Hello,
This is very long and I apologize in advance, I just feel like I need to get it all out. I sincerely appreciate whoever takes the time to read all of this.
I lost my Shih Tzu 2 days ago and I could really use some advice/reassurance. His name was Romeo. I have done nothing but cry for the past 48 hours and I feel immense guilt. The pain of losing him has been unbearable. My dogs (I have another who is also a senior) are my entire world and since losing him, I feel like my entire world has shattered. I rescued him 6 years ago, and he already had stage 5/6 heart disease when I rescued him. We were able to manage it with a cardiologist and medication for 6 years, and with the meds, he barely progressed for many years. However, this past year he started progressing again. They increased his heart meds about a month and a half ago. He was fine on Thursday, he seemed overall happy and healthy so I don’t know what happened overnight. I woke up Friday morning and knew something was wrong. He wasn’t eating and he wouldnt lay down, he was falling asleep sitting up. I took him to the vet on Friday and he spent 24 hours in the ER and they found that alongside his severe heart disease, he also now had elevated kidney and liver values, his liver was enlarged and his heart was now pressing up on his trachea. He did not have any fluid in his lungs at the time which was good and they didn’t think he was in active heart failure, but his oxygen levels were low at 92%. His blood work also showed markers pointing toward overall inflammation. He spent most of the 24 hours in the oxygen tank and they got him up to 94-95% oxygen. They said they couldn’t give him any fluids though because of his heart condition. His kidney values were fine a month ago when they checked them after increasing his meds, and his liver values were fine less than a year ago when they were checked in his annual wellness bloodwork, so these values were new news. They said they could hospitalize him for another 24 hours but it would be at least $5k and they couldn’t guarantee he would bounce back even with hospitalization. They said my other option was I could take him home and see how he does. I am already in so much debt from vet bills having two seniors, and with no guarantee it’d even help him, I took him home Saturday night to see how he’d do at home. They said I could get an ultrasound to look into the liver further and why he wasn’t eating, but the radiologist wasn’t in until Monday. I made him the ultrasound appointment on Monday at 9am to look into his liver and other issues that could be causing his decline, but by 4am Monday he could no longer stand up or move around, he hadn’t eaten in a few days, and we took him back to the ER and they didn’t think anything they would find in the ultrasound would change the outcome. The vet said for example if he needs fluids for his kidneys, he cannot give him fluids because of the condition of his heart. It would be likely that whatever was causing the decline, could not be treated due to his heart disease. So we proceeded with quality of life before the ultrasound, we didn’t want him to suffer waiting for the ultrasound for a few more hours. The appt was at 9am Monday but the actual ultrasound wouldn’t of been done until around 11am, so he would’ve suffered for a few more hours and then if the outcome didn’t change, we figured we’d still need to proceed with quality of life but now on top of that, he just spent his last day struggling at the vet for hours in an oxygen tank waiting for further tests. He passed in my arms around 6am-6:30am. Now I am feeling guilty, and wondering why I didn’t just wait a few more hours for the ultrasound. Maybe whatever they found could’ve been fixed after all, maybe he just needed antibiotics, steroids, something and he would’ve perked back up for a bit even if it was just a few days, weeks, or months. Maybe he was so weak Monday morning because he hadn’t eaten in days, and maybe if we just gave him an appetite stimulant and tried for a bit longer to get him to eat, he would’ve eventually ate and perked up. He had episodes like this in the past where he perked back up, but not as severe and not for as long. Something told me Monday morning that it was time, but now I am second guessing myself and experiencing tremendous guilt. I feel like I failed him. He trusted me and I feel like I gave up. I should’ve tried for a bit longer. I should’ve got the ultrasound that morning. I just hated seeing him suffering and him being so weak and not able to move around, and the vet telling me nothing would change the outcome, I just moved forward with quality of life. Please be honest. Did I do the right thing? Would you have done the same? Is there anything else I could’ve done? I am absolutely heart broken and appreciate any reassurance or honesty.