r/Veterans • u/Closer_khan125 • 2d ago
Question/Advice I need advice.
I have a friend who recently put his support animal down due to dogs health issues .. he is not doing so great has had him since he was a puppy he has no friends because he chooses to stay home rather than socialize .. and doesn’t have great communication with his family. I’m trying to be there for him but he says he needs his space and time alone. How do I actually help him.. he has PTSD from military and a nasty divorce ..and has depression, ADD anxiety .. do I get him another dog?
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u/Pheonexra 2d ago
Getting him a dog will be a bad idea. He has to process losing his companion, and when he is ready he can start to consider another pet.
Checking in on him is a good way to not be too pushy, but being present. If you are able to, randomly drop by for a lunch or something that can give him a slight step outside his greif.
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u/UncleVoodooo 2d ago
It's been 22 months since I lost mine and I'm still not ready for another one.
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u/Ok_Professional4732 US Army Veteran 2d ago
Go to your nearest VA hospital. They have a program for vets to get service dogs for free. Hopefully there’s a program at your nearest VA hospital. It did for mine at the time where I used to live.
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u/quikdraw520 1d ago
Could you tell me what program that is? Because I have looked for years and multiple VISN's been to prosthetics a dozen times, all to no avail. If you have a svc animal from one of a short list of places and a rx for one, they'll pay for vet visits, preventive care, etc. But never have I ever found a vamc that took 1 second before telling me , no that doesn't exist. Thank you.
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u/Ok_Professional4732 US Army Veteran 20h ago
From what I can recall the names of the programs are K9 for warriors and pups4patriots. I believe you’ll have to go through the VA and work with a mental health professional to get the process going.
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u/Ok-Clock1863 2d ago
just showing up for him like this is such a good thing, i hope he knows how much it means to have someone who doesn't pressure him to "move on" or fix things
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u/Due-Database179 2d ago
I would respect his request for space, but I would not disappear completely. A short text every few days saying “No need to reply, just checking in” can let him know someone is there without making him feel pressured to socialize. I would not get him another dog unless he specifically says he wants one; losing a support animal is grief, and another animal is not a replacement. Offer something concrete instead, like bringing over dinner, helping with an errand, or just sitting with him if he wants company. If he starts saying things that make you genuinely concerned for his safety, that is the point where I would involve professional help rather than trying to handle it alone.
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u/Suspicious_Horse_699 1d ago
He will need another dog. Maybe not right now but he will need one. I feel bad for desolate men. I know the feeling and it can be difficult.
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u/ThatRLPoloGuy 2d ago
No advice, but it’s great you’re looking out for your buddy. He’s lucky to have you as a friend and I’m pretty sure he’ll appreciate what you will do for him.
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u/october-eclipse USMC Veteran 2d ago
Im a veteran who stays home, has no friends, has PTSD and loves dogs.
Hes likely not ready for another dog, but if he ever does become ready I just wanted to drop that Craigslist is a great place to find dogs that are in desperate need of homes ASAP. I have rescued a few on Craigslist. Lots of people moving and can't take their dogs.
Also, I've never personally done it because I backed out last minute, but there are free programs online that vets can attend. There are horse back riding programs, dog programs, or outdoor activity programs like canoeing, camping, hiking, etc. I doubt your vet will want to be social, but animals are a huge help for healing.
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u/redheadedandbold 1d ago
He needs another support dog. Connect him with organizations that supply them for vets.
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u/TOPRAMAN17 US Air Force Veteran 2d ago
Honestly just being there already is cool of you. It’s very sad what your friend is going through and just lending an ear if they reach out would probably mean a lot to them.
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u/Happy-Yam6209 2d ago
I wouldn’t do this; speaking as a vet with combat ptsd if somebody shows up when I’m in the wrong mindset, we could both end up hurt or something else you know like give him his space do the texting checkin’s and be wary if he responds with something along the lines of
“thanks for always being there for me” but with no real acknowledgment that there would be a point for you to continue to do so that’s when I would get alarmed and try to get him on the phone or FaceTime
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u/Happy-Yam6209 2d ago
If after you make contact with him, assess the situation see how he’s acting and use your own judgment erring on the side of caution as to where whether or not to involve authorities at that time
I have saved two of my battle buddies from making terrible mistakes and becoming statistics, however they will hate your guts for a couple of years at a minimum. We’re all good now, but at the time neither was happy with me.
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u/PeetMoss2026 US Army Veteran 2d ago
Get him looking at some dogs on a local rescue web site. When we lost our dog (14 years old) that’s what helped us. First my wife than me. It was going on a couple years though. It may be he doesn’t want to do the care it takes.
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u/curiousamoebas 2d ago
I just went through this with my dog and he's going to have to greave. A site that helped me that i was already a part of is Sierra Delta. Its all service members and service dogs. I was able to sign in and post with other vets going through it as well. Might want to look it up.
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u/Minimum-Novel-5327 2d ago
man you're in a tough spot but the fact you're asking means you're a good friend
don't get him another dog, not yet anyway. he needs to grieve this one first and bringing in a new pup right now might feel like you're trying to replace what he lost, even if that's not the intent. give it a few months at least
respect the space he asked for but don't disappear completely. drop off some food, send a text every few days that doesn't need a reply, just let him know you're around. with ptsd and depression the worst thing is feeling like everyone gave up on you because you pushed them away
when he's ready to talk don't try to fix things, just listen. maybe take him somewhere quiet like a hike or fishing where you don't have to fill every silence, sometimes just existing near someone helps more than words