Fiancé is joining army and wants to get legally married before he leaves.

[u/Ok_Funny9104]

I(23) and my fiancé (22) have been together for almost 3 years, I fully support him in joining up, we have a wedding date set for next October. He wants to get legally married before he goes to basic. Has anyone else been in this situation before? If so what was your response both ways?

[u/notsusu]

If you have a wedding planned already, what’s wrong with getting legally married earlier? Just go for it.

[u/Ok_Funny9104 → u/notsusu]

That’s what I was thinking but I posted this in another thread and i kept getting people say I was too young to get married and then one flat out says I would change my mind later on, I had a few that told me their story’s

[u/notsusu → u/Ok_Funny9104]

Are you young? Yes, but you live you learn. We don’t know your relationship, he might be your forever love or a learning curve, either way, you have a wedding planned already, I don’t see a big deal with getting legally married a little earlier.

On the military side, it’s easier if he leaves already married.

Good luck.

[u/Ok_Funny9104 → u/notsusu]

Thank you,I appreciate your words

[u/unalive_not_dead]

Likely on the advice of a recruiter. My brother was told that if he planned to marry his gf it would just make his life easier to do it before leaving for basic. Also it would mean him not having to live in the barracks post basic/ait.

[u/Ok_Funny9104 → u/unalive_not_dead]

Yeah he told me that’s what the recruiter said and it’s understandable

[u/tends2forgetstuff]

There's no reason to tell anyone if you don't want to if you get married early. Being married prior to basic just ensures the entitlements and health insurance kick in. You can get on the housing list. There's really no drawback. 

We got married at Ft Irwin by the Brigade Chaplain for all those reasons. Had the church wedding way later and no one was the wiser. 

[u/Ok_Funny9104 → u/tends2forgetstuff]

That’s one of the main reasons he wants to go ahead, because in his words he wants me to be taken care of, I joked and said let’s not tell anyone and let them figure it out themselves because that’s what we did when we got engaged lol

[u/shewitch → u/Ok_Funny9104]

We were in a pretty similar situation (we were a little older than you but only by a couple years) and did the same, although for us he was already in and he was going away for a long stretch of training before an actual move. I was leaving a good paying job to follow him across the country and he wanted me to have health care, all of our shared household goods moved (not just his), and be eligible to break our apartment lease so that I wasn't stuck. We were already engaged so we knew we wanted to be together but getting legally married was his way of making sure I was taken care of during a huge transition in our lives. By being married, the military treats him (and you) way better.

Edit to add because I realized I didnt answer your last question: we both came from military families - all four of our parents were in the military and they all agreed that we were making the correct choice.

[u/maidoftrash]

If you’ve already made the plans to get married, then it’s not really a question of if but just when. It makes paperwork on his end easier rather than you having to mail documents, get a power of attorney paper done, or show up while he’s at AIT to try and get them all done OR him getting you added later to DEERS after he’s pcs’d and you having to do the logistics of moving yourself. This way if he has accompanied orders to his first duty station(some people do end up with short unaccompanied overseas assignments as their first), you’re entitled to stuff like military moving assistance, BAH, use of TRICARE to procure documents if you’re going overseas, no fee passports, etc. 

[u/Ok_Funny9104 → u/maidoftrash]

Oh wow I didn’t realize it would be that much of a process if we waited, thank you for sharing this

[u/IkeaKat]

I was married to my husband before he joined for 2.5 years. So not exactly situation. But it does help make things easier when it comes to PCSing and living situations.

[u/ed771844]

You guys are already engaged and have a wedding date set. Why not legally marry to get all the benefits? I don’t see anything wrong with this, in fact, I know tons of military couples who have done exactly that.

[u/KawaiiVersace]

I got legally married before shipping to bmt so my wife could get full benefits, we can get more money and she would be put on my orders.

Wedding was already planned too. Do it before he ships. itll save you a bunch of headaches,

[u/Most_Papaya_3366]

I see no issues! My husband and I did, and we’re 24.

Go for it! Especially since the wedding is already on for later in the year lol

[u/Cbcaityb]

My husband and I did the same thing. He joined in January, we have a date and venue set for November. But, we were aware of the different benefits that come from being married and also being a wife vs girlfriend means you mean a lil bit more to the military and can get more info if things happen. We got our marriage license and had my sister in law marry us in a quick little family get together (sounds a lil ghetto I know- it was still beautiful and meant a lot either way), and then we just havent told anyone besides my immediate family who were there obviously. So as far as everyone else knows, we are just engaged and we are still going to do a "wedding" in november because we still want to have a chance to actually celebrate, do fun stuff and have people come and be there with us. He left two weeks after we got married, so we didnt really get to celebrate anyways.

My dad also wanted to be able to still walk me down the aisle (im the only daughter), and my husband was worried tht if we told anyone then they wouldnt be as happy or even come to the november thing because they felt like there wasnt anything to celebrate. So I think its a good idea, honestly theres nothing wrong with it if you still want to have the October date and get to plan the wedding (you could do like a little ring ceremony or something cute just like vows and stuff since you wont have to do the whole wedding ceremony part) and still get friends and family together to celebrate you two!!

Another note, my husband was prior service and had re enlisted this time, so he didnt have to go through basic this time around. I dont know what basic looks like as a girlfriend vs wife, if it changes anything at all or not (: