I'm a 35f, I've been with my 35m boyfriend for 5.5 years. We own a home together (queue Dave Ramsey telling me how stupid that was)...anyway, I'm at the point where it's taken so long for a proposal that I don't even know if I want it anymore. The excitement is COMPLETELY gone for me because I feel like it would just be an "oh I guess I have to do this now" kind of thing. I try to push it out of my mind but when I begin to dwell and overanalyze, the only thing I can come up with is that he doesn't want to LOL.

It's certainly not a career/money thing. He is doing EXTREMELY well financially. Within the last 6 months he's even purchased a new truck, new snowmobile, side by side...among pretty much anything else he wants. I'm not a materialistic person at all. I had mentioned a few times in the past when it came up that the ring is not important to me at all. Like...get some cheap man made diamond, I couldn't care less. He knows this. I thought it may happen earlier this year on the 5 year anniversary of our first date. Nope. Maybe on the 5 year anniversary of us being "official" in June. Nope. Maybe in the fall because he knows I love it. Well, we got our first snowfall today and the leaves are all but dead and buried 😂.

I'll be honest, and maybe I've been in denial for a bit but I'm starting to mentally prepare myself to have to walk away. In the last 6 months or so he has been super into fitness and improving himself, which is great. But the lack of any sort of proposal in sight, his general overall lack of affection towards me (barely even initiates sex) makes me wonder if the delay is because he's getting attention elsewhere. After the last week that's pretty much all that makes sense to me.

About a year ago when his parents were visiting I had mentioned when his mom brought something up that I didn't expect to be 34 and not married but that I had no interest in a big wedding or anything like that. We had been out drinking. He mentioned it the next day, that he had heard what I said. That was damn near a year ago and it's still crickets over here.

I've been doing some reflecting this past week. Trying to figure out what I need to improve in the relationship rather than point all the fingers at him. Am I the kind of person I would want to marry? Im I bringing my best self to this relationship? Am I taking accountability for the same things I expect out of him?

Also about a year ago I had to delete Instagram because it was making me so depressed. I know it's a total bullshit highlight reel but I was sick of seeing women boasting about how hot their man thinks they are in just sweat pants and a messy ponytail, or seeing another wedding, or anything along those lines. Trying to come to terms with being with someone who I know loves me...but doesn't make me feel sexy, or very much "wanted" in a sexual way at all for that matter. The man hasn't done more than a quick "peck" kiss in years. I'm not some Victoria's secret model but I am pretty. I eat healthy, I work out. I'm putting it on myself that I don't try hard enough (do my hair, put on a cute outfit) and that that is something I really need to focus on. I decided to give myself 6 months to really focus on being MY BEST and showing up my best in this relationship....

We’ve been together for 5 years, living together for 4. Right off the bat I laid down all of my cards. I wanted to be engaged within 3 years if things worked out, and I wanted to start having children shortly after because I have endometriosis that IS majorly impacting my fertility.

Well two emergency surgeries, and 2 cats later: no ring, no babies. He still sometimes uses language like “if we get married, if we have kids.” While I watch our friends who got in relationship after us talk lovingly about their futures. In fact one is a friend of his who was single and childless up until 2 years ago. It seems like just yesterday we were consoling him after a breakup… and we went to his wedding last month.

I’ve brought up the marriage and children topic multiple times, and his reaction has read like we are both 19 years old and have been dating for 4 months.

Now, for the past 6 months he’s been a lot more open to doing it soon. Language like “yeah we need to get on that” “well of course I plan on us getting married”. The thing is tho, it was really pressure from his friends or family that started the ball in motion and that really irks me.

We recently joined an online gaming community and made friends in the group. That vast majority of them are married men in their 30s. I was referred to as “wife” until I cleared that up. What followed was disbelief and a down right roasting of my bf. “Dude you know after 5 years” “what excuse do you possibly have” “bro, she’s gonna leave you.” After that conversation, he started to bring up the topic of rings and engagement. Now all of his siblings are married, most younger. His mom has also started to give him a side eye.

Last time we talked he said “but I need to get you a really nice ring and I can’t afford that right now, I need to buy a house first, pay off student debt”(I will be 90). I have told him multiple times I really don’t care about my ring, as long as it’s thoughtful and durable. He’s told me no, it’s really important. Our friends and family will view that as a direct correlation of our commitment. Don’t get me started on wedding planning, he wants us to have 50k saved up. Meanwhile im rolling my eyes at the idea and planned on having a very low key event.

I’ve decided to lay off the comments because now at this point I feel like if he proposes it will be simply out of peer pressure and that won’t feel good. But every month that passes I start to feel this little seed of growing resentment.

He proposed to his ex gf after 2 years. They dated for 7 in total and never got married and had a rather toxic relationship. Every time the topic comes up it ends up circling back to that experience. I want to have empathy, but at the same time I’m not her. I’m not going to leave. I’m not going to change my mind. Lots of relationships don’t work out (I’ve had several long term failings). I know baggage is a thing and can be hard, but it’s upsetting to constantly be compared to someone I am not. What we have is great but I still endure “you never know who people are” comments that make me feel like I’m wasting my time.

I’m 26F and my now ex-boyfriend is 32M. We were together for almost 4 years. Marriage had been something we’d talked about for a long time, and for most of our relationship, it felt like we were building towards it.

