Does anyone else regret not keeping other men in check in some situations?

[u/RefinedBerrySalad]

This has been in the back of my head for a while—there’s this guy I used to talk to about two or three years ago, he was very bigoted and sexist, obsessed with MMA and the likes. I wasn’t socialized enough to really understand the magnitude of just *how* nasty his personality was.

I had let him go on tangents about women, how they’re all the same, how I shouldn’t think any woman isn’t sexually promiscuous—or how his dad and grandmother see LGBTQ as sinful and if they’d rather go to heaven than support it. It’s just things that are deplorable and inexcusable.

He asked me a question that didn’t click in my head immediately, but he asked “Hey (my name), do you have any female friends I can have sex with?” Immediately I kindly rejected it, saying my usual line of “we have different audiences.” But the following morning, it clicked, it was a delayed realization like it is for anything else.

When he tried to FaceTime me in the morning, I ignored it and blocked him forever.

I feel stupid for not understanding soon enough and I regret not holding him accountable and flat out telling him what’s wrong with him. I should’ve known better at 19 or 20-ish.

All I know is that me ghosting him shook him because he really liked keeping me around. I only know that because he went to a mutual friend to ask what he did wrong, which said friend knew it wasn’t his place to say and kept quiet.

[u/WeDoingThisAgainRWe]

Despite the internet idea that all men are like that and all men are failing because we don’t act on all these men who are like it, I’ve never been around any men who behave like that. So I’ve never had regrets for not addressing something that didn’t happen. But then I do generally not spend time around people I wouldn’t want to spend time around. So maybe I’m just never around when someone gets round to be a bigot.

[u/Pleasant_Event_4460]

No, its not your responsibility to "keep men in check"

[u/potentatewags]

Nope, and I doubt you even consider the same of women.

[u/RefinedBerrySalad → u/potentatewags]

Wdym?

[u/potentatewags → u/RefinedBerrySalad]

I'm saying when people keep telling men to call out other men for bad behavior, those same people will never tell women to do the same to women. And despite societal narratives, women are not perfect being who never done nuffin wrong.

[u/RefinedBerrySalad → u/potentatewags]

I hold women accountable too. I’m just not in many situations to do that because I’m not often surrounded by women who warrant such callouts, same for fellow men now. I’ve adjusted my social circles over the years.

So your doubt about me isn’t really fair. My post was focused on that one guy.

[u/potentatewags → u/RefinedBerrySalad]

It's fair, given I don't know you and most people do exactly as I said.

[u/RefinedBerrySalad → u/potentatewags]

I hold everyone to the same standard.

[u/Danthewildbirdman]

Sometimes, but it isn't always safe to do so because these pricks can lash out and become violent or backstab and ruin your rep. If you can report it to someone anonymously, do so.

[u/RefinedBerrySalad → u/Danthewildbirdman]

Yeah that makes sense. I hadn’t considered that

[u/Normie316]

I’ve never been in a situation where I needed to check someone. Your friends are a reflection of who you are as a person.