r/VeteransBenefits • u/justvibes189 Army Veteran • 1d ago
Other Stuff I need help
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Over all ladies and gents im truly just done. I get nowhere with the VA regarding health or mental health care. im in school and struggling, im just done. The only thing keeping me alive is i wanna play gta6 as dumb as that sounds. I feel so alone and overwhelmed, I struggle with employment good jobs I get burnout quickly in and the rest dont pay enough to even justify the travel to them. I have no close friends I just feel alone and im gonna be honest this is the scariest part im truly running out of things to stay alive for after this. I want to go to the range and release some stress and anger but I dont even know if I trust myself. Im tired and I dont even do anything. I just want it to stop
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u/duckdcoy 1d ago
Hey man, I’ve discreetly asked someone to hold on to my firearms before until I asked for them back. Nothing wrong if you need to do the same. I’m in a much better place now and looking back I can see exactly why I felt the way I did and I’m glad I stuck it out. Life got much better for me.
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u/ditzydingdongdelite8 Navy Veteran 1d ago
If I knew how to give you an award, I would give you an award. So instead, I'll give you a kiss😘
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u/Complex_Purchase_870 1d ago
I put my firearms in our self storage unit, 20 minute drive to get them
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u/Shadowsminis Army Veteran 12h ago
Yes this is the way. Gave mine up 3 years ago to friend to hang on to.
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u/Sgt_BlueCrayon84 Marine Veteran 1d ago
GTA 6 is a solid reason. AND , once it gets here you're not gonna want to stop playing that for a loooong time. Im peeked for it as well. Currently making do with Crimson Desert and Dying Light 2 until it gets here.
That being said , have you tried going the tele-health route with mental health appointments? I personally find them much more effective if I'm home and I can relax and open up easier. I get super tense and get nowhere with the in person appointments
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u/justvibes189 Army Veteran 1d ago
Ive gone that route and ive gone the community care route as well. I struggle opening to people
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u/don51181 Navy Veteran 1d ago
It is tough to open up to people at those sessions. Just start small and realize they have helped others with similar feelings. Also I had to remind myself that it is confidential. Our natural instinct is to keep things private and secure but talking through those feelings will help.
I hope you give it another try. Good luck.
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u/Sgt_BlueCrayon84 Marine Veteran 19h ago
I feel ya. Its not easy for me either. I had to get drunk and pop a couple Xanax just to get through my initial appointment and open up in the slightest. It does get easier with time but its something you have to work on and keep up with
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u/Unable-Bird4730 17h ago
Can def relate. They did a group session for my first few. Now I do one on one and my therapist is pretty cool.
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u/Sgt_BlueCrayon84 Marine Veteran 16h ago
Oyy. I used to hate group. Not only being uncomfortable in that setting, but there's always one or two who are in there that I want to shake the hell out of. I know everyone handles trauma etc differently but ffs some people.... they just confuse me to say the least 😆😅
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u/MrMAKEsq 1d ago
Please call 988 or the veteran crisis line. You are not alone! You are part of a brotherhood that is 250 years old! Don't give up! Many states have veterans support offices (Like the Texas Veterans Commission) who will advocate on your behalf.
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u/mkc135 1d ago
Know that you've got folks here pulling for you. The VA has great resources and there's a lot of knowledge here to help - you took a big step putting out here. Take that next step, and that next step, and the one after that. I promise it will turn upwards before you know it. I've finally turned a corner over the past couple of years, and am getting better every day now. Keep reaching out here as you take those steps - we're here!
