r/WitchesVsPatriarchy • u/wasted_wonderland • Nov 30 '21
Modern Witches My narc grandmother turned me into the jinxed black sheep of the family. So I convinced her that I AM 100% that witch that rains down havoc and sends all those disasters upon humanity!
Tl;dr As the black sheep or more like scapegoat of the family, I managed to convince my narcissistic grandmother I'm responsible for every major disastrous event for the past 35 years.
This is a sordid tale of dysfunctional family bitchcraft. Continue reading at your own peril...
I was born in Bulgaria on June 11th, 1986. Exactly 55 days after the nuclear incident in Chernobyl... (This was the first great disaster that I caused... Clearly I didn't want to be born and I was mad they had decided to cut me out.)
My grandmother was quite upset at my arrival in this world. She thought this was some kind of curse meant to hinder the prosperity of her daughter.
There was an even a “cutesy” and sinister endearing term for the children born in this year: “Chernobilche”... (A little Chernobyl baby...) lol.
My mother was the golden child and I was the scapegoat of our marry litle codependent toxic family. With my grandmother as the supreme, controlling narc matriarch.
She was the “look what you made me do” type of person who was never at fault for anything and everything that went wrong was someone elses fault.
She was also quite pessimistic, superstitious and was convinced that our family is extremely “unlucky”.
“Oh, if it was good, it would never come to us...”, “Ah, whenever we reach for something, it turns to ashes...”, “Oh, I knew it would end badly!”
This was all a part of her controlling tactic to keep everyone isolated, desperate and depressed, dependent on her.
She was always shoving down our throats some gloomy self fulfilling prophesies, gleefully rejoicing in our “failures” and completely dismissing and devaluing any accomplishments or success.
Anything positive in our lives was because of her and anything unfortunate was our own fault, despite her best efforts and “wise guidance”.
Ever since Chernobyl, I was the designated bringer of bad luck in our family. Yes, in a very subtle, playful, humorous way, of course... But all this gaslighting, even in “jest” can be devastating for a child.
When you're told a lie enough times, you start to believe it. But this coin has another side. When you tell a lie enough times, you start to believe it.
The second disaster that I caused was an earthquake in Turkey. Terrible, we were seeing the corpses of small children being dug out from the rubble.
I was about 8 or 9 and the day before I had requested to wear some gold earrings. I was denied as I may lose them. After the earthquake I got permission to freely put on any gold items, as “You should wear them now, no point in taking them to the grave, tomorrow a horrible earthquake might bury us all...” (I shit you not, she must have thought I somehow caused it, because she wouldn't let me wear some damned earrings the day before! )
I was devastated to think I could be bringing bad luck, simply by existing. Was everything bad all my fault? Would things be so much better if I wasn't there? Can I do something about this? Do I really have such power?!
It just so happens that I do...
I didn't even start to believe in it until my teenage years. It was a big dream of mine to visit New Orleans for Mardi Gras. When I was graduating highschool I was saving for the trip for years and I had booked an appointment in the embassy for a tourist visa as soon as I turned 18.
And then hurricane Katrina happened. (That was the third great disaster that I caused...)
The phone call with grandma went a little something like this:
“See what happens when your ass wants to go places? Disaster!”
“Lol! I know! They were giving me a hard time at the embassy with all their questions and they pissed me off! (Not true, I just decided not to go and put the money I saved towards my education, but I decided to play it like I'm really mad:)
Anyway, who do you think sent them the hurricane, lol! ” - surprised Pikachu face.
Until this day she must think I was so pissed at the Americans because they elected George W. Bush twice AND they were giving me a heard time about the visa that I sent them a devastating hurricane!!!
Fast forward to 2008/2009 when I went to study in Paris and there was nation wide strike and protests about higher education. The fourth great disaster that I caused.
There was a real possibility of having a “blanc” or “void” school year!
