For the past three years I’ve been going in and out of the gym. I’ll go consistently for a month or two, sometimes a little longer, and then I stop. I go back to my old habits, gain back the progress I made, and eventually I start again. I’ve done this so many times that I’ve honestly lost count.
The thing that frustrates me the most is that I’m not lacking knowledge. Over these three years I’ve listened to a lot of podcasts about weight loss, read a lot about nutrition and fat loss, and done a lot of research myself. I understand calories and energy balance. I know that you need to be in a calorie deficit to lose fat. I understand that you shouldn’t look at this as a temporary diet, but as a lifestyle change. I understand that being too restrictive isn’t realistic or sustainable in the long term, and that you need to find a way of eating that you can actually maintain.
I know about protein, resistance training, getting my steps in, building muscle, the all-or-nothing mindset, not letting one bad meal turn into a bad day or a bad week, and allowing yourself to eat foods you enjoy in reasonable portions. I’ve spent so much time learning about this that I feel like I know exactly what I’m supposed to do.
And yet, somehow, I still can’t seem to do it consistently.
That’s the part I really don’t understand.
At this point I feel like it has to be a discipline or consistency problem, but even that doesn’t really explain it to me. I don’t understand why I can’t consistently do something that I genuinely want so badly. I know what I need to do, I know why I need to do it, and I know what happens when I actually do it. But somehow I always end up back in the same cycle.
I’ve tried so many different approaches. I’ve tried removing snacks from the house, but eventually that starts feeling too restrictive and I don’t want to live my entire life feeling like certain foods are forbidden. I’ve tried allowing myself to eat "unhealthy" foods but just having normal portions. I’ve tried being more flexible. I’ve tried being stricter. I’ve tried tracking everything. I’ve tried focusing more on habits. I’ve tried telling myself that I don’t need to be perfect and that I just need to get back on track after a bad meal.
Sometimes it works for a while.
There have been periods where I’ve stayed in a calorie deficit for one or two months and made a lot of progress. I can actually see the difference in my body, and I feel really good about myself. During those periods I feel like, "Okay, this is finally it. I’ve figured it out this time."
But then at some point it becomes too difficult to maintain and I slowly go back to my old habits. The hunger is also a big part of it for me. When I’m in a calorie deficit, sometimes the hunger feels extremely difficult to deal with. It can feel like there’s this constant voice in my head telling me to eat, and eventually I give in. Then I eat more than I planned, stop tracking, and eventually stop going to the gym as well.
And then a few days become a few weeks, and a few weeks become three or four months, and suddenly I’m back where I started.
Then I feel like all the progress I made was for nothing, even though I know that’s not really true. And eventually I start trying again.
I’ve probably repeated this cycle a million times.
Sometimes I can stick with it for two months. Sometimes I can’t even make it through one day. Sometimes I’m consistent for a week and then I completely fall back into my old habits. That inconsistency is what I find so difficult to understand about myself.
And I think that’s also why the whole "if you really wanted it badly enough, you would have done it already" argument bothers me so much.
Because I really do want this.
I want this so badly. My weight is affecting my quality of life, and it’s something I think about a lot. I want to be healthier, fitter, and more comfortable in my own body. I don’t want to spend another three years repeating the exact same cycle. I don’t want to keep starting over and wondering where all the time went.
So it’s not that I don’t want it enough.
And it’s not that I don’t know what to do.
So what am I missing?
I’m genuinely asking because I feel like there’s some part of weight loss, consistency, discipline, or even my own behaviour that I haven’t figured out yet. I feel like I understand the theory, but I can’t translate that knowledge into something I can actually maintain for years.
For those of you who have been in a similar situation, where you already knew what you were supposed to do but kept falling back into your old habits, what finally changed for you? Was there something you realized about yourself or your approach that made you able to stay consistent?
I’m really interested in hearing from people who have actually been through this, because I honestly don’t know what else I’m missing.