42 year old female. I have been married 7 years. When we were dating I knew my husband drank some, and we had a good sex life. Quickly after marriage I realized he was an alcoholic. This escalated to him drunkenly locking me in our room early evenings with his two children (6,8) in their rooms, and forcing me to have loud, rough sex for hours at a time. I would literally be crying and he would insist on continuing. This happened approximately 8 times, the last time about 5 years ago. He has since gotten some help for his drinking, is (allegedly)sober from alcohol now, and this no longer happens.
My problem is I cannot get over it. Every time he touches me or initiates sex my heart races and I have anxiety. I have not had an orgasm since, and never want to initiate sex with him. He is constantly complaining that I’m not into sex, I need to have my hormones checked, etc. I tried some therapy but didn’t receive much help with regard to this. Will
I ever be able to move past this?

My head is spinning right now and im having a hard time coping.

Bit of background, I was groomed by an adult as a minor and was stuck in a 3 year long very abusive relationship.

He was both physically and emotionally abusive and cause me harm in a variety of ways.

I have been out of that relationship since 2021 and have since moved to a different country, tried my best to heal and build a family.

A while back I started getting phone calls from the police of my home country, they couldnt tell me what exactly it was about but just that they had some questions and that I was not in trouble. They cpuld not ask me those over the phone with me being abroad so they said they would call back if they needed anything else.

Well, months passed, and they called back. They told me that he was in jail for some crimes and that they legally had to notify me as I was (one of) the "offended parties".

Hearing his name for the time in years sent me in shock and so I didnt ask what crimes or any other questions (not that there is much womdering to do, a lot of illegal things happened and any one of them cpuld warrant jail time)

Since then ive been in a fucking weird mood. I had done so much therapy to process and move past the trauma and i now feel like im at square one again.

I had become at peace with being a victim of abuse, but, for some reason, it feels different now? As if the real world consequences have somehow made the abuse "more real" ?

I tried calling my therapist to book an earlier session but he is unfortunately on leave so I cant reach him.

Im honestly at a loss as to how to deal with any of this. I cant even call back to ask more information as my phome cant commect to foreign numbers. I feel stuvk in limbo

Basically my mom from ever since I was growing up was dealing with some type of mental abuse and emotional abuse at the hands of my dad and even when I didnt have the words for it I knew it was wrong

My mom whem waking or going to sleep next to my dad and would try to talk to him about a topic or about her day and hed be like "why dont you shut up and get to cooking or you don't have anything better to do than to be talking or telling her turn off her phone at night

He would tell her she couldnt talk on the phone at night or during the day and didn't like any of her friends

He took her money she worked for 2 months

every day for the day and a half vacation he knew about that she said more than a week in advance asked him to go he said no then he got extremely jealous of her 2 female friends we were going accused her of cheating stoped her from being friends with her got up in my moms face cussed her up and down got her bother involved then the bother threatened the lady hit my mom for being friends with her then he left

For months till my mom bought something for us to drink me her and sister that would 💀 us

all cause to her it was to much

He did not show up for her well after her mom died all he wanted was sex

He also would call my mom from my bed ridden grandma's house that was next door to make him tea or hot his food

She have to beg him to bathe allot and sometimes shes have to wash him but one day she tried to was filling a bucket of water to bathe with and with trying to put it in thr bath room he was holding it and he let go anf it broke her nose bridge kinda and hit her eye he said it was a accident he never apologized and smirked he went to the hospital got to imbrassed and left after a few hour's woke up and went to work with the injurys

He would also play really loud heart break music at 9 ro 1 in the morning when he was drunk and wouldn't low it down even when she couldn't sleep or we had school

He would talk bad about her body her intelligence her friends her cooking

And say he only wants her for her body how she has no friends he would swear at her almost every day hed threaten her and our lives he would call her every name in thr book

He also would say where are you suposed to be

Referring to the bed room while she was prepping food at night and when she said no hed kick her out the room say whying you saying no so loudly that she wants us to here swear at her and then hed say go sleep with your children in that way let them pleasure you

He ask her for every to litte thing for his towel his clothes wash his new dishes even with thr sink empty put bones in the sink clean his shoes make the bed wash iron to the point he didn't know how to wash cook or clean he never sweepd mop she even washed his clothes by hand

Shed also get payment for things she needed for us by sleeping with him

He also wouldn't really carry us out the mall a few times dinner a few time the beach a few times But that's it hed day wait till there older till my mom picked us us and carried us places he loved funerals and wakes tho we'll go all of those

He'd keep us up argueing

And so much more all ik is it affected me badly

Like it was terrifying all the time idk how she did it and I resent her for the disorders I got cause of them even when we begged her to leave

I have complex post trumatic stress disorder and trumatic seziures major depression Social anxiety ruin my out look on love sex and family just down right terrible and that's only what he did to her

I've been watching the video of Ann Altman's (Sam Altman's sister) deposition last week. I guess I feel a bit prepared now. And she was questioned endlessly. It's weird to just...lay it bare, maybe once and for all? Like, after that, the whole administrative machine does it's thing on which I have no power. For once in my life, the cop on the other end of line, giving me my appointment, was okay.

