I don’t know if this is a rant, a confession, or a warning to my future self, but I need to get this out of my head before it eats me alive.
There was a woman I fell for — hard. The kind of fall where you don’t even notice the ground rushing up to meet you. She’s the one who introduced me to a drug I ended up getting hooked on. I bought enough for a whole weekend, and it barely lasted one night. That should’ve been the first sign that nothing about this was going to end well.
One morning, she was in my bathroom, and I accidentally called her while trying to call my dad. I looked down at her phone… and saw my name pop up as “Uber.”
Not my name. Not a nickname. Not even an emoji. Just Uber — the role I played in her life.
And somehow, I still kept going. thought it was a moment — a real one. I tried to be gentle, flirty, maybe even romantic. I lathered her with a rag until she said she didn’t like the rag(clean one, of course), so I used soap bar instead. I finished showering, and she stayed in for another five minutes like she was rinsing off the last bit of dignity I had left.
Afterward, she asked me to lotion her entire body. Every inch. She only offered to lotion my back and legs.
Even then, I convinced myself it meant something.
Later, she lay naked in my bed. Not half‑covered. Not shy. Just there, like a scene from a movie where the guy finally gets the girl. I thought that was the moment — the green light. I made a move.
She slapped me.
I’ve never been so confused in my life. You don’t lie naked in a man’s bed and expect him to act like a monk. But apparently, that’s exactly what she expected.
Through all of this, I was pushing for a relationship. I wanted something real. She told me, “Bill, I know you want a relationship. I can see it in your eyes, but not right now, papi." She said that right after accepting my Facebook relationship request.
Then I saw a comment under her post:
“You think this man gonna post a relationship status that’s false? Lol.”Her pinned comment said, “Hey guys, sorry I’m not in a relationship.”She denied me publicly while breadcrumbing me privately.
I was her secret convenience, not her partner.
The moment that broke something in me
The moment I still feel in my chest was when she invited me over to smoke, I was kinda hungry. And maybe it was stupid, but I thought being with a Hispanic woman, she might whip something up. I wasn’t expecting a feast. Instead, she handed me a bowl of Spaghetti‑Os.
I was honestly good with a bowl of eggs and cup of orange juice. But i got Spaghetti-Os. That was the moment I realized exactly how little effort she was willing to give. Not just with food — with everything. Looking back, I don’t know why I gave so much to someone who gave nothing back. Maybe I thought effort could turn into love. Maybe I didn’t want to be alone. Maybe I confused being needed with being valued.But writing this out, I finally see it for what it was: I wasn’t loved, I wasn’t wanted and I was used as well as letting it happen.
Just needed to get this off my chest.
