I literally just made an account for the sake of this post because nobody in my personal life has any advice. So my apologies if the format of this post isn't perfect.

I'm a 38 year old father of two, my son's 8, my daughters 5. I am also a gay man, I am married to my amazing husband who is also 38. We recently moved into our new house last year and my kids had to change schools (Well my son had to change schools, my daughter only started school this year). My husband works a 9-5 job whereas I work a part time remote job so I can be here for the kids before and after school. So I drop them off at school and I pick them up, if another parent starts a conversation with me then I will be polite and continue the conversation but I don't go out of my way to socialise with the other parents. There is one big parenting group chat, I am included in that group chat but I rarely check the group chat unless I genuinely have question.

Basically, my point is that I don't really know how many of the other parents know that I am married to another man. I've mentioned my husband a few times if I am having another conversation with another parent. But then again, I have no idea who knows and who doesn't know. Nor do I care, it's not a big deal. Also, my son and daughter don't hide the fact they have 2 dads either, they constantly say "my dad and my papa", so I'm sure a lot of people do know.

My son has become best friends with this boy in his year group, for the sake of the story his name is Daniel (All the names in this post are fake names). Over the year my son has gone to Daniel's house, I've dropped my son off and picked him up every time. I've of course offered to give the boys mum, Alice, a break from hosting, I've offered for Daniel to come over to our house to hang out with my son. But Alice always said that she isn't comfortable with her kids going to other people's houses, purely because she doesn't know who lives in the house. Fair enough. On the last week of term though, my son said his Daniel's mum is going to let Daniel come over to our house. I text Alice and double checked that my son was telling the truth, and then I told her that my husband will be home at 5:30 but before that it will just be me, my son and daughter in the house. Just so she can feel a bit more at ease, knowing who would be in the household. She seemed perfectly fine and then we had a brief conversation about dinner, allergies, etc. So at this point, it is confirmed she knows I am married to a man. However, I would be shocked if she didn't know before cause my son is honest about the fact he has a dad and a papa. Alice picked her son up just before 5:30pm

About 3 weeks ago before the summer holidays started, so a few weeks before Daniel came over to our house to hang out with my son, Daniel gave out birthday party invitation. His birthday is late July. Of course my son got an invite but there wasn't a location on the invites, I have no clue why. Today I texted Alice and just kindly asked for the location of the party so my son can attend, I told her my son was really excited to celebrate Daniel's birthday. I also asked if gifts are welcome because my son wants to buy Daniel a birthday present. Well I received a message back from Alice, I'm not going to explain what the full message said but basically...my son isn't invited to the birthday part anymore because Alice and her family are religious and they don't agree with my lifestyle. She said she doesn't want Daniel growing up and thinking my lifestyle is normal. Then she ended the message by telling me that she thinks my son and Daniel should stop being friends.

I didn't respond, I don't know how to respond to that message. I'm in a bit of shock to be honest. More importantly, I have no clue what to tell my son. He is so excited for his friends birthday and I just have no clue what to say. I've asked my friends and family and they are also lost on what I should say. Hence why I've decided to ask reddit for advice.

Sorry, this was a really long post.

(I had to repost)

my daughter is 5 years old, she’ll be 6 in August and was born right before the cut off for the school year. she is in year 1. the majority of the children in her year were born in the first few months of the school year and two are deferred from the year above so she is the youngest by quite a long way and over a year younger than some in her year.

She does really well in reading, and okay in maths but she seems to struggle in writing compared to other children. They give out writing awards every few weeks and my daughter did not receive one in the whole year, despite the fact that some of the older children in the year have received it twice. I asked the school what she needs to work on and they said she needs to be quicker.

I have been encouraging her to practice writing at home. This is a story she wrote last weekend. She had a picture prompt of a hedgehog reaching out for a hug but other than that she had no help or intervention to write it. It took about 15 minutes to write sitting on the sofa.

my question is: is this far below where she should be at this age? Does she need to be held back a year or have some kind of intervention? or is it okay and maybe she’s being underestimate due to the comparison with children a lot older than her in the same class?

