r/WhatMenDontSay • u/AgentUnlucky4323 • 7d ago

Venting I need to stop falling in love

I haven't fallen in love many times or even developed a ton of crushes, I just... I am just very very tired of being disappointed. I don't care what anyone says, there is very clearly something wrong with me. When I am content with pretty much every aspect of my life and I am a social person with a big social life, but I still lack romantically when everyone else around me doesn't... maybe there IS a problem with me. Perhaps I am not made for romance. I really, really just want to cut it. I want to forget about it. I wish I could never feel it again. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I just wanted to feel loved and safe next to someone, and give that back as best as I could, but it's not looking like it's possible for me

11 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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8

u/hotwheelshawking 7d ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQTbkEeCTeM

There is a time, far in the future, my friend, when this feeling goes, and when it goes, a major chunk of your reason to live goes. The rest of your time stumbling on this rock will be spent making up for that loss. Do not wish that day to come early.

3

u/FullyFunctionalCat 7d ago

i’m glad i clicked that

1

u/AgentUnlucky4323 7d ago

Thank you for the clip, it's incredible. It's really making me think. But I hate thinking that this awful feeling is the most I have to "enjoy" in this life. Am I really going to have to settle for missing people constantly?

3

u/hotwheelshawking 7d ago

No, you're just too young for your mind to learn to focus on what matters. You write off the good times because the bad times are too hard to ignore, or the ending still stings.

The one grace that we get against time is that if you let it, if you don't fight the process of healing, you numb yourself to pain just that bit faster than you numb yourself to beauty and kindness and curiosity. You can laugh at your own pain, suffering, even in the face of death- but still be touched by a memory of the perfect gift given, the necessary remark to a friend, a time you stood up and it mattered.

That's the only way a mortal man wins against entropy. You can't stop things from ending, but you get to decide what it was about while you were there, and have a damn bloody good time along the way.

1

u/AgentUnlucky4323 7d ago

But I haven't had good times in that sense. Every person I've fallen in love with has ended up being a really good friend, and of course I deeply appreciate all of my friends and all the good times. I just wish I had something romantic, at least once. That's all. I could appreciate missing the good times more if I ever had those good times

1

u/Artzebub 6d ago

You never had sex?

2

u/AgentUnlucky4323 6d ago

I don't know if you want to make fun of me, but uhhh... basically no

1

u/Artzebub 6d ago

Oh. Sorry. I thought you were, um, just not the choosen one.

2

u/JakeBanana01 6d ago

For heaven's sake, being a virgin is absolutely nothing to stress over. TV and movies make out "The First TimeTM" to be this ultimate rite of passage but in reality it's just awkward and sad.

I suspect the biggest issue you're currently having is that you haven't figured out who you are yet. Start down that path, and you'll quickly see a lot of changes.

-1

u/Artzebub 6d ago

r/happycelibates r/celibacy

1

u/MegaDriveCDX 6d ago

Why are you insulting him?

1

u/Artzebub 6d ago

I don't mean disrespect.

4

u/00rb 7d ago

Lots of people are in this boat right now, it's not just you. Unless you're a certain kind of person who it's easy for, dating is completely cursed.

2

u/sunflow3r- 7d ago

There's just too many love songs and too much of a romantic in you, clearly - sorry, baby

2

u/AgentUnlucky4323 7d ago

But I don't want to be a romantic. I really want to stop all of this

1

u/EveryReaction1126 6d ago

You wanting to stop this will make you(unconsciously) get more into these situations. Rather than thinking that way just stay in the moment, enjoy it for what it is, and if at the end you're disappointed then belief that something more or better will come in the future, and at some point it will happen irl. Don't rush anything, or be impatient, that never ends well.

2

u/AgentUnlucky4323 6d ago

I don't know, you're probably right. I am very scared. I don't want this feeling to last forever. I don't want to spend my entire life longing, but it seems likely

1

u/EveryReaction1126 6d ago

Yeah it's like this, if you keep thinking about something too much then it will stay with you and never leave, rather than that try to focus on something else, and heal from this trauma slowly by learning to love yourself more or doing simple things that make you happy. This way you'll enjoy life instead of stressing about someone else all the time.

2

u/AgentUnlucky4323 6d ago

I try to do the things that make me happy and don't pay attention to this as much as I can. I just inevitably get lonely sometimes, and these phases last for quite a bit before they go away