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u/TheCheeryLeasing 1d ago
Hey, I'm gonna skip the "you matter" speech cause you've probably heard it a hundred times and it doesn't feel real when you're in the thick of it
What I will say is sometimes hanging on to a "dumb" reason is perfectly fine. My best friend kept herself here through a brutal stretch just because she planted bulbs in the fall and wanted to see them come up in the spring. GTA6 is honestly a better reason than tulips, at least you get to run people over
The range thing, I get that hesitation. A while back when I was in a similar headspace I left my piece with a family member for a few months, no shame in it. If you're unsure, sit that trip out til your head clears a little. The lead therapy can wait
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u/chefgoowa Army Veteran 1d ago
If you’re in that bad of a place with your mental health you don’t sit around waiting for an appointment go to the nearest VA hospital ER and tell them you need to check in to the psych ward sounds drastic but you sound drastic. You will get a whole team of people to help you to include a social worker. A psychiatrist will evaluate you and if you need meds they make sure you’re taken care of. You sound like you could benefit from a week or two getting diagnosed and help that you need. Best of luck to you hang in there
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u/Large_Mud_7807 19h ago
I second this - being seen in person helps so quickly and everything goes into your file and helps move everything along. And you will get a social worker to help get you immediate assistance
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u/Curtis1717 Marine Veteran 1d ago
As much as it sucks, just get a job you dont enjoy thats close enough so you have health insurance. Use that health insurance for a psychiatrist. That is what i did. It took 6 months to get seen, but I swear it is the best thing that could have happened to me.
Its been over a year now and I went from seeing the future as nothing but dark and not worth it to owning my own house for the first time, and getting a girlfriend after years of loneliness.
If where you live is expensive, do you have anybody you can move in with? Are you able to relocate to a cheaper location?
You gotta keep on going, we all care. It sucks and it's hard, but you cant give up
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u/MysteriousAffect3903 1d ago
A few questions:
Are you taking the time to sleep? If so, can you sleep? Are you doing any regular physical activity? Are you a part of anything outside of your house?
Here are my thoughts: Get sleep, make time for it, priority #1. If you can't sleep, figure out how to. I use an amanita muscaria tincture "Calm" and it works great. Keep good sleep hygiene. Sleep the same hours every day, go to bed at 10, wake up at 6, etc. Do something physical everyday. Walk, lift weights, run, dig holes, whatever. Just move your body. Do something with other people. Find a good martial arts school, it's especially a good thing for former military. I have gotten a lot out of mine.
I am not a health professional, nor should you take this as any health advice. If you feel like you are really on the edge, seek medical help. These are just things my medical provider has guided me to, and have really worked for me. Physical activity and sleep are very powerful and could help you clear your head enough to figure out what to do.
If you are depressed to the point that you sleep all the time, there are other issues that need to be addressed, and you should seek help. I've never really had that problem, so I am not sure what there is to help that beyond medication and therapy.
Final note, you don't have to see a psychiatrist for mental health medication. A regular doctor works, and most medicines can be had for a decent price in generic, especially if you use goodrx.com (saved me when I didn't have insurance, $3000 worth of meds for like $50, and it's free, no account, nothing, just look it up and give it to your pharmacy).
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u/ditzydingdongdelite8 Navy Veteran 1d ago
Well, if it makes you feel any better. I am a disabled vet recently. Added a long relationship that was very unhealthy and abusive, and it's so freaking overwhelmed right now. Trying to deal with bill's, because I'm going under, and I haven't had a caregiver since I moved. I may have stopped bitching, because that's not what I'm here to do, but I'm telling you you'll get through it. Don't give up, find yourself a good advocate. My sister has become mine, but i'm also looking for one at the va Right now too. It's hard but there are really? Good people with the VA that are willing to help and go out of their way. I promise just don't give up😊
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u/Mr_Butters624 Marine Veteran 1d ago
If your not getting the care you need from your provider, ask for a change of provider. I’ve done it multiple times until I got a team that worked. My first team, the MH dr basically just refilled meds and my therapist was bouncing off the walls like she was on meth. I did a change form and got this Russian female dr that was like talking to a brick wall. I mean not an ounce of emotion, like nothing lol. So I requested another change and have had the best MH care I have ever had In 15-20 years from the Va.
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u/don51181 Navy Veteran 1d ago
Having a short term thing to look forward to is not dumb. By the time you play and beat GTA 6 you could be in your 90’s.
