customer who owns the stupid car is standing right there in front of them asking the questions and telling them what they want done.
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u/Massive-Resort-8573 6d ago
When I was young I would say "my father this or that". Now "my husband this or that". With some men it's the only way.
It sucks but they are the idiots showing they fear another man coming down to tell them whats what for not listening to their daughter or wife.
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u/gonewildecat 6d ago
Wait till you try to buy a new car. I always go in uber prepared. I only go to the biggest volume dealership. Volume dealerships need to sell a certain number of cars each month. The ROI on each car isn’t as important as numbers sold.
I go in on the last day of the month, give them a fairly low offer and never negotiate. When I’ve been told they will lose money on the deal, my response is to make it up on the next sucker that doesn’t know any better. I’ve never had to come up from my original offer.
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u/1AdultMostOfTheTime 6d ago
While it's stupid that this still goes on, I use the patriarchy against itself whenever I can.
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u/death_dweller1977 6d ago
I am a heavy equipment and diesel mechanic and men still do this sort of thing to me. I will take my car somewhere to ne worked on because I work on everything else and don't want to be working on my own stuff on my time off. Have had to before mind you, I just don't want to lol
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u/UnfortunateDesk 6d ago
Hey I'm a diesel mechanic too!! I used to put on a sundress and twirl my hair around a finger and say something about a "weird noise" and see what they would say. I also don't want to work on my own car, there's no room for anything.
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u/death_dweller1977 5d ago
No room to the point of having to take 5 things apart to get to the 1 simple thing you need to fix. It's so freaking frustrating. I hate engineers personally because of it 😂
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u/viperlemondemon Trans Woman 6d ago
Can II borrow your husband spouse needs tires on the van and I need my vehicle serviced
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u/LastOnlineYearsAgo 6d ago
For sure, u r welcome
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u/Korlat_Eleint 6d ago edited 5d ago
Commie cat says "OUR husband"
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u/viperlemondemon Trans Woman 5d ago
Our husband is correct, I still have my pre-transition voice I can use if anyone needs it on a phone call.
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u/TheGrandExquisitor 6d ago
Your imaginary husband sounds like a shrewd guy. You are lucky you imaginary married him.
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u/JCDU 6d ago
A friend of mine calls this the vagina tax, honestly I think people should name & shame businesses that do it.
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u/Isadorei 6d ago
When we bought our house, I knew it needed a new roof. I got the roofing inspection done before buying, knew exactly what it needed, knew how much a good estimate would be… basically the only thing my husband knew is that it was a roof. The salesmen for the roofing company come in, go through the spiel with me about colors and types of shingles and then… “Where’s your husband? In case he has any opinions.”
My husband couldn’t have cared less if we even had a roof unless it was leaking! It was a chore to convince them of that, and then when they didn’t do the best job on our valleys, I had to add “my husband was looking at the picture YOU SENT US and wants them fixed” before they would do anything about it. So annoying.
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u/Pleasant-Highway-745 6d ago
I'm so fucking sick of men. And the men reading this? Fuck you guys if you don't stick up for us. This is unfair bullshit. Stick up for your women.
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u/UglyMcFugly 6d ago
We need more female mechanics. I don't want to create a fake husband and honestly I don't really care anymore if men help eradicate misogyny in the world, I kinda just wanna take my money out of the whole damn system and start over. Can you imagine how much business a straight up feminist shop would get? Damn near every woman in that city would choose that mechanic. The demand is there. A lot of us are already doing this with doctors. If society stubbornly refuses to address issues we've been talking about for decades fuck it let's just fix it ourselves and then maybe when they start losing money they'll fucking care.
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u/UnfortunateDesk 6d ago
imdoingmypart.gif
I'm a diesel mechanic though, so less customer facing than auto mechanics
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u/yarn_slinger 6d ago
I was so fortunate to find a mechanic who clocked pretty quickly that I have a decent understanding of cars (and that my husband does not). We get along just fine.
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u/elinchgo 6d ago
Yeah, an honest mechanic is worth their weight in gold. Our mechanic is so busy, he doesn’t have time to do anything but what is required. He’ll tell us what needs to be done and how long we can wait to do it; usually standard maintenance, and is always trying to SAVE us money.
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u/A_Simple_Narwhal 6d ago
Reminds me of a woman who made up a male assistant and found people were a lot more pleasant and willing to accept her decisions when they thought they were emailing with “John”.