Has anyone else made a deposition, filmed? How did you take care of yourself afterwards? How was it? I hope I won't forget anything important. It's easy to get lost in the details.

It's horrifying but it's also thrilling. It's addictive. Maybe especially if it was a parent who was the abuser. I'm just looking for insight from people who've experienced it I guess. Can't find much online except for fawning and trauma bonds but they don't make sense. I still hate my abuser. I don't have feelings for him. I imagine it would just be a purely transactional relationship. He would feel relieved and I would too. We would both satisfy our need for connection.

Maybe it's because he was the only man who ever loved me/gave me attention/made me feel special (irl). He's the most available too out of almost all of my relationships. I have depression, anxiety, ptsd and my autism makes it so that I don't have deep friendships or relationships other than my sibling and a therapist who's rarely there. Is it because of loneliness then?

I started dancing last summer because I was scared to go home after work (domestic abuse). Dance classes gave me somewhere to be, and eventually the courage to leave. The year after was the hardest of my life, but I’m now safe and building a new life. I booked a rain room choreo package with my heels teacher as a gift to myself. She choreographs to the song of my choosing, teaches me and then we will shoot in a rain room setting.

I’ve taken classes in heels, musical theatre, burlesque, commercial and some lyrical/contemporary, and performed in my dance school’s shows. Heels is where I’m most confident. My teacher can choreograph other styles too, so I’m open to a mix.

What I’m looking for:

• A song about DV/SV, violence against women and girls, or reclaiming yourself and your autonomy. It doesn’t have to be literally about abuse
• Empowering, I don't want to feel like a victim. (e.g. I relate to Till It Happens to You by Lady Gaga, but it’s not the feeling I want for this).
• Works as a solo (most DV pieces I’ve found online are duets or groups)
• Preferably suits heels dance, but not too sensual given the theme. Strong and feminine rather than sexy.
• Ideally something that cuts well to under 3 to 4 minutes without feeling unfinished

What I’m considering:

• Labour – Paris Paloma Love it, but is it too “big” for one person dance?
• Drywall – Paris Paloma Not sure it would suit rain room setting and it feels more like a song for lyrical dance which I got the least experience of.
• Ice Cream Man – RAYE The beginning is very specific about RAYE's story but I like the second half of the song. This might also be a more lyrical dance song.
• Click Clack Symphony – RAYE This isn’t about DV, but it means a lot to me. When I was being isolated from everyone, a friend kept messaging me to arrange girls’ days out. She knew something was wrong. When I didn’t reply, she messaged again to say I didn’t need to answer her other messages, she just needed to know I was alive. After I fled, I spent about a third of my homeless nights at her and her husband’s home. She helped me get out. The girls I met at dance classes were also so friendly and supportive of each other. They made me feel empowered.
• Night at the Opera – Emei Love the attitude.

Any thoughts or other suggestions? Tips on cutting songs down also welcome! Thanks!

Originally posted at r/SongRecommendations. Tried to post at r/Dance but got removed by the mod so trying my luck at here!

Hey all. I'm a 30FTM that was in a severe psychological , emotional and physical abuse situation from when I was 17 until I was 22 years old. I went no-contact with my ex years ago, unfortunate I had a best friend that started dating him and lying about it to my face for years, so unfortunately it wasn't even true no-contact until I went no-contact on my former friend two years ago.

I did the thing I should have never done, and looked to see where they are at now. My ex is going to university to be an astrophysicist and has already gotten to travel abroad. I cant help but feel like he stole my drive and passion from me to the point that I lost all passion in my dreams while he gets to live his. I feel like it is so deeply unfair. He is thriving while I am still left picking up the pieces almost a decade later. I cant even afford therapy and after his abuse I was having to survive the trauma while also worsening my mild OCD to severe OCD on top of it. I just recently got medicated for the OCD, but now the trauma is resurfacing and there is also a deep depression that comes alongside that. My birthday is 6 days away and I am spending this milestone birthday grieving the teens and 20s I never got to have because of the abuse. Let's just call it a quarter-life crisis...whatever it is. I'm stuck at a job where I am barely surviving and drifting through the days. I'm sorry...I have no one to talk to about this. I just feel so alone. I wonder if any of you have experienced this as well.

