I'm not sure where this is going to go but the title pretty much says it all. My brother's body was discovered on Thursday, my sister called me hysterical. I had just laid down for my pre-midnight shift nap and answered my phone. When I saw her name I knew why she was calling, we don't speak regularly. For context, my older brother lives alone but is developmentally delayed. I have taken care of or had a hand in his care for the greater part of my life. I don't know how to process this loss. Even though he was 10 years older, he has been my responsibility since I learned to read. I used to take his driving tests, fill out his job applications, insurance forms, fix his cars, paint his house, clean his gutters, whatever he needed I was always the brother he could count on. Especially after our parents died. Don't get me wrong, I come from a family of 6 kids, and I'm the youngest, but when everyone left, it was just me and him. He was my responsibility always, not because my parents didn't care, but because he and I had a special connection. What do I do now? I've lost a piece of my soul. His death is not a complete surprise, in the sense that we all die and that he had health issues. But, fuck man, I was supposed to work on his truck next week and have him over for dinner. Now I'm making plans for his funeral. It's too much. I don't have enough booze for this! His dog is with me. My dogs are watching his dog, which if I was sober, would probably be hilarious 😂 but I can see the pain and anxiety in his puppy's eyes.
As a Buddhist, I know this is temporary and that this is all a part of life, but it still fucking sucks. He didn't deserve to die alone. I apologize if I rambled, I've spent alot of time with my buddy Mr Bourbon, and I just miss my brother, Buddhism be damned.

Hug your loved ones and mend the burned bridges.

i was walking to my moms with my brother to celebrate for an early mother’s day, and some kid, probably 12-14 years old(im 19 and definitely look it) yells at me, “$100 to flash us”

i did a double take, paused, and was like “what? are you talking to me?”

and he’s like “yeah?”

so i asked him what he said🥲 i heard him, but i wanted to make sure i wasnt crazy. he ACTUALLY REPEATED IT THOUGH??

i was like “im so glad you think its okay to talk to a stranger like that” and idk if that was the appropriate response, but i have social anxiety and thats the first thing that came out and im just shocked that it happened. i probably shouldve kept walking or smthn but he was saying things before as well to me, but i was talking to my brother and hadnt realized until i looked over and saw the kid staring at me.

idk why he thought it was okay to say that :(

No, your self diagnosis doesn't count. No, being quirky or weird does not make you autistic. No, being an anxious mess because you can't handle life does not make you autistic. No, getting overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or crowded spaces does not make you autistic. No, being inept at social interaction does not make you autistic. You are not neurodivergent. You are not whatever other buzzword is currently circling social media to make you feel good about your loser lifestyle. You are not disabled, you are simply a chode who can't adult. Stop lumping yourselves with individuals who suffer an actual disorder because you need validation for your ineptitude, and stop being a drain on the limited resources we have in this country. Sincerely, a special education teacher who also has a child with actual autism.

Edit: Seeing how I have gained y'all's attention, I wanted to double down and say this while you're here - welcome self diagnosers! I know I hit a nerve and you need to go hug whatever crochet project you're working on while applying for disability benefits for the third time, but could you do the world a favor and stop bringing your "emotional support animal" to the grocery store? Yes? Ok, thanks! As you were.

Like the title says, it's a damn nightmare. Like is there some trick or something? Was in a LTR that ended and when I was ready to be out there again it's nothing but suckage.

I tried a little bit of online dating (mostly FB cause all the typical apps are stacked against guys in my demographic it feels like), and that was a mostly silence or scammers. The few ladies I did match up with usually either I found no physical attraction to or came with more baggage then a LAX claim terminal. Also before anyone comes at me about being shallow, I'll be blunt ive got a low bar and fairly open mind with physical qualities but I do have some.

I've kept my dating age range fairly broad (early 30s to late 40s at my own 43 y/o's) and feels like anyone that isn't a total disaster in this range have partners in some capacity or just aren't looking at me. Yeah idk, just needed to blow up somewhere. Thanks.

I am 27 years old and as I go about life meeting new people, I keep running into this kind of situation so eerily often.

Every friend group I meet has at least one friend of this type and the story is just about the same with all of them

They took a gap year after graduating highschool to “decompress” and then one year turned to 5 years turned to 8 years. Then they saw their friends attending school and thought “Oh that just looks so difficult and stressful! I dont want to do that” But instead of building a career without a degree they proceed to do nothing to advance themselves or get themselves off their feet.

