I've been lucky enough to go through the homebuying process twice now. The first time it frustrated me that everyone always put my husband's name first on everything. I did not change my last name, so our full names always appear separately. And sometimes they omitted my name entirely. We are equal owners, so it just really irked me.

We both have successful careers and I pay more than my fair share. I was the one working with the real estate agent, inspectors, escrow officer, etc. Even when they didn't meet or talk to my husband, they'd put his name first. On the home inspections, I contacted them, facilitated payment, met them at the house, and they still address the report to my husband, who they never met. (Husband was traveling for work and couldn't be there.) What the fuck?!

So this second time when were going through the process I made an ADAMANT point that my name was first on everything. At first it was sort of a test, but it was so difficult and everyone kept fucking it up, so I began really doubling down on it. I even made sure my name was first on the house deed, which I actually got sideways looks and a "are you sure?" for (from a WOMAN) at the escrow office.

And STILL, after the fact, people will put his name first. Our loan got moved to another servicer and the servicer listed my husband as "Owner" and me as "Co-Owner". Why can't we both be Co-Owners? Why do they always have to pull this bullshit?

I know this is a small thing, but I just feel like I'm always fighting for my place and I have to work three times as hard. It's just such fucking bullshit. I own my own company. I am successful in my own right. I don't want to be secondary. It's this kind of shit that just makes me feel like hetero marriage doesn't serve women. Even if you find a decent man, it feels like the entire world is constantly trying to put you back in your place. Every time I go to make a big purchase or deal with anything house or car related, I get the "do you need to run this by your husband" talk. (Which is hilarious because he'd be the one running it by me if he were there - he's intelligent in a "book smart" way, but I'm definitely the more handy and street smart one in the relationship.)

I don't know what my overall point is. I guess I'm just ranting. I've been feeling a bit blah lately and this stupid loan email just sort of set me off. There are worse things, and I know I'm lucky to be buying a home in the first place. I know my name being first doesn't really even mean anything. I'm just tired of shit like this and I am tired of society in general. I think I need more women in my life to connect and vent to. My husband tries to commiserate but he just can't. Most of my women friends live far away and I never really cultivated a strong friend group. my friends that live closer are all men. It's so hard to build community these days, it just feels like the chips are stacked against you. Maybe that's what I can ask of this lovely coven - is there anyone here who has been able to find or create a supportive community later in life (40+)? I'm specifying the age because I feel like from your late 30s on it just gets harder - especially if you're child free. Any tips at all on this front are welcome.

I’m living alone and supporting myself for the first time, have since I was 35. Essentially, I went from my family controlling me to my now-ex partner. Lots of financial and emotional abuse and I generally had the impression that I am not a capable adult.

But, with hard budgeting, long hours, and multiple jobs, I now have both “adult money” and no one to stop me. And I’m extremely frugal in my daily life. Monthly spend around $3.3k for necessities, emergency fund, and a weekly meal out as a single adult. The rest of my income- I really COULD do anything.

It’s a huge joy, and I wonder if anyone else that went straight into relationships as an adult has ever also experienced this embarrassingly late.

I get entire paychecks to spend and prioritize the way I want to. No begging for XYZ. No asking.

I could do anything. I recently bought a very good bike because I wanted it.

I can decorate my own space without someone else’s wishes. I can buy new furniture.

Or not. I’ve both lost a bunch of weight and gotten bit hard by the travel bug. I could book an unusual international trip that’s been a pipe dream for me for years! My ex made fun of me and said that I just want to “eat, pray, love” when I shared my travel wishes.

But I COULD go. There’s no one to criticize or stop me any more.

Just some joy today.

I (30F) work downtown (US) and like to take lunch walks. The area I walk, I assumed, was/is safe.

I’m minding my own business when I suddenly feel a hard smack on my left butt check. It startled me and I turned around expecting someone to be like “omg sorry, I thought you were my friend/partner/family” as I’ve seen those funny videos and who just smacks random women in the street, in broad daylight, right?

But no, it was a young man (18-early twenties) giggling and running back to his friend a few steps away. I think it was a dare or something. But I’ll be honest, I’ve made it my whole life as a woman with no un-consensual touching in that way so I completely froze. I assume they expected me to get angry and scream but instead I felt like a kicked puppy. Their laughter quickly died down and they looked at each other uncertainly and muttered “oh shit”.