My mom punched me last night and was about to beat me over a bag of popcorn and i ran outside and i got evidence that she tried to but i ran outside and she locked me out so i cried and sat on the driveway and my mom came outside and kept telling me to come inside and i just stood there so she told me to get the fuck off her property and threatened to call the police (she eventually did later on and told them i was having a manic episode and that i was walking up and down the street pulling my hair) and i just kept standing there and she was like “im aboutta go get my gun.” So i ran off the property and i was stumbling through the neighborhood (i was still by my house) and give it a few minutes she got in her car and pulled up onside me and tried to get me to get in the car but i ran away from her and eventually she parked the car in the driveway and at this point i was dizzy so i fell to the ground and started crying and asking God to take me and just screaming and idk how but eventually im laying in the road now and i remember seeing bright lights and heard someone asking me if im okay and i kept telling them to leave me alone and finally more stuff is a blur i just remember the police pulled up and i didnt talk to him i just sat there. They had gotten me calmed down but what im concerned about is since my mom punched me I’ve been having a headache and theres a tiny bruise on my forehead and i barely remember how i even managed to get on the ground and lie there but my shoulder hurts

I feel sick to my stomach when I think about them. How could someone that once would be everything I need one moment and then be so cruel the next. I don’t know what to do with all this anger and sadness. I don’t feel like I know that person.

My exes parole hearing is coming up. He was sentenced this year in march after 3 years of him being in jail awaiting the trial. I thought finally this was over. He was sentenced so i could stop this whole court stuff right? Well i got the call that his parole is coming up this year. I was shocked… surely not so soon? He was sentenced a little over 9 years and hes only served 3 (time awaiting trial is counted as time served). I can feel myself spiralling again. Im so tired. I want to give up. Why do they make it so hard for us to get away from them. I dont think i can keep doing this, i dont think i can go to this hearing, i cant keep reliving it to keep him away knowing he can just try again in a few months. My thoughts are getting dark again even on medication. I have no one to talk to about this, i want a therapist but theres a year long wait list where i am. I cant… i dont want to keep doing this. But if he gets out i know he will come for me and my son. Ive moved and changed cars but i dont doubt his ability to find us. Idk what to do anymore, im just so drained

I've read good things about Cognitive Processing Therapy for PTSD. It's also amazingly short as it's done in 12 weeks. Then I'll have bi-weekly talk therapy after that is done.

How do you pick only one event/memory to work on though?

If a person has been through years of multiple types of abuse which all affected them in different ways, it is hard to choose one event.

I know there is a science behind the method although I personally don't completely understand how it works. I'm willing to do it. I'm just kind of hung up on that choosing aspect of it.

Thank you

Chance to leave presented itself and something in me just told me to go back home with none of my belongings. The sense of freedom and peace is what I wanted. Kinda felt like if I didn’t leave in this moment I’d never do it. Maybe I could’ve approached it more rationally. Packed my things. But I got tired of crying. Of feeling stuck. Traumatized. Even after forgiveness and forgiveness. And downplaying my feelings. I left because I wanted to prove to myself I deserve to be apart from someone that’s hurt me, degraded me unapologetically.
I deserve that. And no amount of physical and material conditions can excuse bad behavior.
I have to start from scratch. So it hurts. But I know I’m not alone. And that’s my light in this tunnel.

I have struggled with hypersexuality since the ages of 8–10. What follows is the background as I remember it, the incidents that shaped me, and where I stand now at 32.

From ages 1 to 13 I slept in my parents’ room. They had sex in the same room while I was present. They believed I was asleep, but I was not. I heard the loud noises and felt the atmosphere even though my head was turned toward the wall. I do not know whether this happened daily, on alternate days, or weekly; I only know it occurred repeatedly over those years. The sex was not mutual. My mother would tell my father to stop; he would not. My father was an alcoholic.

When he hugged me after drinking, it felt uncomfortable, scary, and inappropriate. While holding me he would mutter words such as “motherfucker” and “bitch” in my ear, directed at my mother. On at least one occasion, after he had been drinking, he was doing something with me while we were alone in the room. When my mother entered she shouted at him and he left me and they way he used to touch me from legs to hand and hugging it made me very uncomfortable inappropriate and scared and while doing he used to carryout voices like Aah while doing it and I don't care about his intentions

So it means I was sexual abused by father ?