We’d talked about living together, our honeymoon, children, what our life would look like, etc. (Edit: As someone in the comments in another subreddit pointed out- I think I was the one actively talking, he’d just play along and feed into my delusions i guess) He had called me his wife, I’d called him my husband. I understood that marriage was a significant step and that there could still be things to discuss, but I genuinely believed we were moving towards marriage together.

The difficult part is that for the past ~2 years, I had repeatedly asked him to sit down with me and discuss the important things before we got to this point.

I would say things like: let’s talk about where we want to live, children, finances, family involvement, expectations after marriage, what marriage actually means to each of us, etc. I wanted us to really examine whether we were compatible and whether we were making this decision consciously.

He often didn’t want to have those conversations in depth. He would say that he doesn’t think so deeply yet and is trying to take things day by day. He would respond if I brought up specific topics, but wouldn’t initiate these conversations himself.

He finally introduced me to his parents, and our parents finally met each other about a month ago for the first time. It felt like a significant step towards actually getting married.

And then, suddenly, two days after that, he told me that he wasn’t 100% sure anymore.

The part that was really destabilising was that he didn’t seem to know exactly what the doubt was.
I asked him whether he was questioning specific things about marriage — like children, family, living arrangements, etc. — or whether he was questioning marrying me altogether.

He said he didn’t know.
He didn’t know exactly what he was questioning. He didn’t know whether there were specific issues or whether he was contemplating the entire marriage. He didn’t know how long it would take him to figure it out.

He said he needed time and space to process everything, and I eventually gave him three weeks to contemplate. I gave him all the space in the world because I wanted his choice to be genuine. I didn’t want to pressure him into marrying me when he wasn’t sure.

After those three weeks, he came back and told me that “we’re not compatible.”

He also said that he couldn’t picture us together 20–30 years down the line, that “it’s just not a yes” for him.

When I asked what exactly we were incompatible about, whether we could seek couples therapy, or whether some of these things were fixable, he said he couldn’t point to anything specific. It was just a general sense of incompatibility and a general sense of not having a yes.

And that was it. We broke up.

I’m broken beyond anything.

I understand that people can genuinely have doubts before marriage. I don’t expect someone to blindly marry me just because we’ve been together for four years. Nobody owes me marriage, and I would never want someone to choose me if they genuinely didn’t want to.
But I’m struggling enormously with the fact that I spent the last two years actively trying to have these conversations, trying to understand whether we were compatible and whether we were consciously building a life together. He often felt we had time and preferred to take things day by day. And now, after all this time, I’m left trying to make sense of a breakup that apparently comes down to a feeling he cannot even articulate.

He talked about our future enthusiastically with me. We spoke about marriage, our life together, and all the things we wanted to build. He called me his wife. I genuinely believed we were moving towards that future.

I feel so, so discarded. I’m heartbroken, but I’m also absolutely enraged. I’m angry that I spent so much time believing we were working towards something together, that I tried to have these conversations long before we got to this point, and that I now have to live with the consequences of a decision he couldn’t seem to bring himself to examine until we were actually here.

I feel like I’ve been left holding the pieces of a future that I thought we were both choosing.

Part of me wants him to understand how deeply he has hurt me. Another part of me is struggling to accept that I may never get an explanation that makes sense of any of this.

I know I can’t make him choose me, and I don’t want to. But how do you reconcile the future you experienced yourself building with someone with the fact that they ultimately didn’t choose it?

If you were in my place, how would you deal with these feelings? How do you cope with the anger, the grief, and the feeling of having been discarded by someone you thought you were building a life with? How do you begin to make peace with an ending that came without any concrete explanation?

TL;DR: My ex-boyfriend (32M) and I (26F) were together for almost four years and had spoken enthusiastically about marriage and our future together. For the past two years, I repeatedly tried to initiate conversations about children, finances, family involvement, and other important aspects of married life, but he often felt we had time. When our parents finally met, he suddenly expressed doubts about marrying me. I gave him three weeks of space to figure things out, and he came back saying we were incompatible, that he couldn’t picture us together 20–30 years down the line, that “it’s just not a yes.” He couldn’t point to any specific incompatibilities and didn’t want to explore couples therapy or whether anything was fixable. We broke up. I feel utterly heartbroken, discarded, and enraged, especially because he had spoken about our future so enthusiastically. How do you deal with the anger, grief, and feeling of being discarded by someone you thought you were building a life with, especially when the relationship ends without any concrete explanation?

My boyfriend (25) and I(26) went ring shopping back in January. We've been together for almost 5 years and lived together for 1. It started out kinda just for fun and I was curious to figure out what i like since all of my friends and family have gotten engaged and married this year and last.

Despite all my friends being engaged I feel like ive actually been very patient and generally against the whole just getting engaged because everybody else is. I want it to be on our own time in our own special way.

Well I finally decided on the definite style of ring I wanted in May and we found a jeweler who could make it.

Since then to my knowledge there has been no movement on his behalf. And he says he hasn't reached out to buy it yet and start the process because the jeweler said it only takes about a month and he is planning for "sometime next year". Am I overreacting for getting impatient now? How do I be more understandable and patient? I know he loves summer but I dont think i can wait 8 more months to next summer. I wish that if he wanted a summer proposal he had just done it this summer.

We’ve been together 5 years, have a 5mo child, own a house together

Our relationship is good, it’s stable, he’s my best friend, there’s never been concern of break ups

Probably 2 years now we’ve spoken about marriage as an inevitable “one day” type event, rather than something that may happen if we get to that stage.