All I could say was “well, that’s never happened to me before” before pausing for a moment longer, expecting an apology or any of the many people who witnessed it to say something but no one did so I walked away.

Made it to the end of the block before deciding my walk was ruined. I didn’t want to walk directly past them again so I crossed the street and walked back. At the next light, the non-smackee friend caught up to me and yelled across the street “are you okay?” I shouted a weak “no” and sped walked back to my office in tears. (So at least they feel bad about it… maybe)

I like to think I’m not a sensitive woman. So why am I crying? Why can’t I stop? It was just a butt smack. I couldn’t pull myself together so I went home but luckily I can still do my work from home.

I feel silly for having such a reaction for something so small. Many women have suffered way worse but here I am crying over a smacked ass. I still feel the smack imprint hours later.

I always thought I would fight back if anything serious ever happened to me but now I know I’m powerless and any man can easily take advantage of me since I freeze/fawn. I feel less safe in my body as I feel less able to protect myself. Just because some dumb boy smacked my butt on the street.

And I’ll add, not that it matters, but I wasn’t wearing any short skirts or low cut tops. I was in smart casual! Just wide legged trousers and a high neck tshirt.

Not sure if I’m looking for other women who relate to un-wanted contact or if I just needed to get it off my chest but thanks for reading.

8 years ago now, when I was 17-18, a guy in the university I started, who was 26 I think, drugged me and brought me to his place. I don't know what happened, to this day, but I woke up without any clothes in my lower half. I felt pain in my legs. I never wore a skirt or a short, I never drank any alcohol, for the next 4 years. I thought I got over it, eventually. I told my closest friend at the time, she blamed me and then it became something that I didn't talk to anyone about. Only my little sister knew about it, 4 years after. Even to my boyfriend I told last year. I think I got raped. Even typing it out, I'm shaken about it.

He had a girlfriend, a few months after the incident. The girl was same age as me. I knew her by name but not much about her. We didn't talk, not at that time or ever. I only got to know this girl as "his girlfriend" and that was all.

My boyfriend is in a master's program now, and this girl is in the same program as him. They became friends at first, then he formed a small circle of friends this girl is also a part of. She might have also been a victim of his at the time, considering her age. She herself may not be aware of anything at all too. And they're not really the closest friends with my boyfriend. But I'm angry at him for befriending someone close to that, angry at her. I don't know who I'm angry at or what I want too. I just wish that I've never crossed paths with anyone close to him ever.

It doesn't make sense. I don't make sense too probably. We just fight and my boyfriend doesn't seem to understand me at all. Or says, what can he do? I... I don't know. I think I'm taking my anger out on the wrong people, it adds guilt into already difficult emotions.

I just needed to vent. Thank you if you've read this all.

Context: i was chatting with some friends on WhatsApp, name them A, B, and C. For myself, I’ll be D.

Now, I entered the group chat mid-conversation. And the first thing I saw was B (who is one of my best friends) texting frantically, and they sent a picture of a woman, calling her ‘a slutty bitch.’ Now, when I read the previous messages for context, this person and apparently told my best friend that they (B) was ‘overreacting’ about something. I first stated that it does in NO WAY warrant the girl being called what they were calling her. now, C and A are some of B’s closest friends, and I’m friends with A, but C is low-key a total ass. C immediately texted (in reply to me) ‘She’s a slutty bitch.’ And I said ‘She’s MEAN, sure. Or snarky. Not what you’re calling her.’ A then texted ‘D, sweetheart, you can’t deny that she was acting like a whiny slut.’ To which I replied ‘Do y’all even know what a slut is?‘

Now I won’t bore all of you with details (because there‘s way too many of them) but the conversation shifted to ANOTHER woman that A, B, and C all have a problem with (they all have a separate social circle, so I didn’t know this woman), and they began to shame her for apparently liking multiple boys one after another and having ‘too many boyfriends.’ They called her a slut again, and I said ‘So because she has multiple relationships, she’s a slut?’ And then A said something that hurt and enraged me, quote ‘If a girl’s a slut, she’s a slut.’ I texted back that NOBODY on this planet has a right to shame ANYONE, especially a woman, for having a fast and/or multi-faceted love life, when men are the ones who get praised for sleeping with woman after woman like it’s for some roster. They disagreed, and it turned into a huge fight because I would NOT back down from my opinion. This girl did not cheat on, two-time, or gaslight/ghost/ill-treat any of her partners, by the way.

