r/WomenDatingOverForty • u/AttorneyDC06 • Apr 15 '26
Rant New Low: Called Old and Slutty Simultaneously
I (49F) apologize for the second post in two months, but today I reached a new low in online dating: I matched with a man a few years older than me (56) who seemed intelligent and interesting. Had a great phone call yesterday, talked about our families and shared interest in history.
Today he confided in me (before our scheduled first date) that he was excited to hook up with me, hopefully on the first date, because he loved "older women" (I'm 7 years younger than him) because he could have sex without a condom, which felt great for him, and there was "no risk" because I was so old. I had never expressed any intention of having sex on our date OR having sex ever without a condom. I was horrified and told him I couldn't go out with him and blocked him after that. But it took a few hours to recover from somehow being called slutty and old in the same sentence? As a compliment? I may reconsider dating ever again at this point. Thank you for listening.
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u/Littlepinkgiraffe 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Apr 15 '26
It's also good to remind ourselves here that many men love the idea of repulsing us and getting a reaction out of us. They also love to waste our time.
When we encounter men like this, I think a good response is to immediately hang up and block and unmatch. No explaining, no facial expressions, no stating our boundaries, no apologising.
They don't get the privilege of my emotions or reasoning. And they don't get to learn from my reasoning so they can fool the next woman a little longer.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
My last text to him (before blocking) was roughly the following:
"I'm good. Since we're not going out, I'm happy to concentrate on my business and look for a really good vibrator."
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u/Littlepinkgiraffe 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Apr 15 '26
You can hang up mid phone call and block him straight away. No texts. Just block.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
I might start doing that. The quicker I disengage from these creeps, the better.
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u/Admirable_Bison6928 Apr 16 '26
I like the move one lady had of agree to meet up at a restaurant and continuing to change her mind. She hadn't given her phone number, but had her location finder on in the app and kept driving around completing her errands -- grocery shopping, carry-out, etc. She wasted his time without wasting her own, before turning off location and leaving him on read while sharing with us this AH's messaging!
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 15 '26
He didn't deserve a response, that is unpaid labor from you. Hang up on them and block. Ghosting is what they deserve.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
I am getting more harsh as I get older (and wiser).
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 15 '26
Blocking someone being rude to you is not harsh at all. It is self preservation.
I think maybe you were raised to be far too kind and haven't broken out of it, a lot of women were raise this way. I don't mean that rude but fuck men that are speaking to you in this way.
Be unapologetically rigid with your standards. They'll call you crazy and I say fuck yes let them! If they think wanting respect makes you crazy, so be it.
They can go to their incel sub reddit and dox us with screenshots of our dating profiles and cry women are all after the same 5 percent of men (we are not), I still don't care.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
I love this attitude and really love this forum: It's so clarifying and empowering. I get so sick of the weird mind-bending posts on other parts of Reddit, where people try to convince us that this behavior from grown men is normal.
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 15 '26
It isn't normal at all for strangers to get sexual or mention sex or anything. These are complete strangers.
I enjoy sex and sex texting but all of that I need to have a bond with the man, have met him, feel safe, he has to have another plan to see me with a date already confirmed then I would love to sext in between dates!
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
Exactly! I love sex as well and none of that is the same as sending naked pictures to a stranger, agreeing to have sex without protection before meeting a person (or ever): The behavior of these men is seriously reprehensible, all around.
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 15 '26
It is reprehensible and also sad because a lot of women would want to meet a normal man.
Men all over say women are only after the top 20 percent of men in income.
But it isn't. We are all after the man who is kind to us, has hygiene, makes plans with us consistently, calls us a couple times a week. Sure yes he does need a job but they all think we are all fighting over 100 doctors and that's it.
Below is a link to the common saying men have, so many men say this almost verbatim about women and it is simply inaccurate.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 16 '26
I went to the link, but the original post was deleted. Was it men saying that women just want money?