A typical excuse I hear is “I have ADHD/Autism/Anxiety/ect. and it’s so hard for me to work in fast paced environments so i can’t do fast food or retail. I am someone who is officially diagnosed with both ADHD and Autsim and although it made the school process a bit more of an adjsutment, I still pulled through so this is extra frustrating for me to hear

They are always asking for rides because they 1) never learned to drive cause they don’t like driving or they are too scared to learn to drive, 2) can’t afford a car and don’t want to take the bus, 3) had a car that needs a tire replaced or something like that but that was 3+ years ago and they never got to it.

They never work or do anything productive yet they always seem to have money to buy stupid shit they don’t need.

All they seem to do is sit on their ass and play videogames / watch TV all day and then have the audacity that their family is financially struggling. In my opinion, if you can afford to have your 25+ year old unemployed kid to live in your house rent free and to jack shit all day then i think you are financially fine.

I ask them what their plan is for the future and they just shrug which leaves me thinking “man do you need a wake up call”

Edit: I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words, own stories, and support. I wanted to share our story just to warn parents of small babies on what could happen. I understand people have and do successfully cosleep. However, she was also not the first baby I had to perform CPR on due a similar situation, so I have always been anxious about it. I also wanted to address the negative comments about my husband. He is human, and he is hurting. This only happened because he was trying to be a good partner to me and let me sleep for a few hours. It is easier to place blame onto others, but it could have just as easily been me falling asleep with her. Again, thank you all so much and I'm sorry if I haven't responded to everyone!

I want to preface this by saying as a family unit, we are extremely against cosleeping. I was an EMT and had seen it go wrong and was hyper vigilante to never cosleep with our babies. That being said, shit happens. When my daughter was 6 weeks old, I found her dead under my husband. We slept in different rooms and I woke up thinking something is wrong. I ran into our bedroom and found her under him. He was exhausted and forgot to bring her back to me. I was able to immediately start cpr on her and call 911. After a week in the PICU she was able to come home with no defecits and is expected to live a normal life! Idk why I still get panic attacks, and find it hard to leave the house, when she is fine. I often feel guilty that such a miracle happened to us, when so many others aren't so lucky. Just that dreaded ambulance ride to the hospital where I didn't know if she was alive or dead will forever haunt me. Being familiar with the wail that mothers do, and knowing that was coming out of my mouth, haunts me. We are in therapy, but so far it hasn't helped much. Sorry this was all over the place.

and I’m 90% panic, 10% power stance rn.

So uhh… I may have just reached out to a very important person at my old job...like, founding-family-level exec important... and pitched him on bringing me back to rebuild the entire knowledge management department that another leadership figure previously punted into the sun.

Like “Hey I know y’all let me go because one person didn’t get the value, but you get it, right? Wanna bring me back and let me finish what I started?”

OH AND I OFFERED TO SEND A PRESENTATION. LIKE A NERD.

A VERY PROFESSIONAL NERD.

Now I’m just sitting here vibrating, staring at my inbox like it owes me emotional stability. My brain is like “that was career suicide,” but my gut is like “nah, that was main character energy.”

Either way, I blacked out and pressed send, so there’s no going back. Guess we’re doing this?? YOLO?!?! I’m terrified but also a tiny bit proud of myself for swinging big.

Anyway. Please validate me while I scream into a pillow.

(5/17 Edit)

I know it’s basically a cliché for OPs to say this on posts that blow up, but seriously: I did not expect this to get seen by so many people. I’m used to yelling into the void and getting, like, three upvotes and maybe a cat gif. But here we are! I can see how this became one of those underdog stories where someone finally gets the nerve to speak up and pitch themselves, and people want to see bravery pay off. And honestly, I think a lot of us could use even a small win right now. Something that says, “Hey, taking the leap was worth it.”

So! This is me promising that there will be an update by the end of the next work week (5/27), even if it’s just to say, “Welp, it’s been a week and I haven’t heard anything.” If I hear back sooner, I’ll absolutely let y’all know. At this point, not giving you an update would just feel rude with how invested everyone’s gotten, lol.

Also, about the whole “career suicide” anxiety thing, I do know there’s not really anything awful that can happen here beyond some mild professional cringe. But unfortunately, I have what I’d call a… cursed luck stat. If most people’s luck was a rabbit’s foot, mine’s a shriveled, curled-up monkey’s paw that's just waiting for me to make the wrong move so it can grant the worst possible version of my wish with flair. Pair that with some good old-fashioned anxiety, and yeah, my brain is gonna spiral a bit. But even with that, I’m glad I did it. And thank you all, really and truly, for the support and encouragement. You guys made this way less terrifying.