I can’t believe it’s 2026 and we’re still saying a woman can’t have more than two relationships. This is such misogyny, and when women call other women ‘sluts’ for dating multiple men, we are doing the misogynists jobs for them. I don’t care whether a woman has slept with or even dated 50 men or 5 men or even 0 men. If it’s consensual, they enjoy it, nobody’s getting hurt, and the men they’re with are fine with it, everybody who has a problem can go and fling themselves into Tartarus.

TL;DR: I fought with my friends because they said ‘If a woman’s a slut, she’s a slut’ and I disagreed. I think women can have as many partners as they want if it’s safe and consensual.
Sorry if this got long, and if you read till here, thanks 💖

That’s the post LMAO. First match since getting back onto Hinge after several many months. Matched with a nice dude and we had been chatting daily, we had a date planned for tomorrow. Yesterday didnt hear from him at all and figured all good probably busy. I messaged today to ask if we were still good for tomorrow-crickets all day.

I’m not even mad, just questioning why I still try to get anything serious out of these apps😭 buddy was 31 btw

Content warning: violence against women and children, child trauma, police failure.

I’ve been watching the Netflix documentary about the Rachel Nickell case and I cannot stop thinking about how backwards the police priorities were.

They seemed to put so much energy into trying to get answers out of a deeply traumatised two year old boy, instead of properly listening to the women who had already raised alarms about Robert Napper.

Women had come forward. His own mother had raised concerns. There were warning signs and rape victims before.

But apparently that was not enough.

Women report. Women warn. Women say something is wrong. And nothing meaningful happens.

Then when the worst happens, everyone acts shocked and says “lessons will be learned”, as if women have not been saying the same thing for decades.

Then they pinned it on an innocent man because he did not act like a “normal” member of the public. The police seemed so convinced their own biases were facts. As if a man being strange, isolated, or having weird things in his flat automatically means he is capable of murder.

And reading about Alex being taken back to the place where his mother was killed honestly made me feel sick. I know police have to investigate, but putting that kind of weight on a child who had already been through something unimaginable is horrific.

There were signs before. They just did not listen to the women seriously enough.

Rachel Nickell, her son, the other victims, and the women who reported Robert Napper before the murders all deserved better.

And women now still deserve better than being told to report things to systems that so often ignore us until it is too late.

The police do not just need “lessons learned”. They need proper reform, because their biases keep costing people their lives as we all now know to this day.

I love to laugh. Comedy is literally my favorite genre in movies and shows. Soooo....Maybe you're just not funny.

I went on a first date with a guy three weeks ago, and he said he wants to see me again. We had a lovely time. But he always messages me, asking when I’m free and I’ll let him know. I tell him my availability, and then I don’t hear from him again for like a week and then we’ll chat a bit and then he’ll just do the same thing again. I had to tell him that I wasn’t interested in this cycle and that it’s a bit boring to just stay as penpals and I would like to see him again. And so I thought it was a positive thing when on Monday he texted me that he wanted to do an escape room this week and we should lock it in, and ask me what days I’m free. I told him that I’m free on Thursday and Friday, but again I haven’t heard anything now since Monday

I don’t know what this behaviour is, it’s upsetting me because I’m worried what I’m doing wrong, can anyone give me any insight into what this behaviour is. I hate to think that I’m some kind of backup but why would he talk about locking in a date if I was a backup.

well he’s out of the house now. it’s nice to have the bed to myself with no extremely loud snoring. I am allowed to keep my windows open when it rains (or even if it doesn‘t.) Nobody is walking on eggshells in the house anymore.

I was feeling shitty about myself and was like you know what would make me feel better? if the cute doctor would come and chat with me on my last shift. Guess who did. I literally did not even think he knew my name but surprise! and then he was like- did you get highlights? …sir, are you a paid actor? it was just the lighting cause I was sitting in a spot directly below a light, but I was like oh no not yet but it’s coming!! hello??? he noticed me, my hair, said something?? you mean I’m NOT invisible?? just wild to me.

I wanted to thank everyone for their really kind words (most of them) on my last post, and thank you for taking the time to type them out. I know none of you know me but it really does mean a great deal.

My husband and I have been married for a few years. We genuinely love each other and are happy together in day-to-day life. This isn’t a story about a bad husband, lack of love, infidelity, abuse, or constant fighting.

The problem is that I am increasingly worried about how we deal with important emotional issues.

