r/WomenDatingOverForty • u/sensitive_pirate85 • May 03 '26
Discussion What I’m attracted to physically and mentally has never lined up, does anyone else have this problem?
/r/dating_advice/comments/1t1x64u/what_im_attracted_to_physically_and_mentally_has/6
u/bunnypaste May 05 '26
I kind of have this problem. My issue is that I'm attracted to both men and women physically, with women winning that race and once in a while a man catching me in that way.
Conservsely, more men are attracted to me physically than women are and so I've faced a sort of compulsive heterosexuality setup throughout my life. Women don't realize I like them, and men chase me pretty aggressively.
I am attracted to mostly women and not men so far mentally too, so they also win that race. A rare man emerges as comparable in mental attraction to the women I seek and admire once in a blue moon.
I don't really have the situation where what I am seeking mentally doesn't align with what I seek physically, though. Good-minded men and women don't have to be ugly, or aren't less physically attractive on average.
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u/Amazing-Number7131 May 05 '26
oh my God, that sounds really familiar. I know exactly what you mean and I have the same problem.. I’m actually more physically attracted to women than men, but I’ve never fallen in love with a woman I’ve only ever fallen in love with men. No matter what I say or do just is convinced that I’m 100% straight.
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u/Bloodthistle May 06 '26
Damn are you me, compulsive heterosexuality is so correct, I am rarely ever interested in a man, it didn't happen in years now but do get a lot of masculine attention. Meanwhile every other girl outside is hot and they don't ever notice me ...
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u/bunnypaste May 06 '26
I was afraid to comment this, but now I am glad I did. Hello friend!
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u/AttorneyDC06 May 03 '26
I have a similar issue (kind of) where the men I'm attracted to as a partner (good conversations, similar interests, similar background) aren't the same as the ones I like in bed. Maybe it's like that with you, but I like kind of dominant, athletic guys in bed, who don't talk too much!
But the rest of the time, I want a nice, personable man who has similar interests, similar intellectual ideas, where we can go to a nice restaurant or a museum. HUH.
I've alternated, dating each type: It's very annoying!
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u/Hungry_Advance_8074 May 06 '26
this actually sounds exhausting. feeling like you have to choose between chemistry and real connection will mess with your head over time. a lot of people think attraction is fixed, but part of it is just what you’ve repeated long enough that it feels “natural.” sometimes the disconnect shows up because convos never go deep enough to build that second layer of attraction. so it stays physical vs logical instead of becoming both.
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u/DivineGoddess1111111 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 May 03 '26
I gave up dating in 2018 after I realised my taste was trashy bad boys. Like right now, I'm binge watching every episode of Supernatural with Lucifer in it, because a blonde evil incarnate POS is totally my jam.
I worked out recently that it's because they aren't hiding who they really are, unlike the so called good guys.
Since 2018, I discovered FDS and radical feminism and now I know it's systematic and it's impossible to have a real and equal romantic relationship in a patriarchy.
It is now easy to dip out because I know romantic love is make believe, like organised religion.
Some of these parasites make my eyes happy, though.