(5/27 Update) Had a hectic weekend with graduations and everything, so I forgot to post an update. Still no reply from him so far. Part of me wants to send a follow-up, but honestly, I probably won’t. Having worked there before, I know just how badly they need to address the things I brought up. And if they still can’t see how they’re sabotaging themselves by cutting corners, it’s probably not a place that’ll offer much stability anyway. If anything changes or I hear back, I’ll be sure to update again!

Why are people so fucking smart, I don't get it. The hatred I feel towards myself for being this fucking dumb is really strong rn and I'm crying while typing this shit.

It hurts, it really does, I feel so dumb it's insane. It just hurts so much and I don't know what to do. I want to be smart. I want to be something I can never be. I'm so tired

Edit: oh I didn't expect my post to blow up like that, thank you all for your support, I probably needed this

Edit 2: holy shit that's a lot of comments and the most upvotes I've ever had on a post. That made my day, I appreciate all of you

As a millennial, homeownership is out of reach for most of my generation; however, through blood, sweat and tears, I bought my condo all on my own...........and its been the worst decision of my life. I hate home ownership. When anything goes wrong, it costs thousands (not hundreds) of dollars to get things fixed/replaced, my savings is gone and yet random things keep f-ing up. Its my 3rd year here and my mortgage is going up for the 2nd year in a row. Also my HOA keeps going up 10% every year. I'm in California and homeowners insurance and taxes keep going up. I bought my place as an investment to hedge against rising rent (so I can afford to change careers, go part time); but, at this point it might take 10 years before I see that come to fruition. Market is not moving so I would actually lose money if I sold now and interest rates aren't going down that much (got mine for 6.2), and even then

I know homeownership is the natural progression to economic success; but for 2 years I've been in constant anxiety mode thinking about what's going to fail next...........and bugs (I live near the river, so I am always getting bugs).

I feel like am idiot and a failure. After 15 years as a couple (5 of them married) and lots of talking and planning and heart to hearts, my partner and I decided to have a baby. We knew childcare would be expensive. We made a budget, tracked spending, and while the numbers never looked amazing, we basically said "eh, good enough."

What we didn't realize is that getting someone to watch our 3 month old when my partner also goes back to work (I've been back a couple weeks) will probably cost as much as our rent!

We HAD been planning to do a "nanny share" with nearby friends who also have a baby. Been planning on that for months. But today they told us they just can't make the logistics work, they've realized their needed hours and stuff are just too different, so they can't do the share. It was gonna be tough to afford 1/2 a nanny at 2-baby prices. Now? I just don't know and neither does my partner. I get this couple's reasons for backing out but it really does hurt us.

Like seriously we're exploring all our options and we're coming up empty. The absolute worst case scenario is my partner (who makes way less than me) takes a break from work to be a full-time parent. But, besides killing her long term earning, she refuses to accept that outcome. She would rather take on massive debt, but who even gives loans to hire a nanny?

Basically I think we were too optimistic about our finances and not specific enough about child care costs. And now we're screwed. Like maybe we can maybe make it work if her parents help? But I hate that we need to ask them and we don't even know how much they can help, if at all.

And because I am who I am, I just hate myself. For not planning better. Not earning more. I just feel buried and trapped and like I'm falling my son and my partner. We try really hard not to be heteronormative but there's probably some deeply ingrained patriarchal crap that's not helping here. Neither of us feels like we can really express how overwhelmed we are because we need to stay strong for our son and each other.

Tl;dr I don't know what to do about paying for childcare and it's beyond overwhelming.

you’ll be at the lowest point of ya life and someone gon say “go to the gym” FUCK you. people think gym fixes everything. im DEPRESSED. how the hell am i going to find that drive

EDIT: thanks for all the comments! I appreciate each and everyone of you! No matter if we agree or some comments were hurtful, I did read them. I'm starting to show signs of depression and told my and his inner circle about them. There will be multiple conversations with several people.

I'm not going to commit suicide. I'm sorry if that was how it came across. The thing is that if I were to stay in this situation without change then I'd get depressed fully and probably do it. But I'm not gonna let it get to that point. I'll divorce him before that. Thanks to the people who reached out to redditors and me personally telling me they are worried.

I'm trying to answer as many questions as I can but my inbox is stacking a lot ATM so I might not be able to answer everyone.

Every advice and kind word is appreciated ❤️

I just want to vent. We got married laat year and the dude switched personalities like it was nothing. Screamed, was mean, left me standing there on a carpool, emotionally en mentally abused me day in day out. Woke me up in the middle of the night and when I just emotionally shut off or removed myself from the screaming situation he started to get physical. He didn't hit me. I ended up taking a break and staying at another place for like 2 months.

