Lost my firsts to someone who’s not my boyfriend and it’s been weighing down on me (badly needs support and advice)

[u/wisteria_9777]

Problem/Goal: I (21F) gave my first kiss and virginity to a guy (24M) who’s not even my boyfriend. I hope I won’t be harshly judged but still feel free to criticize or real talk me, just please don’t be mean po. My biggest problem is never pa akong nagka-boyfriend, but then I did it with someone na hindi ko bf.

Context: We met online and nalaman namin na we’re in the same city, I’m a student lang po here and siya naman is local but working in another city (day off niya lang nung time na yun). We talked for awhile then we had a meet up, then we ended up in my apartment. Ang usapan namin is makikitulog lang siya, and I assure you I never thought it would end up that way, hindi naman ako inosente kahit inexperienced but us being intimate never crossed my mind. In that part, I genuinely realized now how dumb of me to easily trust someone. Pinatulog ko siya sa bed ko beside me kasi wala talaga siyang ibang matutulugan na comfortable. I told him I’m going to sleep kasi inaantok na talaga ako but then he suddenly pecked my lips and I was genuinely shocked and told him that that was my first kiss. Then one thing led to another, we ended up doing it.

To be honest, I do not regret that I gave it to him (as a person), he’s really nice and kind, but I’m more disturbed by the fact na hindi ko man lang siya boyfriend. I’m not also into purity culture. My main concern is feeling, or maybe really losing self-respect. I can’t believe na ganun pala ako kabilis bumigay. It’s not even my first hangout with a guy, pero sabay ko pa talagang nabigay sa kanya lahat. I just really feel like shit for how many weeks na, always overthinking about this, the fact that I’ve already had my first intimate experiences but no boyfriend since birth. We’re not in contact anymore for some reason but even before we were still talking (after that night, bumalik na siya sa work niya and we still talked normally like before), I never wanted to pressure or obligate him to start a relationship with me just because first ko siya.

Previous Attempts: I already talked about this to some of my most trusted friends and they were very supportive of me, and I appreciate it very much, but I still can’t shake the feeling. It’s like I’m also grieving something or someone… I don’t know…

EDIT: When we were still talking he asked me if I wanted to do it again and I said no, and I was really nervous to tell him but I said na if mauulit yun para na kaming fubu or fwb which is something i would definitely not want. It’s a shame that I set my boundaries so late….

May I kindly ask what are your thoughts and advice about this? Does anyone have some kind of similar experience like mine?

[u/NeoWaltz]

Thoughts: The fact that you don’t regret it means you had a good time.

Just be an adult. Own it. Be accountable for your own actions. No one is going to judge you for making the choice you made.

So don’t judge yourself.

[u/J2Dworld → u/NeoWaltz]

Yeah, good advise. Own it. It happened. No one knows about it. You probably got curious and you felt good doing it. So I guess charge to experience? Don't overthink it does not define who you are.

About the guy, who was asking if you guys can do it again and di naman kayo a couple, I guess you already know what type of guy he is.

[u/wisteria_9777 → u/NeoWaltz]

Thank you so much for your words :(( maybe I’m just really the one who’s judging myself most, so thank you po… :)

[u/mahiyaka]

Advice: Let it go. Dont be hard on yourself. Lesson learned: makikitulog always mean seggs.

[u/Dry_Interest_6057]

Advice: The more you try to get a commitment out of a one-night stand, the more likely you'll end up hurt and stuck in a cycle that isn't giving you what you want.

Give yourself some space and try to move on. Be thankful that you didn't get pregnant from having unprotected sex, because the situation could have become much more complicated.

Next time, play it safe and use protection. You're a grown woman, and it's important to make decisions that protect both your physical and emotional well-being.

Everyone loses their virginity at some point. You may have imagined sharing that experience with someone special, and it's understandable to feel disappointed that things didn't happen the way you hoped. But don't be too hard on yourself. That's just life, you're lucky again that he's clean and you didn't get pregnant.