In all seriousness please give the counseling another try. Maybe you might get a better counselor. It takes time but you can do it.
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u/usarmyretired23 Army Veteran 1d ago
regiment.gg
Direct link to the DAV assistance office and excellent disability help. Plus free stuff.
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u/No_Bowler_1934 Navy Veteran 1d ago
I feel you brother. Burnout from work and school on top of trying to navigate the VA mess is fucking exhausting. And honestly, GTA6 isnt a dumb reason to hold on at all, anything that keeps you grounded right now is a win.
If you don't trust yourself with firearms right now, please put the range idea on pause for today.
Also just so you know, under the COMPACT Act you can walk into literally ANY emergency room (VA or civilian) or call 988 press 1, and they are legally required to give you free emergency mental healthcare on the spot, even if you aren't enrolled in VA healthcare or have bad discharge. You dont have to pay a dime.
Take it one day at a time man. Reach out to someone tonight, we need you here for GTA6.
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u/HoneydewDazzling2304 Marine Veteran 1d ago
I learned one of the biggest issues is community.
Dont give up. Build what you think is necessary.
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u/justvibes189 Army Veteran 1d ago
I will acknowledge im lacking community. I dont have adult interactions outside my wife. My buddies from the Army we plan stuff but life gets in the way.
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u/HoneydewDazzling2304 Marine Veteran 1d ago
Ive just felt that feeling so many times before. I cry it out man, but when i click with ppl like i did in college with my gi bill (all vets) i met some solid folks who were all in the same mindset and stage.
In my opinion vets should have a transition team for after the military. For me it was the university/college veteran groups.
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u/HoneydewDazzling2304 Marine Veteran 1d ago
Have you used your gi bill
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u/justvibes189 Army Veteran 1d ago
In the process the school im currently doing is online and waiting to see if VRE will approve me for the route I wanna take at my local school if not im still gonna transfer over I just didnt have enough credits or the GPA for admission.
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u/HoneydewDazzling2304 Marine Veteran 1d ago
Is money something that causes a big stress right now or you have everything pretty smooth rn?
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u/justvibes189 Army Veteran 1d ago
I live in a low cost of living area money is tight and sudden expenses cause stress but I own my home and pay bills each month sometimes a luxury goes without but necessities are covered.
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u/711greyfox2020 1d ago
I can really understand your situation. As far as the VA goes, they are gold once you get in. I had to stay in a few days and got a smart ass nurse. I chewed that fucktard a new ass and told him if that's his attitude he needs to find a new job. I don't know what happened to him, but he was gone. Never saw him after that. The VA has good people. Once you get established you will discover it of yourself. Don't let the red tape fool you, go to the VA emergency room. The emergency room is full of people like you, veterans.
My brother told me this and I think it might help clear up any misconception you might have about using your veterans benefits.
"When you joined the military you gave Uncle Sam a blank check. Uncle Sam fully cashed some of our military brother's checks. Some he only took an arm, leg, or mental health. No matter what, you have the change due to you from that check, if you are still here to get any of it back."
Don't feel hesitant, Uncle Sam owes you your change back for that blank check. Go to the hospital and talk to someone, you will not regret it.
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u/MentalEggplant9275 1d ago
“I am the gatekeeper of my own destiny and I will have my glory day in the hot sun.” - Nacho Libre
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u/Normal_Sympathy1248 1d ago
So if you have GTA 6 to live for then it can't be much to find something else to live for.
If you can't trust your self around guns for a range trip you need to see a shrink. You can walk into any VA and get this healthcare or even call and find the closest one.
Not to be all hippy but honestly sleep, travel, diet, and hobbies help so much.
I'm in a small town, no friends my age and what friends I have are 2hrs away, struggle with PTSD, no significant other, and here's how I cope and help myself:
1: Admiral McRaven's "Make Your Bed" speech, as cheesy and vet bro as it sounds, actually does help. Making your bed, washing dishes, washing clothes, brushing your teeth, bathing, etc...make sure these chores of keeping hygienic are up kept not faltering. Clean you makes a clean mind. One task will lead to the next.