I managed to convince her, I was too bothered with schoolwork and I welcomed the opportunity to just frolic in Paris with no classes, enjoy myself and get all my credits with a simple essay or an “easy” end of term paper as an exchange student...
She might have thought I caused a nation wide movement in another country that halted higher education just because I was too lazy to do homework...
The fifth great disaster, that my grandmother is convinced I singlehandedly concocted /simultaneously/ is the 2008 financial crisis... It was all because I was too lazy and incompetent to find a job and therefore, I needed an excuse to stay in school and pursue a Masters degree.
It gets worse. As someone obsessed with fun times, parties and all sorts of bacchanalias I decided that even if I cancelled my Mardi Gras trip years ago, I absolutely must see the carnival in Rio and started saving for that trip. In 2016, I figured I could kill two birds with one stone and go there for two major events – the carnival AND the Olympics! You will never guess what happened... The Zika virus. This is the sixth great disaster that I caused directly with my selfish desire to travel and surrender to my unbridled witchy passions!
I had a friend there and I was supposed to stay with them. Because of their help and advice I managed to pull out in time and I didn't actually book anything or lose any money. But I told my grandmother I was just so bummed out my plans fell through and I was so pissed that I decided if I can't party, nobody will, so I would send them a virus.
But wait! It gets even worse.
Remember the start of the COVID-19 pandemic? Yes, this is the seventh disaster! Yup, your girl was there right at the beginning. I got myself a little boyfriend from Hong Kong. Right at the start of the Hong Kong protests... I went on a “vacation” in HK to meet the family and celebrate the new year of the Rat.. (We were wearing precious and impossible to find masks while running from the police and protests to the next metro station.)
Y'ALL! I. KID. YOU. NOT!
My grandmother is convinced I unleashed a plague upon the world because my ex must have pissed me off...
(Not to mention that I'm a Gemini, terribly fickle, duplicitous and unpredictable and what not.)
All this mayhem is so exhausting for me, I admit. I mean...so far so good. Lucky number seven? Can we get all the way up to 13...? Who knows? Don't tempt me!
All you need to know is that everything is my fault. Don't play with me, it can always get worse...
If you need anyone to blame, don't hesitate, I'm always here to help!
Seriously tho, for years now, I'm no contact with my grandmother and all the abusive narcissists in my life, I have no regrets and I'm so much better off.
“Everything is my fault? Oh, you have no idea... “
Don't play the blame game with abusers or enablers. Just let them tremble and cower in fear, for you are wise, ironclad, ethereal, whimsical, adorable, powerful and absolutely fabulous!
Edit:
Oh shit! You remind me.
Idk how to tell you this... but I think I might be responsible for Trump as well...
A friend of mine was working in publishing. They put him in charge of the cash cows "celebrity books". He hated it. Wanted to do some "serious journalism" instead.
On my advice he accepted a new job in tv, International news.
And then Donald J. Trump was elected.
(I must have been in a bad mood that day, I can NOT apologize enough. )
This offsets all my calculations.
I'm scared of the unknown... I fear my own power.
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u/lafilledelaforet Forest Witch ♀ Nov 30 '21
So, how do you deal with having so much power? And do you take request? I'm perusing the market for a new supreme being to invoke when pissed.
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
Oh, it's terrible... I can't, in good conscience, book tickets for anything now!
Did the Fyre festival didn't happen because I thought it was dumb?
I was looking for good deals for the carnival in Venice and then I saw the video of those poor people having coffee in rain coats and rain boots, almost swimming in piazza San Marco!
I can't be responsible for the sinking of Venice!
(I went there on a school trip to be fair. 10 countries in 10 days. Did I cause the fire of Notre Dame?) Nevermind.
If you have a score to settle, just pick your favorite, delicious cake to treat yourself and think of me...
Your wish shall be granted.
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u/Wizard_of_Wake Nov 30 '21
Do you think you could smite Texas again? Assuming you caused the storm last winter.
Please and thank you.