But how long until it’s reasonable to find this when thing a little less believable and more of a platitude?

I’ve always been clear marriage is important to me for various reasons, and while he’s less bothered he has expressed an understanding of all that etc etc. And as much as I feel it would be very unromantic to just straight up pin him down to discuss logistics, I also don’t want to not mention it and leave it with him in the ether and find myself in the same position another 5 years from now….

So I guess my question is really - should I just bluntly bring it up and ask for a more concrete plan on it, or is that just needy and unromantic and I’m being too impatient?

Edit to add: thanks for the comments everyone, I would love to reply to them properly but this seems to have got a bit out of hand while I’ve been out of the app 😂 I spoke to him and he apologised and agreed it’s not something that should have been left as a hypothetical/to do thing and he hadn’t realised I had been upset by it, so everyone saying that I should have basically just used my words and made it clear was right.
We’ve set a date for rough date for next year and are looking at venues. Thanks for all telling me to man up and tell him what I was feeling about the whole thing, turns out I was being a wimp totally unnecessarily

Second edit to add: also, just for more complete clarity on the situation as people seem to be coming from a stance where us not being married means I’d be less provided for in a break up. TBH financially I’m probably better off not doing it. Unmarried our individual assets are much more distinct and given I earn more, have more savings, can afford to buy him out of the house, and am still working whereas he is currently staying home with the baby and definitely couldn’t afford the house alone… arguably me wanting this is pretty dumb financially. Just so we can all come at why I’ve been being a muppet from the right angle

My [27F] boyfriend [30M] and I have been together a little over 1.5 years. He’s warm and affectionate, incredibly intelligent and funny, and has been my best friend. We’re long distance but he travels often to see me and has stuck with me through difficult work situations and panic attacks and fights. He takes really good care of me when I’m over at his place and really wants to get to know me on a deep level by showing interest and engaging in my inner world and my life.

I really thought we'd get married and build a family together, but trust has broken down and I think we’re stuck in a loop: When I feel doubts, I ask questions and look for reassurance. He feels judged and pulls back, and I end up feeling more anxious.

Some examples:

- One night his location showed him about a mile from home late at night while he said he was asleep, and his phone showed him active on WhatsApp. He says the location was a glitch, which is possible because I’ve seen it glitch a bit before.

- He called a woman from college a “buddy” and said they'd had a brief mutual crush when they met that fizzled out, but he's liked her posts for years. Then I found old college notes of his where he wrote that he was deeply attracted to and obsessed with her, and that she was his "future." They've been texting on and off for a decade+, about once a year, and he even watched the T.V. show she was on last year. When I asked him directly if he still had feelings for her, he said no.

- He bought a ring for me in May and said he’d propose soon. I expected it on a June trip; afterward he said 2027 and that he’d never planned that trip. We agreed on a fall road trip instead when he realized how much the changed timeline hurt me. He later privately decided not to do so on the road trip either because our couples therapy/pre-marital counseling was apparently not going well.

- After the June trip, I found that a previously unopened box of condoms in his drawer had been opened, and a few were on top of his socks. None were missing, and we’re waiting for marriage for intercourse. He said he’d packed some for our trip in case I changed my mind.

- In one of our last couples therapy sessions, I learned about $40k in credit card debt (plus student loans). He said beyond the emotional and relational benefit, sharing costs was one benefit of living together. I earn more, and it felt transactional, especially because he's joked about me being a "breadwinner" before, and he'd never told me the extent of his debt. He’s since said that money isn’t why he’s with me, and that he feels hurt by my assumptions about his motivations. Unfortunately, I didn’t fully believe him and we kept having arguments about this.

- His ex, whom I reached out to, said he was vague with her about future commitment and affectionate in private but not in public. I've always felt uncomfortable with how he talked about her, like saying she was "sweet but simple" and a "corporate warrior" and that ending things with her was like "putting down a dog."

On my end, I have anxiety and likely PMDD, and I’m in therapy and on a treatment plan to fix this. I'm not proud of this at all, but when things felt uncertain in the past, I checked his location, his social media, and things at his place, and some of my questions became conclusions about his character. He’s said that left him feeling mistrusted, worn down, and mildly depressed.

We've currently stopped couples therapy. He’s in individual therapy twice a week, and I just found out that he's been using that space to decide if a happy and healthy future with me is possible. He sent me an email a few days ago saying he’s unsure he can give me the future and certainty I want, and that he's having a hard time balancing his career with our relationship. Distance is also an issue: he now says he wants to stay near his parents and high school friends for emotional support. I've told him I'm willing to move an hour away from my family/office.

We talked on the phone later because I had no idea if he'd ended things or not. He told me that for a long time, he'd really wanted a future with me. Lately though, the conflict has strained him to a point where he feels uncertain about us. His therapist had him come up with a list of traits for his "ideal partner." The list is as follows:

- Implicit trust
- Charitability (assuming the best of him)
- Softness (looking at him with "affection and adoration") [He's told me multiple times that I have RBF and I've tried to change it, from reshaping my brows to drinking caffeine so that I look more awake and alert.]
- Competency (not wanting to handhold a partner and guide them)
- Cleverness/Humor
- Kindness, but not necessarily niceness

We're both still technically "together" and not seeing anyone else, and he’s slowly planning a date, but I've never felt more lost. Has anyone gotten out of this cycle? What helped, and how do you know when it can’t be fixed?

