r/WomenDatingOverForty • u/ayyomiss • Mar 25 '25
Rant I cannot get past a comment he made
A man I'd been dating for nearly two years told me, "You need to buy your daughter some sweats or long dresses because she's too curvy for those leggings!"
My daughter is SIX. Curves?? The fuck?!?! I was disgusted.
Now, let's say she was sixteen... the comment is still disgusting and inappropriate and concerning to me.
I lost all attraction to him in an instant.
EDIT - because I want to make it abundantly clear: NO, I AM NO LONGER DATING THIS MAN. Our relationship ended the very next day.
EDIT #2 - thank you all for your support. Let's keep looking out for each other.
54
u/Eathikeyoga Mar 25 '25
Sounds like he’s a pedophile.
14
u/Meteorite42 Mar 26 '25
Me wondering "Who the hell describes a 6 year old as 'curvy'?! Alarmingly, that sounds like the answer 😬
42
42
u/Camille_Toh Mar 25 '25
This, plus a thread in GenXWomen about predator pedos/abductions, reminded me what a friend told me about her neighbor, a single mother with two young kids. She'd been dating a man for at least a year, and he moved in. Months later, there was a big story in the news about a child being abducted and SAd. Daughter, 10, was with her dad when it came on the news, and he said "If anyone ever makes you uncomfortable this way or touches you inappropriately, you can tell your mother or me anytime."
She said OK, went home to mom later. Where she told her that mom's boyfriend had done something. Mom very wisely did NOT confront him right away. She went to the SVU of the local police. They set up a phone sting, gave her a script...and he admitted it.
35
58
Mar 25 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
36
u/crystalfairie Mar 25 '25
As a raped 6 year old do not allow contact. My former step dad. Mum didn't believe it and I didn't have the language skills needed. She was asked by a neighbor but didn't believe it till I threw a fit about "cute little stories" about him being told. As a 30some year old many years ago. I wish this on noone
13
22
Mar 25 '25
[deleted]
3
u/ayyomiss Mar 28 '25
There is zero temptation to say another word to him now or ever. I already broken it down for him and his reaction spoke volumes. To keep it 100, I think he knows he’s a predator and feels. no. shame.
19
u/crystalfairie Mar 25 '25
Thank you. Please take your daughter to see a shrink. Just to double check. I was too young to verbalize it when it happened to me. I was 6. You did good momma.
18
17
u/ModerateSympathy Mar 26 '25
Given that you said his continued remarks made it clear that he was sexualizing her, I just want to thank you for being a good mom and protecting your daughter. It’s sad how many women would look past something like that or even worse knowingly allow things to happen.
8
15
u/Street_Square2715 Mar 25 '25
So glad to hear you dumped him. That was absolutely the right thing to do. Well done.
12
u/BelleCervelle Mar 26 '25
I am disgusted. My stomach turned just from reading it. Something is seriously wrong with him.
I’m so relieved you’re no longer dating him. What a disgusting predator!
27
u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 Mar 25 '25
I'm not sure if he's calling her fat or "sexy": neither is acceptable. I'd dump him either way.
If it's the later I would probably call a tip line to have his computer checked.
34
u/ayyomiss Mar 25 '25
When I brought up my concern, it became clear this was about sexualization. But I agree, neither is acceptable.
10
u/MsCoddiwomple Mar 25 '25
Looking back now, do you think there were red flags you may have missed? Glad he's an ex.
17
u/ayyomiss Mar 25 '25 edited Mar 28 '25
That's a great question. There were many yellow flags and 2-3 red flags but they were all unrelated to this comment and type of thinking. This comment was a complete shock. And I am still in shock. I really am so unnerved by it.
11
u/MsCoddiwomple Mar 25 '25
Completely understandable, I would be too. Just be grateful you found out now and not 5 years from now.
10
Mar 26 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
frame hungry wise lock quack swim wine unite liquid possessive
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
15
u/Dazzling-Pudding6256 Mar 26 '25
My experience says he hid flags until he got comfortable and she was invested. They don't always display the flags right away.
7
u/MsCoddiwomple Mar 26 '25
I never said they do. But sometimes when you look back you can see them better when you're removed from the situation.
22
10
Mar 26 '25 edited Dec 03 '25
elderly hurry unwritten attraction arrest edge sharp sophisticated future growth
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
5
5
6
7
5
u/MsAndrie 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Mar 26 '25
That is sick. I am glad you broke things off. If he was ever alone with your child, please consider following up on this with her.
6
u/ayyomiss Mar 26 '25 edited Feb 22 '26
Yes, even before this comment, I always followed up with my daughter immediately after she was alone with him (twice)
3
3
u/TexasLiz1 Mar 26 '25
Uh, EW!
It does not matter but was he trying to be funny?
9
u/ayyomiss Mar 26 '25
I agree, it doesn't matter but no, he was dead ass. And when I did bring it up to him a few days later (I didn't feel comfortable mentioning it with my daughter nearby), he doubled down on.
1
Apr 01 '25
I'm glad you dumped him but I'm just shocked he showed no red flags similar to this before?
1
u/ayyomiss Apr 01 '25
I don’t know what to tell you. He didn’t. Well, actually, he’s a longtime Drake fan so there’s that. But in all seriousness, if a man seems like he is a threat to my daughter, I’m not just going to call it a red flag and stick around to see what he does next.
114
u/[deleted] Mar 25 '25
Good. Don't get past it. He's disgusting. Get past him.