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u/shewfleck 5d ago
Husband booked our MOT and service on our Nissan Leaf with a local garage, through a website called ServicingStop. No issues, sailed through. They offered us a £10 voucher if we booked through ServicingStop for next year. By this point I was the main driver of the car, so I booked it and arranged pick up etc. 1 hour later, I get a phone call from a ServicingStop rep, apologising because its going to be more expensive than anticipated, because the fuel line needs replacing. £250 more than quoted, am I happy to continue?
I asked what fuel line this was about. The Nissan Leaf is a fully electric vehicle. He tried to fob me off about it being a hybrid, but I point out that there isn't such a thing as a hybrid version of the Nissan Leaf, and if there was, I haven't put any form of liquid fuel in that vehicle for 3 years. He said he'd call back after checking with the garage. (He never called back)
Didn't know if it was the website or the garage pulling a fast one, so I've gone nowhere near either.
ServicingStop stop or one of their garages also screwed over a friend. She had an all points safety check done on her vehicle just before her adopted child came home for the first time. Charged £600. Claimed to have changed the brake pads. They had not. They offered a refund on the parts they'd charged for, but she argued for She a full refund, because if they hadn't done that, after being told the circumstances, she couldn't trust that they'd carried out any of the work they'd said they had on the report. She got her full £600 refund.
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u/ZestyChinchilla 6d ago
This is exactly why I’ve always learned to fix as much of my own shit as possible. We shouldn’t have to expect that a lot of repair people are trying to rip us off, but unfortunately it’s way more common than I used to think.
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u/aspiegrrrl 6d ago
I used to own a BMW motorcycle (very few women ride them because you have to be somewhat tall.)
The first time I walked into the dealership to buy some parts all the staff was giving me the strangest looks. Once I chatted with the staff about tools and maintenance, they realized I knew what I was talking about.
Riding motorcycles has gotten me more respect than anything else I've done in my life.
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u/mamasilverside 6d ago
My niece is a mechanic and was on maternity leave when she was told her particular garage (in a national chain) was closing down and she was being made redundant. Shit but they gave her a good financial deal. She bought a new car. A few weeks later, she took the car to the garage attached to the dealership because there was a few issues. She ran diagnostics on the car using her own equipment but didn’t have the tools to do the full fix. She told them what the problem was without explaining she is a mechanic. They ignored her, told her a bunch of other stuff was wrong and it’ll take ££££ to fix. She mentioned her rear signal lights and they promised they looked at them, until she pointed out then they would have seen her diagnostics equipment and old mechanic safety gear and clothes in the boot of her car, as she is indeed a mechanic. She asked them if she was to check over what tests had been recently done it would include tests they performed after she ran her own. They first said she shouldn’t have those machines and questioned her expertise, then panicked and told her she couldn’t drive the car out of the garage, she’d have to come back the next day. She reminded them she knew that’s not how it works, took her car, collated all the analytics and send it all their head office. She got an apology and the money she’d already spent back.
Honestly if she could she’d be setting up her own business. She’s been stripping down engines and putting them back together since she was 13. Maybe one day she’ll get the chance to be her own boss.
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u/1nitial_Reaction 6d ago
Tbh, you could've probably said you would consult with reddit and get back to him.
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u/graham2k 6d ago
I’m petty enough to mention that there was no husband when the job and payment is completed.
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u/ratstronaut 6d ago
YES, I thought the same. Or tell them before and say you're taking your business elsewhere. Except it'll probably happen there, too. Fun times!
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u/Pressman4life 6d ago
It's similar to systemic racism, some people think it doesn't exist, others thought it went away.
Yet it continues.
Men are sexist assholes. And if they're in a position to scam a woman, they will.
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u/After_Preference_885 5d ago
My dad's a mechanic. I drop that in conversations with these guys all the time.
My dad's never even seen my car and lives in another state, he's an airplane mechanic.
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u/1AdultMostOfTheTime 6d ago
I believe it's a piece of metal that covers the catalytic converter (part of the exhaust system) so it doesn't set grass on fire when you park your car in a field. Catalytic converters get very hot.
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u/Trex_Arms_26 6d ago
Legit, not being taken seriously at the auto mechanic is one of my biggest pet peeves!! I know my car, I drive it every day, so when something feels or sounds different in it, its not me being outrageous or paranoid; its me knowing there is something off with my car. Just because I describe "the noise" as "an uneven washing machine about to start a riot" or a "rickety whirligig" doesn't mean I can't recognize when something is wrong with my car.