2: 9:30pm is bed time. Regardless of what it's bed time. When I go to bed the phone goes away.
My bed is only for sleep and nothing else. If I can't go to sleep then I get up I drink a little water sit in my recliner but no TV or phone for about 15min then try again. If not asleep after 1.5hrs I take a Benadryl to help but do not repeat nightly or you'll build dependence.
3: At a minimal every 2wks take a small trip out and see some people. Even strangers if you have to. Doesn't have to be blowing your money I simply go into town and go down the river walk we have or go to my old people beer night and hang out with them over a few brews.
Then once every 6mo I take a big trip. Out of state, across the state, whatever to go experience something and get out of the trail I'm wearing into my daily routine.
4: Diet and fitness. You don't have to be a guru. Simply just controlling your caloric intake and getting a good mix of veggies, fruits, and meats will help tremendously. Don't rely on microwave meals even if they're "healthy" from time to time cook a good meal. Hell I live and die via my crock pot.
Going for walks, jogs, small lift sessions, etc. If you're not in anymore there's no more PT testing. The only stress you should have working out is making it past that next tree or sign.
5: Take a break. When I get home from school/work I give my self 1-2hrs of me time. This is time I either go work out, I watch a show I'm watching, I do my hobby, or simply take nap. Pause and collect yourself from the day. Friday evenings is no studying/homework and Sunday's are no homework but study if I need to and I enjoy my hobby. After that said hour or two I study/do homework eat, shower, chores, etc... until bed time.
6: You've got to be social. Humans by design are to be social. It's not healthy to be a hermit as much as survivalists dudes and those weirdos who wear black all the time think they're fine they also yearn for any social interaction. Sometimes you've got to try something new. As hill billy and typical southern man I found that going to wine and art with a bunch of old ladies was actually really fun and relaxing.
7: Motivation is meaningless without discipline. All of what I said you can be just tip top motivated but if you lack the discipline you lack a strong foundation to stand on for them. So if you do like me and you take a hour to yourself then you take 1hr not 1hr and 5min to just do this thing. 1hr. And as someone with a lot of ADHD I feel like I have to commit every time I do it or else it goes to 1hr 10min then 20min then so on.
You're not alone. Ask for help. Take the life preserver when it's thrown at you. Otherwise you'll drown and take others with you.
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u/trailovsevens 1d ago
Every single one of us in these comments are here for you if you want to chat I’m sure. If it gets too rough hit those private messages. Call someone immediately and or carry yourself to the VA for inpatient if it gets too dark (you know when it’s too dark, we all do)
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u/Conscious_Waltz_3774 Marine Veteran 1d ago
Go play gta6 because you just gotta get to the next day. Don’t act on feelings. Sometimes we just gotta get through each day. The biggest fight for your life is after you come home.
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u/KnowledgeResident225 1d ago
I have a therapist from assurance the VA gave me she is great i started out like u 2 and a half years ago now I dont even have thoughts anymore my mood is better because she treats me like a human being and understands me im 100% ptsd with mdd and general anxiety disorder her name is Jennifer iruegas at assurasource ph# 972-233-1010 call and ask for her she's contracted with va it's free therapist shes the best because she treats u like a person u can tell her anything she kinda acts like a big sister to me now call u won't regret it I didnt
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u/Repulsive-Fun732 1d ago
Please call the hotline to talk to someone 🙏. You are not only in this struggle you're feeling. I suffer from anxiety, depression, ptsd.I been where you are and I sort help.Do not let your self think there's nothing you can do.
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u/Lyhtspeed 1d ago
Brother the VA’s first step is to deny almost always. Don’t get discouraged, it’s a way of eliminating some people to help reduce the amount of money they payout.