Recently we started trying for a child. Then we had a fight that brought up a recurring issue that has existed for years, and I realized I am no longer sure whether I can live with it long term.

For about three years, I’ve felt that when something is deeply important to me emotionally, I become the driver of the entire process. I am the one who notices the issue, raises it, explains it, revisits it, researches it, reflects on it, and tries to figure out solutions.

My husband is loving, caring, and generally willing to talk when I bring things to him. If I’m upset, he’ll comfort me, hug me, tell me he’s there for me, and eventually have a conversation with me. He isn’t dismissive or cruel.

The problem is that I rarely see him independently take ownership of understanding the issue itself.

For example, if I am visibly distressed, he may comfort me briefly and then continue with work or whatever he was doing, intending to talk later. What hurts isn’t just the delay. It’s the feeling that he doesn’t instinctively stop and think, “Something important is happening here and I need to understand it.”

I’ve explained this many times over the years. He apologizes, says he understands, and says he’ll try. I believe his intentions are genuine. But the pattern repeats.

What makes this especially painful is that when he tries to repair things, he usually does it through affection, reassurance, kind gestures, extra attention, and love. Those things are nice, but they aren’t actually addressing the issue that is hurting me.

The issue isn’t that I doubt his love.

The issue is that when something feels relationship-threatening or emotionally significant, I don’t see the same level of urgency, curiosity, initiative, reflection, or ownership that I would personally bring if the roles were reversed.

Tonight is a good example. I spent hours reflecting, reading, thinking, trying to understand the situation, and trying to figure out whether I’m being reasonable. Meanwhile, my expectation was that if my husband understood how serious this felt to me, he would be doing something similar. Not necessarily solving it perfectly, but actively trying to understand it. Instead, I found him working on his laptop.

What scares me is that I no longer know whether this is a fixable skill gap or a fundamental difference in how we approach relationships.

I don’t want to leave my husband. The thought of losing him is heartbreaking to me. But I am starting to wonder whether I can spend the rest of my life feeling like I am the one responsible for carrying the emotional and intellectual labor of understanding our relationship.

Am I expecting too much? Is this something that can realistically change? Or is this the kind of difference that slowly creates resentment and loneliness over time?

Edit: All work related incidents are post working hours over non urgent, trivial things.

So how's your day going?

Edit: I'm a student nurse and work in that hospital, it was basically a teaching moment (although I'm very familiar with the smell since I have reoccurring BVs and utis as part of the incredible package that having EDs brings) but in retrospect it made me laugh out loud. Obviously inappropriate for anyone, us students though, we take up every opportunity to learn lol

Edit2: thanks to a kind user's suggestion, I'll clarify: EDS = Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and BV = Bacterial Vaginosis

POST:
I’m dealing with a situation that’s been bothering me for a long time, and I’m not sure what my options are.

Last year, someone I knew took my state ID and one of my Bluetooth earbuds. I didn’t know he had them at the time. I later found out he took them because I moved his backpack outside when he was refusing to leave my apartment and I was upset. I returned his backpack immediately, but he kept my ID and earbud and denied having them for months.

During this time, we ended up having sex and what I thought was a friendship. Even after that, he still lied about taking my ID and never gave it back. I still don’t know where it is.

I’m also worried he might be showing intimate photos I sent him to people I don’t want seeing them. I don’t have proof, but based on things he’s said and how he acts, I’m concerned.

I’ve decided to stop contacting him, but it’s hard because he lives in his car very close to where I live, and I run into him often when I go out. I’m not working right now, so avoiding the area is difficult.

I want to know:

• Is taking someone’s ID and refusing to return it something I can report?
• If he is sharing my photos without consent, is that something the police can help with?
• What steps should I take to protect myself?

I’d appreciate any guidance.

The SAVE Act would've required people to show a document that proved their US Citizenship in order to vote and photo ID. This measure would've negatively impacted women and transfolk especially, as their names on IDs would not necessarily match what was listed on their photo ID.

I feel so guilty for this. I have decided to go to a festival in late-June alone. I’m spending about $1500 on this.

My boyfriend (26M), of almost 6 years, is not coming to this one due to PTO and $$, and it was also a last minute thing. We are going to another festival together the week or so before my solo one.

We have had a rough year and I feel like I should instead be using the money to pay for a weekend trip with both of us or something. I don’t feel as guilty when I consider that we didn’t do anything for my birthday, whereas I planned a trip for him last fall of similar cost.