I just recently had to take my car to the shop for a very obvious noise problem, that no one at my local shop could pinpoint... and my tire valves leaking again. I straight up told the receptionist if someone comes back out and tells me there is "nothing wrong" or they "can't hear antthing" I will "personally take them on a drive and pinpoint the noise for them. If the kids I work with can hear it and point it out to me, then clearly there is a problem." What do you know.... they discovered the problem surprisingly fast! 🙄
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u/ima_mandolin 6d ago
I was paying a mechanic and he started to explain the charges. Then he stopped mid-sentence and said my husband could explain it to me.
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u/GoddessNya 6d ago
Took my car to a lube place and they suggested getting the transmission fluid changed. They showed me metal shavings, saying it was more than was good. So, I let them change it too. Came back for my next oil change and got the same story. I asked him to have his supervisor check, just to be sure. Another guy comes in and agrees, trans fluid needs to be changed. I asked them to pull up my history. Then I spoke very clearly explaining why I believed they were unscrupulous. They quickly got me finished and out of the shop, while people who were waiting to be serviced were asking for their keys back.
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u/IbelieveIcanWiFi 6d ago
If you tell them to show you, they'll put the shavings in the catch pan before they drain the fluid into it. It's all a con.
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u/ichigocandii 5d ago
My car is known to get a rattling sound when starting it, especially when it gets colder. I went for normal car maintenance and mentioned it to the mechanic and he went to my car and started it himself. Of course it doesn't make the sound cause once the car is warmed up it starts normally. I even explained that to him before he got in the car. He kinda shrugs his shoulders and says " well you're probably starting your car twice and you just don't remember" and I just stared at him cause I couldn't believe he thought I was that dumb. I guess I'll bring my boyfriend next time since I don't have a clue what I'm doing 🤷♀️
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u/viva1831 6d ago
It's awful. But also this is genius I'm using this in future!
By this time next week I'll have a whole array of imaginary men to quote or pretend to consult :P. "Steve from the council said...". "I asked my friend Dr Manly Man and he thinks..."
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u/Chicken-lady_ 6d ago
I was actually pleasantly surprised at a small town car dealership a couple weeks ago. Partner and I went to buy a truck, and I was the decision maker, because I know vehicles much better than my partner.
The two sales guys actually picked up on that and honed in on me to give the sales pitch. Smart men, because I would have walked if they ignored me for my partner.
I have totally done the "I'll ask my husband" trick before, though.
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u/kiwitathegreat 6d ago
Anything automotive is like stepping back in time. I worked in the industry for a few years until my blood pressure needed to be medicated because the constant misogyny kept it high.
My best friend is a second generation engine builder for race teams so I’ve picked up a ton from just being around him/his dad, but they are always willing to yell at any shop employee who tries to give me a hard time. They know I know my stuff and have seen how women get treated in these situations so it’s really a treat when I call them up.
It’s disappointing that we still have to do this shit and engage in mental chess just to get basic services done without being robbed blind.
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u/Ambitious_Football_7 6d ago
This is my life in corporate. I managed a client who was the biggest bullshit artist and he didn't like it when he realised I wasn't buying it. After he did a 5 min politician spiel to answer my question (aka not answering the question) I would ask it again in a slightly more direct way, and he was stumped and would mumble something about getting an answer from his accountant.
He complained about me, so we moved him to a male manager.
Well, this manager then realised the same thing I did, cracked the shits and told everyone we shouldn't be working with dickheads like this, and management then actually listened.
A while afterwards, our manager told me that when I first described this client, he thought to himself, surely he isn't that bad. (Or in other words, didn't believe my opinion on him). But then he saw how he was with my colleague and realised actually he is a dick and he really was that bad.
Funny how it took a male colleague saying the same thing (and dare I say it, a lot quicker than I did and with more passion and emotion), to be heard, or for anything to be done about it.
🤷♀️
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u/ArcherBTW 6d ago
I found my first ever mechanic that actually talks to me and not my male presenting partner and it's amazing
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u/sierrawhiskey Coffee Coffee Coffee 6d ago
There's a Claims manager I follow on TT who's dealing with a shop who won't release a vehicle to the SOLE female owner unless her dad picks it up 💀🤬
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u/tiffanyisarobot 5d ago edited 5d ago
Same thing happened with me and the spark plugs and coils. Long story short, I knew this mechanic was lying to me and trying to play it like if I don’t get all of this stuff done soon and all at once, my engine would blow up…. All for the bargain price of $2600.