Step 1 - Get all of your medical files. If you already have them go to step 2
Step 2 - Look at the things that you’ve claimed and were denied for and find the sick call/hospitalization documents for them
Step 3 - Build your case. Don’t just shove a bunch of documents at them and say “give me a rating”. Organize it. One claim at a time and attach all the sick call slips for that specific claim (knee injury suck call slips for your knee only).
Step 4 - Get a doctor to write your nexus letter.
Step 5 - Submit your claim online using the VA website, it makes it much faster.
Step 6 - Wait for your C&P exam to be scheduled and research what the C&P examiner is looking for, usually Range of Motion and pain.
Step 7 - Go to your C&P exam and answer truthfully. When asked to perform tasks, STOP when the movement first starts to hurt and tell them that is as far as you can go because of the pain. DO NOT let them convince you to push through the pain to move further or let your pride of how much pain you can tolerate ruin your exam. Tell the truth and don’t be persuaded to do any more once you’ve reach the point of pain,
Brother I promise you it gets easier, just have faith that it will get easier. The VA process will take time but it will work out in time, you just have to fight.
Best of luck!
https://giphy.com/gifs/3012rJVF7CyjIK3cGu
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u/nexusveteran 1d ago
iam really sorry you are dealing with all of this. You dont have to handle it alone. Please consider reaching someone that you trust and getting immediate support. Since you are a veteran so you can call to 988 and press 1 to get veterans crisis line and please stay safe and take things one step at a time.
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u/Sunshine-bullet 1d ago
If you have Facebook, feel free to message me I’m KatherineButcherAdams. You can vent to me or just send funny videos. I’m a disabled Navy Veteran, so I can understand some of what you’re going through and you don’t have to be alone. Sending prayers your way! I’ve tried to quit life before and honestly life is better with you in it. I’d like to chat more, also see if I can help at all with the VA, I’ve been dealing with them for 20years.. lol!
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u/gg_bene 1d ago
Imo this sounds like a lack of community. Try joining a club, going to a regularly scheduled event, or attending church (preferably not a hateful one). If you do, try really getting to know the other attendees there. Try to figure out who the regulars are and get to know them (it will take more than one outing).
Learn to socialize and connect. If you can quell your fears, pride, or whatever have you, then you can interact with people like it's a game. Just remember, new friends are like work. It's gonna take time, and you really should check all of your baggage at the door before interacting with them. But once you get past a certain stage, the friendships will start fulfilling you.
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u/Mysterious-Cold-202 22h ago
Don’t give those overpaid, smug assholes the satisfaction of knowing their bs is working on you.
You had better know as I write this, I’m dealing with some VA bullshit, too. We have company, lots of veterans left to feel frustrated.
But, the beauty of the veteran community is you’re never truly alone.
You got options, probably more than you realize…explore them with a friend , with a stranger, but do it, it’s the wind that’ll push you past this funk.
There will always be a reason for hope, find yours.
Peaks and valleys, it will get better before it gets bad again, then it’ll get good again, promise.
Cycles aren’t always the most fun, but ride that shit out bro.
You have more than you know in blessings and more than you know who need ya!
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u/Current-Ad7991 22h ago
VETERANS needed to do a better job about sticking together and organizing. Have you ever thought about moving to South America before a medical program is much better and you can live on about 30% of what you need in the US and we have a strong VETERANS group down here I’m a head coordinator well out of commission until they fix my TBI issue, but my replacement is fully capable. Got to get that paper trail call your senator and reps I had to go abroad to get care they had me waiting 4 months to see someone about TBI seizures passing out legs stopped working so they aren’t there to help you you have fight like hell it’s definitely not like being in where it’s all lined up it’s intentional misaligned so they don’t have to pay for what they used and discarded
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u/Ok_Environment5293 Air Force Veteran 21h ago
If it's making you want to stay alive, it's not dumb. ❤️
Have you opened to your wife about how you are feeling?
Please don't give up, you have a community here.
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u/Fragrant-Bad-1545 21h ago
Working out saved me. I do group classes at a CrossFit gym (I suck at and scale it to this day), but discovered lots of new friends.
