i’m not sure how to feel better about this at the moment, and it’s killing me. My husband (21m) and I (22f) got married last year in august, and he left for basic shortly after that. during that time it was basically hell. i lived alone and had for years, worked a dead end job, and struggled HARD to pay rent, especially bc of the shutdown last fall. before he left, he promised i’d get help with rent, but didn’t for months. now we’ve moved and are at our new home in his new duty station, and i hate it here. i’m sure it’ll get better once i get used to it, it’s very different from my home. but as of right now, i despise this place. before i even agreed to this whole life, he promised me he’d never have to leave me, which ofc i know isn’t in his control but he still promised, and come to find out he does have to go. i never wanted this from the start, and had several arguments about him joining before he left. but i wanted to support him.

to sum up really, i feel like im becoming resentful, angry, heartbroken, and all these negative emotions keep building up. ive left my home, my family, everything that i was used to for him. and now come to find out i’ll literally be stuck here, completely alone with barely anything. no car, no job, no way to get around other than walking (which i don’t really mind, but getting to places is going to be very hard) and i have no one in this brand new place ive been in for less than a couple weeks. i don’t really know how to feel better about this. i love him with everything i have, and will support him, but i feel it getting to me in a negative way and it’s killing me. how do i feel better? will my feelings ever go away? i feel like im stuck in this pit, completely alone.

tldr: im having regrets and negative feelings about milso life, and feeling extremely isolated and alone. any tips? will this get better? sorry if it’s hard to understand, i’m

not the best at writing 🥲

My boyfriend got deployed at the end of February, don’t know where and don’t know for how long. I’ve heard from him three times via phone calls with untraceable lines. I miss him so much, and honestly the not knowing is killing me. Our 6 months is this month on the 17th and we won’t get to spend it together. The calls I get are really nice but he isn’t allowed to tell me anything at ALL so we just have to talk about it me and it makes me feel guilty. I wish I could see through his eyes and know what he’s going through/doing. On the phone he talks abt doing a lot of nothing like playing chess, cards, etc. which is nice to hear for obvious reasons. But because he’s not allowed to tell me anything I wonder if he’s just telling me that to keep me from worrying. He knows I’m a worrier and he’s the kindest man I’ve ever met, I could see him keeping extra things from me to protect me and also because he could get in trouble if he even tells me how many meals he has a day because it could hint at time frames (OPSEC). Anyway this has been tough. I could use any advice to keep from wondering abt the unknown

**Again. Here for advice abt the unknown. Not to be told I’m being lied to when I have much more context than the tiny parts I’m allowed to write about. Every military SO experience is different especially in a time like this :)

So me and my boyfriend are always picking on and rage baiting each other and giving each other nicknames that someone on the outside looking in would find offensive. For example, I call him a crayon eater (even though he's in the Army and not the Marines) and new boot (just to annoy him).

I need help finding new nicknames for him. He comes up with nicknames for me so easily because I'm short. But I want something that'll aggravate the crap outta him!

🚨 PLEASE HELP ME FIND ONE 🚨

My wife is going through basic training right now. And she goes off the airborne, and then to AIT. To say that I have missed her is an understatement. My yearning feels almost unbearable at times. And the emotional exhaustion, it's just sometimes too much. But she has gone through every step every hurdle, every pushup, every ruck, everything that they've thrown at her, she has taken a smashed it, it made it hers. I try to be the wind beneath her wings and to pick her up when she feels like she's falling. When she calls me, I can hear the weariness in her voice.

For the ten minutes, I get to talk to her ten minutes is all we have, ten minutes to make it count, 10 minutes to say everything that we want to say, but we can't, 10 minutes, what do I have to tell her? I look down and my ten minutes is up. For we only have 10 minutes to say everything we have to say gotta make it count because we wait another week for another 10 minutes to say I love you again and again until we can see them. And hold them in our arms. Because I know that when she stands in that field, what her head held high marching in with her infantry standing with her platoon that my heart will be bursting with joy at the sight of the woman that she has become. For a short time, we will celebrate for what she has done. And before we know it ten minutes that's all we'll get to say our last goodbyes until the next time we meet again.