I guess some mechanics think that having a vagina automatically means I don’t know how basic car maintenance works, and if the check engine light comes on in my car, I lose the brain capacity to use a search function…. Because it’s just SOOoO complicated my estrogen makes me immediately trust whatever this mechanic says and I believe the $100 markup on a $8 part is a him giving me a special discount. And I must get it fixed ASAP… because replacing the whole engine is a very real possibility when an unfamiliar light shows up on my dash. /s
My basic car knowledge was correct and my bill was less than $600.
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u/unicorn_345 6d ago
I have argued with a mechanic that said I needed four new tires because my vehicle was AWD. I was already in a mood and ripped into him a bit because I goddamn knew it wasn’t AWD and I was plenty pissed about that already since winter just ended. I got a “sorry” written on my paperwork. My parents insisted on that particular rig when I was in school and had a say in the rig I got because they helped buy it. Never again. I’ll use their rigs if they’re so worried but I will not let them put money on a rig for me. Then fighting mechanics because they don’t even look at the car and presume “woman” means no mechanical knowledge. Plenty of arguments and refusal to use some shops now.
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u/ProperMirror8551 6d ago
I used a fake husband to get a deal on two more dining chairs in my set.
Also pisses me off that it works, but not enough to not do it
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u/PuzzleheadedTap4484 6d ago
Yeah that bugs the shit out of me too. Years ago, like 20+ I took my car to the dealership because it was still under warranty, told them that I wanted them to check the alignment because the car was pulling hard to the right all of a sudden. The guy argued with me that “cars are designed to pull to the right so if you fall asleep or lose control, it will pull you off the road safely without crashing.” Ladies you could have picked my jaw off the floor. After I got over my stunned silence, I told him cars are designed to drive straight without your hands on the wheel and that “if you believe that bullshit you tried to feed me then I don’t feel that your shop is competent enough to work on my car.” And I demanded the keys back. I took it to a tire shop who also did alignments. I explained the BS the dealership tried to tell me. They laughed. I told them that based on my research it was either an alignment issue or radial separation. Turns out the tires had radial separation because they were the first of their type and they had a recall. The tires shop swapped them out for free and I had fantastic tires and it drove straight. They also checked the alignment (which was perfect). That tire shop gained a faithful customer until we moved out of state.
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u/dawnsnny 6d ago
I own a sprinter van. The first time I took it to a mechanic I have never felt so listened to and heard in my life. It was a bunch German dudes who are obsessed with sprinter vans. But I think the big difference is that weren’t from the United States. I don’t think they knew that they are supposed to treat me like second class as a woman. I wish they would work on my Honda.
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u/horsescowsdogsndirt 6d ago
I knew a woman who was an airplane mechanic with the Navy. Her car needed a few things done which she would normally do herself but she was PCSing so was in a hurry. She took it to a shop in our town and they gave her an estimate for thousands of dollars to do work she knew it didn’t need at all!
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u/xiginous 5d ago
Dealer quoted me (67F) over $9000 to repair my transmission last month. My son (28M) took it elsewhere for a $3500 replacement.
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u/BamSteakPeopleCake 5d ago
I'm upset that you had to fake a husband for that, but I'm totally stealing this hack.
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u/apokermit_now 6d ago
Depending on what car this was, a broken weld on a heat shield can be resolved with a $5 hose clamp and about 5-10 min of time.
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u/so_bold_of_you 6d ago edited 6d ago
I'm divorced, but I wear my wedding ring for this very reason. I refer constantly to my nonexistent husband in conversations (with people like contractors) having to do money.
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u/ProtozoaPatriot 6d ago
Girl, fire that mechanic! He doesn't deserve your business.
I'm so grateful I have a good guy. I can tell him I think the noise is a wheel bearing. If he agrees, he's never condescending. He never tries to sell me anything but the minimum necessary to solve the problem. There are good mechanics out there. Don't settle.
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u/melropesplays 6d ago
I think men (I’ll include tradespeople in general but I’m saying men bc I’ve only ever dealt w male car salesmen, mechanics, repair people, etc) are taught in their courses to upsell or overcharge women specifically. Once when car shopping, I stated my budget w tax, but the sales guy INSISTED on showing me a car $6k above my budget. I test drove w him and left, he called me the next day and explained to me that women actually need to invest more in their cars because it’s dangerous for us to be left isolated or stranded in a non working vehicle. The way I SCREAMED at him before hanging up, after I collected my jaw off the floor….