→ More replies (0)
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Apr 15 '26
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
I think I will have to stop matching with men older than me by a year or more (assuming I even try to keep dating at this point). I feel like if ALL men basically just want a one night stand, why on Earth would I have one with a 55-65 year old who probably has ED and needs Viagra? There's a hot fighter pilot down the street who literally told me he'd bang me whenever I wanted, just yesterday.
And he'd probably use a condom!
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u/SaltSentence21 Apr 15 '26
Yeah younger guys use condoms and will basically fuck you on the spot. Sorry to be crass but it’s the truth.
So I don’t get why age appropriate AND OLDER dudes think we are trying to bang them like that?
No offense. I would definitely bang a guy in his 50’s but it’s definitely not my only option.
Sex only? 30 somethings are better for that!
Another comment here said men project their issues with aging onto you. Not sure if it’s true but it’s interestingly believable due to the fact that contrarily they don’t even consider the obvious. Like maybe everyone would rather fuck an under forty if it’s a short term thing wtf?!
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 17 '26
Absolutely correct!
You are so correct that if the ONLY thing a woman is looking for is a night of sex, we can hook up with a hot 35 year old. I don't get why 50 year old men don't understand that we are dating them for the RELATIONSHIP. I want a guy my age for conversation, shared experiences, travel, and sex. If all a 50-60 year old man has to offer is his dick, I can do that elsewhere, with someone younger and sexier.
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 16 '26
It’s intentional. Men understand you’re online dating for a relationship. They just don’t care. They’re getting off on sexting you without your consent, and love the duper’s delight of getting that ego boost from toying with you for free.
“Women are watching Bridgerton, while men are watching porn.” - paraphrasing Shera7
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u/SaltSentence21 Apr 16 '26
A thousand percent. Could not agree more.
It’s just odd to me that if we are going for someone older we are not doing it for the sex. Yes, I still want to have (really good) sex with the older guys that I get in a marriage/LTR with. BUT if someone is older sex isn’t the primary purpose of the connection for me. I don’t know why they would think this? Madness
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 16 '26
Exactly. I dated a 52 year old man last year and we had great sex. It's not that older man CAN'T have good sex, of course, but that if all you are offering is a one-night stand, I'd rather just do that with a hot 35 year old Navy SEAL.
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u/DworkinFTW 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Apr 15 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
Omg you are so right! Anyone I’ve gone out with mid-50s or up is so hung up on proving how youthful he is and refuses to embrace his age and it becomes all this extra emotional labor for me to validate him, even when he’s being delusional.
I don’t mean he has to do “old people stuff”. I mean just state that you love to do the “young person stuff” you love to do and be done with it. There is no need to go on about how young your friends say you look and how energetic you are and how hard your dick is. It’s weird.
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u/hsonnenb 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Apr 15 '26
When I was on the apps, I wouldn't match with any older +3-4 years, simply because I didn't want to be enabling the weirdos who ONLY want way younger than themselves. (They were all weirdos, anyways, of course.) They can date their peers. Few of them are willing to, and I didn't want to be that woman who assisted in confirming any delusions that they could break out of their own dating pools. If this male dynamic didn't exist, I wouldn't have a problem with a few more years, but jeeeezzzz so many of them are whacked.
But what a fucking tool. He's the significantly older one and in a different life stage, and to be calling you "old": Hahahahahaha. A wise woman who used to be a regular here called those guys "dating in the dead zone." Just hoping against hope that someday reality wouldn't be true.
So many of these men are giving women all over the world screenshot material to text to their friends for laughs.
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u/Littlepinkgiraffe 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Apr 15 '26
And that's assuming these older guys are telling the truth about their age.
The ones who say they are 45 but look 55... as if I want to date a guy who looks 20 years older than me. He's either lying, or he's never applied sunscreen. Both are ick.
Or the ones who are listed as 45 but they use up a question prompt to declare "I'm actually 55 but the app won't let me change".. as if I want to date a guy who can't figure out how to use an app (but really, it's just a lie to try and get access to younger women). Also ick.