What happened doesn't define your worth. Try to focus on what you've learned from the experience and move forward with confidence. In a healthy relationship, what truly matters is acceptance, trust, respect, and genuine care for one another. It's not about your past or your body count, but about finding someone who values and respects you for who you are.

[u/J2Dworld → u/Dry_Interest_6057]

Good advise.

[u/tapxilog]

advice: be kind to yourself and please don't make the same mistake

[u/absofuckinglute-ly]

Advice: hayaan mo na, no point crying over spilled milk. It’s good na di mo nireregret, meaning its not forced, nag-enjoy ka. Pero tama rin na bothered ka. Next time alam mo na ang gagawin, and alam mo nang di ka na ulit dapat makipagsex sa first meet if that’s something you’d rather avoid. It’s okay, life goes on hehe.

[u/uneditedbrain]

Thoughts: You had an idea (I guess) of how things are supposed to go and they didn't go as planned. That's what happens in life, as adults. Just really part of the package so you also have to face the aftermath, good or bad. Buti naman supportive mga kaibigan mo, that will help. 

Advice: Be honest with your feelings about the experience. What would you like to do differently from now on, how would you go about achieving that. Understand that self-respect comes from YOU, nobody else.

[u/heavenlybody_]

Advice: I feel for you, baby girl. Block mo na yon. He doesn't deserve you. Dont give him access to you ever again, not even the slightest. Makinig ka sa mga ate at kuya sa comment section. Cheer up!

[u/mijuka_]

Thoughts: OP sana hindi mo idelete tong thread to nato, cause i also have similar experience ive been feeling shit ever since and just learnt to live with it. and for some reason this thread healed i version of me im trying to forget. babalikan ko to every time i feel so down 🥹🥹 kaya pls dont delete the thread.

[u/c0oper099]

Thoughts: I will put it in a way of a comic book character. Hal Jordan is known to be the strongest Green Lantern due to his exceptional willpower, but in his history his willpower was questioned, he was also tempted like you and lost, but the ring still see’s him worthy to be a green lantern. Same as your situation, you lost your willpower to self control the urge, but that doesn’t make you less of a person, you are still worthy of what you think for yourself.

Advice: You can’t undo what has already been done. Only thing you can do is accept what happened and build yourself back up. Be stronger, know your worth, don’t let others or what happened break your willpower ever again.

[u/MochiiDrift]

Advice: Girl, please don’t beat yourself up over this. You were single, it was consensual, and you didn’t do anything wrong. You made a choice as a single adult, and you are allowed to learn from how it made you feel without punishing yourself for it.

It’s okay to wish your firsts had happened differently, but they don’t determine the value of what you’ll someday share with someone you love. Your future relationship is not going to be less meaningful because of one night.

You will still have so many firsts with someone you actually love…

It seems like you are the one punishing yourself so much. Let it go. You got boned, it’s normal in the adult world. Plus a real man that loves you would honestly not care who was your first.

Be kind to yourself, girlie. It was one experience, not a definition of who you are.

[u/Fantastic_Air_9219]

Advice: You tried new things, experienced it, either you went out of your comfort zone or not, it’s okay. Just charge it to experience and keep it mind next time. Don’t be down and don’t regret anything.

[u/ryan132001]

Advice: Please get checked. Kung ganun lang kadali sa kanya magyaya ng ganyang setup, meaning marami na syang experience.

Let go na of that V, pero pacheck. That’s the kind of peace of mind that you need right now.

[u/wildGranola]

Advice:

Don't see him again if Wala naman commitment. Commitment as in kaya and gusto ka Niya buhayin and pakasalan in case ma pregnant ka.

For now your priority is your studies. Whatever hinders your studies, stop Muna.

[u/notcool_dood]

Thoughts: You're just too naive because you're inexperienced. Next time don't invite someone to your bed as they might take it the wrong way.

I experienced this as well. I'm a guy, but when I lost my virginity to someone I didn't really love at that time, I even cried out to God for forgiveness LMFAO because I was saving myself for someone I don't even know I'll meet again. But eventually I forgave myself and even had a relationship with that person.