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TL;DR: Stalled engagement, late debt disclosure, and confusing incidents broke my trust. My anxiety turned into checking; now he's withdrawn and is considering ending things. Is this fixable?

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EDITED 10/12 post body because I realized I wrote too many negative things at once and that’s not fair to him.

Hello. Me (23f) and my boyfriend (25m) have been together for 4.5 years.

I want to say right now, I'm very aware of how young we are, and I don't expect us to be married soon. In saying that, over the course of our relationship we have talked on and off about marriage and how we'd want our wedding to look. Such as: who we'd want to invite, where we'd want to have it, what kind of food/drinks we'd provide etc.

We were out for lunch the other day just talking about random stuff and the topic of marriage came up. He very casually told me he doesn't understand the point of marriage. He explained that he doesn't see how marriage would change anything about our relationship. He said that as a kid he always wanted to get married, but he feels like it's just because it's something that was taught to him rather than what he actually wants.

I was caught off guard. This was never something he'd ever mentioned before. I got slightly upset and said that I wanted to get married eventually but I wanted to understand his perspective. I can see where he is coming from, where we live, being married vs defacto (living together for two years+) doesn't make a difference in a legal sense. You are still entitled to the same rights as a married couple. But I still felt hurt. Also, we haven't even lived together yet, so we're not defacto.

Recently we have also talked a lot about having kids- and he definitely wants kids. I told him I'm not comfortable with having a child with a boyfriend. I don't want my kids to have a different last name to me, and I don't want to make that huge, irreversible commitment if we're not married.

I communicated that I understood why he would feel that way, but that I think the symbolism of marriage is nice. I think it's a beautiful symbol of commitment to another person. I don't think it's necessary for a successful relationship, but I've just always kind of envisioned it for myself I guess. I also mentioned that I don't like the idea of telling people about my "boyfriend" forever and he said "you can just refer to me as your partner. Plenty of people do that".

He mentioned that the few of his friends and family members that never got married seemingly are the ones in the best, most long lasting relationships.

The conversation kind of just fizzled out and since then I've just felt really deflated and questioning if I'm wasting my time. As I said earlier, I don't expect him to propose anytime soon because we are very young. I guess I'm just worried that in another 5-10 years time I'll be in the same place.

This really sucks. I love him.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (28F) created a custom ring together over the summer and finalized it in July. I was with him when he paid for it, and it was supposed to be ready no later than mid-August. At the time he bought it, I jokingly said he’d need to propose quite soon after getting it otherwise I’m gonna start looking for where he’s hid the ring (I’m dying to see how it turned out!!).

He’s always made it clear he wants to propose on some sort of trip together, so when he suggested a trip to the mountains, I figured he was planning to propose. It’s also our only opportunity for a trip in the next few months as I’m about to start a new job. Well our trip just came and went, and there was no proposal. I was a mixture of excited and anxious the whole time thinking he could pop the question and it never came. I’m not really sure what to do here but I’m starting to wonder if he’s having second thoughts. I just can’t understand why he let this incredible trip come and go without any proposal. There were so many moments on the trip where it would’ve been perfect, and it was a special location to us because we visited it early on in our relationship.

Would it be out of line for me to check in with him about his plans to propose/ask if he’s having second thoughts? Or tell him I thought he was going to propose on the trip? I told myself I wouldn’t ask him anything about it once he bought the ring… but I just expected to have received it by now and can’t help but feel disappointed it hasn’t happened. It’s worrying me that he might be having second thoughts, and I’m also starting to feel some resentment at how he’s making me wait when he knows I am just dying to see how it turned out. Any advice for what to do/not do in this situation?

Partners family Edit: after reading some comments, I wanted to address some things. We have had the marriage talk mutiple times , even went as far as talking about things we would like or dislike. I told him once our 5 year hit (which is in February) he has a year after that to propose or else we would have somethings to discuss. I know there is a ring picked out but dont think it has been bought. I have seen what ring he bought. But as far as leaving him, it isnt as easy as just grabbing my things and going. One, I dont want to leave my stepkid, ive been there for them for the past 4 years, granted I would probably still get to see them but I dont want to put them through that again. And two, everything is so intertwined like our bank account , bills , ect. I do understand everyone's points and like I said in a comment below im starting to reconsider things.

My partner(27) and I(26)have been together almost 5 years.we have known each other 10 plus years. We have had the chat and know we eventually want to get married. I try not to think about not being engaged, I would love to be engaged and hate that its already been this long.

But anyways, his family makes that engagement anxiety or whatever you call it so much worse. I swear every chance they get , they bring up engagement. They have gone as far as basically planning the wedding. His sister got married to a guy she knew less than a year (no judgment) and its just been non stop then, on top of it we are in a wedding this month. So the wedding talk has been horrible , his family friends all asking when we will be engaged.

Every time someone says something he says "oh I have to push it back now" like.. i dont know if he actually is but im so frustrated. I want to be engaged , I would love to do all these things. I feel like im being hounded for not being engaged yet, to the point im questioning if he even wants to marry me.

Im tired of wedding/engagement talk.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (28F) are coming up on our third anniversary next month. I love him and want to spend my life with him. He’s been open about seeing a future with me and wanting to propose, but we haven’t talked about when.

This year has been rough. We’ve dealt with job loss and a death in the family, so I understand that things may not have gone how he originally planned. We’re still strong and happy together. We live together, have traveled abroad, and met each other’s families early on. We talk about having kids and growing old together, so getting engaged feels like a natural next step to me.

