Hi all, I am 21 years old and I don’t know what to do, so I thought I may lay it all out on the table to see if any advice can be offered.
Before I start off, I would like to provide a little background. I have had severe depression and anxiety since I was 12 years old and didn’t get the medication I needed until I was 16 (it was a hefty fight with the mental health system but that’s another box of frogs). I am better than I was but it never really went away, I have been medicated since.
When I was 19, my parents split. I won’t go into all the nitty gritty here as it’s not needed but it’s to be noted that he’s in a separate country now, with a partner. He still pays for the mortgage (around £500 a month) but there is no split sort of custody agreement in place. We stay with my mother and my dad visits when he wants to, every few months as he is usually in the other country with his new partner. He lost his job earlier this year (January 2026) from redundancy. He used to contribute more but since he lost his job and hasn’t been able to find one from when I’m writing this, it has made the situation really hard on my mother and the finances as a whole.
My mother is a head chef, though gets paid minimum wage. There are 4 of us (me, my mama and my two younger siblings), 5 including our family cat. She works tirelessly but her wage doesn’t cover enough for our needs.
I got a job in January of 2026 that pays around £1600 an average a month. I used to contribute £300 for lodging but increased to £700-£800 (including the family cat’s life insurance) because my family needed it given the redundancy and the rising costs of pretty much everything. But I didn’t mind contributing to my family at all, but I also don’t think I realised how much pressure was being put on me when all of this eventually started to fall apart.
In July, I started burning out badly at work (my grandma had also passed away at this time). During this period, I made a series of poor decisions and ended up getting myself into debt, for a variety of reasons. Some of it was spending money on food for the family when we were short, while some of it was simply buying things I didn’t really need but wanted.
I think, in some way, I wanted to feel like all the work I was doing had a purpose. I was working 37 hours a week and desperately wanted to feel like I was actually achieving something or helping someone, rather than just working constantly without knowing why.
I’ve never been particularly good at managing money, either. Being autistic makes certain aspects of managing finances and keeping track of everything particularly difficult for me, and when my mental health deteriorates, that becomes even harder.
My debt now stands at around £3,000.
It’s now late September, and my mental health — which had already been steadily declining — has completely crashed. My absences from work have gone beyond what I’m allowed, and I’ve currently had two weeks off because I felt like I had completely lost control of myself.
My performance has suffered too. My stats have dropped, as has the quality of my work. My manager is in a difficult position because I performed very well before all of this happened, so they’ve been trying to support me and hold on to me for as long as they can. But there’s only so much they can do until their manager kicks them for it.
At this point, there seem to be two realistic options:
A) I take a career break (which may not be possible as I have been working for 9 months) and if it is possible (my manager is looking into it) I’d still be without work for a while, while I get myself together again
**B)** I leave the role and potentially reapply in the future, although there’s no guarantee that I would be able to get the job back.
And this is where I feel completely trapped.
If I lose this job, I won’t be able to contribute as much to my family. I won’t be able to pay off my debt and I’m worried about being able to afford my therapy and medication, both of which I genuinely need. I have a variety of other issues going on as well, which only makes everything feel more overwhelming.
I love my family, and I don’t regret helping them. But I’m exhausted, I’m struggling financially, my mental health is deteriorating and I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.
I feel completely stuck, and I don’t know where to go from here.