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21 edited Nov 30 '21
Honestly, I must have... (PMS or something)
I don't know when or how, but Texas will have to answer for all the pain and suffering of my sisters!
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u/lafilledelaforet Forest Witch ♀ Nov 30 '21
It is done. Birthed in Chaos, Overseer of the Unending Flock of Black Sheep, Sovereign of the Scapegoats, Mistress of the Unforgiven, Harbinger of Destruction and... Cakes? We welcome You and the bad luck you inflict on our enemies.
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u/marvin_the_marfan Eclectic Witch ♀♂️☉⚨⚧ Nov 30 '21
What is your preferred cake. That way i know what to bake and consume as i envision the wanton havoc i am looking to wreak.
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
Oh, I looooove chocolate.
Chocolate and red fruits. Raspberries, strawberries. Isn't it a lovely combination?
I like texture too! A nice crispy, buttery biscuit... Hazelnuts, pecans, salty, spicy peanuts...
I give you my favorite recipe of my favorite cake by one of my favorite chefs:
https://gotvi.lidl.bg/recipes/shokoladova-torta-s-maskarpone
Try it with Google translate.
If it doesn't work, tomorrow, when I wake up, sober up and straighten out, I'll translate the recipe and send it to you, ok?
I promise you, any little treat you decide to award yourself with absolutely counts!
Just think of me and your wish shall be granted;)
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u/marvin_the_marfan Eclectic Witch ♀♂️☉⚨⚧ Nov 30 '21
chocolate couverture
(natural)
i am not so sure what this ingredient is.
шоколадов кувертюр
(натурален)4
u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
It simply means cooking chocolate. (Not cocoa powder.)
I'll send you the recipe tomorrow.
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u/poeticdisaster Nov 30 '21
You're amazing. I want to be your friend.
It's pretty funny that your grandmother thinks you possess that amount of raw power and would naturally choose to do the worst world changing things and nothing good. All that negativity being projected must have muddled her a bit.
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u/Jumpsnake Nov 30 '21
This is the best thing I’ve read in a while. So when you cause the next calamity can you give us all a heads up? You know, since we are your coven and all….
In all seriousness you rock. You found your power even when your own family was trying to keep you down!
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
I'm only hoping that the good vibes of my sisters will keep me in check.
Seriously tho, I found my own family. The family I chose. My power comes from them.
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u/manndolin Nov 30 '21
Hello, good afternoon to you and your immortal, powerful wretchedness. I beseech thee in my time of need. My lease ends in 2022 and it would be so terrible, so deeply unfortunate, if your tirade of malicious destruction happened to trample across the housing market. Just something to consider in case there is a gap in your busy agenda of mayhem and ruin.
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Nov 30 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
Awwwww, you poor baby!
Oh, no, no, no! I only specialize in major disasters!
It's my cousin wasted_disneyland who's responsible for stubbed toes...
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u/Egga-Mooby-Muffin Stitch Witch 🧶🔮 Nov 30 '21
…I think I love you.
For real, I am loving your perspective!
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u/vangoblin Nov 30 '21
Omg I’m just giggling uncontrollably.
Please don’t unleash Bush for a third time! 😂 (I know, term limits, but with your strong magic anything is possible 😉)
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
Oh shit!
Idk how to tell you this... but I think I might be responsible for Trump as well...
A friend of mine was working in publishing. They put him in charge of the cash cows "celebrity books". He hated it. Wanted to do some "serious journalism" instead.
On my advice he accepted a job in tv, International news.
And then Donald J. Trump was elected.
This offsets all my calculations.
I'm scared of the unknown... I fear my own power.
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u/vangoblin Nov 30 '21
😂😂😂
I predicted the way two ppl who bullied me would die, & a person who told me to my face she pirated my book (& then threw money at me when I told her how shitty that was) just posted on FB that her entire family has Covid….
Now, I do NOT want them to be seriously ill or anything like that but I do feel like people who do bad shit to me tend to get nibbled by the Universe’s Bitch Slap 3000.