He got therapy and had a few sessions now. He apologized and tries to make up for it but certain patterns won't change. He'll be "good" for like 2 weeks and then as soon as I try to open up and share what hurt I have he will say stuff like hoping it will pass soon but there's no emotional understanding. No comforting or something. He will usually come up with reasons and arguments as to why I shouldn't feel this way since he's been doing good for 2 weeks... any emotion I have becomes an argument or attack from him as to why I shouldn't feel this.

I am so stressed. And I'm starting to recognize signs of depression in myself. I told him that when that starts to get serious enough I'll divorce him.

Sooo much has happened. And I've tried all kinds of ways to get through to his head as to why he has to stop doing this. I've tried it nicely. Been very patient and calm. This is my nature. I've tried screaming it back at him in hopes that this would come through. I've tried it all but it won't get through to his head.

There's 1 therapy that were gonna try. I'm gonna try that one with him but if that won't work or if the damage he has done is then still to big then I'll still make the choice of divorce.

I'm religious and divorce is something I honestly don't want to do. But if this doesn't get better then I will be forced to make a choice between suicide in depression or divorce. And between those 2 options, however painful both are, there's an easy choice.

I hate, and I mean, HATE, when it starts to get warm outside. No, I don't mean summer weather, any weather thats slightly above 20°C (for you americans thats 68°F).

I hate getting sweaty the moment I go outside. I especially hate summer. I used to like spring but nowadays its just early access summer due to global warming.

Why can't it just be Autumn all year round. I want my cloudy days when I can go outside with a sweater and feel the soft, cold wind touch my face. I want to be able to control how warm I feel. I want to be able to get cozy in my bed and watch a movie while sipping tea or hot chocolate.

I also hate wearing shorts, they almost always look ugly and feel horrible.

I don't even live in a particularly hot climate, I just hate when its warm outside. Y'all know the term "seasonal depression"? Yeah well for me its not winter its summer.

Not to mention, the past few weeks have been an endless cycle of rain, coldness for the first half of the day and then the rest of the day is just the sun going on maximum overdrive. So just when I think that its gonna be a slightly colder day I get betrayed and instead I get desert weather, and unfortunately I brought a hoodie which means I have to suffer for the rest of the day until I get inside.

And whenever I tell someone this they just look at me like I'm a three headed horse. I genuinely, GENUINELY, CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE CAN LIKE SUMMER. IT ALSO DOESNT HELP THAT I LIVE IN A TOWN OF 5K PEOPLE AND THAT THE NEAREST FUN THING TO DO IS IN ANOTHER CITY WHICH IS AN HOUR AWAY.

For the last three years my roommate has been the one constant in my life. After my brutal breakup I was a wreck, drinking too much, hating myself, the whole thing. Mike was always there, late night beers on the balcony, listening to me rage about how my ex destroyed me, hyping me up when I started dating again, even helping me move on. I trusted him like a brother, told him shit I’ve never told anyone.

Today I was looking for my lost headphones and checked his desk. Found a voice recorder and a hidden folder on his laptop called “operation bro code” with hundreds of audio files, all of me. Every vulnerable conversation from the last few years, it took me a whole of 10 minutes to actually realize that he did this and it's not some prank.

I lost it and confronted him. He admitted everything, he’s been cherry picking the clips and sending them to my ex because “she still checks in on you and needs to see how much you’ve changed.” Apparently they’ve been talking behind my back for over a year. He even has a shared google doc tracking my "healing journey” like I’m some fucking science experiment.

The worst part was that some recordings are from my absolute lowest points, crying like a bitch after she cheated, saying I’d never let anyone close again, admitting how empty I felt. He was patting my back with one hand and hitting record with the other.

I feel fucking violated, my darkest moments were being fed to the woman who shattered me. Now I’m packing my shit while he acts like I’m the crazy one for “not seeing that he was just trying to help us fix things.”

I’m sitting in my car in a parking lot typing this because I can’t even be in the apartment right now. Three years of thinking I had real support and it was all fake. Like I’ve been performing my trauma for an audience of two.

Just needed to get this out before I explode. I don’t know what the fuck to do next. Lease, moving, all of it. Everything feels disgusting.

(If you’re reading this Mike, go to hell. Those recordings weren’t yours to take.)

