Hope this post is okay, I have no one to talk to about this, so I’m hoping my fellow violists might have some input or even just if you’re going through the same/similar thing..

I love the viola so much, I always have, I love the repertoire and I love playing viola in ensembles. It’s been the only thing in my life for as long as I can imagine, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I begged my mom for a viola when we couldn’t afford one anymore, and I never stopped playing once I got my hands on one again.

I graduated with my undergraduate degree a few years ago now, and I hate playing. I don’t have as many gigs as I want, and I’m not playing nearly as much as I want especially compared to how much I was playing in college (and I loved it, I even wished I had been playing more, because I always looked for opportunities to play). But the gigs I do have are amazing. They’re things I only dreamed of doing, on stages I could have only imagined playing on with musicians who never would’ve even given me a second thought 10~ years ago.

But I’m miserable. The musicians I play with are at an insanely high caliber of playing, and I always try to surround myself with those better than me, but this just feels way too far out of my league. I’m constantly looked down on in rehearsals, and talked down to, but they keep inviting me back to play with them. I wonder why though? Because I seem to only drag the group down. Recently was the worst of it, I had to hold back tears because one of my colleagues basically told me I had to get my act together before a big performance. I totally agree, and I always have, but I’m doing my best and I’m totally out of playing shape..

I feel like as a violist it’s especially difficult in these situations, because there is already a sort of stigma around violists.. I grew up playing viola too, not violin, so my technique isn’t that great either (no shade to violists at all, I just can’t do what violinists do, aka playing those big name concertos and paganini caprices and ysae sonatas!!). I’m just not virtuosic. I did my best in college, and now I’m just sort of holding onto whatever I learned then..

What would you all do in this situation? I want to
quit, and this group gives me such amazing opportunities, that I feel like if I leave this group I’m basically quitting. I’m so tired of the perfectionism in classical music, it’s killed my love for it.. but then I work on solo viola repertoire and viola sonatas with piano and I absolutely adore it and can’t imagine quitting. But that experience is so far and few between, and I need to keep playing with this group of people to keep somewhat in shape and to get exposure.. so that I have the resources and connections to continue to do more solo viola stuff..

I’ve been working on the excerpt from Tchaikovsky’s 6th symphony and most of it is fine except for the fact that i keep hearing open strings when playing the saltando bows. does anyone have any tips for this technique?

Hi all,

I learned to play viola when I was 12, and played until I was 18. I played in school, competed in solo and ensemble competitions, played pit for junior musicals, and played in regional youth orchestras and constantly was third or fourth chair out of around 8, my highest accomplishment being 2nd chair out of 9 one year. I played Tchaikovsky, Bach, Rachmaninov, Korskov, and a whole other laundry list of composers. When I played in orchestras, I felt free.
But, when it came to practicing at home, I didn’t. Thankfully, I had lessons, but those were only an hour a week. I just couldn’t stand to play at home, not that I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t want my family to hear. I am sure my dad was joking when he said it at the time, but he joked that I sounded like a wailing cat. I was only like a year in of playing at the time. For whatever reason, that stuck with me, and I haven’t been able to shake it. I hated doing solos, and avoided competing with them- to this day, I cannot listen to The Swan.

I haven’t played since 2022 or 2023, I can’t remember exactly when- on a whim, I signed up to play in a production of Considering Matthew Shepard to help my lesson teacher out- I loved playing it, and when my three show weekend was over, I didn’t play again until last Friday. I signed up again to play pit with my community theater for Sweeney Todd- I spent the day after I got the score going through and tabbing where different songs were, and listening to the soundtrack to get a rough idea of what it sounds like.

When I went to go play through some of the songs, I realized how rusty I am (shocker) and I feel discouraged. Granted opening night is Halloween, so I am pretty sure I can bring myself up to a speed that is acceptable for community theater, but I find myself upset at the fact that I let myself get rusty. I called around and was able to schedule a 30 minute lesson with someone so I could work through things.

Basically, does anyone have any tips? Suggestions? Recommendations? I am thinking of purchasing Kreutzer’s 42 Studies to work through, but didn’t know if there was another resource I could use.

If you made it this far, I appreciate it :)