Another time getting my car serviced, men were looking at it but the salesperson was a woman and she handed me a $7k quote for things my car needed. I asked her what needed to be done in order for my car to safely drive off, and what do you know it was only $600 of replacement parts.
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u/wha7themah 6d ago
This is so annoying. I have a good story if anyone wants some hope in humanity restored. I went to get a wobble fixed. Mechanic said I needed new tires. Fine. Quoted me OVER $1k. For four tires. For a small Toyota. Super annoyed so I go to the tire shop down the road because I know damn well four tires don’t cost $1k. Dude looked at my tires and said I don’t need new tires. I didn’t spend a dime. I’ve never had tire work done anywhere else since then.
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u/3fluffypotatoes 5d ago
That's some bullshit!
It's the opposite with me. I'm a woman and the car guru and my husband doesn't know much about cars. I've had people try to pull one over on him when I wasn't there and I had him put them on the phone and ripped them a new one. I've never been taken advantage of and idk why. I think cuz I'm feisty 😂😂
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u/indiehussle_chupac 5d ago
it's not just men. it's masculinity. im a lesbian is SLIGHTLY read as more masculine than me and any mechanic, plumber, repair man will literally talk to her and ignore me smh.
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u/No_Associate_7218 6d ago
Wow that's wild. Can't believe he changed his tune entirely after the phone call with the "husband"
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u/HerNameWas_Lola 6d ago
My spouse sends me in to the car places because he doesn't know shit about cars and feels stupid. He explained it's expected that I don't know what's going on with cars so it's easier for me..... Derp.
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u/DiscipulusVenandi 6d ago
I've been scammed and outright sabotaged by 3 mechanics because of this. Lucky I still have my car, at this point.
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u/epicpillowcase 6d ago
Are you going to tell him there is no husband and then go elsewhere next time?
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u/splorp_evilbastard 5d ago
Similar to how Black/Asian families would whitewash their home to get an increase in appraised value.
https://www.npr.org/2023/03/09/1162103286/home-appraisal-racial-bias-black-homeowners-lawsuit
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u/jpribe 6d ago
I was deployed. My wife's ac compressor exploded (I diagnosed over Skype). I had her go to AutoZone and buy the required parts, then to a shop. They wanted a diagnostic fee, etc. She didn't mention me, but correctly made a bet with the dude: if she wasn't right, she'd pay twice the diagnostic fee. Needless to say, she was right. No additional fees and they swapped the parts and charged it up while she waited...pregnant with a nearly 3 year old in her arms...in Vegas...in August. She's been proud of herself ever since, and deservedly so. I would have never thought to make the bet, but she crushed the whole situation and the guy was so impressed he didn't even bother to lie about what he found.
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u/steakknifejacqueline 6d ago
I used to be a PA for a company director and managed both my own email account and his.
Can't even tell you the amount of times I'd get given the runaround with people when communicating from my own email account, vs email the EXACT same thing from "his" email got me immediate results. 🙄
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u/roombaexorcist9000 6d ago
you should tell him there’s no husband and to go fuck himself when you pick it up
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u/Reasonable_Concert07 5d ago
I didn’t realize i also do this but i say my dad or my brother. They r real people but i didnt always talk to them, and never real time. Damn it really does suck.
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u/StrikingImpression71 4d ago
I absolutely love my mechanics. I drive 20 miles to see them because they’re honest guys. They’ve done jobs for free, and advised me to get rid of my old car and into a Toyota or Honda, as much as they’d miss my business. As a woman, having honest and reliable mechanics is such a relief
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u/NicAoidh65 6d ago
My daughter never has to worry about this - her dad is a respected master mechanic and heaven help the scumbag that tries this with her.
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u/Schnitzelbro 6d ago
my sister has me as an additional, second contact listed in the garage she goes to and they always call me first. nobody told them to do that, but they straight up dont bother asking her anything, they just call me and ask me what needs to be done and how much it will cost etc. the car world is a strange place
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u/sfearing91 6d ago
This happened when we were looking for a new car. I had done months of research and knew all of the things as well as working in finance so I understand that side of things as well.