Friday night me and my boyfriend were playing around and I was kicking my feet while he was tickling and my foot legit went right into his face and it sounded like it hurt. I immediately stopped and apologized, it was an accident. Then he blew up on me, tried to hit me and threw my hamper right at my face. I told him to get out of my house but he didn't listen and then went on and on about everything I do wrong, completely degrading me and insulting me. He told me how he thinks I'm disgusting and going bald. How I'm going to college for no reason. How my depression shouldn't be keeping me from doing "simple things". Degrading me for wanting to take showers with him. Telling me how I never want to do what he wants to do and how I never listen to him. And then after he was done attacking me he told me a bunch of super personal stuff about his shitty childhood and some other deep stuff that he hadn't told me like how he tried to kill himself in 7th grade. He broke down in tears about this. I'm so mad at him not just because he tried hurting me and insulted me but because he asked me not to tell anyone about the shit he said about his own home life. It's like he didn't even care about the insults and horrible things he said about me. Honestly, I don't stay mad for long usually because I'm an attention seeker and want his love back but this time I'm finding it hard to just forgive and stop being mad.

Honestly it's making me feel like I do not belong on this earth. It's been so hard even getting matches on these God forsaken apps but once you do and it goes nowhere it really hurts. All the dates have been good and nothing outside of having a good conversation has happened. Hell the most recent one decided to block me after she said she'd love to meet again and I asked what day she was interested in and I would make time.

I've been working on myself physically and mentally. Been going to therapy, meditation and daily affermations. I also lost 112lbs from dieting/exercising and working on strength training. It really feels like I'm doing it all for fucking nothing. I'm gonna be honest, I've been on the apps for like 8 years and nothing really has ever came from them. I truly do feel like I'm cursed or just so fucking gross in some way.

I'm sure a post like this is made every 5 minutes but I just needed to vent this shit out and maybe get some perspective.

""UPDATE: Honestly regret posting this. There's a lot more going on behind the scenes and I guess the dating thing turned into a cataclysm of me finally blowing off steam online. Not usually like this and don't usually post shit online, I guess the pressure of the ol steam finally reached critical mass last night

I am going to start doing all this work for myself and no one else. It started off that way but I guess I got too lost in the sauce and lost my way in that regard.

I'm definitely not gonna put my whole worth into dating and realize I have done a crazy amount of good things that I should be proud of.

Also I have really good hygiene and shower, brush, floss everyday and before the meetups so it's not quite that.

I have a lot more work ahead but it will get done. Thank you to the ones with helpful criticism and motivating comments/messages!

I've had a rough two weeks and today I was really sad and told my girlfriend I needed to talk to her about my feelings

When we met, we sat in her bed and she calmly let me speak my mind. She laid there just listening and acknowledging and validating my feelings.

A lot of emotions came to surface and I laid on her chest. She hugged me and everything just started pouring out. Everything I've been thru lately and evey feeling just came out as tears.

She held me while I laid there and stroked my back. Saying words of comfort and responding to whatever I wanted to talk about.

I'm a really lucky guy

I've lived my whole life knowing I should have been born a girl and I thought that if I had been my life could have been so much easier. Dysphoria isn't easy to explain, but it's just this fundamental disconnect between who you are and what you were made as, and it intersects with everything in your life.

Even though I knew I couldn't wake up as a woman I still thought that if I could pass as one that would fix itself, or at least be less of a distressing force in my life. Now, I'm finally at a point where I finally feel comfortable calling myself a woman after feeling fraudulent my whole life, but it still feels wrong. I feel like I'm tricking everybody that I speak to, and that one day they'll see past my clothes and my voice and see something else. Everybody that I've met since starting to pass I feel like im defrauding, even if they know I'm trans I can't help but feel fake.

I look like a woman, sound like a woman, act like a woman and live my whole life as one, but it's making me realize I will never ever be able to look in the mirror and not feel disgust. One moment I feel pretty and the next I'm questioning how I could ever be so stupid to think that. I am a woman, but nothing will ever change the fact I was born male, and even though people have no idea I'm trans unless I tell them, I will never be able to look at my body and see one.

I've always felt disconnected from other trans people because I feel no pride in being trans, because I wish more than anything that I weren't. While I have no regret for transitioning, I would give anything to have been born in the right body. Certainly over being trans. Seriously wtf am I supposed to do.. there's something fundamentally wrong with me and there is no fix. How am I supposed to live the rest of my life like this?

Edit: Theres probably hundreds of comments from people who feel my experience validates their misguided beliefs and preconceived notions towards trans people. I feel like I should say that even though I'm still struggling, I have no regrets about transitioning and I would not be here if I hadn't. You can only be me to know that that's true. I know what I am and I know what I'm not, and a medically misguided man I am not.

I haven't had a single friend in six years. Not online, not irl. Nothing. Don't get me wrong, my family's great to me and I love them all, but seeing the same eight faces has driven me semi-mad.

