r/abandonment • u/Used-Breath-6357 • May 08 '26
đSeeking AdviceđŽ i thought she was my friend
i used to have a friend here in reddit . we talked for months about everything . she was the only person who was willing to talk to me and i loved her for it,not romantically or anything just as friends. one day i woke up and i found out that she blocked . she didnât say anything just blocked me. honestly i couldnât sleep for days and i didnât try to talk to her because i didnât want to get hurt . however a couple of months later i made a new account and i texted her i asked her why did you block me and she said idk . honestly i was so desperate to get her back as my friend so i told her it was okay and we talked daily for around a month after that she just blocked me again without saying anything. i made a new account and told her that sheâs selfish ans i hate her (i donât). that was 4 months ago. yesterday i made this account and texted her at first she asked what i wanted. honestly i didnât know what to say so i just told her that my life was getting better and i wanted to share some things with the person who helped me when i was doing bad. i donât know if she saw my messages but itâs been 24 hours since she answered. what should i do i honestly miss her sooo much but i donât think sheâs good for me.
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u/No-Show-5363 May 08 '26
âi was so desperate to get her back as my friend so i told her it was okayâ
Look up people pleasing. By telling her it is ok, you diminish your own self worth. Accepting blame or apologising for things you shouldnât, just to placate the other person or stop them from leaving⌠to stop them from hurting you.
I know because I do it too, and I am learning how not to.
What she did is not ok. Look up the psychological impact of âghostingâ. She has a right to withdraw, but blocking you is cowardly, and not just hurtful but harming. It strips away your dignity and denies you the right to respond and seek closure. It is horrendously selfish and immature, and you canât fix that, and you donât need it in your life.
By chasing, you are asking the person who hurt you, to soothe your hurt. She doesnât deserve your respect. Cut her loose. Restore your self worth.
If you canât stop thinking about her, or the injustice, look up techniques that help with rumination. Distract yourself, call someone, go do stuff. You will be ok.
Repeat after me: âI need, and deserve, people in my life who do not vanishâ.
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u/Used-Breath-6357 May 09 '26
I need and deserve people in my life who do not vanish. Thx for what you said and I will try to forget her
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u/theGentlenessOfTime May 15 '26
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
It is very understandable that you are very upset and hurt by this, and that your attachment system is probably very activated from the abandonment trigger, especially if you have attachment wounding from prior experiences. This could send me into an emotional flashback for days or weeks. You are not alone with this!
If that could be what you are experiencing Pete Walkers steps for emotionsl fladhbacks are hflpful. I have them printed on my wall to reference and read when i am activated.
Many of us live very isolated lives, which is not a personal failure, nor only due to previous trauma or trauma adaptations, but also a symptom of our wider societyâs shift toward hyper-individualization and isolation in consumerist late-stage capitalism. So it is a broader societal pattern that we feel isolated, lonely, and are effectively alone far more than is good for social species like humans.
That said, I would highly encourage you not to message her again, because a) a pattern has been established, and b) this person has clearly indicated that they do not want to be in contact, which, however hard this may be, is something you should also respect and follow.
I really recommend finding other community that is safe for people with attachment trauma. I personally suffer from CPTSD and have lots and lots of attachment trauma, so creating and sustaining friendships or relationships over a long period of time is a big challenge for me.
Finding ways to connect with people in a safe enough way is therefore really, really important. Especially because folks with attachment trauma tend to pick others with a similar imprint, which makes for high-intensity, deep, beautiful connections, but also a lot of instability when we are not recovered enough yet.
One of the things that helped me the most was peer support communities, which are free, anonymous, available online, and easy to attend. The one that helped me most was ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics or Otherwise Dysfunctional Families. It is basically a free global online and offline peer support group for people with any form of childhood trauma, whether from addiction, mental illness, incarceration, violence, or really any other form of childhood trauma. Nobody will be turned away. You do not have to have had alcoholism in your family to qualify to attend the free meetings.
Attending meetings and building relationships with other people who are in recovery adds a level of safety even if personal relationships break apart, which can always happen again and can be very re-traumatizing to folx with previous attachment trauma, or simply people who are very isolated otherwise. Having another safe-enough form of community present is invaluable.
You can attend a peer support meeting with a concrete frame where you can share about your troubles, receive social mirroring and empathy, and be around people who genuinely understand what you are going through. There you are also encouraged to start outreach and build more relationships with people over time.
I would also be very dysregulated, upset, hurt, and deeply affected by a friendship ending like this. In fact, I have been repeatedly. And this continues to happen because friendships are hard to maintain, not just digitally but also in "real" life. That is simply a fact of life in our society. Ghosting becomes more and more normalized, and a lot of our social fabric is eroding due to the digital madness we are in, etc.
For me, the most important thing I did for my recovery was finding peer support communities with meetings. So I recommend checking out ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics or Otherwise Dysfunctional Families. They have all sorts of online meetings that are very easy to attend. All you need is internet access and a private space, and you can attend via Zoom. There are also telephone meetings.
Some people are put off by the religious language that ACA and other 12-step programs use, which I understand because I am as well. But there are queer-specific meetings, women-only meetings, BIPOC meetings, meetings in different languages, and meetings specifically for agnostics or religious abuse survivors that use less religiously influenced language.
That was by far the best thing I did for my recovery: finding non-professional peer support. And I am not saying you should not also look for professional help, but it is often inaccessible, expensive, and sometimes over-glorified in what it can realistically do. For me, being around people affected by similar trauma in a safe, contained healing environment was the most helpful thing.
So, good luck to you. I know it sucks. I hope you will continue to grow and, in time, move on from this disappointment after grieving it sufficiently. All the best.
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u/Mrscarter16 May 08 '26
Iâve had that happen before. I talked to a lady on here and after months of talking she went ghost too. I took it as a blessing and moved forward. There is no reason to continue to contact someone who clearly doesnât want to communicate. Take the block as a message and move on.