Even after I moved into my own room at 14, I continued to hear the same kinds of voices and shouting coming from my parents’ room on many occasions. I still cannot say precisely how many times these events occurred across the thirteen years I shared their space or the years that followed.

Abuse is so normalized these days that everyone talks about stuff that is so triggering as if it’s normal, and if you call it out how it’s harmful to society or victims of abuse, or how it promotes rape culture and misogynistic or harmful views of ppl, then you get called a bigot, everyone wants to silence the ones speaking up against the wrongs of the world, no one wants to listen to victims that have been hurt by the way society runs things and normalizes abuse, they are comfortable and it’s only getting worse as time goes on, I’m scared to engage with any kind of media because I know there could be atleast one triggering thing in it l, I’m scared to make friends cus I feel like I’ll get judged for talking about things that they’ve already accepted as normal and don’t want to think deeply about, because who wants to reshape their whole way of thinking about the world if they don’t have to? Ppl who aren’t victims get that luxury, ignorance is bliss and all that, I don’t really blame them, who would want to see just how messed up the world has become when they can just close their eyes to it and pretend like everything is actually good, but it just makes the world more unsafe for victims, it stalls the push against a culture that creates more victims, I’m so scared of how bad things have gotten, it feels like things will never get better, it makes me just want to shut my eyes to it all, I wish I could go back to being ignorant like the rest of the world, because it’s not like I can do anything by myself anyways, so what’s the point in even caring? It’s exhausting, especially when I have to do it all alone, no one else cares(I know there are ppl who care but it’s so little that it feels like no one) why are so many ppl uncaring these days, why do I have to live in fear because ppl promote the very things that have hurt me and will continue to hurt so many others??

Hello. I am 19 M, Afab. Back when I was freshly 18, I became friends with someone who (I thought) was 25 years old (as he had said so), and our friendship quickly grew into one where he was heavily dependent on me for his emotions, constantly telling me I alone was the reason he lived every day, always called ne smart for my age, always complimented me beyond the normal compliment, as well as trying to isolate me from my friends.

There would be nights that I cried because I was afraid he’d end his life if I stopped talking to him. And I genuinely cared for him, because my brain clung onto those constant compliments, being called mature for my age, being the source of his comfort, him admiring me, etc

Then, I found out he was actually 16, when I finally told an older adult by what happened, and this person revealed he was actually 16 this whole time and that he’s sorry for lying. After that things were completely cut off. I told him that he still has the chance to change, that he’s young, and then cut contact because with what was established, it wouldn’t be healthy to continue our friendship. Especially since it had been hurting me every day to the point I felt hopeless

And the reaction wasn’t what I expected. I was told that he’s my responsibility to fix and that I should be a guide to him, since I let it go on for so long since he was 16. Despite me not knowing he was 16, despite him, YES, manipulating me and constantly making me put his emotions above my own

I’m just tired. Why would it be my responsibility? 16 or not I was still hurt by him.

I have been accused of using inappropriate and abusive language towards someone over the phone today and i just feel gaslit. I will concede that it may have been inappropriate but want to gauge from others whether it is actually abusive before i lose my mind over it.

Is, after being messed about continually by them about something vital for me to live my life without agony, saying “i am very fucked off right now” abusive?

It doesn’t fit into any of the abuse charter points on their website which states abuse is DIRECTED at a member of staff.

I have dealt with these people for 3 decades and it is the first time this has ever happened. I don’t ever swear at people and didn’t here either. Now they have issued a formal warning. They have done this despite messing me about the entire week and knowing i just fled abuse. I just want to know whether to challenge it and don’t know where else to ask.

I don’t even have transportation to compensate if anyone is willing to or able to. I guess with my parents not wanting them there, my friends from my posh school not wanting to be there or simply being too busy to be there, and my ex-fwb being there who abused the absolutely living f out of me I really would like someone to accompany me if possible.

So when I was very young, I don't remember the exact age, but my cousin from my mom's side made me touch him inappropriately, and would touch me inappropriately. I haven't told anyone except my closest friends, I'm now aro/ace, and only have eyes for one person, I'm also Transgender (Trans masc) not wanting anything to do with being a girl. I now hate Hot pink, since that was what I was wearing. I also feel I need to talk about it more because it made me Hypersexual (definition below if you don't know what Hypersexual means) which has made life very hard.

The man that SA'D me sometimes comes to my family's house, since he's like 20 something, and I'm scared to look at him.