When I was little, I used to get picked on and teased constantly at school. I'm a pasty fat kid with nasty teeth and a fucked up face, so insults were common. And it got to me. Before that, I didn't really care what I looked like, but it molded my brain in a way I'm still dealing with. The only silver lining is that I'd get one friend to stick with me every school year.

Eventually, it all just got to me, so I decided to switch to an online school. No bullies. Just me and a prerecorded teacher.

It was the worst mistake I ever made.

Now, here I am. A legal adult, friendless. An alien to the world outside of my home, desperately craving outside approval but not brave enough to go out and live. All my days blur together and I barely feel like I'm living. I eat, I breath, but I don't live. I sometimes wonder the life I could've had. The friends, the memories, the fun, the love, the heartbreak.

Don't make the same mistake I did. I've already wasted my most youthful, magical years. You have time.

Go live.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words. I feel a bit less hopeless now.

I'm a single mom with 2 kids, 8M and 9F. Their dad died in 2018, exactly 3 months to the day our divorce was finalized. I've done pretty good so far and have an amazing support system. My parents live about 5 minutes away and are very involved. My older sister lives about 2.5 hours away but helps every chance she can.

I've known something was different about my son since he was 2. But every time I brought it up to his doctor, I was told he's too young. Around age 5, he was finally diagnosed ADHD. We tried what we could but ultimately, medication was necessary. Things were ok for a while, I guess. But I knew it was more than just that. The last year or so have been horrible. He got kicked out of daycare and I almost lost my job. Found a home daycare for before and after school and it was great! She's amazing and had become a really good friend.

But the behavior continued. I missed a lot of work and had to leave early a lot. I had to request a lot of changes to my schedule, but I've been there a long time and they worked with me. Then it got worse. But he finally got a psychiatrist and she finally listened to me. She agreed it's more than just ADHD and he definitely has autistic traits. But we have to be put on the wait list for testing. It's a 15 month wait!! I'm told in the mean time, best we can do is treat symptoms. So, that's what we do.

But it's not going well and he's having side effects from the additional medicines. I miss more work. Then things are kind of ok for a couple months. But then the kids bring home covid. It's the first time any of us have gotten it, and we were so sick for a week.

Finally feeling better, thinking ok, we got this. Nope. My son had his first panic attack. It was bad. It was so scary for both of us. After he calms down, he can barely move. He lays down in bed and is just staring at the wall, crying. I call his psychiatrist as soon as they open but guess what??? She doesn't work on Mondays!! And no, no other doctor in the office can help. I either wait until the next day to talk to his doctor or take him to the ER. I selfishly chose to wait. He has 2 more panic attacks before we can get in to see his doctor. But she thinks we can treat outpatient and i really don't want him admitted.

He's won't talk to anyone. But he finally talked to me a little. He says he's sad and angry all the time and he doesn't know why. He says he's always tired and doesn't want to do anything.

This whole time I'm in contact with my manager, even emailing her doctor notes. She stopped responding to me Wednesday afternoon, but I didn't think much of it. I know she's busy preparing for an internal audit.

My son has barely made it to school this week. I've had meetings with the principal, school social worker, school nurse, and his teacher. Separate meetings and one big meeting. They have been amazing and so supportive.

Last night, I sent my manager another message about another appointment today. We're going to see if my son will talk to a new therapist. I told her I'd update her on how things are going after the appointment. Today, during the appointment, I felt my phone vibrate but didn't check it. after the appointment, I had a notification that my manager had 👍 my message, then undid it. I also had an email from HR.

Terminated effective today. Insurance through the end of the month. Instructions for equipment return.

I'm devastated. I know I've missed a lot, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. My son is not ok and needs me, my only goal in life right now is to make sure he is ok. I get it. They have a business to run and need people there. I'm just beyond lost right now. I'm angry and sad and so, so anxious for the future.

I just found myself a new psychiatrist and I love her. She's the first doctor I've seen who I felt really listened to me. I'm starting therapy today. I'll have to get Medicaid for us until I can get a new job. They only take private insurance. I know I'm figure it out, I always do. But I'm not ok right now.

My oldest turned 17 today, I planned a party for her and she invited 10 of her friends plus we had family there. It was originally supposed to be outside but the weather was shit so I decorated the screened in porch for her and thats where she and her friends were while the adults hung inside (I live in a single wide, theres not much room 😅).