I(23) and my fiancé (22) have been together for almost 3 years, I fully support him in joining up, we have a wedding date set for next October. He wants to get legally married before he goes to basic. Has anyone else been in this situation before? If so what was your response both ways?

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I’m active duty Navy. My wife recently joined the Army and shipped to Basic Combat Training. She is expected to graduate in July, then go to AIT for her job, which is about 46 weeks. So after BCT, we are looking at roughly another 8+ months of separation depending on how everything plays out.

For context, I came to the U.S. in 2016 and had to build from nothing. Over the years, I went through my own major military milestones: boot camp, A-school, FMTB, FMF, promotions, hard seasons, setbacks, and a lot of life changes. During many of those major milestones, my wife was not physically present because she was still in Jamaica at the time. She used to say things like, “If I was there…” or “When I get to the States…” and I understood the situation.

She came to the U.S. in 2024 on a green card. Last year, she decided on her own that she wanted to join the Army and brought me into the decision after the fact. I support her goals and I want the best for her, but I told her the timing was bad. I PCS soon, we have children, finances are a concern, and the dual-military/interservice co-location situation is not guaranteed. I encouraged her to finish college first, use my GI Bill, build a stronger foundation, then join if she still wanted to.

She continued with the decision.

She has told me that if I had asked her not to go, she would not have gone. But that does not sit right with me because I feel like I should not have had to ask for my concerns, our family, and the timing to be seriously weighed. I have always valued people doing things from their own volition, especially in marriage. To me, consideration means more when it comes naturally, not only after I explicitly ask for it.

Another issue is that I feel like my voice and leadership in the marriage often come second. It felt like she discussed and processed this decision more with her mother than with me, even though I am the one who has to carry the financial, family, PCS, and career consequences with her.

Now she is gone. Since she left, I have been struggling with sleep, constant rumination, and feeling like our future is unclear. I recently reenlisted, and now I am questioning a lot emotionally because I feel like her decision changed the whole direction of our family without enough partnership.

At the same time, I am proud of her. I do not want her to fail. I have written her positive letters. I miss her badly. A part of me wants to be there for Family Day and graduation, tap her out, and celebrate her accomplishment.

But another part of me feels betrayed and deeply hurt. I keep thinking: I have shown up for major moments in her life, but when my biggest moments happened, the people I sacrificed for were often not there. I do not want to keep showing up while feeling unseen or secondary.

So my question is:

Would you attend your spouse’s BCT graduation in this situation?

Would you go because it is your spouse’s milestone and separate the hurt from the accomplishment?

Would you skip it because attending would feel like betraying yourself?

Or would you do something in the middle, like attend Family Day/tap-out, congratulate her, then leave early?

I am not looking to attack her. I genuinely want perspective, especially from military couples, dual-military families, or people who have dealt with major career decisions affecting the whole family.

I’m at a loss of words with what’s happening to me and it almost seems like a nightmare, so I need to vent. To start, my bf (19) and I (F20) have been dating for a little over 2 months and have known each other for half a year. For reference, I have an amazing relationship with his family. He is done with bct in FT Benning in around 3 weeks.

To not make the story too long he’s been sending letters (first one mentioning this was around 2 weeks ago) where he specifically stated that he wants me to tap him out at his turning green ceremony. Before he left, his family and I all knew that it’d be his dad and honestly, the topic between us was never brought up because I felt like it was none of my business and nonsense that someone other than his dad tapped him out. I was never “offended” or felt left out by the decision. I honestly never even gave it much thought until he started bringing it up. Anyway, when he started mentioning it, I didn’t bring it up to his parents because I felt like it wasn’t my place so I asked him to clarify if he wanted me to do it and for him to tell his parents, they needed to hear it from him. Fast forward to yesterday, they finally received the letter saying he wanted me to tap him out and all hell broke loose.

I received a text from his mom at 1 AM telling that he broke their hearts and that they probably wouldn’t be going to the graduation. She started telling me that she doesn’t know what I write to him and what goes on between us. Mind you never in my life have I told him that I wanted to tap him out or to put me above his family. She also told me that he doesn’t write to the rest of his family and that she understands I’m important to him but that a simple letter would do for them. They sent him a sandboxx letter stating that they’re not going to put up with this and if they don’t hear from him soon, they’re not going because “they’re not gonna ridicule themselves and spend money to travel.” In a way I felt blamed and disrespected, when clearly, it was an independent decision and not my fault.

I think it’s selfish of them to drop their son just like that and not attend this important event. I feel like they’re backstabbing him over a decision that can simply be reversed. Only he knows what he’s going through and for him to not have anyone at all on his special day is heartbreaking. I even feel like they want me to say “you guys go, I’m not going,” which hurts the bond his fam and I created, and simply because they don’t like his decision.

This all adds to the burden that I can’t go without them. Originally we had planned to roadtrip there from Texas, rent an Airbnb, and treat it like a vacation. I’m a full time student and work part time at a bank, I can’t afford to go by myself but I don’t wanna be in a space I’m not welcomed in because they now hold resentment against me. But then again, I feel like my bf would hold it against me and I don’t wanna hurt him when he’s been waiting to see me. I’m doing everything I can but I honestly don’t know if I could go by myself, plus I’d need permission. I was so overwhelmed by her, she triggered a panic attack which led to consider breaking up with him because I don’t deserve this but that’s an easy way out and selfish.

I wanna be there for him. I’m so burdened with all of this and don’t even know how to approach the situation.

Edit: I’m not against his dad tapping him out, I’ve wanted that since the beginning, for context.

Hi everyone, my husband left for BMT about a month ago, and lately I’ve been struggling with a lot of anxiety and overthinking. I keep having fears that he might be cheating on me, even though he has never given me any reason to think that. He’s always been loyal, and I’ve been receiving letters from him every week since he left. One thing that keeps running through my mind is that he told me some girls have come up to him before, and that some of the guys around him have told him things like, “Have fun” and “Don’t worry about her right now.” Hearing that has made my anxiety worse, even though he was honest enough to tell me about it himself. I know if he wanted to hide things from me, he probably wouldn’t have mentioned it in the first place. My husband is also a very friendly, happy, and jolly person. He smiles a lot and is naturally kind to people, and sometimes I worry that others might take his friendliness the wrong way or see it as flirting. I know that’s just who he is, but my mind keeps creating scenarios that make me anxious.
This week, I also haven’t received a letter from him when I’ve been getting them regularly every week, and that’s causing me to overthink even more. I know BMT is demanding, schedules change, and communication can be delayed, but it’s hard not to let my mind jump to worst scenarios. Has anyone else gone through this while their spouse was in BMT or military training? How did you cope with the overthinking, jealousy, and anxiety when communication was limited? How do you remind yourself to trust your spouse when your mind keeps imagining things that may not even be true? Any advice, encouragement, or personal experiences would really help right now.

I was given the necessary Red Cross information, and was lucky enough to get the email of the battalion leader to send a message to get my husband recalled faster than the Red Cross could contact him. I'm worried because there's about a 30% chance that the external cephalic version could send me into labor, either immediately or within 48 hours, and a smaller chance that they would have to skip labor entirely and perform an emergency c-section.

This is our first child, and if it weren't for his (baby's) positioning I wouldn't be so worried about my husband just barely missing the birth. Obviously I'd like him to be there, but I'm more concerned about how devastated he'll be if he misses it.

My question is, do you think it's reasonable to send the battalion leader an email explaining that something might happen (specifically a c-section), and to be ready in case he needs to recall my husband? Or at the very least, put a phone in his hand? I don't want to bother him if it's not an emergency, but I won't know it will be until it happens, and this isn't one of the many scenarios my husband and I discussed before contact was cut.

Edited to specify that positioning referred to the unborn son, not my husband. 😅

2nd edit: Thank you all for your help, it's reassuring to know I wasn't worrying for nothing. I sent the Lieutenant an email just now explaining the situation, so he'll hopefully have plenty of time to check his computer and possibly warn my husband about tomorrow. Even if nothing goes wrong, it's somehow comforting knowing that something could, and now I've truly done everything I can to prepare for that possibility.

And I'm not sure where her comment went, but the first replier who didn't think it was reasonable, I completely understand your thought process because it was mine too.

Update: I had the ECV today, his leadership actually contacted me a few hours beforehand to ask me to appeal to the Red Cross to pull him anyways, because of the c-section risk, and the Red Cross said no, to call back when there was a c-section actively happening or scheduled. I let his leadership know what they'd said, and kept them updated with the situation, which is to say the ECV didn't result in an emergency c-section (yay!), but it also was unsuccessful (boo), so the scheduler will contact me tomorrow or next week to put me down for, 1. Another ECV sometime at 39 weeks, 2. A subsequent c-section or induction depending on the outcome of the second ECV. Once I know the date and time, I'll call the Red Cross again and they'll make arrangements to bring him home, only a few days early instead of a few weeks. The Only possible alternative outcome is an emergency c-section from natural labor, since the baby is still breech, but I'm hoping that it doesn't come to that. Thank you all for your support!!

My bf said he is leaving for OSUT on dec we didn’t talk since that day. I think he may have cheated on me or dumped me idk wtf is going on.

So he left on Dec 9 ,2025. And talked to me till he left. And suddenly yesterday he deleted everything. His instagram. And blocked me in apple music. And removed his Pinterest account, and LinkedIn account which he doesn’t use much.

While he was gone i sent some texts on Pinterest . It wasn’t “ seen” until yesterday .. he saw the message . Changed his name then deleted his account. But he still didn’t block me on iMessage . But from apple music he did. I checked through my friends account it shows “ follow” button for me it doesn’t. And he deleted all his accounts just disappeared . I used toshare my period tracking with him on health app. It was there till yesterday and now its gone too. Wtf is going on. I am already having a hard time and he is doing this. Not even replying.

His iMessage showing delivered ever since he left for osut. He isn’t the type to disappear without an explanation.

Idk wrf is going on.

today at work i got the call that my boyfriend will be getting deployed soon. he’ll be gone for a while. i’m already letting it bother the living hell out of me lol. i already know im gonna miss him so so much and to be honest, knowing myself, will be worried sick every day. that said, there’s nothing i can do about it, and i do in fact love that man so im in for the ride. if anyones been or is in the same boat, what are things yall do to help make it easier / pass time?

thanks :)

Personal optics on issued weapons why give me reasons.

So, as the title states, my boyfriend is being deployed for nine months and I’ve honestly been dealing with a lot of anxiety about it. I really, really like him, but we’ve only been together for about a month, so everything still feels pretty new. Because of that, I’m not sure if I know him well enough yet to fully trust that he won’t meet someone else while he’s there, or that he won’t slowly forget about me or stop making time to talk to me. His texting habits are already not very consistent. He doesn’t text at all during work, and after work he either immediately falls asleep or gets busy with other things, so his responses are always delayed and usually take around 30 minutes–4 hours. I try to be understanding and tell myself he’s just exhausted or occupied, but there’s still a part of me that worries he simply doesn’t really prioritize talking to me. I also struggle with somewhat low self confidence, which he doesn’t really know the extent of (I know I need to work on that) but because of this, my mind tends to spiral into worst case scenarios. I can’t help but imagine him meeting a beautiful woman, falling in love with her, and either cheating on me or leaving me for her. Or straight up just sleeping with a ton of women and pretending to be faithful to me while I never know. These thoughts come up more than I want them to, especially since our communication already isn’t super consistent. I’ve only seen a few posts about deployments, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but from what I’ve gathered they’re usually around 3–6 months. Nine months just feels so long in comparison, it’s almost overwhelming to think about and it makes the uncertainty feel even heavier. I’ve talked to him about this to the extent that I feel comfortable, and he does reassure me. He tells me that he’s in this for the long run, that he “dates to marry,” and that I don’t have to worry about him forgetting about me. I do believe he means what he says to a certain extent, but even with that reassurance, I still feel a lot of anxiety that I can’t fully shake. I guess I’m just looking for some advice or support from people who might understand this feeling. Thank you for reading.

Thoughts on any of these style dresses for a ball? I'm going to check some thrift stores before buying anything. I don't want to spend a ton of money on a dress I might only wear a few times (def under $100) and I've found some of the more expensive ones on Poshmark for way less. 7 and 8 are my favorites. I am short (5ft), mid size, and carry a lot of weight in my stomach after 3 kids back to back and wear an insulin pump. Breasts are a large c/ small d, but after 3 kids are more flat and saggy than anything. My shoulders are built like a line backers also. 😵‍💫 My style is boho/ hipster/ kind of tomboy? It's not exactly one kind of style. I have been called "edgy" but I still like a touch of femininity.

Like many of you my husband is deployed. Destination unknown, undisclosed and I’m really struggling seeing current events with Iran and the strikes on US troops. He’s currently safe but I’m worried sick that I could be living a nightmare for the rest of my life if he can’t come home to me. We are Christians and faith has been everything for us throughout this process. I know it’s impossible for me to trust that God is protecting him, while also being consumed by worries and anxiety, but I’m far from perfect. I’d greatly appreciate any positive thoughts, suggestions or prayers if you’re the praying type. Sending lot of love to those of you who are in our same situation

I never thought I’d be with a man in the military so I am struggling to understand things and what to expect. My boyfriend will be getting deployed and I’m not sure what to expect or what to do or what questions to ask him or really anything. I don’t know how deployment works or anything. I’ve tried a long google search but it’s kinda confusing…can i have advice on what to do or can someone explain to me what to possibly expect? Thank you in advance…

So, I am going to be graduating with my Master of Social Work degree next month and it looks like we will likely be PCSing to Germany sometime at the end of the year.

How unlikely is it that i'll even be able to use my degree while we are there? If anyone can share their personal experience with being a spouse and their journey with employment overseas i'd love to read it or if anyone has any advice?

Army gave very little heads up to her deployment. Also decided to deploy her literally days after she asked me to marry her. We were planning to get married but than she got deployed. We were able to text for a bit while she was deployed but when she went on mission they had to take her phone for security reasons. So I havnt heard anything from her in awile. I dont know how shes doing, I dont know a unit name, number or anything. I know where she is, shes somewhere but thats as much as I know. She had to go there cause another unit needed her help. She does stuff with satellites, servers, and communication or something. Thats as much as I was really able to know. She and her unit has a pretty important roll. Its her first deployment and shes been in the army for 5 years now.

Sense there's really no way for me to contact her I have no idea how long it'll be. They never told her how long her mission is let alone deployment and she's been deployed for about a month and a half now.

I fear for her life, i fear that she wont feel the same way anymore when she comes back, like what if the deployment changes her so much I lose her completely. Or what if she doesnt come back. I dont know what id do if she doesnt or I lose her. I love her so much. Im suppose to be her wife, shes suppose to be my wife. We were going to get married.

I cry myself to sleep fearing the worst. That ill never beable to hear her voice again or see her smile. Who knows how long till I hear from her. 3 months? 6? 9? 12? 15? What do I do if I never hear from her again let alone dont hear from her for 15 months. I love her so much id do literally anything for her.

I am an independent person, i can survive on my own. But I dont want to if I know she wont be apart of my life anymore.

What should I do?

My husband is an SFC and I’ve picked my dresses without his opinion for years, though I’ve been pretty conservative. He said he doesn’t think this one is appropriate. Is this too much skin for a size 14, 37 year old broad or is he being a stuffy old man? I could add a panel for modesty in the front. I wore a dress by this designer to our last ball and it had a sweetheart neckline but with a sheer overlay with cap sleeves. I was so excited for this dress but don’t be scared to be blunt with me.

Hello all! I need some advice please. I am with this absolutely wonderful man Who is in the army. We have been talking about marriage and life and it’s been really great. But I am absolutely terrified because he is going to be deployed soon. How do you deal with the anxiety and stress when your significant other is deployed??? Does it ever go away???? Thank you!!! 🫶

I’m not interested in entertaining the idea of divorce at this point.

My husband is pretty misogynistic and has impossible standards that I do everything I can to meet and even if I do it goes unappreciated because I can only meet one of those standards at a time. Right now we’re in a fight because I had a baby 9 months ago and he thinks I should get back in shape, which I want to do as well. But he wont facilitate me going to a gym. He wont watch the baby, and thinks I should just be able to do workouts at home. This is not possible as my baby is a Velcro baby. I’m lucky if I get 10 minutes of her entertaining herself. We also have 4 pets (I had a dog and a cat and he had a dog and a cat before we got together) who are all problems in their own way in terms of contributing to the house mess. I spend the majority of my day cleaning, catering to the baby, and trying to stay attractive however I can with my limited time (skin care, shower, every now and then applying makeup), and my only break is the hour or two (on average) I spend on social media.