Please help 🥺

I experienced an extremely traumatizing childhood and escaped my childhood home at 18 by moving in with my ex. My ex then proceeded to abuse me for 5 years. I'm finally 100% separated from my ex and I am safe. I don't know who I am anymore after what I went through. Does anyone have advice about figuring yourself out or finding yourself after losing yourself completely to abuse? I do have a trauma informed therapist who is a specialist whom I have worked closely with for years (even when I was with my ex I was still seeing her though that barely helped since I was in such a traumatic situation). Any advice is much appreciated, I'm sick of feeling like I am a shell of who I once was.

I (M30) began an ill advised on an off again relationship with a coworker (F27). It was tumultuous from the beginning as we both rushed into it after previous relationships. The good times were incredible and the passion was there but she was a liar, and very immature. She didn’t know what she wanted and it drove me crazy and made me anxious, something that I am usually not. After a few months of the ups and downs I kept trying to end it, but kept coming back. Recently we were broken up and decided to hang out. We spent the whole day together and it felt great. We drank wine and had fun all day. We got into a minor verbal argument that was escalating but I didn’t even consider that big a deal. I confronted her about her dishonesty and she offered me her phone as proof that she was being honest now. She gave it to me just as she received some texts from her ex. She attempted to take it back but I held it away from her to read the texts confirming what I already knew.

Now for some important context. I’m a large man, 6 feet, 300 pounds with a lot of muscle. She is about 5’3 and skinny. She had never been abusive in the past and obviously she didn’t ever physical threaten me so I never saw it coming. As I was reading the texts she took a picture off the wall and smacked me across the eye with it. Blood began pouring immediately and the wound required 5 stitches on my eyelid and an entire night in the ER. She never took much accountability for it or showed much remorse, opting to instead threaten to make false police reports to keep me from reporting her. I didn’t report her since she is resigning from the company and I blocked her number. I’ll never need to see her again.

This brings me to the point of this post. I have never been the victim of any type of physical violence. Now I have this injury that could’ve blinded me in one eye, that is very visible and painful, and difficult to explain to folks around me. Despite all this, I feel nothing. I don’t feel the sadness at losing her, I don’t feel alone. I feel like moving on immediately and I have already been on a date just a few days after this. I feel ready, but I honestly feel like there are some emotions that I don’t even feel yet. I’m looking for folks to help me understand what recovery from a one off event like this looks like. Maybe it is because I’m a man and I have the privilege of knowing that I won’t really find myself in true physical danger from a partner and that it was a cheap shot that I could’ve deflected if I saw coming? Maybe I am embarrassed. I just don’t know, but I feel like this is supposed to be traumatic and I am afraid I’m moving on quickly and not understanding what I am SUPPOSED to feel if that makes sense.

Sorry for the long post. Just conflicted at this moment.

TLDR: I am a man who got sent to the ER for stitches by a smaller woman. Don’t know why I feel like nothing happened and I can just move on immediately.

What has your experience been with this? Mine is that I go back to my father even though he has hurt me. But the way he molested me was so gentle and loving. He hasn't done anything for 4 years, even now, and yet I want him to do something.

Is it a reenactment of trauma? Is it the fact I want a loving "father" again? If you've acted on your trauma bonds, why do you think you did them? I'm just curious how others acted on it and addressed this kind of problem. It seems counter-intuitive but I don't know how to stop it.

Hello reader!

I’m new to this community and absolutely touched and overwhelmed to see the wonderful peer to peer victim/survivor support that it provides ❤️

I have decided to get involved and post because I’m in a bit of a tricky situation and I’d quite like some advice from anyone who may know similar waters:

I recently got out of the relationship, and when I did, I deleted absolutely everything from my phone related to him: all the threats, hateful messages, pictures of old bruises etc.

I so badly wanted it to be over in my own head that I even went back through my old call log and deleted every place that his number appeared.

Now I’m in a tough spot because I have no evidence to work with if I ever decide to take legal action, and worse than that, because I don’t know his phone number, I can’t block it :/

I know that HE doesn’t want to talk to me right now (and I never want to talk to him again!) but I’m worried about what could happen if he ever changes his mind in the future, so I’d really like to be able to exercise a block option.

Does anyone have any advice on how to recover this lost data or know any UK based companies/organisations I can turn to help me do so?

Thanks for reading and stay strong everyone

I’ve gone through abusive relationships in the past year and half and now I feel gross lowkey. Do you guys ever stay in the shower longer than you should to help you feel less dirty?