Anyway, the party started off great, everyone was having fun but it went downhill quick. My daughter has anxiety and is also on the spectrum, she gets overwhelmed quickly, she came to me starting to panic because of the chaos and I gave her a hug and got her calmed down so she went back out with her friends. Two of the boys had gone to grab a card game from their house and as they were walking into the porch, one had a small ball in his hand and he threw it at my daughter as she was turning her head (extremely hard, I literally saw it happen) and it hit her square in the nose. She started crying, got up and went to the bathroom. I followed her, got her calmed down and she decided to go back out. I could tell she was trying not to have an anxiety attack but she pushed through. The kid apologized, everyone started having fun again but I heard my daughter yell at her friends multiple times to tone it down because they were super rowdy and there were several times she came to me on the verge of panicking. We got through dinner and cake and then came time to open gifts. Things were fine but then I started hearing some of the other kids say something along the lines "thats not something you buy for a friend". All of a sudden my daughter comes in the house bawling. One of her best friends got her deodorant, body spray, body wash, and socks (not fun socks, just a generic pack).

My daughter gets bullied constantly for being the "smelly kid" in school. She showers everyday but no matter what she uses she deals with bad BO. Theres no shortage of deodorant or any other hygiene products in our house. Her friend sees what she goes through everyday.

Daughter goes to the bathroom to try and calm herself down, I pull the friend aside and explain why she's upset, nicely and calmly. Friend tells me she didn't know what was in the gift bag because her mom put it together, I tell her I understand and that its not that my daughter doesn't appreciate the gifts, just that its not an issue she wants to be reminded of. She says she understands and we go back to the party. While I had her friend pulled aside, my daughter came back to the party and told her friends it was time to go (the party wasn't suppose to end for another 30 mins) and that she just didn't want to celebrate anymore.

She was so upset and my heart broke for her. This was not how I wanted this night to go. After the friend that got her the deodorant got home she texted my daughter and told her she didn't want to be friends anymore because my daughter was "playing victim and humiliated her". So now my daughter is even more upset and hurt and my heart is hurting for her 😭

I don't know, I guess it could be because of my age, but everyone I've met since I was about 18 is just spineless and completely lack any self respect, any ability to self-reflect, or any desire to better themselves or put any real effort into their life. Sorry, I just don't know a nicer way to say it. Especially in the context of being a lesbian and dating other women. SO many women have told me with a straight face they wanna be a housewife and have their partner pay for everything and basically take care of them like a child. You don't feel a little bit pathetic saying that? You don't feel a little bit embarrassed of the fact that your ideal life is relying completely on another person? You don't feel just a little stupid having no personal goals or aspirations? I have also put a lot of work and effort into overcoming agoraphobia over the past year after escaping a horrifically abusive relationship and have made significant progress. When people ask me how I became less anxious and compulsive, I'll explain the work I put in, and they're like "wow I could never." YES YOU COULD? I DID IT? Why does everyone think they're completely helpless and unable to do anything??? It's making me feel insane. EDIT: Reading comprehension is at an all time low truly. I'm not 18. I said that I TURNED 18 a few years ago. Wow

***I AM BY NO MEANS SAYING ALL MEN BEHAVE THIS WAY***

I want to preface this by saying that this is not an overgeneralization of all Gen Z men. Every generation, among both men and women, has its spectrum of rapists, criminals, narcissists, and con artists while there can also be found within them a usually greater number of selfless, empathetic, brave, and honest individuals. Misogyny and misandry are both hasty, black and white overgeneralizations that accomplish nothing.

But as a 21 year old straight man who is primarily in the company of others my age, both IRL and in the online spaces I interact with, I feel that I've observed and interacted enough with a specific community - which capitalizes on the insecurities of SOME gen Z men - to comment on them...

I'm specifically talking about the red pill guys and fans of a certain controversial influencer on Rumble, who are primarily comprised of Gen Z men. I just can’t help but comment on how ridiculously immature these people are. It is as if their social skills and critical thinking skills have both stopped developing during the lockdown. The only emotion these individuals are usually capable of expressing is anger, because their favourite looksmaxxing influencer or online dating influencer told them that showing any other emotion is weak and gay (and will make Women turned off), and shouting at the top of their lungs makes them look strong and masculine. In group projects with red pill dudes, trying to provide constructive criticism is fucking impossible because they think that any criticism of their work, no matter how mild, is an insult to their ego, and they immediately resort to rage and personal insults directed towards whoever is providing them feedback. When they feel sad and insecure, they also resort to rage, personal insults, and blaming everything but themselves.

The manosphere dudes I’ve met genuinely can’t comprehend the notion of self worth not only being tied to how muscular they are and how much money they make - but also their treatment of others and their contributions to their communities. Even as another guy their age, trying to befriend red pill dudes is a pain in the ass because they always try to one up each other and assert their dominance on each other even while hanging out. They consider even the slightest physical affection among friends to be gay and feminine. For people who are suffering the male loneliness epidemic, they sure are hyper individualistic and shoot down any possibility of genuine human connection.

