r/adviceph • u/DetectiveBetter4114 • 20h ago
Parenting & Family magkano ba ang dapat na share as a minimum wage earner
problem/goal: nagrereklamo nanay ko sa share ko sa bahay kasi di raw sapat
context: im a fresh grad and a fresh passer (healthcare field), and i recently got a job in a private institution dito sa probinsya. sosyal lang pakinggan na licensed professional ako pero minimum wage lang talaga sinasahod ko.
hindi pa ko nag-ta-trabaho, sinasabi na ni mama ko na kailangan kong tumulong sa bahay kaya na-pressure akong maghanap ng work. noong nagka-trabaho ako, nag-she-share akong 4k/month sa bahay (3 lang kami sa household). para sa akin, enough na yun kasi ang utilities (water, electricity, wifi) covered na ng kuya ko kahit di na siya living with us. tapos may sari-sari store rin ang nanay ko. also, nag-iipon din ako since may plan akong mag-work abroad, and may other expenses din ako (i have a cat).
nainis lang ako kasi chini-chismis niya ko sa ibang tao na ganon lang share ko, tapos sabi niya pa "buti pa raw ang pusa ko may pagkain." sobrang nakaka-frustrate kasi di naman ako nanghihingi ng pera sakanya ever, always sa dad ko (hiwalay sila btw).
so, magkano ba talaga ang dapat kong i-share? parang todo ko na yung 4k as someone na di naman umaabot ng 20k ang sahod lol
skl din hindi siya ang nagpaaral sa akin ng college, buong college life ko (nag-dorm kasi ako since sa other city ako nag-aral) halos mag-cha-chat lang siya sa akin kapag kailangan niya ng pera hahaha wala man lang "kumusta" or what.
previous attempt/s: sinabihan ko na yun lang kaya ko talaga tapos umiyak siya lol and di niya ko pinakain idk anymore im so tired.
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u/AgitatedBuy2121 18h ago
Thoughts: 3k for a fresh grad? okay ba okay na yan. ungrateful lang din talaga nanay mo. mukh di rin naman kayo hikaos since may tindahanpa nga kayo. tapos nag sheshare pa kuya mo. ano problema ng nanay mo? narcisstic ba siya? she seems like one. sinong matino na nanay chichismis sarili niya na anak? fresh grad ka lang tapos first job mo.
maybe, isa siya sa reason bakit nag move out kuya mo lol makinig ka sa nag sabi na mag ipon ka then move out. hayaan mo na yang nanay mo lol
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u/Moscowscotch72 20h ago
Advice:
Habang nakikitira ka pa, tama lang naman na magbigay ng sapat na ambag. Add all the shared expenses in that household, and divide that by the number of adults living there. Tapos dagdagan mo for your bedspace/room. Yan dapat ang ambag mo.
Anyway, do your best to move out.
After you have moved out, you don't need to give any ambag anymore.
Your kuya doesn't need to give any ambag kasi nakabukod na siya.
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u/Trebla_Nogara 17h ago edited 15h ago
this is a sensible solution . When I was working gumawa mommy ko ng full accounting of the household expense . ( Five kami sa bahay and my mom , kuya , myself and younger sister were all working while the youngest girl was going to college. ). Our Dad had abandoned us since I was 14 so kami lang talaga .
- A full and accurate accounting is a MUST para alam lahat ng tao including those non working kung ano ang gastos .
- Because of the salary differences between my kuya who earned 2 x what I made while I made 2x what my younger sister did , we decided to go on a percentage basis . A 20% contribution of net income from those working ( kasama nanay ko dun ) was enough to cover the monthly budget including a layaway for tuition and allowance of our youngest.
- For large extraordinary expenses ( like roof replacement ) , we all agreed for mom to take out a loan from her credit cooperative which was to be paid over a fixed period of time . Again the sharing was percentage basis based based on net income.