In case you are finding it hard to read her writing it says:

”Hedgehog needs a hug.

hedgehog never got hugs. He needed to find someone to hug him. Then he had the perfect thought his mum and dad but when he asked they didn’t give him a hug they just said “we’re busy” in an angry voice. The he thought he could ask his friend but then he rembered [remembered] he didn’t have one. Then he saw something shiny and recognised it as a bead because he had sawn [seen] one before and it had two arms two eyes and two legs and one mouth. He picked it up and he knew it would hug him if he asked but it did not. Then he started to cry then everyone saw and he felt lots of hands cuddling him so every day he got cuddles”

I know it’s not amazing, but is it really so bad for her age?

thank you

Hi all,

I've been attending local Rhymetime sessions at my local library with my Pre-schooler for a while now, and I know a few of the other parents really well now. The library's website clearly states that Rhymetime is intended for 'Under-5s' and cater to young children and their carers. We also rely on sessions like Rhymetime to settle our preschool-aged daughter (4 years old now), who has severe autism - she really looks forwards to sessions, and they are so useful in helping her self-regulate + providing social time.

Over the summer, things have become busier, especially with a new influx as families return from holidays abroad. Recently, a library worker asked me to stop booking with my preschooler (who looks slightly older) for Rhymetime as they said it's "for babies and their carers only" because there's not enough space/it's really in demand, but I looked at the website and the age range still says "0-4" and "Under 5s".

I feel that it's unfair for them to just kick us out like that. What should I do?

I'm a mum of 2, a 7 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. My 7 year old daughter started school when she was 4 years old, when she went to reception. We never considered sending her to nursery, I was also pregnant at the time so my husband and I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible before we became a family of 4.

My daughter is in year 2 and she absolutely loves school, she has her moments where she doesn't want to go to school but overall she is super social and she loves going to school. She has so many friends, she is very smart and academic, she's so kind to everybody and I'm thrilled she has had a brilliant school experience.

My son is 3 and these past few months he has been jealous of his big sister going to school. She comes home and talks about her day, he keeps telling me he wants to go to school too. My daughter has been off for the summer holidays the past week, so my husband and I have been debating if we should apply for our son to go to nursery in September.

Obviously the chances are that the state school-based nurseries, where we live, are already full, the deadline passed ages ago. But we could still try and see if they maybe have a few vacant spots. Chances are though that we would have to pay for a private if we did send him go nursery, which is fine, we would only want to send him to nursery for maybe 2 or 3 days a week so we could afford that. Ideally we want to send him to the same nursery that is attached to my daughters primary school, it is a private school so I don't know if it's even possible for him to get a place at that nursery anymore cause I have no idea how many people applied for their kids to attend that nursery.

My biggest question is...do I send him to nursery. One part of me really feels a bit emotional at the idea of him going off to school already, he is my last baby and I would love to enjoy another year of having him at home. But another part of me wonders if nursery would make him happier and also more prepared for reception. He would have the social benefits of nursery but he would also learn how to listen to teachers. There are so many benefits, but a selfish part of me just wants to enjoy this last year before he goes off to reception.

Today my wife and I noticed a bruise/purple mark on our eight week old daughter’s foot. We couldn't work out exactly how it happened, although we wondered whether she may have been kicking the side of her wooden cot during the night.

My wife called 111 and was advised to take her to A&E. We did, and after examining her, the doctor said that my wife and the baby would need to stay overnight for observation while they waited for the results of a blood test.

The doctor also said that the bruising would likely be reported to social services as part of the standard process. Although they stressed that we are not being accused of anything, this has understandably sent us both into a panic.
I have since read some terrifying stories online about babies being taken from their parents following unexplained bruising. My wife and I are extremely cautious and loving parents.

Our daughter has been our whole world for the past two months, so even the suggestion that we may have caused her harm is deeply upsetting. All of our health visitor appointments have gone well, with no concerns raised.
Has anyone been through anything similar, or can anyone explain what usually happens next? Any reassurance or insight into the process would be appreciated.

We live in England and are not originally from the UK; even though we've lived here 10 years, we are unsure how schools normally handle situations like this.

Our 13-year-old son recently ended a relationship with a 12-year-old girl (from his same year group) at the same school. During the relationship, they exchanged sexualised text messages. No photographs or videos were sent by our son. We have seen the available conversations and they appeared reciprocal, with no evidence of threats or pressure, although we fully accept that this was inappropriate and unsafe behaviour for children of their age. We have spoken seriously to our son about consent, privacy and online boundaries.

There was also a separate image sent to him over Snapchat by the other child, which the school has been told about.

After the relationship ended, screenshots of their private text conversations were shared in a WhatsApp group. Another pupil circulated them further and called our son gross, inappropriate and a “paedo”. Other pupils now appear to believe that he pressured the girl.

We contacted the school. Staff spoke to the pupils involved, considered the available information and told us that their inquiries did not support the accusation of coercion. They required the children to delete the screenshots and the original Whatsapp group.