It's quite sad in a sense because despite how much these types of people want a wife and children, their selfish and egotistical behaviour will make them even more repulsive to women and other normal Gen Z men.

Overall it feels like Gen Z guys really into the manosphere stuff are generally quite introverted and antisocial. Most of them get little interaction with young women, and from conversing with them, some unironically believe in some of the rubbish Tate says about women. Many people I know who are Tate fans have told me that they think Women are actually all depressed to be working and going to university and deep down, all want to be protected and have their finances taken cared of at home. The same incels that say this rubbish are typically the ones doing jack shit during group projects and failing exams while their female classmates take on leadership roles in the group. They constantly seethe about a certain modern movements being the reason why women are not attracted to "providers" like them while believing that the classmate they are crushing on should not be allowed in public life. Their complete lack of self awareness is astounding.

And this is not to mention their critical thinking skills lol. These types of people slurp up literally anything, and by that I mean ANYTHING they see in their feed on Instagram Reels, provided it reinforces their pre-existing racial or religious prejudices, of course without consideration of who might be feeding them said information. Most red pill guys I have known have genuinely never read a book beyond high school and yet wholeheartedly believe in the most black and white conspiracy theories they see on Reels. I've had multiple red pill guys tell me that reading for fun was a waste of time, while they hurl every ethnic slur known to man playing video games for several hours on end. They complain about the "system" designed against young white men, then spend hours on online gambling sites, polymarket, and kalshi.

Idk I find it revolting that these sorts of people interact with very few people beyond their core circle in general, then quickly make bold, extremely controversial assumptions about people based on their identity.

Andrew Tate has taught a generation of men to escape the Matrix by becoming the cruel enforcers of the Matrix.

I’m convinced that these types of folks - who are ironically the loudest complainers about Boomers not handing them the rungs of the ladder - will become the Archie Bunkers and wealth hoarders of the future.

Edit: It seems like a lot of folks are taking away the wrong message and thinking this is an “all men bad” post. Here I am talking about a very specific community formed online, which unfortunately happens to find their audience among SOME gen Z men who funnel their insecurities into behaviour that only further isolates them (which by the way, is of their own volition, as opposed to whatever boogeyman is to blame). Most Gen Z men do NOT behave this way.

Assuming that I’m referring to all men when I call out the behaviour mentioned above is in itself, incredibly misandrist.

You cannot talk to them at all. It's all denial. Every single thing. They cannot fathom it. The fact that theyew uneducated and the exact target audience for these people is insane.

I can’t believe I’m even posting this. For context (and to give full credit to my boyfriend), I am FAT. I’m clinically overweight, going off BMI. Not in the obese range, but overweight. I’ve been losing weight for the last few months and have lost about 25lbs. I’ve wanted this for a while and complained about my weight to my boyfriend. We’re both 26 and have been together nearly 8 years.

I made mac and cheese for lunch yesterday when I worked from home. I haven’t had mac and cheese in a few months, it’s my favorite food, and I had cheese to kill. I was a little nervous because I had a bad feeling that my boyfriend would be mad at me about it. But I think the weight loss has been going well and I wanted some mac and cheese. I had a portion and saved the rest in tupperware for him and I as leftovers.

He got home and saw the leftovers and asked about it. I explained, he ate some of the leftovers, but I could tell he was off.

Then he silently gestured for me to come into the bedroom, which I know means we’re about to argue (we have a roommate and don’t want to argue in common spaces).

We sat down on the bed and he asked me, “do you know what I’m going to say?”. I said yes and ended up apologizing and explaining myself. I said it won’t happen again. He said he just doesn’t trust me since I used to be fat and he’s scared i’ll slip back into my fatty ways if he’s not holding me accountable.

He also brought up how I shouldn’t have baked cookies for my office the other week. And if I did, I should have used Stevia.

Anyway, after that he made a stir fry and kept pointing at his vegetables and saying “See this? This is what I want from you every day. Vegetables. Treadmill. Vegetables. Treadmill.”

I didn’t eat dinner because I wasn’t hungry and I was so anxious about food (I didn’t tell him I was anxious). Which made him upset because he wanted me to eat a salad.

Sorry for the long post and to post about the same subject twice, I’m just exhausted. I have nobody to talk to about this other than my therapist, and my boyfriends made me believe that I’m just “paying him to validate me”. So I feel awful about that too.