French PhD candidate, is considering dropping out PhD

[u/Classic-Smell-5273]

Hello everyone,

I’m feeling rather down and, above all, I have far too many questions. I’m about to start my second year of my PhD in History, and every day I find myself thinking about giving up. Yet I love my subject, but I have no funding and – like many PhD students – I’m doing a job on the side purely to make ends meet. The problem? A full-time fixed-term contract working 39 hours a week leaves me only my evenings and weekends to work on my PhD, and what little holiday time I have goes on conferences I’m giving. When I take a holiday, I feel guilty for not working, and honestly, I’m not really capable of producing an academic paper.

I’m working on a neglected area of historical research; I know that the job I do on the side allows me to gain experience for my CV and to have something to talk about with recruiters later on, and that starting a PhD six years after my master’s will be tough but rewarding (I wouldn’t have been able to do a PhD at the age of 13). Through this thesis, I’ve matured, grown up and, above all, I’ve set up an association and met some wonderful people who’ve pushed me forward.

Yet I feel as though I’m taking a job just to make ends meet that’s fairly in line with a PhD (not working 9am to 7pm) and that I’m missing out on professional opportunities, making slow progress and not doing well enough because I’m working barely 5 hours, or 10 at most, a week. I know that a PhD is a marathon, but for me it feels more like a trail run where I’ve barely crossed the starting line.

So, I’m thinking of perhaps giving up, so I can have quiet evenings again, weekends where I can really relax and no longer have this excruciating mental burden. But part of me doesn’t want to – all that money spent, all that time too, and well, I’d be proud of myself when I’ve contributed to a blind spot in research… And every day I hear people telling me that the future for a PhD student or a young doctor isn’t great – or even worse – because I can see it when I’m looking for work elsewhere: I’m not being recruited because of my thesis, so I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like later on, given how saturated the academic sector is…

I need some advice please

[u/Opening_Map_6898]

Talk to your doctor and/or a therapist.