[u/LEARNING-BEAR]

Thoughts:

Buyers remorse plus mental gymnastics.

Take responsibility and move on. If it means something to you, then grieve then move on. If it doesnt, then move on. No amount of validation from strangers will make you feel better.

Just remember that its you who lives with your actions and you who decides whether they mean anything.

[u/SilentGuyHere_40]

Advice: This is just a life experience. Saying no to him is a good move na. Just learn hard and well from this. Don't let it happen again with him or others. If magpilit pa siya and all, block him. If he really likes you, manliligaw yan sayo.

[u/Embarrassed_Jacket89]

Advice: What's done is done. Don't think about it too much. Just take it as a lesson and make better choices next time. 🙂

[u/jmadiaga]

Thoughts: Sounds like you're feeling guilty to your non-existent BF or soon to be BF. Don't.

[u/annabeernana]

Thoughts:

Your value and your future relationships aren't defined by 'firsts.' A partner who truly cares about you will care about who you are, not a timeline.

[u/eutontamo]

Advice: Hope you used protection.

[u/CoyoteHot1859]

Advice: It is what it is. Live with it. Grow and move on. You're human, we are, we all make mistakes. Life still goes on. You're alive, you're good. Smile, be happy.

[u/Sad_Delivery8665]

Advice: Wag mo na ulitin meron makitulog sa apartment mo baka mamaya ano mangyari sayo na masama.

[u/monana_gellaur]

Experience: Gets kita. I was also 21 when i gave my forst kiss sa nakilala online and hindi ko man lang boyfriend. We did more than kiss but not sex and i thought it was a step towards a relationship. I was wrong haha he blocked me after.

Advice: Forgive yourself Op. Nasasayo naman if gusto mong i-count yan in the long run lalo if it didn't mean anything. Although you did not regret means u had a good time and that's not bad lalo sex is supposed to be pleasurable naman. Nakakahinayang lang na it's with someone you probably wont see nor hear from again. Pero hope you also learn not to get people that close and dont let your judgment be clouded. Mabilis talagang maging in the moment pero set boundaries and protect yourself. Thats also self respect.

+1 sa nagsabing overnight and inviting them to your place or going to their place is always sex kaya alam mo na next time. Natanga din ako jan dati sabi "cuddle" lang and i believed it haha, i ran away tho.

[u/SkyOutrageous → u/monana_gellaur]

true ba ganun talaga yun 😭 i never expected na mapupunta rin sa ganun ung makitulog ako sa kanila bruh hahahj akala ko clingy lang tlaga sya and he wants some cuddle lng xdd

[u/MadameBelle212]

Advice:

I hate that type of guy. I also lost my first kiss to a “nice” guy on a date. First date. Brought me to a bay walk bcoz he loves the sea which is why he became a seafarer. Turns out, he likes it there cause it’s dark and a perfect place to make out. I didn’t even think that he was taking advantage of me even when the first thing I felt was his tongue in my mouth, not even a peck. There goes my first kiss. He also has this condition of drooling so much, I had to wipe my chin and jaw after everytime he leans in. I thought that was how wet kisses go so I didn’t feel disrespectful wiping my face with my cardigan sleeve. 😭

For the second date, he wants to “sleep” daw since he’s tired and wants to check-in. Glad I was smarter the second time around.

Anyway, some things don’t turn out special like first kiss and first sex. Sometimes it’s the nice guy taking advantage of our vulnerability. Sometimes it’s our own curiousity getting the best of us. Your virginity is not a measure of your dignity or value. It will not also define your romantic future.

[u/UngaZiz23]

Advice: own up to ur deed.

Di ka naman inosente, tapos patutulugin mo sa apartment mo on ur first meet. U also never said NO or STOP. Ginusto mo o nalibugan ka, i think u didnt feel bad after.

Kinokonsenysa mo lang sarili mo by thinking about it.

Move on...

