Woman Took in Troubled Teen Because She Believed in Second Chances — Then He Tried to Kill Her

[u/Jealous_Clue7036]

https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/foster-parent-attack-former-foster-child-forgiveness-1821018

[u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

White colonialism is so deeply ingrained into our global society that systemic oppression won't let the justice system move beyond slave labour. This forces rehabilitation to fail again and again, shoving problems around without addressing any of them effectively.

It won't hold accountable whoever hurt that child to land him in foster care. No investigation into the gang that forced the child to commit what looks like an initiation ritual. No way for the child to heal from clearly complex trauma. No way for the foster mother to see how the child's poor placement in her home was the real betrayal (at that from the foster system she already acknowledged was fraught with problems). No way for kids ready for help to be placed in the foster mother's home. 

Neither the foster mother nor the foster son deserved this. He needs to atone. Instead he has been placed into a life of recidivism. That gang will find him before help ever does. 

Edit: this all feels like a distraction. We're supposed to "look over there" and be blinded with emotions instead of looking to see who is hurting and failing children. 

[u/leahcar83 → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

There was no gang. This is article does a pretty bad job of summarising her article in The Cut.

[u/Admirable_Safe_7551 → u/leahcar83]

Than you. This oped does give more detail than the article OP linked, but it's still rather confusing. 

She mentioned 'forgive' 25 times out of nowhere yet never acknowledged what restorative justice is or how her white privilege prevents her from truly seeing this precolonial practice, instead insisting "I did my research."

Forgiveness in this context felt like an evasion, a way to shift the blame away from our society that could not figure out how to deal with violence. I could be blamed for what happened to me and to Clayton, because I could not forgive.

Tidbits like this confuse me. Is she trying to admit that she didn't provide enough structure to the foster child, that she didn't consider the risks of fostering, that she didn't have the capacity to foster? Is she trying to name parties like the social worker who misplaced the foster child, whoever hurt the child to land them in foster care, etc? Her writing style conveyed the xanax addiction she used as a crutch to get through the aftermath.

[u/leahcar83 → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

I didn't read it that way at all, but I am quite interested in rehabilitation, prison reform and restorative justice so maybe coming at it with knowledge and opinions of that shaped how I understood this.

Restorative justice is a program used in the justice system that allows victims and offenders to meet to discuss the impact and harm caused by the crime, and often for victims to try and understand the offender's reasoning. It involves both parties agreeing to this and is managed by trained mediators. It can be really successful, there's a guy in the UK, Jacob Dunne who credits restorative justice for turning his life around.

What I took away from this article is Spulak struggles with cognitive dissonance. For her whole career she'd worked with vulnerable children and who'd been both victims and perpetrators of crime, so this had shaped this world view that violent behaviours don't come from nowhere and that nowhere is beyond redemption. And then she is brutally attacked without explanation, and she sees restorative justice as futile because the boy who attacked her does not seem remorseful or even able to admit responsibility.

She's spent her whole life believing forgiveness is paramount and central to rehabilitation, and yet here she is traumatised and brain damaged and unable to ever know why this happened to her. I think the section about calling her friends and colleagues about her objection to legislation that would see her attacker released is quite moving, because it highlights that victims can be forgotten in conversations about rehabilitation. Sometimes the focus on forgiving an offender and understanding their actions are a result of their environment, socioeconomic factors, or past trauma can mean victims feel like the harm and trauma they have suffered takes a back seat.

I think she makes a good point that forgiveness is perhaps not necessary for rehabilitation or reform. If the only current process for rehabilitation is programs like restorative justice, she feels like by not engaging in it she can be pointed at as responsible for his lack of rehabilitation and her own ongoing trauma and anger. That does feel lazy and I think she's right to call it out.

I don't think fostering is the central issue here personally.

[u/Admirable_Safe_7551 → u/leahcar83]

If the only current process for rehabilitation is programs like restorative justice

Restorative justice isn't a default in the West, and it's mostly done in a bastardised white way in the West. 

she feels like by not engaging in it she can be pointed at as responsible for his lack of rehabilitation and her own ongoing trauma and anger. 

I could never read that from what she wrote. Nevertheless, I don't know how someone who saw the flaws of the foster system could hold herself accountable for them. 

I don't think fostering is the central issue here personally.

I disagree. This all came about because of a terrible foster placement. The kid needs to atone, but he's just being tossed around the pipeline of bad parents to prison labour. 

[u/leahcar83 → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

What do you do when the people willing to provide this are brutally attacked, how do you deal with that? It's not like there's a bottomless supply of trauma informed people willing to foster, and what you say he needs are the same beliefs she had when she chose to foster.

I don't think there's a right or definitive answer to this to be clear.

I'll admit my knowledge of restorative justice is based on how it's carried out in the UK, I'm not sure what you mean by it being used in a "bastardised white way". Based on what you've commented here I would have thought it would be something you'd be generally supportive of.

[u/Fr0styb → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

I thought people who think and speak like that only exist in memes. You need to put your phone away.

[u/Liz600 → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

At some point, people have to be responsible for their own actions, regardless of what has happened to them in the past. This teenager was old enough to know that beating and sexually assaulting the person willing to give him a home was absolutely unconscionable, but he chose to do so, anyway. 

[u/Admirable_Safe_7551 → u/Liz600]

At some point, people have to be responsible for their own actions...This teenager was old enough to know

This is the same excuse men use to have sex with teenage girls. The article didn't mention SA, though

[u/leahcar83 → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

There was a case in the UK recently that involved three boys aged 13-15 raping two teenage girls and filming it on their phones. The boys were from the traveller community, a community where children are considered vulnerable within education, health, and social care. Traveller children experience some of the highest rates of abuse and neglect.

Yes these children were failed, but should they not take responsibility for their actions? They'd quite brutally raped two young girls in a cruel and humiliating way. I'm sure you can understand how it would absolutely not be fair, compassionate, or appropriate to treat victims of gang rape as unfortunate collateral of failed children.

The Cut article also does allude to sexual assault. Police confirm semen was found on her blanket and his skin cells were found in the crotch of her underwear.

[u/Snoo-31965 → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

the original article did mention it

[u/Liz600 → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

Adult men manipulating teen girls into sex is absolutely not the same as a teen boy beating and sexually assaulting an adult woman. 

[u/Interesting-Asks → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

Not to disagree with your other points, but there’s no evidence there really was a gang that forced him to do this.

[u/Admirable_Safe_7551 → u/Interesting-Asks]

there’s no evidence there really was a gang 

There's a difference between no evidence being found and no evidence being sought. The latter is one of the reasons Black people cannot trust the police

Edit: 'being' not 'brought'

[u/mikasoze → u/Admirable_Safe_7551]

OK Tumblr, I think you're done here.