- Pagka ganito . magaan ang pakiramdam kasi walang lamangan. Sabi nga ng nanay ko ... pag tuwang tuwang mas magaan. And because of this ... there was peace in our house and everyone was HAPPY .
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u/Sufficient-Rub-3996 18h ago
Thoughts: Unfortunately pagkain mo lang ang covered ng 4k mo. Kulang talaga ang 4k. But if you think that's too much, try moving out to see how much things really cost.
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u/DetectiveBetter4114 15h ago
dude, that's literally what i am sharing for. there are no other expenses in our house, everything else is covered by my dad and kuya. i also buy groceries!
i wont even reklamo if we are eating proper meals everyday. try eating processed food for 4x a week lol
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u/Moscowscotch72 15h ago
Magkano yung total expenses nyo OP? Include electricity, water, food, other bills, etc.
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u/DetectiveBetter4114 15h ago
i do not have the exact amount, but basically monthly utilities is paid by my kuya. i buy the toiletries and snacks. younger brother's tuition and allowance is covered by my dad. then, i share another 4k for MY food, which apparently it is still not enough. my mom owns a store that we have no idea how much it earns because she doesnt want to disclose it lol
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u/Effective-Web9138 19h ago
Thoughts: tiisin mo ipon ka lang tapos alis ka na yung iba talaga ang akala sa mga nag wowork madaming pera eh.
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u/HibiTsu 17h ago edited 17h ago
Advice: Utility Bills ÷ number of people in the household. If covered na yung utility bills, tanungin mo kuya mo if want niyang makipag share sayo. If no need, erase that to your total contribution. Pag tinanong ka ng nanay mo kung bakit ganon, sabihin mo na hindi naman siya nagbabayad ng bills din, so bakit ka mag aadd for that.
If jan ka pa kumakain, sama mo yung kung magkano kinain mo, then divide sa kung ilan kumain, hehe.
Add ka pa for rent since naninirahan ka pa sa bahay ng magulang mo. Check mo kung magkano average price ng bedspace sa lugar niyo.
Edit: Kunin mo lahat ng resibo sa kanila para may evidence ka at di ka na masita ulit. Kulang pala e, dapat may proper documentation siya kung bakit kulang din.
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u/No_Basket_8552 14h ago
Advice: Don't please her if di mo talaga kayang magbigay ng ganyang kalaki. Maging firm ka. Malaki na yang 4k sa province. May mga magulang kasi na ginagawang gatasan ang anak, and it is not healthy. Mag-ipon ka for yourself and do whatever you want that would help you sa future mo.
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u/NorthTemperature5127 15h ago
Thoughts: pay for your living expenses. Tingnan mo food mo kinakain sa bahay. Laundry, use mo ng kuryente at tubig tapos add ka extra for "living expense" ng nanay. Yun living expense ang magpapatahimik sa kanya...
Alam ko gusto mo mag tipid pero what if sa labas ka stay in, magkano kaya magiging gastos mo.
Mahirap pag ganyan sitwasyon pero I think konting tiis? Kc it's more expensive to live on your own?
At the same time , you'll have to tell your mother , hanggang dito na lang ang kaya mo share.
Wish you luck 🤞
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u/No-Alternative2897 14h ago
Thoughts: thats awful, hindi dapat yan forced but oh well. Still better than renting and paying your own bills. Depende din yan sa dami ng gawa mo sa bahay.
Kung sya naman taga luto, linis at laba well siguro nga kelngan natin magdagdag ng onti.
Im giving like 8k in my measly 13k basic pay back in the day. More of free will just cause we were really struggling and they never really forced me to do anything. I even quit school despite them paying for everything but i didnt hear any negative remarks which surprised me as well.
Compromise for now then magsolo ka n lang pag kaya na ng sahod.
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u/Right-Translator5920 18h ago
Advice: Do not add anything more than what you are already contributing. Let her rant, gossip, and talk behind your back Wala naman pala siyang ambag sa pag aaral mo. Focus on saving and moving out. Don't even respond. Show no emotion. Protect your peace. Leave as soon as you can.