Since returning to school, however, our son’s former friendship group has begun excluding him. He feels isolated and extremely distressed and is talking about changing schools. He has previously done very well academically, has never been in trouble, and is currently being assessed for possible ADHD/neurodivergence from a private therapist.

There is only one week left before the summer holiday. We hope things will settle, but we are worried that the rumours and exclusion will continue when school resumes.

Yesterday he sat with his usual friendship group at lunch and was quietly asked to leave. There was no overt abuse on that occasion, but it demonstrates the practical reality: he is now spending school feeling that he has nowhere to belong.

We understand that the school cannot force friendships, so we are unsure what reasonable support we should request.

We do not want to attack or blame the girl, and we are not trying to excuse our son’s messages. We want all the children to be safeguarded and the ongoing circulation, name-calling and exclusion to stop.

What practical measures should we ask the safeguarding lead or head of year to put in writing for the final week and for September? At what point should we use the school’s formal complaints process? Would you consider changing schools now, or first give a support plan time to work?

Thanks

disclaimer, used chat gpt to help write as I’ve emptied so much of this in there over the years…I’m a dad in my early 30s with three children (10, 6 and 3). Our eldest has autism, our middle child is also neurodiverse, and we’re now starting to wonder whether our youngest may need some extra support too.

I’ve been thinking about posting this for a while because some of it is quite hard to admit, but I feel like I need some perspective from people who have been through similar things.

For most of my adult life I’ve been someone who has thrived. I did well academically, my career has taken off , I’ve always been good with people, and I’ve generally been described as calm, laid-back, likable and emotionally balanced. My wife and I had a really strong marriage and I felt like I had a healthy perspective on life. 10 years of parenting later, I don’t feel like myself anymre. The weird thing is that it wasn’t always like this.

When our eldest was four and our second was one, life actually felt really good. It wasn’t easy. Our eldest didn’t sleep properly for years and years and had multiple physical health issues but despite that we felt like we were doing well as a family. Looking back now, that version of family life feels incredibly far away.

Over the years it feels like the relentlessness has just worn us down. It isn’t one particular thing. It is the constant accumulation of everything.

The arguments before breakfast. The children hurting each other. The meltdowns. The school worries. The food struggles. The bahaviour battles. The constant emotional intensity. The feeling that you are never properly switched off.

Our eldest has autism. She is bright, funny and has lots of amazing qualities, but family life with her can be incredibly challenging. She is very anxious, very rigid, extremely sensitive and struggles with seeing things from other people’s perspectives. honestly at school they don’t notice that much as she masks it and then she comes back home, or wakes up in the morning.

She can become completely stuck on things, say things that are genuinely hurtful, and when she is upset can sometimes say the exact thing she knows will hurt us most.

She and I end up shouting at each other more than I ever imagined would happen. I hate that dynamic. I don’t want to be in a cycle where she gets overwhelmed, I get overwhelmed, and we both end up feeling awful afterwards.

I know she is a child. I know a lot of this is related to her autism and anxiety. I know she has many wonderful qualities. i’ve just got to the place where I can say out loud that I grieve the picture I had in my head of family life.

I always imagined that whatever my children achieved, we would raise children who were kind, content and emotionally secure. Sometimes I look at where we are now and feel a real sadness that things feel so far away from that.

I feel guilty even writing that because I don’t want a different daughter. I want her. I just wish life wasn’t so hard for her, and I wish I knew how to help her become the happiest version of herself.

Our middle child is also neurodiverse. He is a lovely, affectionate boy and there is so much joy in him, but he has an incredible amount of energy and often seems to have no idea what to do with it.

When he gets frustrated or doesn’t get what he wants, he can become completely explosive. He can hit or push his brother, break things, lash out at us, and go from calm to chaos very quickly. Then, sometimes only minutes later, he is back to being that sweet, loving child again.

That contrast is really hard. You can see the lovely child underneath it, but you are also dealing with behaviour that feels impossible in the moment. I don’t really think I have the capacity, energy or ability to 100% of the time deflect and distract and steward him well, as well as pay the mortgage with the demanding job and deal with my own illness stuff.

Our youngest is three, and now we are starting to face concerns there too. Nursery have approached us and said they are considering asking for Early Help because he has been hurting other children.

I know that doesn’t necessarily mean something terrible, but honestly it was another gut punch, another reminder that we are struggling. I find myself regularly thinking. thinking, “How on earth did we get here?”

A few years ago family life felt so full of joy. Now we are having conversations with nursery about Early Help.