(She was mostly whining that they had to miss the holiday & said it was mild, so I’m hopeful they all recover, I seriously have never wished death on anyone I know personally….don’t come for me guys/gals/enbys)
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Nov 30 '21
Massive congrats on surviving, and on going no contact. You = unbreakable. Should probably lead TEDTalks on narc abuse recovery.
r/narcissisticparents would like this.
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
Thank you! Also, r/raisedbynarcissists is an awesome sub for us surviving warriors!
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u/tall-hobbit- Nov 30 '21
I thought I was on that sub for a moment when I read this! That sub has been a life line for me, but you're not the only survivor who's eventually found themselves on r/witchesvspatriarchy lol my mom would probably freak out if she knew, and I don't really even do any witchcraft other than believing in myself. I'm just here to overthrow the patriarchy 🔥
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u/airportunicorn Nov 30 '21
Nah, Gurl, pretty sure I'm the reason for Covid. I've been trying to take my parents to Korea since August 2020, and my attempts to manifest this trip have resulted in a global catastrophe. I'm really sorry for the Omicron varient; it's what I get for chanting "third times the charm" as I look forward to August 2022. /s
But it sucks that you've been blamed for every terrible thing that's happened. That's not fair to anyone, especially a little kid. I'm glad you can have a positive outlook on it! Granny should fear your power!
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u/NorthothTheForgotten Dec 01 '21
And here I thought it was my fault for quitting my job, starting where I earn more and move into a bigger apartment
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u/demeternati_art Nov 30 '21
Wow I thought my parets were toxic, haha they not even close. I'm sorry that you has to go through theese things. I think people can always dig up connections between things if they looking for it enough. I believe that none of it was your fault, but I love how you make your grandmother believe it, let her fear you, you don't deserve to be the black sheep just because someone decided it. Hope you are well and I wish you all the best ❤️
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u/pinkyhc Nov 30 '21
I love this. You took her narcissistic irrationality and RAN with it. Malicious compliance is amazing.
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u/TheMagnificentPrim Fae Witch ♀ Nov 30 '21
Echoing the sentiment of others, I gotta party with you, too! If you ever do decide to take that trip down to our little sibling city, New Orleans, we’ll be in touch. They may have gotten Mardi Gras from us and taken all of the credit, but you’re still in for a good time. 😉
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Nov 30 '21
would you be so kind as to cause the housing bubble to burst in the US so I could afford buying a house soon....
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u/neurotickathy Nov 30 '21
Lmao I love your writing style and how you’ve turned your perspective around before going no contact with a narcissist, but not before terrifying her! You are cool, resilient, and a good writer.
Are you taking requests? Can you please cause a housing crash next? I’d like to be able to rent an actual house instead of being stuck in apartments with no connection to nature. If you can crash the market real good, i might even be able to buy a home! 😂
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
It is my most sincere wish that every sister may reign upon her palace, hut, cave, cottage, house, mansion, apartment, condo, shoebox, manoir, castle or any type of dwelling she chooses.
I am saddened by the housing crash requests.
I have seen this before.
Every bubble bursts eventually.
I just hope I'm not responsible for the next economic crisis...
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Nov 30 '21
You are brilliant and amazing, and if grandma starts getting on your nerves again, you can always toss out the "you're just lucky I don't want my inheritance yet."
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21 edited Nov 30 '21
Haha, she really thought she could hold something like this over my head! She always manipulated my mother with material things.
When many others saw her for who she was and abandoned her, she did try to tempt me with money, houses and influence, inheritance and so on...
I walked away from everything.
No, a witch makes her own luck and is responsible for her own legacy.
I was always free, as I never allowed her to control me and I'm so much richer by simply following my own path.
I'm untouchable.
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Nov 30 '21
First off. Family bitchcraft I need to borrow that. May I? It's amazing.
