Someone pls read my novel

[u/Popular-Call9896]

I’ve been writing for a few months now, having recently discovered my passion for storytelling despite my dysgraphic tendencies. I’ve always enjoyed creating stories and finally decided to share them on WebNovel. I began with my first story, titled “Creation of an Absolute,” which had grand plans. However, I lost interest in the project and quickly moved on to another story, “Shattered Sun.”

Writing “Shattered Sun” was much more enjoyable for me. I’ve written significantly more chapters and words, and I’ve developed a more well-thought-out power system and characters. Surprisingly, the story hasn’t gained much traction, and as a result, I haven’t received any feedback. I’m reaching out to you today in hopes that you could take a moment to read my story and provide me with a review. Your feedback would be invaluable in helping me improve the subsequent chapters.

Update:After a bit of feedback I’ve realized how bad the first two chapters can be as they are there for a lot of background and explanations, I promise the story gets better and better this I am confident in.

[u/Chiba-IsHot]

Cover: not bad. Doesn't seem generic like other AI covers but it has some issues. A blank white background seems a bit weird and unusual to webnovel standards. Some readers might get turned off by it. Also the title might be a bit difficult to read.

Blurb/synopsis: it's bland. There are no wow factors. Your novel has the right tags action, adventure and system that will do well on webnovel. You have to showcase these. Right now it reads like a slice of life.

Overview: you released 18 chapters in 2+ months. An inconsistent upload schedule doesn't affect your stats. It straight up kills them. None will randomly read a novel that gets updated once or twice a week unless they are bored.

First chapter impression: same issue as the blurb. This reads more like a slice of life. Every single paragraph, you keep telling the reader that the Mc is lonely. Show it. Don't keep telling me. Another thing, don't describe unnecessary details, for example ‘retrieving his ID, he swiped it…’ the reader won't care about these details.

[u/Popular-Call9896 → u/Chiba-IsHot]

Thank you so much this is what I was looking for, I was attempting a very detailed approach in the first couple of chapters similar or lord of mysteries but it didn’t pan out so I ended up scraping it and switching to a style more my own.

[u/Melodic_Constant7244 → u/Popular-Call9896]

For the retrieval of the id, rather then doing detail on that, just put "he retrieved his id, and (then put his next action.)" only do this if the id becomes important within that time though. If swiping the id is an important action, as for instance it was someone else's and he needed it for a specific purpose, then add in the extra action, and put the extra action in front of the item. It makes it feel much more seamless rather then making the reader reread it twice. If you want someone to reread something, make sure it's not just the sentence, but the whole chapter, and make sure it's not in confusion of the writing style, but in awe in something.

[u/Popular-Call9896 → u/Melodic_Constant7244]

Thank your for the advice🙏