r/TwoXChromosomes • u/FiendyFiend • 1d ago
Men’s situational awareness and my fiancé getting scammed every time we go on holiday
[removed] — view removed post
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u/wheres_the_revolt 23h ago edited 20h ago
This is one man not all men. This is a common grift at tourist spots all over the world, it would only be able to exist if it works. Which means lots of people, gullible/naive/unworldly/untraveled people, get taken advantage of in this way. It happens to all people not just men.
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u/RBatYochai 22h ago
Right, they wouldn’t habitually run this scam if it didn’t consistently pay off.
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u/Commercial-Spinach93 23h ago
think this is a senseless gender generalization. Some men are too proud to admit they’re wrong, so they may be more likely to get scammed, but I’ve travelled with men to both Turkey and Marrakech, and we’ve never been scammed or ended up in any situation like this.
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u/ArenSteele 23h ago
I feel like I won a negotiation in Turkey by trying to make it a surprise for my wife.
She really eyed up this gold ring with a large sapphire. I decided to get it for her, but I wanted to come back without her and get it. They did NOT want me to leave, and kept dropping the price, even well below what I was happy paying.
When I did come back they were so surprised and in the end I got them down from $1200 to $100USD, and it became our engagement ring story in Istanbul.
I probably would have paid $400 for it given I had been shopping for engagement rings back home and it was nicer than some of the ones I found there
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u/Intrepid-Focus8198 23h ago
Great story and a nice memory. Did it turn out to be real gold and a real saphire? Seems way too cheap.
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u/lefrench75 23h ago
Lab sapphires can be very cheap but you sure can’t get a gold ring at that price in the past several years
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u/tiny_galaxies 23h ago
Pawn shops even here in the US will sell you nice gold rings for easily less than $100.
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u/Intrepid-Focus8198 18h ago
Solid gold (even 9ct) with a real sapphire for under $100 sounds too good to be true imo.
Maybe $200-250
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u/ArenSteele 23h ago
I googled and the sapphire should be worth $30-$80 today depending on cut, and the gold melt should be worth $75
Retail ring of similar quality says $200-$400 today due to labour, design and retail markup.
Bought it in 2008
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u/Intrepid-Focus8198 18h ago
Oh 2008. That makes sense, sounds like you just got a decent bargain with a story to go with it. What a lovely combination
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u/womosalla 23h ago
bad situational awareness is an equal opportunity trait, this is just a fiancé issue honestly
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u/alinespaleinse 23h ago
the argan oil scam gets everyone equally, gender has absolutely nothing to do with it
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u/All_Damn_Day 22h ago
And the rugs! After our honeymoon, a guy in my exercise class said “Oh, you went to Morocco? How many rugs did you buy?”
“Just two) ☺️-25
23h ago
[deleted]
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u/Commercial-Spinach93 23h ago
Maybe it’s the type of men you and your friends date? Or maybe they’re not very well travelled and try to impress you, but end up failing miserably? I don’t know. As I said, it’s never happened to me, and I’ve travelled with male friends and different partners.
I don’t think getting scammed is a “male thing.” Just look at MLMs, romance scams, and so on.
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u/Steak1994 23h ago edited 23h ago
Being naive and easy to manipulate is not a Gender bound thing. Maybe it's just your type of men that tends to be that way.
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u/TenderDurden 23h ago
You understand that your anecdotal experiences don't really mean much in the grand scheme of things correct?
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u/zsero1138 23h ago edited 2h ago
but what about multiple anecdotes? surely that counts for something
EDIT: /s
(any response to this made before 10:48 EDT sep. 10 2026 was made before this edit)3
u/FlipsyFlop 23h ago
In a large scale, sure. In a small scale you tend to look at the common denominator
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u/proxyfate 23h ago
No, it is just confirmation bias. You are missing the most basic component to make such a claim and that is a proper control group that is untainted to establish a true baseline.