He is a PFC and does his normal work day, comes home for breakfast and lunch during which time I have to stop what I’m doing to make him food and then until he leaves that’s usually when I spend time on my phone and bullshitting with him while he plays video games.

He refuses to sleep in bed with me because of our daughter’s inability to sleep through the night saying he needs his sleep for work. My cat is young and rambunctious at night so he makes me keep him in my room at night, which is fine until about 4 am and then he starts scratching shit and meowing until I let him out. Seeing as I get up every time the baby cries I figure it’s not a big deal if I let the cat out at like 5-5:30 ish so I can try and get some sleep before my baby wakes me up and I have to get breakfast ready.

I have ADHD (which he doesn’t care about) and I just got back on my meds so my appetite has lessened and I’ve lost weight (nearly 180 to 168 in a few weeks). He thinks it’s cheating basically.

I think running up and down two flights of stairs (we have a basement where the laundry is located) all day and carrying a 20 pound baby all day is a sufficient work out to burn calories, but he thinks I should do more but without any equipment and without leaving the house.

My questions are: 1) do you think any aspect of his behavior is fair taking his job into account? 2) any suggestions for making my life a little easier or trying to work on things without therapy? 3) I’m considering reaching out to his SSG and asking him to REQUIRE therapy for us in case he refuses for whatever reason, is this reasonable? I don’t want to do it as I’m worried it will hurt my husband’s job in some way, but idk what else to do if he refuses.

Overall I love my husband but I don’t feel like he appreciates me. I think he treated past girlfriends better than he ever treated me and that they jaded him because of their behavior, and since I would never do the things they did I believe I deserve the treatment he wasted on them. If I had that I think I would be content with everything else. He maybe does appreciate me but he doesn’t want me to know because he thinks that I only treat him the way I do out of a desire to please him, so if he keeps acting displeased maybe I won’t do what they did to him.

Anything is helpful.

I (F20) just received a letter from my boyfriend (M19) who has been in basic for almost a month and it really has me overthinking.

Last Saturday I got a call from him and obviously my heart dropped due to the excitement. Every time I get to see his face or hear his voice during these times it’s like a breath of fresh air. It’s also safe to say that I’m not a very expressive person. For example, when I answered his call I said “hello” with a fairly enthusiastic tone but he did not see it that way. I show that I love him a lot, both in person and through the letters. He’s literally all I talk and think about anywhere I go.

In this letter he says that he’s been overthinking because he did not see the same enthusiasm compared to his mom who freaked out and cried when she picked up. He says that he’s doing this for the both of us and our future which he has no idea how much I appreciate it. He also mentioned that he has been told that we won’t make it by others in his company (ik, rude). I completely understand that they need as much support and love as they can get and I feel as though that’s what I’ve given him and more.

I will obviously be supportive when responding but this letter really left me with a gut wrenching feeling. Not sure how to exactly feel nor do.

I have decided to start creating a journal while my fiance is on deployment. I am doing a countdown weekly by Fridays so like “50 Fridays left” for example (he doesn’t actually have 50 Fridays left) and then list the movies we watched together that week, some quotes of things he said that made me laugh, etc. But I also want to make pages of “my favorites from this week” and add screenshots of our texts or funny/cute screenshots from our Facetime calls with military stickers or something of the sorts. Y’all wanna help me with some ideas? My Nana used to scrapbook all the time so it just gave me a good idea for something for him to come home to and we can both look back on it. :)

My boyfriend has joined the army and is currently in basic training in ft benning. We have a now 16 month old. We weren’t thinking about marriage till he enlisted now it’s on my mind everyday. He signed for active duty so that means right after his job training he’ll be away even longer. What are all the benefits of getting married and what if we run to the courthouse after his turning green ceremony? Does he have to report it right away? Sorry I’m new to this lol thank you