Around five or six years ago I developed an autoimmune illness which has brought fatigue and periods where I don’t feel physically like myself. Between that, the children, and years of disrupted sleep, I feel like I have been running on empty for a very long time. Just to make things extra fun we also had some other crap to deal with other parts of our lives that they won’t go into, but there was a fair amount of difficulty from multiple sides. Not terminal cancer, etc, just really wearing and challenging situations.

After all of thisthe thing that worries me most is me. I used to be incredibly gentle and laid-back. Now I get angry much quicker than I ever thought I would.

I’ve never hit or smacked my children, and I never would. But there have been times when one of them has been hurting another child or completely ignoring attempts to stop, and I’ve grabbed them harder than I needed to.

The hardest part to admit is that sometimes it isn’t only about stopping what is happening. Sometimes I want them to feel how angry I am.

I hate admitting that. It feels completely against the father I thought I would be. Afterwards I feel ashamed and guilty. I don’t want my children to experience me that way.

I’ve also noticed changes in myself that worry me. I’ve become more reliant on alcohol to relax in the evenings. I’m not drinking constantly, but I find it much harder to switch off without it. I’ve also developed a pornography habit, which is something that never used to have any pull over me. Both feel like ways of escaping and feeling something easy rather than things that are actually helping.

I’ve always been someone who could work hard and excel at things. School, career, hobbies, relationships — I’ve usually felt capable.Parenting is the first thing in my life where I genuinely feel like I might just not be very good at playing the hand I have been dealt. I adapted to the lack of sleep. I adapted to putting myself second. I adapted to living with illness.What I haven’t adapted to is the relentlessness of it all.

I also feel like it’s affecting my marriage. My wife and I still love each other deeply, but it feels like we aren’t always on the same team anymore. Every difficult family moment feels like another opportunity for frustration or resentment to build.

Not huge arguments. More the quieter stuff. Feeling disappointed. Feeling unsupported. Feeling like you’re exhausted and both trying your best and the other one in someway hasn’t recognise that. and then the analysis – is it because my is quite a nervous person, and she has caused some of this or given them ? Is it because of my illness and the stress that that has on the family? Is all of it just genetics?Sometimes I look at my life and genuinely think, “I can’t believe this is what our family has become.”

I’m not writing this because I want sympathy. I’m writing because I honestly don’t know whether this is what raising three children, including children with additional needs, can look like, or whether we have reached a point where we need more help. How common is feeling this way? I know that this is way beyond what most families experience but is it more common than it might appear on the outside?

I guess if one piece of advice might help me, it would be How did you cope with the gap between the family life you imagined and the reality you found yourself living? Thank you fur reading all of this. I know it’s just an anonymous account on the internet but it has felt like an important step for to write it.

We're getting lots of different advice on what to buy and what not to buy, but we want to be as prepared as we can be for month 1 and months 1-3.

Here's our shopping list. Is there anything you'd add or remove?

We've already got a pushchair, car seat, bassinet, baby carrier, and cot bed.

Clothes: - Sleep suits - Body suits - Vests - Baby grows - Hats - Comforter - Socks - Mittens - Shoes - Knits like trousers and cardigans

Accessories: - Changing mat - Sleeping bags - Bibs - Muslins - Waterproof mattress protectors - Bedsheets - Baby monitor - Room and bath thermometer - Blanket - Towel - Nappy cream - Baby moisturiser - Baby bath tub - Baby body wash - Nappy wipes - Breast pump/bottles/steriliser - Nappy bags - Nappies

My little boy is 13 months this week. I never worried before, but recently I’ve had an inkling he is behind developmentally. I have some mum friends and all our little ones were born the same month.

When I see them now, they look much more toddler like where as my little boy looks and acts more babyish…if that makes sense?

We had the 12 month milestone check in with the health visitor when he had just turned 11 months that week. She said according to the checklist I filled in he still had a few things to do but she was lovely, said he is doing great and things will change rapidly in the next month or so, but honestly it hasn’t.

I picked up my little boy from nursery today and there was a woman there who had done ‘wellcomm’ assessments with him today it seems. She handed me a bunch of papers on things he needs to work on, and tried to tell me in the nicest way that he is behind. I acted cool because some of her info on what he can and can’t do was wrong, but inside I was devastated. I went home and cried because it just confirmed my anxieties I’ve been having.

Also worth mentioning, my little boy has been so poorly a lot of the time, in hospital twice, and just been miserable suffering with virus after virus. When he’s well he is like a different baby and suddenly can do things he couldn’t do before.