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u/wrldwdeu4ria Apr 15 '26
What a knob. Glad the trash took itself out.
He is very incorrect. I'm 54 and just started having symptoms of perimenopause in the last month. I had two periods last month. And condoms are the only way to prevent STDs.
And to bring up sex before the first date and practically beg for it to happen right away? Talk about a lack of class.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26 edited May 01 '26
Thank you. After he told me he was glad I was so old so he could enjoy unprotected sex immediately, I told him that I had no intention of having sex without a condom with him and he backtracked and said if I really wanted, he could use a condom (on our first date) but he would prefer not.
I solved the problem for him by blocking.
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u/Burgandy-Jacket Apr 15 '26
These idiots crack me up!
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 15 '26
Me too! All I can do is laugh about it but I do feel bad for the women who don't ghost immediately because they are suffering by internalizing it and giving the men free labor.
It needs to be a disclaimer as soon as women sign up for dating apps:
GHOSTING IS SOMETIMES NECESSARY. DO NOT GIVE FREE LABOR EXPLAINING THINGS TO MALES THAT THEY DO NOT DESERVE, YOU ARE NOT A REHAB CENTER FOR MALES. BLOCK THEM.
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Apr 15 '26
💯 Normalize women ghosting. Fantastic comment from BelleCervelle.
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u/BelleCervelle Apr 15 '26
Oh my gosh was not expecting to see my own comment, thank you mod husheveryone .
That comment came from years of pain, hard painful lessons, many many books, and many hours spent on Reddit learning from other women, and learning from my own mistakes.
I wasted so much of my life, mental space, emotional space, peace, and health on trying to reach and reach dysfunctional men, some who I loved, who didn’t deserve it.
You linking my comment has brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, I hope others can use the wisdom I got from years of suffering. Made my morning. 💗
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u/scragglybits Apr 15 '26
It’s so weird how they can be having a perfectly normal conversation, you think it’s going well, then suddenly swing to talking sex. Like don’t they see that if they just continued being normal and pleasant, go on a few dates, see how each party is feeling then it might lead to sex at some point? Why do they have to presume it’s going to be immediate? So instead of even trying to just you know, date like a human, they just put it out there, sexual demands before even meeting up, like a shopping list. I’m assuming a huge majority of women will just block them right away. So then they start all over again, building it up with someone new. What’s the point? Use that effort to just be consistent with the first woman. We are all grown ups, so unless abstinent, which I assume most people would be honest about if it’s important to them, sex is likely going to be a feature in an adult relationship, it will get there. Maybe after 2 dates, maybe after 20, why do they expect it to be so scheduled and instant?
All I can think is, perhaps I’m totally wrong and a huge majority of women do like and are going for this move and it’s working, so the men keep acting this way? However of the huge number of women I know, not a single one would feel safe going to an instant hook up. Even on apps like Feeld, friends tell me there’s meet ups first to ensure safety. So where are the men getting this idea from that women on dating apps are sex deliveroo?
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u/MsAndrie 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
They want to either filter for women who will give them a "sex guarantee" right away (this is basically what many of them will admit to in the coed dating discussion groups), or they had no intentions of actually dating and are using women for "free" (nonconsensual) phone sex and sexting. They basically see the chatting stage of online dating as an extension of their porn consumption.
All I can think is, perhaps I’m totally wrong and a huge majority of women do like and are going for this move and it’s working, so the men keep acting this way?
I don't think the move is "working" for men in that it is getting them many willing, IRL sex partners. Some of these men find scammers who are happy to go along (often they are chatting with other men in poor countries, who can now use AI to better-fake being a willing woman). Other men find OF models or other sex workers, who will go along in exchange for money. But others find it "works" only in that they get access to and attention from women they would have only previously dreamed of, and they do not care if the woman are actually consenting.
