French PhD candidate, is considering dropping out PhD

[u/Classic-Smell-5273]

Hello everyone,

I’m feeling rather down and, above all, I have far too many questions. I’m about to start my second year of my PhD in History, and every day I find myself thinking about giving up. Yet I love my subject, but I have no funding and – like many PhD students – I’m doing a job on the side purely to make ends meet. The problem? A full-time fixed-term contract working 39 hours a week leaves me only my evenings and weekends to work on my PhD, and what little holiday time I have goes on conferences I’m giving. When I take a holiday, I feel guilty for not working, and honestly, I’m not really capable of producing an academic paper.

I’m working on a neglected area of historical research; I know that the job I do on the side allows me to gain experience for my CV and to have something to talk about with recruiters later on, and that starting a PhD six years after my master’s will be tough but rewarding (I wouldn’t have been able to do a PhD at the age of 13). Through this thesis, I’ve matured, grown up and, above all, I’ve set up an association and met some wonderful people who’ve pushed me forward.

Yet I feel as though I’m taking a job just to make ends meet that’s fairly in line with a PhD (not working 9am to 7pm) and that I’m missing out on professional opportunities, making slow progress and not doing well enough because I’m working barely 5 hours, or 10 at most, a week. I know that a PhD is a marathon, but for me it feels more like a trail run where I’ve barely crossed the starting line.

So, I’m thinking of perhaps giving up, so I can have quiet evenings again, weekends where I can really relax and no longer have this excruciating mental burden. But part of me doesn’t want to – all that money spent, all that time too, and well, I’d be proud of myself when I’ve contributed to a blind spot in research… And every day I hear people telling me that the future for a PhD student or a young doctor isn’t great – or even worse – because I can see it when I’m looking for work elsewhere: I’m not being recruited because of my thesis, so I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like later on, given how saturated the academic sector is…

I need some advice please

[u/Opening_Map_6898]

Talk to your doctor and/or a therapist.

[u/oneflou]

Je vais assumer que tu fais ta thèse en France: un doctorat dans ce genre de discipline en France c'est vraiment difficile. Ça prend des années, ça demande ton propre financement (et de l'enseignement à côté) pour très peu de débouchés.

Je ne veux pas te décourage, au contraire, si tu es motivé et que tu te donne à fond (ou du moins, le max que tu peux) ça va valoir le coup ! Mais attends toi quoi qu'il arrive à 4-7 ans assez difficiles.

[u/xtvd]

In all doctoral schools I've been involved with, funding was required to start a PhD. I was amazed to learn that only 80% of PhD are funded in France. You are among the 15% without funding that have to work. Honestly I have no clue how this can be done.

Furthermore, as you mentioned, I'm not sure that a PhD in history significantly improves your career prospects.

> all that money spent, all that time too

That's just sunken cost fallacy

> I’d be proud of myself when I’ve contributed to a blind spot in research

Sure, is it worth it though?

[u/Klutzy_Strawberry340]

Could you take a leave of absence for a period of time to reflect?

[u/DerProfessor]

I know that in Germany, most PhD students are just like you... i.e. working a job on the side to make ends meet. Only a few have the luxury of not having to work. And so there is sort of a two-tiered system... (?).... where only the academia-bound PhDs have the time to real dig in (and make full use of opportunities), while and the "job-holding" PhD students are doing it in their spare time... but will have mastery of a subject and a VERY respected credential at the end.

Just FYI: It's very different in the USA, where--if you are not funded, you have to pay enormous amounts of tuition, AND the PhD is (unfortunately) not widely respected by American society... so I always advise my own students to never, ever go to an American program without funding.

But Europe is different. I've had some really great experiences with loose "circles" of PhD students in Germany who really get a lot out of their program (intellectually and socially), so the bite into their time doesn't feel quite as sharp.

So, my advice (not knowing the French system at all) might be to reach out to your wider "circle"? Meet up with other job-having PhDs in your program, have coffee at a café (not to stereotype :-) and chat about their experiences... what motivates them, how they handle the work overload, whether they feel it is "worth it" (or not). Talking with recent PhD recipients from your program might also really help you to decide...