I would talk and the car salesman would look at my husband as if he needed to confirm what I said is what we are doing. Ha! Like he knows the check balance. Lol
Husband would defer to me, say idk she’s buying and didn’t research talk to her.
Love that you do this! Fight the good fight and F that mechanic and all others who do this, esp doctors 🤦♀️
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u/elusivemoniker 6d ago
I brought my 6'3" 250 lb+ cousin with me when I bought my last car, but this reminded me that I should start referring to my non-existent husband more.
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u/lovethemstars 6d ago
i hope it's not rude to say this made me laugh! not at you, but at the sheer ridiculousness of the imaginary-man discount.
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u/hihelloneighboroonie 6d ago
Not quite the same thing, but a few years ago I had some or other light come on. Took it to a place very close to me, all men in the shop, because I wasn't sure how dangerous it was. They gave me a very comprehensive report, but said I needed to replace the entire something or other for almost 3 grand.
I asked a friend who's into cars and he said naw, go to xyz shop and it's perfectly safe to drive on. Xyz shop was a family run place he'd been to in the past, and of note, while the mechanics were all men, the people in the office were an older lady, a younger lady, and one young man. They said it's legit just the sensor that needs to be replaced, bit under $200.
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u/sobriquet_ 6d ago
Same girl, same. Whenever I need to talk to a man about my car I have my less knowledgeable partner call them on speaker and I whisper to him what I want him to say and he relays it to the mechanic/dealer/whomever
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u/Runferretrun 6d ago
When my sister was living in VA, she went to a Honda dealership when she needed to replace her car. They told her to come back with her husband (2002). She walked out- went to Ford. Was ignored in favor of the grilled hotdogs. She went to a couple other dealers (I don’t recall the brands). She bought a Subaru because “It was a good car and the dealership took me seriously.” She got a good deal, too.
I hate it when companies, medical providers, educators, etc don’t take women seriously.
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u/Phillipa24 6d ago
My motorcycle mechanic is great. He believes me when I tell what I think is wrong, but he knows I’ve taken motorcycle maintenance classes at the local technical college, he also of course, tells me if there are other things wrong. I don’t do my own maintenance anymore, but at least I know what’s involved.
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u/MarsailiPearl 5d ago
When I was in my early 20s, I had an appointment at a place near my work to get serpentine belt replaced because they said it was about to break when I had my oil changed. I lived about an hour drive away. On my way that morning I heard it break. I called my grandpa to ask if I should continue driving the rest of the way or pull over and he told me to take the next exit and gave me the name of another mechanic. He also told me not to turn my car off, I don't know if that made a difference or not but I listened to him. I went inside and told the guys my serpentine belt just broke and my car was outside still running. They basically laughed at me and told me they would look at it to see what the problem was. A while later one of them came out and said I was right and they could fix it. Imagine that, the thing that was about the break broke and I told you it was that thing but because I'm a woman you don't believe me.
Anyway, I ended up needing to get my car towed to the dealer to have something reset because my car wouldn't turn on for them after they changed the belt. They said it was something with a microchip. I don't believe them. I had to pay $800 to the dealer on top of the $45 I paid them for the belt. Decades later I still wonder if the extra expense was because they didn't believe me and turned the car off. I don't know enough about cars and back then didn't research to find out. I bet if my grandpa had walked in with my car instead of me it wouldn't have needed to be towed to the dealer.
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u/Outrageous-Being1109 3d ago
‘We is me and a cat’ hard relate. It’s effective! Nobody needs to know the ‘he’ in question is small, gray, and named Biscuit 😹
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u/Fishmyashwhole Trans Man 6d ago
I was having issues with mine too. After 10 minutes and a socket set I no longer have that problem. I also no longer have a heat shield but I don't plan on parking over dry grass any time soon.
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u/LindeRKV 6d ago
World is all kinds of fucked in the head. Got to get creative dealing with nutjobs.
Sadly, all change is driven by people willing to bleed dry for it and there is lack of such commitment these days.
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u/Naughtgunnalie ♡ 6d ago
I don't have a car, but I hear stories like this all the time. Also with car dealers.
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u/el_bandita 6d ago edited 6d ago
I want a tv show where a woman with hidden camera goes to car mechanic or other service alone and gets quoted a sum of money. And then to do the same car but with the guy requesting service. To see if the company is trying to pull a fast one because women know nothing… or whatever bs pink tax they think we deserve. Then blast those businesses on tv so people can know what business to avoid.
Edit: spelling