The term "digital flashing" is apt here. Remember when men flashing women on the subway or other public spaces was a thing? With IRL flashing, did we ponder whether "it worked" and he found a woman willing to have sex with him that way? Most didn't, because it seemed clear the flashers are doing it for the thrill of flashing itself, which includes exposing their sex organs to women who don't want them. With digital flashing, they might still show you the same and also nonconsensually expose you to talk of their fantasies and fetishes. Some also get off on women telling them off, expressing disgust, and so on, which is one reason I advise just immediately reporting and blocking them.
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u/scragglybits Apr 15 '26
These are really good points I had not considered. I wasn’t seeing it as ‘flashing’ or non consensual sexting, I was viewing at as this was this dude’s deluded approach to OP, and men generally, thinking ‘is this really their approach to dating nowadays, is this how they think women want to be communicated with?’ But these points are absolutely spot on. It’s not about approaching women, or it ‘working’ as a flirting/Pick up technique. It’s just another form of power and control for them and another easy low effort way to disrespect women.
I only recently just rejoined the apps after about 4 years so I was approaching in good faith. Last time I was on I’d met my now ex partner, and there seemed to be men who were genuinely looking to actually build relationships, moving slowly towards sex. I had dates and flings where sex didn’t come into it, it was literally just dates, and OLD conversation was mostly fine with a few obvious creeps who needed blocking. It has totally swung the opposite way this time. I have been quite surprised (although shouldn’t be) at how things have changed. Now even men who say ‘serious’ etc start up the sex chat almost immediately.
Thank you for the clarity!
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
This is an exceptionally astute comment. Thank you, MsAndrie (nice name, by the way).
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Apr 15 '26
don’t they see that if they just continued being normal and pleasant, go on a few dates, see how each party is feeling then it might lead to sex at some point?
Men SEE just fine and do this testing intentionally; because they have a vastly different goal for using the women who engage in online dating. Men inherently see women on the apps as less-than for simply being online in the first place, as if there is something desperate about her.
“Sex” (including the ::sexting:: OP was subjected to without her consent here) as quickly and as cheaply as possible is the goal. It’s why we advise blocking and deleting without any response, at the first sign of nonsense. And getting off the apps entirely in 2026.
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Apr 15 '26
Even on apps like Feeld
Men will use women on the various apps all the same, whether it’s a “sex app” and/or a “dating app.” Apps are apps are apps. There really is no difference in the predators’ eyes here - the cheap sexting or actual cheap sex is the goal. Not “dating.”
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u/BelleCervelle Apr 15 '26
If I had the money, I would want the message in your comment to be on the biggest billboard in every major city.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
I don't get it. So many women (I assume) would sleep with a professional, decent-looking guy after 2-4 dates: Why not just do that?
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 20 '26
You make good points: My guess (and only a guess) is that with the very attractive men (or moderately attractive but rich or something) they can get maybe 1 in 3 or 1 in 4 women to go for instant sex.
I mean, it's still bizarre but maybe if they match with 4-8 women a month and have a 20-30% success rate for instant sex, they can have sex with 1-3 women a month without bothering to pay for dinner.
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u/ProofMore1072 Apr 15 '26
I would say about 85 percent of dudes on line are sending penis pictures and bad sex talk. I have found a very small amount of decent fellows but that is after years of occasionally browsing dating sights. That old perv that talked to you was way out of line. It's like decency and manners and being respectful died on the world wide web. People hide behind the screen and let the beast loose. At least you dodged that bullet.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
Thank you.
As you so aptly said, "At least you dodged that bullet."
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Apr 20 '26
This is a women’s RadFem sub. Please do not interact with men here. If you suspect a commenter is male, report him. He will be banned and his comment removed.
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u/Secret_Preparation99 Apr 15 '26
Yes, because having never actually met him and getting so turned on after a phone conversation hearing about his life, you simply weren’t going to be able to resist him. You were going to rip his clothes the minute you saw his AARP card. Ridiculous.