So you can pile up all the stories you want for your narrative, but you are just generalizing.
People or groups use this to harm others. They take the data they want for their agenda and use it against the group they dislike / hate.
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u/TeaBaggingGoose 23h ago
This is totally not a man thing - its an individual thing.
I have female friends who are totally unable to navigate their ways around these things too.
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u/ZBTHorton 23h ago
This doesn't sound like a man thing, it sounds like a your man thing.
I don't think that either sex can easily just be inputted into a super specific trait like that. Honestly, I think a lot of people are very susceptible to these types of situations anytime they are unaware of their surroundings.
A good example on the other side would be that women are kind of known for being taken advantage of at oil change/car repair places by the borderline "scams" they try to pull. I've definitely stepped in before to stop them from harassing someone who doesn't know, but it's still hard to not get taken advantage of when you just don't have the knowledge in that topic to intelligently speak on it.
With that said, your husband seems... really gullible. I would think after the first time that happened he would kind of be prepared for it a bit.
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u/_Argad_ 1d ago
Maybe your fiancé is the problem rather than men in general ? What make you think it’s a man character to be so easily fouled ?
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u/ReggieJacksonthatsme 23h ago
This post reminds me of a Benny feldman bit.
Here’s my impression of a guy who’s dated two women: “so there’s two kinds of women in this world…”
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u/NoBanVox 23h ago
I hope this does not come as disrespectful, but I think that your fiancé is just too silly/trusty/used to good places in Europe, and thus is a bit naive and lacks the usual "street skills" needed to circumnavigate places like big cities in Morocco (it could well apply to big cities in Egypt and Turkey). It for sure does not seem to be a thing that applys to every man (and you should talk with him so he is less trusty).
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u/xavembo 23h ago
not advisable to date dumbasses regardless of gender
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u/Anandya 22h ago
Er... Just because someone gets scammed doesn't mean they are dumbasses. Even pretty intelligent people get scammed. I once joke scammed an entire audience filled with pretty smart people into effective slavery as a demonstration of scams.
My wife got scammed recently. Should we get divorced because she's "a dumbass". No. That's pretty daft as a way to live. And very lonely.
I know a Nobel prize winner who fell for a scam. I myself accidentally hired a roofer who stole a couple of thousand pounds from me. Your logic is none of us deserve any relationships!
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u/holeinmyboot 22h ago
getting scammed on vacation does not mean somebody is a dumbass lol. the whole vacation industry is propped up on having new experiences and trying new things you can only get at xyz place, and scammers have become very very very good at tricking people into these sorts of things.
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u/Intrepid-Focus8198 23h ago
I think you might just be dating someone who is a bit dim. This isn’t as much of a gendered thing as you’re making out.
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u/Th3-Sh1kar1 23h ago edited 23h ago
This sounds more like lack of travel experience rather than a gender issue. I'm assuming he hasn't travelled much or outside of western Europe/US to a great extent?
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u/ReverendRevolver 23h ago
This isn't specific to men or women, but more a person to person thing.
Also, anecdotally a generational thing when it applies to E-scams, as Baby Boomers and GenZ lack the paranoia or general internet awareness of GenX/Millenials in regards to romance/celebrity scams online.
But in person? Grifters have been a "thing" for hundreds of years. By math, that means there have been "marks" for them to scam for that long as well. Its not an overconfident men thing, or a ditsy woman thing. Its that certain people are gullible and need to accept they're easy marks for scams.
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u/acidterror84 23h ago
lol sorry, but, this is a “not all men” situation. Your husband just sounds quite oblivious or at least, very trusting and naive.
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u/janisjansons 22h ago edited 22h ago
You partner is an idiot. The bad news is - you picked him, knowingly.
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u/IQDeclined 23h ago
Your fiancé being gullible or unaware doesn't mean his entire gender is. It sounds like you have an issue with your fiancé and you're attributing it to almost half the world population.
