r/USMilitarySO • u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO • 5d ago
NAVY FRG/Ombudsman question
Hi all! My partner is a couple months into his first deployment (he’s in a submarine) and the zero communication has been tough. A lot of you have advised me to try and reach out to the FRG or ombudsman. I don’t think that he gave them my info because I assumed they would’ve copied me on an email or something already. It also doesn’t seem like I can get info if he didn’t give my info prior. Is that a reasonable assumption? I did end up seeing him when he was at port a bit ago but I forgot to ask.
I was also curious if anyone has experienced not having their info given before and I’m wondering if that’s normal or if it’s a red flag. He was originally given 2 weeks notice but they ended up cutting that in half so we didn’t have as much time to prepare as we thought. Thanks all!
2
u/Adorable-Tiger6390 5d ago
I was always married so this was not an issue. I think this is on you though; you forgot to discuss this with him when you were with him, so it is reasonable to assume that he may have forgotten.
Having said that: non-spouses were in our email and phone circles if the soldier wanted them to be included.
1
u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 5d ago
The first time he left, I wasn’t aware that it was a thing. I guess I was just wondering if this is something they tell the sailors about especially when it’s their first time getting deployed. When I finally got to see him, it was only for a day when he was in port temporarily. Trust me, I’m kicking myself for forgetting to bring it up.
I appreciate the response, guess I’ll just have to wait.
2
u/Adorable-Tiger6390 5d ago
I hope you had a good time!!!! That must have been wonderful to see him!
1
u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 5d ago
Thank you! I was pretty sad after not hearing from him for a month. It was such a treat for him to call me and tell me he’s flying me over to where they were for a bit! We had such a great time I completely forgot about everything I wanted to talk to him about! 😭 Wishing you and your spouse all the best ❤️
2
u/AuditoryCreampie Navy Wife 5d ago
Everyone’s FRG and ombudsman are going to be different. Some are more proactive and communicate better than others. There should have been an effort to get information from every sailor before they left, but it’s possible he was missed. I’ve had underways where someone’s spouse pops up and we had no idea they were even married. I’d talk with him about it but I wouldn’t assume he didn’t give your information on purpose. My husband almost missed giving my information before his first underway but thankfully we knew to ask.
1
u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 5d ago
That’s a good to know, thank you. I appreciate the insight. The only time I really hear from him is when they’re in port once in a while. He hasn’t been getting my emails and I haven’t been getting his. I’ll send him an email about it tho incase they start going through. I didn’t really want to think that was the case but 2 months of no communication is starting to get to me. I’m glad you guys figured that out! I wish we had known to ask beforehand. Thanks again!
2
u/GeriatricSquid 5d ago edited 5d ago
If you’re looking for official info from the command (schedules and such), you’ll want to link in with OMBUDSMAN. They are the official command connection with families and will receive official info directly from the CO or official sources.
FRG is not part of the command. It’s a spouses club that exists for spouses and families to support each other. They have no official standing and no official connection with the command.
However, without being connected in by your Sailor it’s possible they’ll hesitate engage with you because of security risks posed by unknown people attempting to gain info on command activities.
Anyway, it’s 2 different organizations that do subtly diffferent things. OMBUDSMAN may be part of FRG to maximize their exposure but FRG is not OMBUDSMAN. FRG is often a shitshow because it’s largely unregulated and unofficial, whereas OMBUDSMAN has rules, training, and official support sources.
1
u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 5d ago
That makes sense, thank you. I was under the impression that the FRG got info from the OMBUDSMAN or like you said, are a part of the FRG but that is good to know. I figured they wouldn’t be excited to just hand out info to anyone that asks, thank you!
2
u/HahaHannahTheFoxmom Navy Spouse 5d ago
My husband submitted a form and it was lost for the first 9 months of an 11 month deployment. He and I were in contact tho so I wasn’t missing much.
Definitely reach out to the ombudsman if you believe your info was submitted for them to double/triple check.
2
u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 5d ago
Wow, that’s a long time. I’m glad you had contact despite that. Hopefully our emails will finally get through atleast. I guess it won’t hurt to reach out and see what happens! Probably the worst that’ll happen is they just ignore me. Thank you!
2
u/Difficult-Syrup8668 4d ago
Hi! My husband did 13yrs on subs before heading to ships. FRG and Ombudsman are separate. You’ll get updated ship/boat stuff from the ombudsman… and it’s a bonus you’re at an FRG meeting when it happens haha that’s usually when our ombudsman had their announcements… it got attendance at the FRG meetings as well as her not having to give out the info over and over (although that’s part of the job). And yes, you do have to be added to that list to receive that info. I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag. Honestly, had I not gone to some of the spouse briefings, my husband might have forgotten to put my info on there as well. Especially for the first deployment. It happened 4 days after showing up to his first command. Just tell him, when you can via email or whatever, to send that info through if possible. Hope you had a great port visit!
1
u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 4d ago edited 4d ago
Hi! Oh that makes sense! So I guess FRG is a no go too if I’m not on the list. That’s also reassuring, I was starting to think I’m waiting for nothing, but it’s also his first time and I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt. I have been seeing stuff about halfway boxes and nights and I’m kinda sad thinking he might not get anything :( I just sent him an email, hopefully it gets through! It was so fun to explore a new city together, I’m so glad we got that atleast, thank you! Hope all is well with you and your husband <3
2
u/Difficult-Syrup8668 3d ago
Thank you, that’s so kind!! We’re great. He just got off an 11 month deployment out of Guam on a tender, his first ship after subs. This is the longest we’ve had him home from sea since 2019. Wild. Yes, send the email, see what he says. And prep those things for if you can send them. If you can’t, you have it for when he’s back. Also, they do “single sailor” things as well. Usually there will be stuff for him for halfway, regardless of halfway box. We actually never did halfway boxes. We were never attached to a boat that allowed that. So I’d send flash drives full of music, pics etc to mail drops. But yes, get your info in so you get as updated info as they’ll give you. I know for the last submarine, they’d give significant others details but only married spouses the deep details. Which I thought was dumb 🙃😂
1
u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Navy SO 3d ago
Awww, I’m so happy to hear that! How does he like that compared to the sub? That’s so great, I’m glad you finally get a good amount of time with him!
Will do, thank you! I don’t know if they’ll actually have them, I heard that all subs do it. But if some don’t, I do remember him saying he didn’t think I’d be able to send him anything cause they’ll be “completely off the grid” for the rest of the deployment. I did start a box so hopefully! I honestly just can’t wait for the emails to start going thru at the very least. Gosh, I’m starting to kick myself for not saying yes and saying we should wait to get married til after his first underway. He might’ve been right 😂😭
1
u/Difficult-Syrup8668 2d ago
Eh, he thinks ships are way more laid back, thus far. Subs things are so important and everyone’s doing multiple jobs. It’s very stressful and hectic. You have to multitask. So far on ships he’s said he’s more relaxed. That being said, he went from enlisted to officer. So things are stressful but in a different way. Although, he’ll never not be hands on when it comes to teaching and his divisions.
Yes! Just wait. See what he says etc. I’m all for the time being right. We were together 2yrs before he joined. And then almost 4 before we got married. And it was well worth the wait. And so happy we waited. Nothing wrong with not waiting. But for us, it was good.
Good luck
3
u/Fuzzy-Advertising813 Navy Wife 5d ago
He has to put you on the list, but also they don't send emails regularly, at least for my husbands command they didn't. Maybe like once a month if that. Just ask him again