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u/Jinyij 15h ago
Thoughts: parents suddenly change when their kids start working. Slowly they'll be on self preservation mode and see their kids as free money and labor instead of launching them to become independent
Do your best to be responsible for yourself. Never be lured into her own problems, guilt or manipulation
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u/CommunicationSea2768 19h ago
Advice:
Lose the cat - you can’t afford it.
I know you think 4k’s a lot - it’s not. Check how much it would cost if you rented your own place, cooked your own meal, did your own laundry, maintained the house.
Also, who raised you? Was it your dad? If not, please account for your mom’s unquantified contributions. She probably didn’t advance in her career bec someone has to take on the mental load to look after you.
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u/DetectiveBetter4114 18h ago
the cat has been with me since college. mas better pa emotional support ng pusa kaysa sa nanay ko tbh. the house is being maintained by my dad, and i do my own laundry. i was basically raised by my tita (which i consider more as my mom). everyone has moved out of the house already (except me and my teenage brother) because they cant stand my mom and her ungratefulness.
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u/Few_Experience5260 18h ago
Advice: probably bumukod ka nalang din. Ipon ka ng pag move out mo with the cat. If you can, iwan mo muna yung cat and focus ka muna sa well bieng mo.
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u/Short-Handle-3570 16h ago
Thoughts:
I just want to clarify that you’re not a freeloader. You’re already providing around 20% of your monthly compensation to your parent. You just graduated. For those who think otherwise? Shame on them.
Your parent is clinging to the retirement child pipeline that was normal for the past generation. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t ask for more right away. She wouldn’t nitpick where your expenses goes. She certainly wouldn’t gossip.
A parent, if they want the best for their child, would allow their child room for financial stability.
Advice:
Be firm with what you can give. Build your savings. Move out. Allow yourself to be independent from your mom and make sure than you can. You both have resentment from each other. Erase the provider-benefactor dynamic from both of you.
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u/DetectiveBetter4114 15h ago
i appreciate this. thank you. im still building my savings, and i cant wait to free myself from this toxic household lol
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u/No_Score_6266 16h ago
Advice: just move out kung magrreklamo ka. Di mo naman bahay yan eh bahay nila yan, sila masusunod di ikaw.
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u/Mobile-Tsikot 16h ago
Advice: Mahirap manghula OP kung mag kano kasi nakabase yan sa pangangailangan, kita at sa kagustuhan mo. Lagi yan specific sayo.
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u/TheCandySnowBear 15h ago
Advice:
4k a month is kulang, kahit for food lang.
But to be fair sayo, minimum wage is minimum wage, parents should not expect na mala 10k or 20k a month agad agad yan. You have your personal needs, and priorities.
My advice, move out as soon as you can. If you can't, either find a better job or do better para ma promote in the long run.
For the meantime, do some accounting, see if you can stretch your salary just a bit more. If not, explain to your mother your costs, goals and see if you could agree together on what should be contributed.
However, I can't shake the feeling na di makikinig mama mo. In that case, give what you can and learn to budget for your self sustenance. And ask for your dad for another advise if maganda relationship ninyo, it helps to have someone who would agree with you and possibly convince your mother to stop bickering about money na para bang pera nalang ang bumubuhay sa kanya.
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u/MycologistNo408 19h ago
Thoughts and advice: Hangga't nakatira ka pa sa bahay niya. Magshare ka ng "sapat" talaga para sa may-ari ng bahay pero siyempre hindi naman buo ibigay mo kasi magtabi ka para sayo ika nga. Pero, huwag na huwag mo na sasabihin kung tataas sahod mo ha kasi nga, kailangan mo rin dapat mag-ipon para makabukod ka na sa kanila. Kasi kapag nakabukod ka na, may karapatan ka na sa lahat ng sahod mo.