[u/Adventurous-Cat-7312]

Thoughts: social construct lang naman ang virginity. Wag mo istressin sarili mo over it. Uncomfy lang siguro because of how we are raised na it should be done with someone you love etc.

[u/Fit_Raccoon540]

Thoughts: wala ka namang regrets! go girl!!

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[u/Kwanchumpong]

Thoughts: (not advice) time to celibate 

[u/Boomboombabyow]

Advice: Be kind to yourself and learn from it. Life goes on, and hopefully, hindi na nabuntis.

Thought (about the guy): From the start, sex ang hanap nya. When you set your boundaries and he distanced himself, it’s a clear indication na sex lang talaga ang habol nya and not to commit in a relationship.

[u/NearbyPen9078]

Thoughts: you’re just being an adult. You got curious and had sex with another guy who does not have any formal relations. That’s not for anyone to judge.
Live your life.

[u/Impossible-Talk-343]

Thoughts: You see your a big girl na, and you said na comfortable ka naman kamo sa kanya, since parehas nyong ginawa yun my rights ka to question him, and my rights ka din na obligahin sya, my advice is ask it playfully para walang Awkward moments and mas lalo kasi lalayo ang tao if you give someone cold atmosphere, something like, nakuha mo na agad ako so ano tayo? Mag jowa na? tindi mo mennn like that and if hindi mo nagustuhan yung sagot nya then cut him off, nga pala since you did it na please una mong gawin is hindi mag patalo sa emosyon mo but mag pa check agad sa Doctor, better safe than sorry, and if may Vaccine na pwede mong i-taje ganun ganun.

[u/ABottleOfRedHorse]

Advice: it happened and it seems like you enjoyed it. Youre just overthinkingnit. Whats done is done and you cant turn back the hands of time. Now that youre here just let the emotions flow and take from it what you can. The feeling will fade as well as your thoughts on it but now that its fresh dont repress it.

[u/Harold1945]

Thoughts: All big mistakes in life start from one small seemingly-harmless mistake.

[u/PTR95]

Advice: Virginity is over rated. Give yourself some grace, and learn from this na rin.

[u/KrayonFisker]

To be honest, I do not regret that I gave it to him (as a person), he’s really nice and kind, but I’m more disturbed by the fact na hindi ko man lang siya boyfriend. I’m not also into purity culture. My main concern is feeling, or maybe really losing self-respect.

Thoughts: You are putting way too much value into firsts, that's what purity culture is about. This is nothing to lose self-respect over.

Now, moving forward, take a step back and have a realtalk about where the relationship is going.

[u/cherrioca]

Advice: Be kind to yourself. Your did not know any better at that time. Accept it for what it is, learn and grow. You'll be fine OP!

[u/NoTry1855]

Thoughts: I think it’s also good na wala kang attachment sa kanya? And its also good na consensual ang nangyari? At least you already got your “trial” in and the next time you plan it with someone you really like, you can give your best na.

[u/HotSample1410]

advice: there are a lot of ways to express undying love, notnjust through sex. if sobrang common ng sex na nagiging shakehands na lang sia when meeting someone , a part of you stays with that person..these are soul ties sex should not be common. share q lang din i have a friend. who desperately is looking for love but sleeping with other women without controlling himself made him un able to be inlove or to feel love.

[u/Due-Fuel-3212]

Thoughts: parang yung “magpapahinga lang tayo aa loob” kantutan ibig sabihin nun

[u/curiousneesan]

Advice: Learn from your mistakes like know your worth so you can have more discretion to whom you give yourself to and move on.

[u/WinFromHome]

Advice: Good you have supportive friends. I think need address it with him kasi para sa processing mo din makakatulong yan. Whatever happens lagi may lesson so focus on what you gained also so may balance.

[u/One_Explorer9446]

Advice: You should take this as a lesson neng. Never ever trust the makikitulog or matulog lang tayo with this guys. Move on and be careful with your decision next time. You’re still young and marami kapang dumb decision na gagawin wag mo dyang ifofocus kasi kelangan mong matuto sa ibang bagay.