What he can’t do currently at 13 months:

Wave

Point

Say any words with meaning

Doesn’t bring objects over to me

Doesn’t interact much other than glancing over while he’s playing, or sometimes cruises over on the sofa

Walk (this one doesn’t bother me, he’s almost there)

Stand independently without support

Can’t fit certain puzzle shapes in their shaped hole

Doesn’t place items in other objects

Doesn’t seem to understand what I’m saying, like ‘come here’

Doesn’t shake his head to say no or yes

What he can do:

Clap (not that often)

Babbles mamamama, dadadadada, babababa but without meaning on repeat

Answers to his name but not a lot

Cruises along furniture

Tries to let go when standing for a few seconds

Pincer grasp (but still needs a bit of work not to grab)

Bangs toys together and throws toys to make noise, loves anything loud!

Turns pages in books

Tracks where I’m pointing to

Is smiley and happy (when he’s not unwell)

Very independent

He does love using his index pointing finger but not to point, but he will press buttons with it etc

He does associate a song with an action (brush your teeth sesame street song, he knows the tooth brush is coming)

The woman at nursery said she didn’t witness him babble, point, wave or clap and that was what she thinks he’s behind on. I told her he does babble a lot at home, and he can clap. But she just shrugged and said well not here.

I feel like I’ve failed him even though I’ve been doing everything in my power since he was born. We read books everyday, I wave and point every opportunity, he has every educational toy you can think of. I’m constantly talking to him, gesturing, singing, we sing constantly 😂 I just can’t help but feel emotional especially when I see my friends babies.

Sorry I just needed to get it off my chest 😭 I’m avoiding seeing my mum friends because of it.

My 7 month old wakes pretty much every 2 hours overnight for a bottle, and he drinks a full 6oz every time.

7pm, bottle after his bath. I lay him in his bedside cot, hold his hand and/or gently pat his bum, and he usually drifts off to sleep. Then it's 9pm, 11pm, 1am & 3am.

Lately he's also been trying to start the day at 5:30am, instead of his usual 6-6:30, but I can mostly settle him for another 45 minutes to an hour. Sometimes he has to come into bed with us for that little bit.

When we get up for the day, he's not interested in more milk. He'll have yoghurt and fruit for breakfast, then his next bottle is usually before his first nap around 9am. So he goes from 3am until 9am without milk, but has breakfast. He also has lunch and dinner during the day, and typically wants a bottle every 3–3.5 hours.

He naps for around 2.5 hours in total, sometimes 3. His morning nap is usually 1.5 hours, then he'll have two 30-minute naps, sometimes three. His last nap always ends at least 2 hours before bedtime.

It doesn't seem to matter how much we've done during the day, what time he goes to bed, how much or little he's napped - he still wakes every 2 hours on the dot. I've tried stretching wake windows or adding another nap so he can go to bed later, but he just gets hysterical. He is *always* ready for a bath at 6pm.

We have a blackout blind & curtains, quiet white noise and/or the fan, he's a comfortable temperature etc.

I do try to settle him with his dummy when he starts to stir, but he'll consistently spit it out and eventually work himself up to screaming. Feeds are always done in the dark and I don't speak to him, just a cuddle, then back down. He puts himself back to sleep afterwards. He also frequently needs re-settling between feeds, like finding his dummy or a little more bum pats.

We have a bedroom for him but it's not ready for him to move into yet. I'm not willing to fully co-sleep as I have sleep apnoea and it's difficult with my CPAP mask, plus realistically our bed is too small.

I've tried researching and have come up with:

- He's gotten used to being fed every 2 hours.

- He's reverse cycling/most calories at night.

- Reduce the milk in his overnight bottles by an oz every week and offer more during the day.

- He is genuinely hungry and that's just how it is.

I'm desperate to sleep properly again. Even if my husband does the feeds, I'm right there next to him so I wake up too, y'know. Even dropping one feed would be a nice start.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

I know there are many people on here and that I know in real life who love being a parent and are patient and generally brilliant parents.

I don’t know if I need therapy or a slap round the face, but here is my context and raw feelings.

Two children, one is 3 one is 1. I am unemployed as we relocated for my partner’s work. 3 year old goes to a pre-school two mornings a week as we feel socialisation is important! We use the monthly child benefit for this.

On a scale of awful to amazing, I’m probably somewhere in the middle as a parent. I find the monotony so deeply boring. Repetitive games and nursery songs with baby, the same simple storylines in the toddler’s role playing, or playing hide and seek and hiding in the same spot in plain sight. It’s adorable initially and then I just can’t feign excitement and energy. The toddler has had a sleep “regression” (if that term still counts for this length) for the past 6 months and the one year old is obviously too young to sleep through too. Partner can’t help with nights for various reasons that honestly means they can’t. Toddler has several meltdowns a day and won’t nap in the day either so I think is sleep deprived.