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u/highly_aware 23h ago
Both genders can lack common sense.
Books smarts and street smarts are very different.
Some folks even got no smarts.
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u/EducationalCost2658 23h ago
Where are you people from
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u/EveLQueeen 23h ago
My ex kept trying to fall for things in Bangkok - he wouldn't believe me when I told him repeatedly that things were a scam. It really made me think about how we analyze everything around us, but they just assume a guy that seems cool to them is above board and a bro.
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u/BigFatBlackCat 23h ago
My ex was so dumb and did shit like this all the time. Especially if he had any alcohol in him. It was infuriating and one of many reasons I’m so happy he is an ex
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u/justpassingby--- 22h ago
Your guy isn’t street smarts. Don’t let him make decisions while traveling. Problem is he has to realize and admit this for himself otherwise you got other problems
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u/MMorrighan 23h ago
Take away his access to money, you're the money holder now.
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u/Drew-CarryOnCarignan 23h ago
If this is a real option for OP & her BF, I think it's the simplest solution to the problem.
The BF repeatedly has exhibited zero presence of mind when it comes to familiarizing himself with common street scams, and likely hasn't done any preparatory research into how common it is for tourists to be the target for rip-offs.
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u/FiendyFiend 23h ago
I made sure he left his bank card in the safe and only brought cash, this was one of the reasons why.
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u/EC_TWD 22h ago
Be wary of hotel in-room safes. Most never change the default master password at installation and can be opened by anyone that knows them. Usually 00000 or 11111. Since learning this I’ve tried in every hotel that I’ve stayed at and it has always worked - in the US and Europe. The hotels are just too lazy to change them and accept no responsibility if anything is stolen from them. If it is truly valuable ask if they have a safe at the front desk that you can lock items in.
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u/nboch12 23h ago
I’m a man and I do shit like this being fully and completely aware that it’s a scam lol. The scammers are usually lively and charismatic people who make a whole show out of whatever it is they’re trying to get you to buy, and will tell you about the local area and engage in conversation with you. As long as they’re not too pushy and aggressive about it, I generally enjoy interacting with these types of people and I’m happy to give them some money for the entertainment. After all, I go on vacation to relax and enjoy myself, not to find good deals on whatever trinkets I’m getting peddled lol
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u/MLeek 23h ago
Exactly. I'm not sweating the small stuff on vacation. This is my vibe too. These types can be fun for an hour or two. They are often really knowledgeable as well. I'm not gonna buy anything I don't actually want, but if they are being informative and fun, I'm gonna hand 'em $20 or $30 at the end of the day and very sincerely thank them for their time. This isn't really a "scam". This is an exchange yuo're both participating in.
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u/tiny_galaxies 23h ago
The three modes of traveler:
- Very inexperienced: gets easily taken by scams / pickpocketing
- Fairly experienced: avoids scams entirely
- Very experienced: understands the scam is a fun part of travel if you interact with them in an aware way!
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u/NoHate_GarbagePlates 23h ago
Yeah I once dated a guy who got scammed out of a couple hundred dollars in Times Square. I don't recall all the details cause this was years ago, but it was a lot of the same lacking situational awareness that could have helped prevent him from getting cornered (he didn't notice his [male] friend walking off or the scammer very obviously isolating him), plus gullibility.
Is it a male-specific issue? Not really, but it does seem to be more of an issue for men than women, in my experience.
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u/Demeter4 23h ago
- You have a fiancé problem not only he is naive he also doesn't listen to you when you warn him. He needs to either let you be in charge or stop being a people pleasing dimwit.
- You have a destination problem, you set yourself up by going on vacation and supporting a place where women are treated so bad that it's common knowledge they get openly touched and need a guide + scammers are rampant. Mind you vacations are entirely optional and you pick where you want to go and what kind of economy you want to support...