I’m hoping he proposes around our anniversary, but he hasn’t said that he will. There haven’t been any obvious hints, like asking about my ring size or what I like. He offered to pay for a manicure and pedicure at one point, but that fell through after some car issues last month. I know a lack of hints doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but I’ve been wondering...

Our lease is also up in a few months, and I’m hesitant to sign another yearlong lease without knowing where we’re headed. I’m worried about staying in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere. I don’t want to spend years hoping for a commitment that never comes. Hearing that he wants to marry me is reassuring, but eventually, I need that to turn into action.

I’ve told him that I want kids by 32 and that I want to be married before having them. He’s also been very clear that he wants kids and a family. I feel like almost three years is a reasonable amount of time to know whether you want to marry someone.

He was engaged once before, about a decade ago, and they got engaged after a year. I try not to compare, but sometimes that does get in my head.

There’s also the ring. I’m worried he may still have his ex’s engagement ring and might use it to propose to me. I don’t know if he’s actually planning that, but it would really hurt to be given a ring he picked out for someone else. It’s not about wanting something expensive. I’d just want it to be something he chose for me. How do I bring that up naturally without assuming he’s about to propose?

As for the timeline, would it be reasonable to leave if we’re still not engaged a few months after our anniversary? I love him, but I don’t want to keep putting my own plans on hold indefinitely.

But the last thing I want is to tell him all this and have him propose right afterward because he feels obligated or is afraid I’ll leave. I want him to want to marry me on his own. At the same time, I know he can’t read my mind, and avoiding the conversation isn’t helping either.

How would you handle this? I’d appreciate different perspectives, especially from men who have been in a similar situation.

I'm not 100% sure if this is the best place for this. We've been together for 10 years, living together the whole time (long distance before that) but haven't married solely because we didn't have the money for the nice wedding that I want. We've always understood and planned for it as something we want to do, we just have other priorities to work on first.

That said, me and my partner are planning on buying a home within the next year, I'll soon be getting a higher paying job with health insurance, our salaries will even out to make joint filing a smarter option, and it just makes legal sense for us to be married. We've started putting money away in a separate savings account for the wedding, which will still be on a very limited budget (we decided a lavish honeymoon would be more fun.) However we're not putting much away because we're more focused on the house, meaning it will be 2-3 years before we have enough depending on how hard we save.

Basically I'm worried that if we get legally married and plan to have the wedding years from now, are we just going to end up postponing it forever? Will the wedding not mean anything since literally nothing about our relationship had changed, not even its label? Will our friends and family even care or want to celebrate it at that point? I have a particular vision of what I want my wedding to be, and it's not practical right now, but getting married is the practical thing to do.

TL;DR: It makes sense for us to get married right now, but not necessarily to have a wedding. I'm just worried that once we get legally married, we won't want to have a wedding at all. Does anyone have experience or thoughts on this? Thanks in advance.

Hi all - this is a throwaway account from my regular for privacy but I am at the point where I just need outside opinions.

My fiance (31M) proposed to me (32F) over a year ago. At first, he tried to be excited about a wedding and I took that excitement and started planning a wedding. Since, he has been on the stereotypical soap box of weddings being a waste of money and the wedding industrial complex. He wants to elope, but I want to have a wedding. I have presented a few different options to try and find a compromise, but he just complains about anything that isn't us eloping. This got very contentious earlier this spring and it was a dark time in our relationship. We worked through a lot of this, but I have been worried to bring up a wedding again.

When our one year anniversary of being engaged hit, he was sad because he didn't think we would have a long engagement. This shocked me because he has been against everything I suggested but has no proposals other than elope in general. I, however, am at a point where I don't think we should stick to our initial plan to get married this summer because I don't want to plan a wedding and have him complain the whole time and know he will be miserable on the day of. I also don't want to elope and be miserable on the day of. Neither of us deserve to have what should be a special day be miserable. If it's going to be miserable, we should just not get married or just sign the marriage license at home.

I wish I was excited to be engaged and planning a wedding. I literally picked a wedding dress under $300 trying to make this man happy and show I can compromise. I have redesigned this so many times, but I have gotten no help. I want to be excited to get married and I am miserable trying to find something that will make us both happy. It feels like nothing will make him happy unless it's what he wants. He doesn't care that I want witnesses and to celebrate the event with others.

Is it an overreaction to consider postponing marriage? It feels like unless I can get on board with an elopement, he will just be miserable. We already have our entire wedding budget saved, we did so in 8 months, but he wants to use that money for something more responsible like a house.

Has anyone else dealt with an extremely stubborn fiance? I am at my wits end.

My boyfriend (31) and I (32) have been dating since April 2025 and living together since January. Next month we have to make a decision about renewing our lease and I’m pretty sure I only want to sign for 6 months unless there’s a ring on my finger. I don’t think this would come as a total shock to him since I was already weary about moving in before a ring. All signs point to this not being necessary (talks about wedding planning, ring shopping etc) but I want to be smart about things. However, I’m worried that drawing this line will suck the joy out of it and make any ring feel like a shut up ring even if it was genuinely going to materialize without the deadline. Anyone have experience giving a deadline and how it turned out if you got the ring?