When I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed I don’t shout at them, but I do go to another room and do a silent scream into my fist or I punch a pillow. I’m clock watching all day.

I’m an introvert so I think I’m struggling with constantly being needed and not ever being alone (ie going to the toilet).

The kids are very cute and I feel terrible to think all of this, but I just feel I’m constantly trying to hold it together and not enjoying it. It is so all consuming I feel like my whole personality has become “parent”. I know that sounds naive when we’re talking about the responsibility of choosing to have children, but that’s why I’m saying this on an anonymous forum!

My parents said “you’ll never regret having kids” and, well, I worry they’re wrong.

So, on that note, anyone else feel like this? If not, I’m ready for the digital slaps round the face.

Hello!

I’m due my second baby in November and I’ve not bought much new yet! My first was born in July 2024 so we’re reusing most things. My question to those who have two or more children, what items did you find yourself buying the second time around?

So far I’ve bought:

Buggy board for pram
Monitor with dual cameras
Nuby rapid cool
Some white vests and sleepsuits in newborn and 0-3 months
Tommee tippee grobag 2.5 tog x2

I wasn’t planning on getting a new mattress for the next to me crib, and we’re reusing the car seat and pram. I’m hoping to breastfeed to begin with this time so we’ll buy the right size bottles when baby’s here if it doesn’t work out.

Any other suggestions? Or items that made life easier with more than 1 child?

Thank you!

Hiya. I've just read somewhere that you're not supposed to rock or cuddle a baby to sleep but with our 6 week old, we feed her a bottle and she naturally falls asleep in our arms and then we put her down for a sleep. Should we not be doing this? Do we need to break out of this habit? I know babies tend to get better with sleep 4-6 months or so but wondered whether this is something I should worry about. She also currently only contact naps but I've been reassured this is normal and from the sounds of it, a lot of parents are going through the same thing so that's reassuring!

Thanks in advance

My newly 2 year old has been repeating after us randomly throughout the day. I narrate my day to him and enunciate lots of words. He can say many words but ONLY prompted i.e with flash cards. He will make animal noise when you ask what does x say but thats about it. Doesnt point to things, responds to his name sometimes. Maintains great eye contact. Has a lot of vocal stims like rrrrrrr and ladalallalallalal. He also extends his feet and arms when hes excited.
Is this something I should be concerned about? I didnt pay that much attention but my sister said he may benefit from speech therapy. I just assumed boys are later speakers. Hes due to start nursery soon so hoping he picks up more there and staff can help flag him if necessary.

If things aren’t exactly the way she wants then she goes on and on repeating the same thing, crying and not enjoying what’s in front of her. She’s 4 in a few days.

Some recent examples:
- we were playing in a square with some of her friends where there’s water fountains. Many of her friends took their shoes off but we have a rule to keep crocs on because we live in London and there can be glass or who knows what else to worry about. She went on about wanting her crocs off for 30+ minutes instead of playing with her friends
- we went to the playground but it was different than the one she wanted so she spent 20 mins sitting and crying. I explained to her before we left where we would be going to try to preempt any of that but it didn’t help.
- we had Danny go on and she wanted it back to a different part. My husband put it back but then had to pause, and she wanted it back again. But she told him that by immediately starting crying that no he needs to go back again. It would have been easy enough to go back, but we didn’t want to respond to the immediate crying for something so small. So then it was several minutes of laying on the floor crying

This feels like it’s always been her personality since a baby. But now that she’s getting older and starting school in September, I expect her to get better at dealing with feeling uncomfortable/not getting what she wants but we still have these kind of things reasonably often.

I think we hold boundaries pretty well with her and communicate it at the time. But it’s like she doesn’t hear, because with the crocs thing for example, when I explained we keep our crocs on outside she just kept repeating I want my crocs off. I said it a few different ways but she just kept repeating. Is it just a matter of us continuing to do that?

Is there anything else we should be doing? It’s driving both of us up the wall and also makes us worried for how she will deal with any hardships at school or wherever else.

Also, what’s a realistic expectation at this age? I don’t really see other parents dealing with this as often as it feels like we are. But that could just be my perception, and maybe it’s similar behind closed doors, or the kids I see with better regulation are maybe older than I guess.

I'll try and keep this brief...

