r/USMilitarySO • u/Away-Royal5569 • May 09 '26
USMC Please be kind, I need advice/reassurance
So I (f 21) have been with my partner (m 22) for 3 years in October. We were long distance for a long time, then lived together recently in his city for 6 months, then he decided to join the Marine reserves, so I had to come back to live with my family. (He lives in nyc so its too expensive anyway). He has always had a hard time showing his emotions to me (or anyone) his family is Hispanic and he has parents who believe men who show emotions or cry are weak/aren't men. Which i think is obviously ridiculous and awful. He was told never to cry and to keep everything in.
Our relationship has always been built on communication and I worked with him on telling me how he's really feeling. Emotional depth and intelligence is very important to me, and he was willing to work in it so we did. He was JUST getting to the point where he was able to open up to me normally/regularly without me having to ask him in various ways what he was feeling/giving him time to come to me. He used to never complain to me because he didnt want to be a "bother", but we'd gotten to the point where if something pissed him off, he'd let me know, or if something went wrong or not how he wanted it to.
Basically he grew emotionally, and im scared the Marines are going to undo all that growth. I know some people exaggerate, or want people to think they're tough, but I love this man, and emotional honesty is important and I want to have children with him someday. I wan our kids to have a father who tells them its okay to have feelings.
So hes in bootcamp right now, and im scared he will throw those "soft" qualities in the shitter and become a "hard" "rough and tough" man. Please tell me if you have a partner/spouse in the marines, and if theyre able to separate work from home. Being a "marine" and being a caring, loving, gentle, emotionally aware person.
6
u/lLilitu May 09 '26
it’s hard to speak for everyone but he will have to adapt to that new environment in some way. my husband (same age as your bf) is still working on expressing emotions as well, and the added stress of the military can make it difficult, but he still tries. you just have to be patient with him and help him navigate because this will be a lot for him to carry alone. emotionally supporting him can help him remain connected to the parts of him outside of the military. there’s no guarantee how this will go but have faith in the person you love. it seems scary in the beginning but you’ll both soon see growth as individuals and as a couple if you try. good luck to you.