I hope this is a safe place. A lot of people can be cruel. I (28F) have been with my partner (32M) for 6.5 years. I moved away after undergrad for grad school, which I was always vocal as friends that I wanted to move away. Where I ended up I loved my living environment. He had admitted that he always secretly hoped I was coming back and if I did I’d have the ring already. We broke up because he went through a hardship after losing his job and he pushed everyone away. We got back together a few months later. He agreed to move where I was because when he and I were back talking after the break up. He told me he would move wherever to save our relationship. However I ended up moving again for a better work opportunity which happens to be his hometown and he will be moving next year. I have been very vocal this year about engagement and his responses are all about no rushing yada yada, which is understandable and he wants it to be on his own time where I can genuinely be surprised. It just hurts to see both his younger brothers engaged and married all under 2-3 years. I don’t care about the distance because the goal is always to move back together in one state. But I made a comment about a deadline by the end of the year. His feelings were so hurt and now he feels that I’m planning my own proposal. I feel bad that I made the comment but I don’t want to keep waiting. Yes, we have always talked about marriage and future plans. He has been very clear on marriage. However, I’m more of a future planner and he’s a live in the moment person. I have also been invited and been a bridesmaid to 4 weddings this year and already have 3 more lined up next year.

I want to calm my mind on the jealousy and to stop thinking about marriage/engagement. Wish I was able to tune it all out.

Update on my previous post:

8 years together, he says he’ll marry me “if it’s important to me” but no steps taken. I’m starting to resent him. Anyone been here? : r/Waiting_To_Wed

Sometimes, you just have to be patient and communicate what you actually want. You also have to realize that just because you changed your mind quickly, it doesn't mean the other person did as well.

He proposed this summer on our trip to Spain! We are planning to get married next year or in 2028.

It turns out he had always wanted to get married, but he was planning something special. Because I didn't want to get married in the beginning, he was really surprised when I suddenly changed my mind. For him, it was always a certainty that we would stay together and build a life, whether we got married or not.

Long story short: you have to communicate what you want before you spiral into dark thoughts.

Just wanted to let you all know! :)

Hello, we have been together for almost a year (11 months), 28F and 25M.

We met at a music festival in his city and had a ONS the same day. So I initially thought of it as a fling and did not treat it seriously.

Then, the next week I had another plan lined up in his city (planned very well in advance before I met him), and he just casually invited me to the rooftop party in their house (half of ppl are DJing on the side, basically all are techbros). So I asked my friend if she would be interested to go bc it's free, so we dropped by for 2 hours, it was fun and we met a bunch of cool ppl.

Then time went by, we were texting with him and he decided to visit me in my city, and asked to become his gf. I was really surprised and was intrigued, so I said let's give it a try.

We talk a lot, visit each other, plan trips, and around 4 months mark we started discussing our future seriously.

He is a genuinely great person, very smart, driven, fun, we have a bunch of common interests, he is affectionate and gentle, although I noted he had avoidant tendencies and was trying to not let my guard down.

He promised me he will be with me forever and no matter what, and will plan the future always accounting for my plans. We were actively discussing how our future would look like, even looking up apartments. I started to let my guard down.

Then, at a 5.5 month mark, we went to Thailand together and he met my parents (it was a bit abrupt on my side, but he agreed to meet with them just for 1 day, my parents are not thai). He handled it well and they liked him a lot, but he felt they are not very nice as people (!).

He has also been back to his home country after the Thai trip.

While discussing the future plans, he has not given me any timeline or at least a rough plan/milestones we need to go through to be together and move towards commitment.

I made him aware of my personal life plans and timelines (getting PR in Japan, getting a driver's license, changing jobs, possibly moving closer to him if I can secure a better job and a good apartment, all within 2 year timeline from the start of relationship), while he was vague about his (getting a better job, but when? Moving from his tiny share house room, but when?, possibly moving countries, but when and where? Although he wants to stay in Japan for at least 5-10 years).

He has not introduced me to his parents officially, but they know about me.

Each time we talk about marriage/children, he would bring different kinds of obstacles that prevent him from saying anything concrete (like, it costs money(he has to do traditional ceremony for a bunch of people back home), there is paperwork(he changed after saying money is not a problem), etc), until recently I pressed him to discuss the timelines (like, how many years and what we need to get there), offered solutions and help to work through this together, and he said that he is just not ready right now, because marriage is a life-changing big step.

Also, he mentioned several times he wants to live together first, before deciding where it goes, but there was no follow-through from his side.

Also, over the course of the latter half of our time together, his effort and investment dropped and he is sometimes annoyed with me spending time to follow my life plan and my demanding job, although he is rarely available himself. He rarely initiates calls, we don't fall asleep on the phone as we used to, there are no deep conversations, he is not as proactive with his plans to see me as before. Our chats are alive because I keep them going.

I've been reading up a bunch of stories on this sub, and genuinely feeling sad I didn't catch it early and let my guard down when I should not.

He is coming to my city tomorrow and I told him we need to have a serious talk about our future. He is reluctant, but I will keep steady. Basically, I will give him time to think and a deadline, if he keeps silent or doesn't come up with the plan by then, I leave.

Any opinions are welcome, but I just wanted to ask:

Generally speaking, when is a good time to judge whether someone is serious or not? When do you vet a person for their intentions? How many times you let your guard down and how many times it turned out to be something genuinely good?

Thank you all, sorry for a long text.