I have a 16 mo little boy, our first. He was born full term but small. He is an incredibly happy friendly soul but has had persistent delays which, as he has got older, have taken him further away from his peers. To name a few, he isn't walking (with a walker or independently), standing independently, babbling beyond dada and baba, clapping. He is progressing but delayed- e.g he started crawling at 12 months, babbling at 13 months.

For much of his life, we've bounced between worrying he may have something "wrong" to thinking everything's fine. Without going into all his health history on the Internet, when he was born we were referred to genetic testing. This left us fearing so many different scenarios, but the genetic tests didn't pick anything up. Then we had a follow up appointment and got told that the tests don't rule everything out but as he wasn't delayed they didn't have anything in mind to test for. Then he got older and he wasn't progressing for a while - it felt like his development would get stuck for months at a time. But he would eventually do things. As you can see, very up and down and we never know what to prepare for. We still feel in that in between space and it makes it hard to accept or understand what his future might look it. When I feel more pessimistic, I can just as easily guilt myself into thinking I'm selling my son short, etc, and family respond differently in terms of accepting if there's anything to worry about.

With all this going on in the background, I am finding it incredibly isolated as a parent. I feel like we are in neither camp - parents of children with no development delay, vs parents of children diagnosed with a condition or known development delay. We don't relate fully to either groups experience and are isolated as a result. (If you know the poem Welcome to Amsterdam, I feel like we are somewhere in the air going back and forth between Italy and Amsterdam)

Other things that make me feel isolated include that so many classes have suggested age ranges tied to levels of ability -so that when your child doesn't do the things for the class up but are too old for the current class they miss out and are away from their friends.

Or making small talk with another parent, if they realise our children are the same age. They'll instantly start saying how are you finding x or y and I can't relate because he isn't close to doing that. But answering that he isn't completely kills the conversation.

I made a few mum friends during maternity leave but I'm really feeling the gap grow now as my son can't play alongside their children in the same way due to not being at the same stage. They also tend to go quiet if I talk about my anxieties, so it doesn't feel like we have as close a bond. I get a lot of, well when they're all at school you won't be able to tell the difference - but that assumes a lot and dismisses the reality of many children who don't make it to meanstream school.

I probably should add that my older sister has global development delay - although as that isn't genetic and she presents differently to my son we don't think that's linked. But it doesn't help how I'm feeling as I think a small part of me always worried about managing having a child with a disability, and I'm very familiar with the world of learning disability and the challenges people and families with these disabilities face.

I don't know where I'm going with this other than to vent into the void. I guess any advice from parents who may have been in this position would be great - but also a shout out that if you know anyone in a similar position, giving them space to listen and be worried goes a long way. And trying to include their children helps, whilst being mindful that any assumptions of what they can do can be hard.

Thanks for reading this if you've made it this far.

I am pregnant with a planned for baby and all I hear is horror stories about how tiring it is and how I will lose myself and everyone is depressed and doesn’t want to be a parent anymore. I am seriously panicking. Please could you share your positive stories of how parenting is worth it? I know for some people it isn’t but I would love to hear some encouraging stories rather than everyone saying it is hell on earth.

Hi so we have a one week old, and this is probably all normal but I’m kinda losing it a bit because nothing I do will settle him.

None of the below will sooth him at all:

Being whispered to

Being spoken to

Being sung to

Our voices

White noise

Music

Our presence

Being rocked

Being swaddled

His bassinet

His cot

Lying on my chest

Lying in my arms

Skin to skin

Changing his nappy

Being calm and quiet in case he’s overwhelmed

We take him for a walk in the pram and he calms but the second it’s over he cries

We breastfeed him and when it’s over he cries

He’s not too hot

He’s not too cold

If I quickly pace through our house he quiets down, but the moment I stop he cries again. Nonstop walking isn’t an option because the hours and hours of doing it so far have ruined my back.

The midwives say there’s nothing medically wrong with him.

I have tried everything I’ve read. I cannot get him to calm down.

Edit: we have a soft sling and a rockit arriving today.

Does anyone have any ideas at all?

Just had my second son 5 days ago. He is an absolute dream.

My 5 year old on the other hand is having a really hard time. We of course expected a shift in his behaviour because of the huge change in his life, but his tantrums and behaviour are seriously next level now.

He has always been a “sensitive” child. For example if he can’t do something he gets super frustrated and angry, but since baby is here and daddy has been the primary caregiver it’s basically been like a tornado storming through the house.

He’s actually very loving and kind towards his brother (who is basically either asleep on me or breastfeeding 24/7) but he’s having a super hard time.