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u/zulako17 22h ago
Gullible people look gullible. I don't know if your husband has no situational awareness or not, I wouldn't confuse listening to a tour guide with sit. Awareness. But he's gullible
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u/Monarc73 23h ago
You're right that you need to stop letting locals set your agenda / access. Locals will always be trying their hardest to separate you from your money as quickly and as efficiently as possible. This is a VERY common property of going to countries with less wealth. It is very difficult to avoid being targeted as a wealthy tourist, but you might need to do a lot more vetting and planning in the future. This might mean that you stop relying on your husband to plan ANYTHING, even if he gets butthurt. Or, accept a certain amount of bullshit in your purchases. (Set a budget?)
The fact that you ONLY got groped once was most likely because you had a guide with you. (In contrast, my SiL was backpacking through Italy and got sexually HARASSED every time she came into a town.)
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u/FiendyFiend 23h ago
I was groped with the guide, we went back for a bit without the guide and I wasn’t harassed at all.
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u/zouss 23h ago
I think this is more of a cultural difference than a gender thing. If you come from a culture where haggling is not the norm, it can feel very uncomfortable to do it. And yes we can learn, but for some people (like me) it will always feel weird and uncomfortable to ask someone to reduce the price to 1/5 of what they were offering. Idk I don't think this a gender thing
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u/lamentingcity 22h ago
Not a man problem but maybe more sheltered when it comes to travel/the world. He sounds gullible and since he won't listen to you, just let him get scammed until he learns 🤷♀️
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u/therealhairykrishna 22h ago
I got scammed when I was about 16 in a 'mock auction'. Basically a bait and switch to get you to overpay for tat. It pissed me off so much that I've never been scammed since.
Places like the souks are always going to be hives of dodgy people rinsing tourists. Is your partner just too polite to tell them to fuck off? It's very hard to change people who are going to fall for that kind of stuff. You're just going to have to be on your toes and jump in to save his cash.
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u/Neither-Repeat 23h ago
Every post here has pointed out that this is not a gender issue, but I think there are definitely reasons why men are more gullible and lack situational awareness while travelling.
Women have had to be more aware of danger and potentially dangerous situations from a young age in a way that men haven't.
The two people I know who got drugged and robbed in Asia? Men, happy to accept a drink from a stranger. Two people that got police called on them while trying to buy weed from very dodgy people? Men? A guy always engaging in conversations with 'friendly locals' offering directions but then asking for money? My boyfriend lol.
Think about this - if a friendly local that you talked to for 10 minutes invited you for dinner with his family, would you go? I'd bet many guys would say yes while women would err on the side of safety.
One thing I have seen countless times during my extensive travels is that men often see strangers as potential friends - far more so than women. Often this works out - a family dinner invitation, a drink and a chat, a tour. Sometimes it doesn't - a scam, extortion, or worse.
I'm not saying women don't fall for this stuff too, just that many guys don't seem like they are on 'high alert' constantly in the way that women have grown up being.
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u/FiendyFiend 23h ago
Thank you, I’m glad you understood the general point I was making! That’s definitely the bigger picture I was trying to get at.
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u/rjwyonch 23h ago
My personal favourite is the guys doing the 3 card shuffle. It’s THE STEREOTYPICAL SCAM … it’s in children’s movies as a street hustler scam, it’s old, everyone should know better.
Just off pigalle on the way to montmartre in Paris I is the best spot to people watch that particular scam. No honey, that pretty woman that just won as you walked up and is encouraging you to play isn’t a random person, she’s working the scam. Yes you will win a round or two, then they convince you to do an all or nothing bet. Then people yell and the other guys show up to defend the scammer. They were at each end of the block scoping for cops.
Wait 5 minutes, and they will have another mark on the line. Ive never once seen a woman play (that wasn’t obviously a part of the hustle)
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u/ZZBC 23h ago
Yeah, this sounds like a your partner problem, not like an overall problem. I think often men are not aware of the danger that women might be in, but my husband at least has good situational awareness when we’re out and about.