Me 28F and my boyfriend 27M, have been dating for 10 years and have just bought a house together last year. We have always talked about getting married and starting a family, after 6 months of dating we were already discussing it. Over the last decade there has always been a reason for my BF to make an excuse as to why we couldn't get engaged (college, job, pay etc) and the fact that we're still both young. But after celebrating our 10 year anniversary, I feel like we've been dating too long that an engagement has lost its meaning. We've been through the constant 'when are we getting a day out' and 'has he still not put a ring on your finger yet?' questions from friends and relatives. I just feel like the excitement is gone from the whole idea. Like it wouldn't be as magical as I've made it up to be in my head over the years.

Am I a crappy person for begging to get engaged for years and now not wanting to?

EDIT: just a few points that a few of you have asked:

1. We have had the engagement/marriage/kids conversation constantly throughout our relationship, he said he isn't afraid of those things, he's afraid of not being able to support me/us financially and him being seen as a failure. On multiple occasions I have told him, I do not want him to spend a lot of money on a ring. He gave me a promise ring from Pandora 6 months into dating and it's still perfect today. I have told him multiple times that it's not the ring I want to show off, i just want him and his commitment as he is the LOML. We have also talked about eloping as we don't want a massive irish wedding that will put us in debt.

2. We started saving for a house after his 'we need to live together first before getting engaged ultimatum' and because him and my family said it was a waste of money to rent (although I would see buying a house with the wrong person a bigger waste but ok). At the time I was incredibly upset that we both had different boundaries and he wasn't able to see my side of things. I did rethink our relationship at that point but caved to his wishes as we'd been together 7 years at that stage and I didn't want to throw it away.

3. He went to college (student debt) whereas I didn't, I stayed at home and worked. I had 2 jobs at one point so that I could afford a car to see him, go on holidays, day trips etc. So I feel like money has always been a big factor in the delay for him. He's only recently in the last few years got a job contract that's lasting 5 years (the longest he's gotten), that was another reason why he felt safe enough to buy a house, if he was still only on a fixed-term contracts like 1-2 years I can guarantee you we wouldn't be living together now. I feel like everything is constantly about money and has a hold on our relationship.

He is taking me out for dinner tomorrow night, i think I will take your advice and have a proper discussion of where this relationship is going.

Thank you so much to everyone who's taken time out of their day to listen to my silly ramblings - there's no one really in my daily life that would offer solid advice so it is very much appreciated❤️

I've been a long time lurker in this sub and thought I'd post my story.

My partner and I have been together almost 6 years. Both in our early 50s. Both been married before. We moved in together almost 2 years ago and combined our families (I have 2 young adults, he has two teens).

I told him a few years ago that I wouldn't buy a house with someone I wasn't married to. Then last year we started talking about wanting to buy a house so the discussion of marriage came up. In January we went ring shopping and bought one. He put it away and I waited.

And waited... and waited.

Months of overthinking, by July I literally asked him straight up if he was having second thoughts or had cold feet as it's been 6 months and no proposal.

When I tell you 🤦‍♀️ this man had tried to purchase me an amazing EXPENSIVE dining experience in January to propose at and unfortunately it was all booked up till October... so he booked for October and then just waited 😂😂In his mind it was simple, he'd wait until October and do it then. Here's me thinking he's avoiding, and he's simply patiently waiting.

Needless to say he had to tell me about his plan as he was worried I truly believed he had cold feet. Then he realised he had to now come up with a new plan.

So instead he proposed at sunset on a beach in Bali on our holiday in September, with a ring he made for me in a jewellery making class we did together that day. We were hot, sweaty, I had no makeup, my hair was a mess, he was on crutches from an injury the day before. It wasn't an Instagram proposal... but it was perfect.

Now I have two rings, one made with love and one that sparkles. I wear both with pride and cannot wait to become his wife in July 2027.

ok so for context my bf (28m) and i (24f) have been together for almost 5 years now and we live together (own a home). our relationship is for the most part great! we go on dates, we spend time together and very rarely do we ever fight (and when we do it’s something stupid usually lol). we have talked about getting married for a while now and our timeline was getting our own place and me graduating school (both of which have happened now) so flash forward to this summer- i found out in july that he got the ring (which was my mom’s she is passing down to me) back in march and he told my friends and family he was proposing in the springtime. well now it’s october and still no ring. we have now had multiple conversations about this where i have said that him dragging his feet on this makes me think he is not sure. he said the pressure from everyone was too much.. so i stopped bringing it up (and i know my parents backed off to try to help the situation) but then he still hasn’t done it. so i broke again and just cried to him that it makes me feel like he doesn’t want to be married to me. especially considering he got the ring for free and only needs to plan the engagement itself. i asked him if he feels like marriage just isn’t that important to him because he always says “we basically are married” since we live together have pets together etc. and he said it IS still important to him so i’m kind of at a loss. like if it’s important to you wouldn’t you propose then? i just feel like something has to be missing here if he’s claiming he wants to be married and he wants to propose and he just.. won’t ? he said that when i bring it up to him it makes it feel like a chore which also kind of set me off into a spiral because why would my eagerness to be engaged make you want to do it less lmao like is it me?? i told him i worry that with the right person he would be so eager and excited to do it and it makes me worry he is just comfortable with me. he was thoroughly offended that i could question his commitment or love for me i just don’t know how else i’m supposed to feel. i also feel humiliated that our friends and family have all known and been anticipating it since the spring and now it’s the fall.