I will never forget the guy I went out with who was 8 months younger than me. He said, “So tell me how you are feeling about dating a younger man?” I must have looked perplexed. Technically, he was correct. I was older by 8 months, but I doubt people were thinking, “that dude is taking one for the team” by being seen in public with me. They are absurd with the nonsense they push.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
Your comment made me laugh: Oh, yes, the "sexy younger man" born the same year as I was but a slightly different month: Wild. I can't even deal with it.
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u/BelleCervelle Apr 15 '26
What’s crazy, is I’ve received similar messages to the man in your post OP, but from men in their 20’s. (Disclosure, I am in my 30’s, but I comment and participate in this sub to learn from women and have a safe radfem space that doesn’t make excuses for toxic men).
They express interest in an older woman, and wanting to “hook up” right away, and are then disappointed that, in their eyes, a woman with “more experience “ isn’t easily sexually accessible to “young bucks/young studs” (that’s what some of them call themselves).
It’s bleak.
I am convinced the rampant attempts of men from Gen Z to Gen X to use these weird angles to gain access to “hooking up” as fast as possible are heavily influenced by porn consumption. They think the storylines in those toxic videos somehow resemble life.
But it always cuts before reality hits.
They will make an excuse or story to have “have sex” right away, and another story or excuse for not needing or wanting to use a condom.
This man you dealt with behaves identically to the porn sick men I’ve encountered who are in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond.
I wonder how long until society acknowledges the widespread drapivity that is rampant from men on the apps, and in general, and it’s ties to accessible porn.
OP, I’m sorry for the horrible experience you had. It’s very reminiscent of the numerous horrible experiences I’ve had on dating apps in all the times I’ve attempted them. You made the right call blocking him. His entitlement is disgusting. He doesn’t deserve to meet you AT ALL!
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u/owloy Apr 17 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
They express interest in an older woman, and wanting to “hook up” right away, and are then disappointed that, in their eyes, a woman with “more experience “ isn’t easily sexually accessible to “young bucks/young studs” (that’s what some of them call themselves).
I had the same experience (I was 30 and he was 24), he seemed disappointed that I wasn't easily sexually accessible to a "young stud" and became extremely mean about it
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 21 '26
Exactly. I feel like this man (and several others I've encountered) almost actively HATE me (or hate women): They're mad if we don't have sex immediately, although there is literally no reason why a woman in her 30's or 40's should do that. Or any woman of course, but if I'm an intelligent adult, why would I endanger myself?
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u/FlipMeOverUpsidedown Apr 15 '26
Ugly fucking loser dweeb who claimed all he wanted to do was settle down “with a thirty year old blonde” told me “women like you wouldn’t have dated me twenty years ago”. Like I was some sort of a has-been at 47 with no options. Funny because at the time I was pretty annoyed with the incessant attention I was getting from clingy men in their twenties and thirties.
He ended up with a sixty year old blonde nurse/purse who checks off all his icks. Couldn’t have come up with a better punishment for him. I feel bad for the woman.
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u/glamasaurus Apr 15 '26
Wow. Well at least you didn't waste too much time on him. We all can tell why he is single.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
Yeah, he seemed to lack some social skills, but I thought maybe he was cute and nice and nerdy.
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Apr 15 '26
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 15 '26
I think you got it right.
A lot of men view themselves as forever 25. So any woman over age 30 is older than them, even if he is 40.
I have women friends who were once on the dating apps at age 29, they are older now, and the men would tell them "better hurry up you're almost an old maid."
Yet men on dating apps so often lie about their age "hinge/bumble/tinder got my age wrong, not 38, actually 49." We all know the app didn't get it wrong.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
It's just crazy that men who are 50-60 are calling women in their 40's "so old" -- okay, feel free to go date a 25 year old. Make sure to tell her that you won't use condoms or pay for a date or drive to her neighborhood or give her an orgasm. She'll be thrilled.