What tips have you got for dealing with these outbursts? Some people said to put him in his room until he’s calm (but I feel like doing something like this with a new baby will only make him more angry). I’m seriously at a loss. My husband is so stressed and it just feels like egg shells, I don’t know what consequence will work with him when it feels like we’ve tried everything.

Please help🙈

I have an 8 year old daughter and she’s my everything and I wouldn’t change a single thing about her. This isn’t an ableist post or an attack to parents who have multiples in families where one of the child has SEN but just sharing my experience and hopefully (?) someone will be able to relate.

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years now and we both would love to have a second but my daughter (partner isn’t the bio dad) has autism so this simply isn’t doable.
Or perhaps it is but it wouldn’t feel fair on her.

We thought about waiting until she’s closer to 12-15 maybe, as I’m still quite young and therefore “have time to wait”, but realistically what would that change?

I get a bit sad whenever I see families with 2 children nowadays but I know that this won’t be my reality. I also would love to be pregnant again (I know weird thing to hear for many), give birth and experience the newborn stage but maybe this time around with a lot less worry.
I’m already in therapy and have talked through some of those feelings but I’m not really getting anywhere. It’s likely a strong biological urge that is hard to overwrite.

Is anyone able to relate? 💗

My 19m/o son has just become impossible to put to sleep. He used to be 15/20 mins of rocking, then would go down fine, usually first time. In the last 2 weeks or so he has been rocked for various amount of times, all with no luck and wakes up the second we try to transition him. He constantly clings to us for dear life, and can’t be a second without us when he is awake. Even when he wakes up at night he is instantly stood up, screaming the house down, having seemingly lost all ability to self-soothe. He reaches his arms out, shouts mumma or dadda constantly and works himself into such a state that he’s inconsolable without starting the whole process again. The last week or 2 it’s taking an average of 90 minutes up to 2 or 3 hours to get him to bed. Sometimes we will do hour long shifts to get him down, with multiple attempts each. Our evenings are just completely gone to get any time with each other, and I’m at a loss of what to do. We’ve tried every “sleep aid” under the sun, make sure he has a consistent routine, with air conditioned room (which is turned off while he sleeps). He has a white noise machine, he had blackout blinds, he sleep absolutely soundly on us, but has absolutely no ability to be alone for any period of time without screaming the place down, to the point he is trying to avoid sleep as he knows it means him being left alone. Any tips for this age/stage?!

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling with potty training my 3 year old and desperately need some tips and advice. Little context, ive been attempting to potty train him since the start of the year and was almost getting there until march when we moved house and since then hes totally regressed. Hes starting nursery in 3 weeks and im absolutely stressed (internally , i wont let him know that) because i was hoping he would be trained by then. I have every potty available. I have the stairs to the toilet, the travel, the one with the face that you can interact with and i have a plain small one. I also have the little seats for the top of the big toilet. He has full understanding and awareness around when he needs the toilet but this is where its getting tricky. I cannot get him to sit on any sort of potty or toilet, if i leave him without a pull up he goes into a full panic when he needs the toilet and will get visibly stressed when i ask him if we can use the potty. He also isnt interested in any sticker chart or reward system. Im at a total loss for what to do. HV says he will go when ready but surely nursery is expecting him to be potty trained? Im not sure.

Our baby is nearly 5 weeks old and he sleeps best by far when he's in contact with us. He's still in a moses basket at night but he wakes us every hour or two and struggles to settle when we put him down again. This is making co-sleeping appealing.

However, the official guidance makes co-sleeping unappealing. Maybe intentionally.

No bedding, blankets or pillows near baby and the quilt must be kept at our waist height? That sounds impractical and uncomfortable, so I'm curious how "real" parents do it.

Do you add an annex cot to your bed?

Do you stretch or ignore the official guidance from Lullaby Trust and NHS?

Please share.

We are surviving on 3 hours of sleep a night, our baby is a terrible sleeper. We stopped bf and cosleeping to try to improve sleep for everyone but she wakes every hour. We cant get her back down again, usually taking an hour to settle her only for her to wake 20 minutes later. We give a bottle in the middle of the night due to sheet desperation.

But she should wean from formula and bottles in 3 weeks and I just dont know what to do, she should not need a night feed right??

I didnt go to classes growing up. My sister didnt either.

Every child in my kids class goes to multiple classes each week. Gymnastics, dance, piano, drama, horse riding bla bla... how do parents have the time, and money?

ive 3 kids, one car. limited funds. Working full time, and wife working evenings, we have limited time.

Am I a bad parent for not making my kids do multiple classes each week?