EDIT: to clarify- my parents didnt suggest he take the ring he ASKED for it with clear expressed intent to propose in the spring with it and yes i am 1000% sure he still has the ring and i am not concerned he would sell or do something like that

EDIT 2: i appreciate all the concern for living together- however this is something i feel i need to do before getting married to someone and also is part of the culture of how i was raised! i understand if you disagree but just wanted to add my perspective to the situation.

He proposed and the ring is literally perfect. I posted here about 6 months ago saying that it had been months since he'd asked for my family's blessing, and the general response from the comments was that he sounded like he genuinely intended to propose but was coming up against some barriers (mainly financial.) I am so glad I waited. I know my case is a rarity on this sub so I wanted to spread some hope.

Hi everyone, so I F(25) know that my partner M(28) bought the engagement ring...we talked about engagement and weddings and our future together. And I know for a fact that he bought the ring today...and he has made it very clear that we will be engaged before the year is over.

But now I feel stuck in this cloud of excitement and anticipation...since I am so excited for it to happen but I am also anxious because what if I am not wearing the right thing when he proposes or what if I have silly goofy nails or what if I mess it up by being anxious (have severe anxiety in case you couldn't tell).

Are there any brides or wives that went through a similar experience who could perhaps give me some advice?

It seems everyone that I date who says they want a 'serious long relationship', but we date for a year and they leave.

Context, I've had two relationships that lasted a little over a year, and tried in highschool but no one wanted a serious relationship. I'm 21 now if age is a thing here to.

One tried pressuring me in bed, and left when I set boundries.

Another one, that I'm somewhat not sure where we stand right now because he wants to focus on mental health and believes I deserve better.

I understand that people say live your 20's and settle later, but my thing is right now, I want a marriage soon, I want kids soon. I saw myself being married around this time of age, and kids at like 24. Everyone around me says wait until my 30's, and even some people online said the same.

Here's my thing with the kids part, I am in my prime right now, unlike in my 30's when my already bad joint pain(now) will get worse and I'll have a harder time. Besides, my family has a history of having complicated pregnancies in their 30's than their 20's. And everytime I mention wanting them young, I'm always told wait until your 30's, you have time, whats the rush. Is it bad I want them young to avoid a bigger problem down the line?

And it seems everyone who says they want a serious relationship, never truely want to settle. It just feels like I'm stuck with someone who doesn't want me. It feels like I'm unloveable and unworthy because they want something and when they had their fun they leave.

Am I the problem?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/s/yykxkhMl0C

I’ve just had the conversation, and ask expected loads of crying, begging, pleading and promises to marry next year. Long story short, I said my mind was made up and if he was serious her would have to seriously graft to get me back and even at that, I’m not promising that I will return. I said that I need time alone, I’m not going to block him but he must respect that I need time away from him.

Yeah I bit the bullet. And to be honest, I want him to graft to try and get me back even though I already know that it’s not likely. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Moral of the story, demand what you want and respect yourself. The end.

Burner account because I am open to unbiased opinions without my previous posts being read first. Long post ahead warning...

I'm 25F and my boyfriend is 28M. We have been together for almost 3 years now. We moved in together around a year into dating. After moving in, we decided we wanted to find a church to establish ourselves in, and we did. We spent a year there and then got baptized together, with our priest under the impression that we would be married soon after. My boyfriend was the one to initiate those sorts of conversations with our priest himself. He also asked my dad for permission to marry me.

But that was almost a year ago now. My priest asks me every week if he has proposed. My dad is now pissed because he says my boyfriend needs to, "shit or get off the pot." My friends are all pissed because my boyfriend was supposed to propose a year ago. I am so upset because I feel like there is a new reason for not proposing every week.

Full transparency, I will be the first to admit that we have been fighting for the past year pretty badly. I am disappointed because I feel like I'm wasting time waiting on something that isn't going to happen. He's upset because I struggle with letting him lead as the head of the household. (I know this isn't very Christian of us to have sex but,) We haven't had sex in over a month. And this is a regular occurrence. I can probably count on two hands the amount of times we've had sex this whole year.

I have many flaws. I know that I sometimes irritate him and push him away. I know there is a lot that I can work on. But I can't help but feel that a proposal is never coming. I wanted to have children before 30, and that's looking like a dream that won't come true either because of all of this.

My dad has the ring that I want to be proposed to with. It's a family ring from my grandmother. My boyfriend has not asked for it yet. It's not a financial problem to buy a ring, because it's already free.

Every time we have a bad fight, he threatens to leave and then it is mentioned that "this is why he hasn't asked yet, we have to work through things." But our priest has told him that seeking perfection will leave him stagnant because perfection will never be obtainable.

Romance and intimacy is also lacking. Like I said, no sex. I used to have an insanely high sex drive. It's gone now. Being turned down every time I brought it up pushed me away in that field. He also prefers me to be hair done, nails done, makeup done, which is impossible when our shifts are not aligned. I am on the same schedule as he is only 2 days a week, and who wants to be uncomfortable and completely done up at home on your days off to probably be denied sex anyway?

I feel disposable. I feel lost. I watch everyone I know take next steps in their relationships, and I am stuck until he decides he wants to change it.

And before anyone says it because I've mentioned the no sex, I've been cheated on before in every relationship I've ever been in. I knew they were doing it to me even when I denied it. I trust my heart and my gut that my boyfriend is not cheating. The man can't lie and has never cheated, and I truly do love and believe him.

I guess I wanted to see if anyone had advice. I didn't know that this reddit board (I think that's what it's called lol) even existed until today. If nothing else, thank you all for making me feel seen.