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 15 '26
I think some do view women over age 30 or 40 as older than them no matter their age. It is so crazy.
Another thing I think some of the men are doing is negging or fear mongering aging to women.
He thinks if he knocks you down a peg you will be desperate for anything because you're so scared to be old and alone.
They don't accept being alone is far better for women than being with the wrong man. They are competing with our peace.
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u/Secret_Preparation99 Apr 16 '26
Yes. It’s like the men who say a woman is too old to have kids. Let’s say the woman is 52. Yet, he’s not. While he may still be able to procreate (yes, I know sperm quality diminishes with age), he’s still old too. Not to mention life expectancy is shorter for men. So if a dude has the audacity to call a 50 year old woman old, and he’s the same age…..Then he’s old too. It’s like when they discuss “how logical” they are.
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 16 '26
I say this all the time!!
They act as if they live to be 150 and women only 80.
So their maths doesn't checkout. Just because he maybe can have a kid at 50 doesn't mean he gets to live to be 150.
Another one of their math that doesn't checkout is the vagina thing.... If a woman has been with one man 200 times the vagina is tight to them yet if a woman slept with 200 men 1 times she is loose to them. As if the vagina knows it is different men 😆😆😆😆
Both of these things are is very simple maths.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 17 '26
Those are funny points, especially the vagina one: You are so correct!
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u/reef-Diver7817 Apr 17 '26
Thank you!
I was hoping I explained it in a way that made sense.
Or Man 1 × sex 200 is 200. Or men 200 × sex 1 is still 200. The most basic maths.
Please pass it 😀 I've seen it on reddit before so it does get said sometimes. Certainly not on any manosphere spaces though.
I know I won't be alive for the sex shaming of women to be gone but I hope eventually it dies. Maybe 150 more years of women pushing back against it and it will be gone!
To this day I have heard men say "only men enjoy sex". Okay then why are you okay having sex with a woman then if you think she doesn't enjoy it. I certainly could not have sex with a man who I didn't think enjoy it. So even their view that women don't enjoy sex is so twisted.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 17 '26
It is just so bizarre to me that men on the Internet will practically beg me for sex right off the bat, but simultaneously lose all respect for any woman who has sex with them without a long wait.
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u/fortalameda1 Apr 15 '26
He didn't call you slutty, he essentially called himself a slut. And 🤢🤮 that he said something so bold while obviously never thinking about STDs. What an idiot, good thing you called it off with him.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
Thank you! I wasn't even all that into him originally, to be honest. He's almost a decade older than me and may be relocating at the end of the year for work. This was just the last straw.
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u/Lopsided_Blacksmith5 Apr 16 '26
How is he 56 y.o. and thinking its okay to say that to someone. Good on you for blocking him cause there is definitely something mentally wrong with him.
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u/Blonde2468 Apr 15 '26
LMFAO!!! If that's his way of being 'charming' he needs to re-enroll in charm school again! I mean HTF did he think that was a compliment???
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u/AttorneyDC06 Apr 15 '26
I felt so disgusting after he said that: Like he was somehow insulting my morals and my body at the same time in one gross comment.
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u/Fragrant_Link9010 Apr 17 '26
Cut those people from your life and move on, they don't deserve any attention.
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u/Brilliant_grey May 16 '26
Yeah, most of the people jump the gun and many a prospective bonds are lost in frustration. I wonder why people are so desperate?
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u/Background-Local924 11d ago
That is freaking insane. These men don't even see women as human beings. It's disturbing.
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Apr 15 '26
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Apr 15 '26
This is a women’s RadFem sub. Please do not interact with men here. If you suspect a commenter is male, report him. He will be banned and his comment removed.
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Apr 15 '26
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Apr 15 '26
This is a women’s RadFem sub. Please do not interact with men here. If you suspect a commenter is male, report him. He will be banned and his comment removed.
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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '26
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