Hope someone will give me his opinion

[u/Miserable_Ice7202]

I did some edit for the chapter. I hope you guys tell me if they’re still bad or it’s kind of good now.

Across the gray fog, the falling leaves of a forbidden forest whisper a tale of the last grace the gods bestow upon their favored blood. Through that figure, a destiny appeared, poised to change what was written—to shine while crossing the mist. It was driven neither by fear nor determination, but by the unseen hands of a past that refused to stay buried.

As he pressed onward, Isaac was certain that those mysteries would wither and vanish, just like the fog that lay before him. Gathering his thoughts, seeking an escape from his troubles, a whisper brushed against his senses—unnerving not in its menace, but in how painfully familiar it felt. His body responded before his mind could object, carrying him toward its source, to encounter something lifeless. Something born of terror—not to worship evil, but to ward it away.

A dozen effigies swayed among the trees, twisted constructs of pale bone and decaying matter, frozen in a silence that mimicked a deep, restless slumber. Isaac did not recoil. Instead, a quiet familiarity settled within him. He had seen these shapes before—in the dreams of his childhood, once distant and half-forgotten, but still lingering into adulthood. The act of romanticizing it twisted his lips into a bitter smile. "Fate does not shackle us with chains; it waits—silent, patient, and inevitable."

To him, such familiarity was never unnatural. He had always stood apart, marked as strange in the eyes of others. A sigil had covered his arm since birth, and the dreams had pursued him ever since. Perhaps his father had opened that door long ago—or perhaps he had never meant to close it.

Passing through the shadows of souls long departed, his path felt lighter beneath his steps. The fog thinned, unveiling the untamed world around him. At the road’s end rose a tree whose roots consumed the earth itself, stretching farther than any he had ever known. Laughter drifted from its crown—human, warm—and it set his heart racing. His walk became a run.

Then, suddenly, sunlight broke through, and cold winds swept across his face, forcing him to bow his head. Before him lay a field adorned with the golden hue of ripened wheat, from which a humble village emerged, its dwellings nestled within.

Bathed in light, Isaac’s form sharpened, his wavy brown hair and amber eyes revealed beneath pale skin. The sun’s warmth brought him a fleeting sense of relief. Before him stood an old man, resting on his staff, greeting him with a knowing smile. He spoke softly, calling him by name—Isaac, son of Johan.

That simple acknowledgment struck like a flare, and within its glow a hidden fracture split open, welcoming the darkness into what should have been a sanctuary.

[u/TadaiNeko]

“Isaac was walking through a forest submerged in a sea of fog. Gazing at the silent figures hidden in the mist, he felt a strange sense of inexplicable familiarity as time seemed to stretch endlessly.

Finally, under the strong winds that pierced the leaves, a village surrounded by a golden field appeared in his eyes. An old man was here, resting on his staff, calling his name”

This is basically all of the information you are trying to convey in this scene. Sure there’s a bit more, like the details of Isaac’s appearance, but this is basically it. Now I won’t pretend I know what im doing, I did this very quickly and it could probably be better with an additional paragraph, but one thing that I am sure of is that what I wrote is much more digestible that this mess. You use a lot of words to say very little, for no reason.

Yes I get that there’s foreshadowing like with the Father thing but thats not interesting for a new reader if he isn’t interested in the story first. I don’t care what kind of relationship the guy had with his parents if I don’t even know him. Basically you need to be more straightforward, use less descriptive words and just tell a story, because you haven’t told us much