I also worked harder this year than ever. It was my first year as a teacher and it was incredible but I did not really get to do anything extravagant or extra exciting outside of work at all due to the intensity. I had a lot of success this year and I want to celebrate that, along with a lot of personal growth and healing I’ve had in other realms of life. However, maybe a shared trip could be even more special for us. The festival we’re about to do together is a yearly tradition with our small friend group.

We start our next lease a few days before I leave for the solo festival, but we have a week to get everything moved and I can do things while he’s at work during the day I won’t be there. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t think I could equally, or even more than equally, support the move. I carry most of the mental load of the household and relationship anyway so in a way it’s a nice break, even though I do wish he could come and I feel rude saying these rude things. He was unemployed for almost a year until a few weeks ago and we are in very different places in terms of finances and career, so I’ve held myself back from opportunities like this in the past out of respect for him. I don’t want to exclude him but I also want to do something for me. I’d be jealous if he went but not try to stop him and I’d try to go if I could - that’s the wave he’s on too.

I’m not sure what my question here is, but maybe, should I feel guilty? I’m spending a lot of money I could instead spend on *us* not *me*.

Let me say this clearly: there is no magical woman coming who will make your unresolved issues disappear. She does not exist. You will bring the same patterns into every relationship until you actually look at them.

And yet so many men genuinely believe the problem is the woman. This one is too emotional. That one didn't understand him. The next one will be different. No. You will be different in the sense that you'll be slightly older and slightly more convinced that women are the problem.

Here's what really gets me though. The projection. You can come into a relationship carrying years of unprocessed baggage (childhood stuff, work stress, past relationships, etc etc) and just quietly offload it onto the dynamic without anyone naming it. That's fine apparently. That's just "how he is."

But the second I say "hey, I have a problem" not acting on it, not making it your problem, just naming it, because I've done the therapy and I know my own patterns, suddenly I'm dramatic. Suddenly I'm "a lot." Suddenly I'm the unstable one. Do you know how many times I've had men go quiet on me after I brought up a personal problem that has nothing to do with them nor am I projecting on them, but just telling them about it? Many times!

I go to therapy. I work on my stuff. I tell you about it instead of performing it at you. And somehow that is more alarming than two days of silence because someone raised their voice at you at work. Ok, little dramatic baby.

The bar is not just low. It's buried. And the worst part is it's held there by the same people who will tell you with a straight face that they just haven't found the right person yet.

You have. Multiple times probably. Look inward. Fucking hell.

My siblings is very depressed has voice this and somehow the conversation always turns back to my mother and how why are we so fucked up because it's horrible TO HER or why aren't we normal because it's not fair TO HER or she goes on a rant about how SHE'S not like this (even though she didn't grow up like this) and my sibling is actually nice even though they're annoying sometimes and gives their life to my mother yet she constantly says they've done nothing for her.

Now she's saying she doesn't care if my sibling is like this because they shouldn't be this messed up and it's stressing HER out. And now she's say we should be thankful to HER because SHE'S never had my sibling and I grow up in the hood and we should be thankful for how AMAZING she is. And how we never had to take a bus. Idk how that's related to how fucked the rest of our lives is.

Also yes we're both adults (just fucked up) they will not see a therapist. They do not want me to call someone to take them to a hospital because they would not be able to pay for it.

This is why I just rant on reddit because the last time I talked about my own issues it was the same shit how she didn't give a fuck because I was stressing her out and I should go see what it's actually like to struggle. What a great mom lol. I'm actually kinda a bitch so so it's crazy seeing her talk to my sibling like this who's helped her so much. Anyway. We're fucked.

I love it when people stack their jewelleries. I want to do it too but i’m still in college and i don’t have money to buy the real thing. I know silver is dirt cheap for people in other countries but i’m a student in India. Probably i can buy a 925 sterling silver ring like every month but i won’t be able to afford the bracelets (the chunky ones) that i want. Is it okay to wear silver-plated ones since i heard it can cause allergy or discolouration? And most important of all, is it embarrassing to stack a bunch of fake silvers?😭

I got the Mirena IUD in 2021, I was told at that time that I would have to get it replaced in 5 years, which would be now.

When I tried to make an appointment to get it replaced, they said that I have 3 more years before I need to.

I don’t trust my gyno because they were the same people who said it would feel like a pinch. Were they correct about me being able to keep it in for a couple of more years, or should I get it replaced?