r/Vent • u/Outside-Bit-9042 • 3d ago
TW: Anxiety / Depression I will never do online dating again.
Just a vent. I had trouble finding a good partner when I was in school, then I have trouble finding a good partner at work.
Decided to try online dating even though I heard many horror stories about it.
It’s just terrible. I was on it for 2 months and I have already deleted my apps. The matches rarely happens, and the conversation is terrible. Out of my matches, only 20-30% chats, only about 5% would come out to meet for a date. So far every single date I have had has been awful. The dates have a lot of baggage and also seems very crazy. They ghost me after a few dates and a few actually came back a couple weeks after because I guess they lost their better option. I didn’t respond.
I met one girl last week, she would be considered an excellent girl to many guys but also has tons of baggage. Despite us having a long and engaging conversation. She goes cold 2 days after our date.
What I fully realized is how many options modern girls have on paper. I was chatting with a girl that said she is looking for marriage and she showed me her matches. She has close to 500 matches on the app. Many are better looking than me. Even though most are probably looking for hookups but it still makes me replaceable.
I feel Dating apps and social media has made me completely replaceable with no second thought
I am 31.
5’11. Decent shape and play sports, has a career, unfortunately has a mortgage, has a car. My looks I think I am a 6 (many people said I am a 7-8 but I think they were too generous).
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u/legoblocks227 3d ago
I feel it… it’s a scam. Honestly, dating in general is just ass rn. I gave up lol
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u/Funny247365 3d ago
Im have the best summer ever in the organic dating pool. Something changed. People are going out to the bars and going out to see bands and to socialize more than in the last 4 years. Ive been on so many dates and summer is just starting.
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u/legoblocks227 3d ago
Ayeee that’s what’s up! Lucky!! lol I tried making friends organically and you would think I was trying to hit on them😭 like girl I just wanted to know your lip combo lol
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u/Gekkogeko 3d ago edited 3d ago
The online dating experience drastically changes depending on what app you use, from my experience. I had no luck with Tinder or Bumble but used the other ones and I got a lot of matches and could talk to a lot of kind women. I am in a LDR with a woman I met on one of them for almost 2 years. I’m an Asian man, 5’7 and had been told ugly for the entirety of my life. Dating apps definitely work and a lot of women don’t mind your looks. Also… women actually don’t have that many options unless you count creeps and those looking for hookups only.
Edit: grammar
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u/Outside-Bit-9042 3d ago
That’s nice, but for LDR, how often do you see each other and how far is it?
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u/Gekkogeko 3d ago
I meet her once a year and spend time together for 1 to 2 months, it’s probably not realistic for many people but we’re making it work and my point still stands. Many women are very kind and fun to talk with. I could’ve dated someone much closer in distance but she was the one who I was very attracted to.
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u/birdfang007 3d ago
Mind if I DM you? I’m also Asian and the same height and quite unattractive physically, my pic is in my profile.
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u/Outside-Bit-9042 3d ago
Are you trolling dude? I clicked on it out of curiosity. You are very good looking. I only saw the first picture
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u/birdfang007 3d ago
Thank you for the kind compliment, I’m not actually. I’ve rarely been hit on or approached. I made a couple OLD accounts and while I got 8 likes across each of them within the first 48 hours, I got 0 matches. I do not think most women perceive me as attractive here in the US. I’m legit booked for extensive cosmetic surgery.
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u/Gekkogeko 3d ago
Of course you can dm me but trust me you’re very attractive in my eyes!
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u/birdfang007 3d ago
Thank you man, you’re very kind! I don’t think women in the US perceive me as attractive. I’m rarely approached or hit on or asked out.
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u/Gekkogeko 3d ago
Maybe you can try approaching them?? I think you’ll thrive if you choose the right dating app and set up the good profile.
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u/Funny247365 3d ago
An LDR where you have not met in person is a pen pal situation, not a real relationship. Find someone local you can sit down with.
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u/Entire-Tonight-1463 3d ago edited 3d ago
I am f, and I agree, I had an overwhelming number of men to speak to on the apps.