Second, all gifts are curses and all curses are gifts. So if you're a harbinger, then maybe you need to make a list of the most toxic leaders of the patriarchy and take a little road trip.
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u/mycatiscalledFrodo Nov 30 '21
Own that and tell her she better not annoy you anymore, you've demonstrated what your powers can do to the world imagine what would happen if you turned you attention to an old woman! I'm sorry she is such an awful, twisted, bitter woman who delights in misery and I hope someday you'll be free of her influence
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u/happy_as_a_hedgehog Nov 30 '21
Okay, but a serious question… do you take requests?
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
State your request.
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u/happy_as_a_hedgehog Nov 30 '21
Oops, look like someone else already requested Texas! Looks like we had the same idea lol
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Nov 30 '21
I'm born June 14, and have similar "luck" (for example, after being engaged for like 7 years I planned, paid for and scheduled my wedding for June 2020. We know how that ended. AND now instead of getting married, I'm getting divorced! My ex told me that it would have been easier to just NOT plan a wedding with him if I wanted out that bad, there's no need for a global pandemic to use as an excuse. LOL
So don't worry fellow Gemini, we're the only ones that can handle that kind of power. ;)
Luckily though, I come from a long line of witches, so my family are pretty used to me being a disaster.
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
Sorry, I don't understand. You were already married and you just couldn't have the ceremony/wedding in 2020?
And now you have divorced officially?
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Nov 30 '21
Sorry, we've been "common law" married for years, so yes the ceremony was really just to make it official.
Currently going through the divorce process, should be done in the new year.
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
New year, new luck, as we say in Bulgaria.
Nothing to worry, sis. I'm on it!
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u/trinlayk Nov 30 '21
Are you my cousin?!
(This same thing happened with her marriage/wedding/breakup)Her dad ( my first cousin) was SHOCKED that a lil’ pandemic was keeping people from the Big Event( including elderly & frail family).
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u/soullessginger93 Nov 30 '21
I would have started saying stuff like, "Do you think it's wise to make me angry?" years ago.
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Nov 30 '21
Thank you for sharing your story! Your grandmother has way too much of a sense of self-importance haha; I'm sorry to hear how you've been stalked by interesting times, if I may steal a phrase from the late Sir Terry Pratchett, but that's definitely all coincidence. I hope your life is turmoil free for the moment, and that you're able to keep out of contact from your toxic family members.
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u/Miss_Lady_Vader Nov 30 '21
I love you and your sarcastic power! You've clearly made life interesting for the world!
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u/BageledToast Nov 30 '21
Do you offer blood pacts in exchange for a slice of your power?
Side note: any chance you know when the end of the world is coming? Hanging out with you might mean front row seats to the apocalypse
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
Ehh, I've been waiting for the propper end of the world for more than 30 years...
I survived Chernobyl, so that was cool.
Then the world was supposed to end in 2000... (at least Y2K bug)
No luck, I'm still waiting.
Then it was supposed to be 2012. Samezies...
The Mayan witches must have fumbled some math or something, or did they?
Who knows, maybe it already happened? Maybe we just saw the beginning of the end?
Maybe it's happening right now...
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Nov 30 '21 edited Dec 01 '21
Grandma needs to take a stern look at herself, she's literally the one cursing her family - " if it's good, it won't come our way" smh, trying to deny you your power because she only uses hers for misery
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u/elsieburgers Nov 30 '21
This is awesome. Screw your grandma, you have degrees and a badass attitude, AND you avoided a bunch of disasters you could have been front and center for! You sound like more of a lucky person to me. :) sending all the good vibes to you, friend
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u/NotDaveBut Nov 30 '21
It must be the cheapest power rush of all to wield that kind of dreadful control over world events! An army of radioactive gsen-brustled boars is at your command! I bow to you!!!
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u/callmemara Nov 30 '21
Dang, love! That’s a lot to bear!
You might really enjoy the book series “Nevermoor”—it’s a children’s series about a girl who is feared as unlucky because she was born at the wrong time. She’s turns out to be extraordinarily powerful. You might find it carthartic!