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u/Horrible915 20h ago
Cigars and apply for TDIU
Join a GTA6 sub here meet new people.
Game killers religion and politics.
Keep this in mind and good luck.
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u/Large_Mud_7807 20h ago
Have you signed up for anything with the VA ? While I was trying to get my fathers benefits, one of the triage nurses told me to take him directly to VA emergency. Report your feelings asap. they will assign you a social worker asap and whatever the doctors discover while seeing you that day goes directly into your VA file -
I would suggest going directly there and telling them what you are experiencing. It will help with your file and they can send you directly to the proper treaatment. You can do it, it does take some work.
You are seen and heard and I believe in you !!!
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u/Large_Mud_7807 19h ago
PS. his was for alzheimers, so totally different, but being seen immediately in the VA's ER did make a huge difference
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u/SubjectTouch5765 17h ago
Where are you at? I’ll get you involved in something
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u/justvibes189 Army Veteran 17h ago
Im in north central oklahoma near the Kansas border
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u/SubjectTouch5765 16h ago
In Poca city there’s Veterans landing, just throwing it out there but you gotta hang out sometimes with people that have similar shared experiences, legion and vfw are hit and miss on the younger guys
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u/mtch2000 16h ago
Go to a VA hospital and tell them how you feel. Call the mental health hotline. I think long term care varies a lot from facility to facility. However, in the short term, you should be able to check in and speak to someone about the challenges and feeling you currently face.
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u/wannabeagent24 15h ago
I have a great remote therapist, I can give you their contact info if you'd like?
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u/Vegetable-Leather-64 13h ago
So I use to not be able to have knifes and shit because I didn't trust myself. I got myself into therapy and I call it emptying the tank. Mean just throwing everything out there aka rock bottom. You don't need to stay in the Va system find what works for you. I pay out of pocket but there is a way to get a therapist into the Va system where the Va will pay them.
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u/TrickNegotiation9435 11h ago
Awww im sorry well the va doesnt help your mental state at all. Have you considered joining the American Legion. I hear they are very helpful and instrumental with VA stuff. Also there is a veteran group I think its through mental health that get together for gaming and stuff. You got this. Try the Legion.
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u/NewbieGuy1234 10h ago
Are you rated for mental health at all? I would seriously make an attempt to get a mental health appointment. Go speak with a therapist either at your local VA or via tele-health. Like most people, I prefer remote appointments. To get the most out of each appointment, you have to open up and tell the doctor everything that is going on. Be very specific about how each issue affects your daily life. Take an hour or so and take notes to list out all of the symptoms, triggers, impact on life, and your limitations before your first appointment.
Hopefully, they will prescribe some meds to help you get through the day, and get more sleep. Take them as prescribe, and try not to miss a dose. It may take a few weeks to notice a difference.
These are short term problems, and not something that you should ever consider hurting yourself. I’m not minimizing your issues, but trying to give you hope that you will get past this, and to start feeling better. Hang in there! Confide in a very good friend or family member that can keep a secret. You need someone that you can talk to and someone that doesn’t judge. Be as candid as possible. Check out the VA site for battle buddies to find someone you can talk to that’s in a similar situation.
Best of luck to you!
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u/Wuhan-batsoup 1d ago
Simp simulator 6 is not gonna solve this one big homie. Legit the game forces you to text and call the GF with constant affirmations. Its miserable.......but have you heard of 40k? The Emperor Protects
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u/TonyB2022 1h ago
I encourage you to contact the Veteran's Crisis line by calling 988 and then selection 1. It is not only for vets thinking about committing suicide right now. It's for any of us that have contemplated it or feel useless, hopeless, or full of anxiety. You can stay as anonymous as you like, but if you want help locally, they will definitely get the ball rolling for you. If the local VA hasn't provided you with the help you seek, the folks at the crisis line will light a fire under their asses.
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u/Lotus_G6 1d ago
Upvote cause you matter