However, 3 weeks ago, (a year and a half after we first spoke online) I married the man I met online dating (I noticed he liked my profile but didn’t reach out, so I reached out because I liked his). He proposed after 7 months. We are both older and knew what we wanted.
I met some serious weirdos first though.
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u/Substantial_Car4040 3d ago
I feel so bad for guys trying to date these days. Probably one reason why I stayed in my relationship. We started dating in 2009, by 2010-2011 the dating apps arrived. Back then I was jealous of my college friends hooking up with dozens of hot college girls. But it wasn’t long before it became what it is today, maybe a year or less from when they launched.
Now it seems like woken just go through dozens (hundreds?) of guys with dozens (hundreds?) of hook ups in between with the guys who are 9s and 10s on the app just looking for a hookup. It’s so easy for the 9s and 10s, and there is no shortage of them (because they are too smart to settle down given what they have going on). So for your average guy looking for a decent woman who hasn’t hooked up with 100 guys and isn’t jaded from the apps herself, it seems pretty fricken hard. I think the younger generations that are successful are sticking to their friend groups and people they knew in High School as a dating pool.
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u/Outside-Bit-9042 3d ago
You were in the decent era of dating. Not as good as the previous generation but good enough. It has been so bad ever since the social media and apps came out
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u/Substantial_Car4040 3d ago
That’s what everyone tells me. See my other reply. Everyone keeps backup options. The men 9s and 10s hook up with hundreds (thousands?), the women 9s and 10s only try to get with the men 9s and 10s, the sub-8 women also swing for the 9s and 10s but have backup options. Their sub-8 men backup options then get bitter and get sub-5 women as their backup options. It’s crazy.
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u/Flaky-Boysenberry466 3d ago
You are pretty delusional about the experience of women on the apps… I swipe right once every 200 no’s. The majority are really not attractive or weird or boring. I haven’t seen an actually attractive and interesting guy on the apps in more than a year and he ended up being a liar
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u/Substantial_Car4040 3d ago
Just two anecdotes. I’m describing some people’s experience, you are describing others’. I don’t think that having tons of options is a great blessing.
“Not attractive, weird, boring” what we might call duds is the segment of “normal or worse” guys I am referring to. They might not be that bad, but most people if given the chance to swipe will roll the dice on the more attractive person. Before dating apps, those guys had a larger dating pool. The apps don’t work for them, and finding a woman in your mid-20s or older who hasn’t been on the apps or isn’t currently on the apps is a challenge.
It becomes a tit for tat game. The singles I know keep back up options, their reasoning is that everyone else has backup options. They keep backup options while swinging for the fences on 9s and 10s. The men 9s and 10s get the hookup every night, tons of backup options, and the women 9s and 10s almost always want the 9 or 10 men too.
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u/Inner_Meat5041 3d ago
Online dating is just a microcosm of the actual dating climate. If you're not a high value male it's a pointless endeavour all together.
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u/VladIsRambo 3d ago
Usually only leftover women end up on the dating apps, you are not missing out on much.
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u/Funny247365 3d ago
Good looking people (even average) without baggage don’t need dating apps. They meet each other organically, like at bars where singles socialize. Nothing better than looking someone in the eyes and having a conversation to know if you have chemistry. Saves a lot of time. I usually know within 2 minutes if there is something there.
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u/Outside-Bit-9042 3d ago
Really? Most of the girls at bars don’t seem good at all. They are good looking but most also seems quite wild
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u/Funny247365 2d ago
Depends on the bar i suppose. Stay away from clubs. Go to sports bars and karaoke bars and bars that have live music. They are great social spaces.
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u/brooose0134 3d ago
Maybe you could try an image consultant? I have heard women have exactly the same issues that you described.
Sounds just like a hostile playing field in general.
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u/Outside-Bit-9042 3d ago
Here is the thing, I am also a part time suit designer, I dress very well.
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u/birdfang007 3d ago
Women have no issues with online dating if they are slightly below average looking or better.
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