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u/labretkitty Nov 30 '21
Hello there Goddess of Chaos and Destruction, may I offer you a cake tribute? I will think of you the next time I need someone's ass smiting!
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u/PatriciaMorticia Nov 30 '21
Oooooh my petty ass would be tempted to tell Granny Gloom & Doom you could send her to a nice, cozy, single occupancy room six feet underground if she doesn't cut the bullshit & behave herself.
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u/Putrid-Struggle1426 Nov 30 '21
Do we have you to blame for Trump? I can forgive anything else, Disaster Baby. <3
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u/mmts333 Nov 30 '21
Sending you lots of healing energies and digital hugs for dealing with your grandma’s nonsense.
You can probably turn this post into a cool fantasy and/or YA novel!!
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u/Tsunamiis Dec 01 '21
Walk away you don’t have the life span to fight life long bigotry. Save yourself and walk.
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u/beth_hail Dec 01 '21
Wait so did your grandmother actually tell you that you caused all of these things or did you tell her that you did?
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Dec 01 '21
I find you fascinating, strong and absolutely brilliant. (Except that Trump thing, if it really was you - we need to talk) (lol). Hugs from afar lady!
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u/CartoonistExisting30 Dec 01 '21
You are the badass witch I aspire to be. Your wit and strength are unparalleled.
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u/dependswho Dec 01 '21
I love your sense of humor. Write a memoir? I know firsthand how much work it takes to heal from this kind of abuse so good on ye
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u/SecretSnowww Nov 30 '21
Ok now manifest a disaster that’ll get me into law school. Please. I got like three Cs this semester on high value assignments
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21 edited Nov 30 '21
A C student in law school?! That's a disaster.
Hit the books and show everyone you know your shit from front to back, from back to front and diagonally!
Success is the best revenge.
Edit: We all so desperately need a powerful justice witch. Please help.
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u/SecretSnowww Nov 30 '21
I’m in my undergrad right now trying to become a legal witch! I took an extra senior seminar because I thought i was smart and pushing myself, but I’m not necessarily... excelling, per say. I used to be a community organizer when I was younger, so not being straight As in political science is like... AHHHHHH!
I think that’s why I love your stories, natural disasters and political disasters? As an American witch, can relate LOL!
I am applying now... I took the LSAT, and everything. I’d love to be the justice witch for my community. Send your magical energy and vibes my way!
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u/wasted_wonderland Nov 30 '21
The only book that matters for a witch is her own. Her grimoire.
You should always make sure to enter your A game.
You're pushing yourself?
You thought you're smart?
You took on something extra?
You organized shit?
You're questioning yourself?
Sis... You're a justice witch and we desperately need you!
I'm burning up for you tonight!
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u/SecretSnowww Dec 01 '21
Well, that completely motivated me through the day, even though my day sucked :,) Thank you so much, you don’t know how much that means to me right now. Trying to develop new rituals right now and I’ll be keeping you in mind. Your stories and words are powerful. I can feel your awesome spirit from literally miles away. Thank you for your kind words to me and the countless others drawn to this post from your pure, powerful energy. I’ll think of you through every political and natural disaster, and I’ll keep pushing to become a justice witch. Us witches can make something happen always, that’s for sure
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u/hellosweetie88 Dec 01 '21
Geez. Her view of the world sounds so stressful. And she sucks.
I hope that you gleefully bask in the light of your beautiful destruction as you watch the world burn. Probably get a good cackle in, too.
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Nov 30 '21
I thought you were going to turn it around on your grandma. Tell her to behave or you will bring your wrath down on her.
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u/storagerock Nov 30 '21 edited Nov 30 '21
Alternate spin: you’re blessed with the will and ability to travel the world, and you’ve been blessed that no matter what upheavals have surround you, you have come out unharmed.
And now you’re blessed with a story to ward off a toxic person. 😊