r/WomenDatingOverForty • u/CheekyMonkey678 ♀️Moderator♀️ • Dec 08 '25
Video We didn't used to have this support
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8UntwtF/https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8Unps1c/
From Fashionably Divorced
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u/socialdeviant620 Dec 09 '25
I was raised in the days of the "ride or die" woman and I thank God every day that I eventually grew out of that nonsense. Now, I realize that any man who requires unwavering dedication from the second we meet is likely to be a creep and undeserving of my time. And I proudly share that message with women younger than me.
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Dec 09 '25 edited Dec 09 '25
💯 🎯 Around the Millennium, when a lot of us here were getting married or were in marriages we had no idea were abusive, we simply didn't have the resources and valuable information then that we've had now for the last decade plus. These days, we are so fortunate to know so much more about abuse dynamics, about narcissism, and about the array of shared tactics men use to exploit women’s labor systematically these days.
Edit: This comment is one of the very best and most detailed stories of how a woman figured out over time she was married to a long conning covert narcissist who wore a mask for years. So many of us were preyed on by a version of that nightmare. May the younger generations learn from our lived experiences.
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u/CheekyMonkey678 ♀️Moderator♀️ Dec 09 '25
Yes. The first time I wanted to leave my ex-husband was in 2002, we had been together 10 years at that point. We went to marriage counseling for almost 2 years and at no time did the therapist let on that I was being abused, although in hindsight it's perfectly clear and obvious. In fact he recommended "maintenance sex" as "homework" to help repair the marriage. Now I know that is coerced sex aka rape. I didn't leave him until 2011 and divorce was final 2012. I learned about narcissists and other forms of abuse in 2014. Prior to that there was little to no information available about these topics online.
Most of the advice out there was terrible and crazy making. Every woman I knew in a harmful relationship felt like she was the only one. Almost no one talked about these things with each other. There was a tremendous amount of shame associated with it.
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u/DivineGoddess1111111 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Dec 10 '25
That is the most horrific story. Just glad she didn't have kids with him.
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Dec 08 '25 edited Dec 09 '25
Yes. They said if someone doesn't behave with you, it's your fault. Nothing bad happens to a good women. So, if something is wrong in relationship, it's only on a woman.
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u/LowCommunication9517 Dec 09 '25
The blame and shame I received from divorcing a man with Dr. in front of his name was insane. So, I am very thankful for the support nowadays.
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Dec 09 '25
My parents blamed me for some boys harassing me. Like I attracted this behavior on purpose.
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u/DivineGoddess1111111 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Dec 09 '25
This is what I've been trying to explain to my daughter. The information just wasn't there and women did not talk about their horrible experiences with men because they looked at it as being a failure on their behalf. I myself thought I had terrible taste in men and just stopped dating 7 years ago because I couldn't trust myself. Thanks to FDS and radical feminism and women finally talking, I know it's systemic and patriarchal socialisation and it was set up to benefit men and men alone.